Who will save us now?Good god, what is that…thing? It’s your hopelessly deformed John McCain, cursed by elephantiasis of the Truck Nutz, but he will bravely save America with his Original Maverickness.

Clearly, somebody at McCain headquarters is reading your Wonkette, because we can think of no other reason they would cast a tiny, arthritic old grumpus as some sort of comic book superhero called “The Original Maverick” who flies around Washington (read: Gotham) in his Straight Talk Airplane (Batmobile?) knockin’ skulls (saving people from evil clowns).

Basically, everybody will vote for John McCain because they don’t want to wait two years for the next Batman movie.

Broken [YouTube]

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  1. Damn you, Sara. You made that sound so weird and exciting that I actually watched it — and it’s just another shitty McCain commercial pretending he hasn’t lived in Washington since it was founded in 1791.

  2. Why aren’t the Dems putting together an ad titled “The Maverick You Knew Died in 2000” or something similar and show how McCain’s actions over the past 8 years are worse than Bush. Not “like” Bush, but worse than Bush. Wipe off the Maverick nostalgia already.

    Or is saying the Maverick died 8 years ago ageism?

  3. Before Che, Before Lenin…Hell even Before Christ Hisself, there was…The Original Maverick: WALNUTS!

    Fought big oil? They left out something:
    Fought FOR big oil (like Alaska needs a preserve? pssshaw! Hippie crap!)

  4. [re=52043]Ken Layne[/re]: I think he’s claiming he was the one that actually taught the natives how to grow maize and hunt, before they then showed those pesky pilgrims how to do it.

    That or he was an early pioneer of trapping beaver for their glorious pub- er, pelts.

  5. Can’t they just pack this old coot off to Florida already? There’s a shuffleboard court in Delray Beach with his name on it.

  6. John “Senator McSqinty” McCain ’08 – “Ask uss no questionss, and we tellss you no liess.”

    p.s. “And that meanss you, librul media.”

  7. [re=52059]TGY[/re]: Why does he need a utility belt when he’s already the world’s biggest tool?
    Oh yeah…I went there…didja see that?

  8. [re=52066]V572625694[/re]: I remember that one! That’s right as they were lighting his monster vodka-powered fart, right? *sigh* memories…

  9. [re=52059]TGY[/re]: The belt includes one of those inflatable donut things that the oldsters like to use.
    [re=52055]ManchuCandidate[/re]: By your photo, are you suggesting that McAged … you know … like plays for the other team or that he worships that e-meter gizmachee? Clarify.

  10. [re=52055]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

    Excepting, of course, that the more modern Maverick is in a cult and seems a bit confused about his sexuality. Wait, you’re right, that makes him exactly Republican material.

  11. [re=52072]S.Luggo[/re]:
    A little from Column A and a little from Column B.

    Nah, just making light of the Repubs fondness for man crushing on cartoon heroes with a crazee streak.

  12. Also, ‘Original Maverick’ or ‘Extra-Crispy Maverick’? Though come to think of it, WALNUTS are most commonly found in a Waldwarf salad or somesuch.

  13. Slightly OT, but I have the perfect response to the “Obama Energy Plan” tire pressure gauges.

    At a media event, someone should present the Straight Talk Express a Golden Drag Chute, embroidered with the names of the Oil Company CEOs who have donated to McCain, and have contributed to his plan.

    It’s nice symbolism, and will allow for the whole story to be flipped around, and the late night comics won’t get enough of the fact that a drag chute is designed to retard that which it is attached to.

  14. I have never gotten over his little dinosaur arms and his ability to swing them around without purpose, but with tons of conviction. This is because as he was born a T-Rex (the most maverick of all the dinosaurs) he has shapeshifted to meet the needs of a modernized constituency.

  15. Why don’t we get a post about the “maverick” being greeted by 50.000 Harley’s at the Sturgis event?
    The pics of the event are considered NSFW, so I guess that’s the reason why.
    Drudge has it screaming from his HTML homepage.

  16. [re=52078]MoodProcessor[/re]: Surely you meant American Titties ‘n beer. For America.

    Too bad that trollop had to cock up the beer bit though.

  17. [re=52063]4tehlulz[/re]:
    Oh great. Now I have this mental image of John McCain on a Harley with Cindy on the back riding topless with her tits flapping in the breeze.

  18. why don’t they skip the ‘maverick’ part and just go with the truth, “the original human- from john mccain’s jawbone sprung all of humanity.”

  19. Actually, the straight talk express carrying two golden drag chutes (Collectively referred to as the Golden DragNutz) would look like a giant cock and balls when viewed from above.

  20. [re=52101]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You can actually see this shapeshift occur at 0:14 and 0:16, unless it’s just that his head is translucent.

  21. Ha ha. That’s some funny shit. Washinton’s broken, we’re worse off than we were 4 years ago, and John McCain’s been there through it all.

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