nations of retards

Non-Existent KFC In Fallujah Signals Freedom’s Successful & Continued March

Here’s a clip from Fox News’ Fox & Friends program last Thursday in which they discuss a KFC opening in Fallujah, in Iraq. They are so excited about the fast food wage-slave chain being opened in this awful city, because it means “things are working” in Iraq, democracy and economics, what have you; the little brown terrorists can all now eat greasy chicken and be fat slobs like us. General Tommy Franks is interviewed and says this is great, hurrah. But it turns out there is no real KFC in Fallujah after all; it’s just some black market chop-shop that they probably threw together to make Barack Obama feel welcome during his visit. [TPM Muckraker]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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85 comments

  1. SayItWithWookies

    Awww, they’ve discovered copyright infringement — Iraq really is going to be a beacon of hope to the Middle East. No, I’m not crying — there’s something in my eye.

  2. FunkyPalmettoBug

    This is what happens when the Colonel goes to the Federal pen for Tax Evasion. He converts to Islam and starting feeding “the enemy.”

  3. Dave J.

    Idiot Fox Newsbabe: “Did you ever think you’d see that?”
    Tommy Franks: “Oh my, my, my, can you imagine what we all thought 2 or 3 years ago?”

    Fucking A, Tommy, you were telling us everything was awesome 2 or 3 years ago.

  4. AnnieGetYourFun

    Wow, did Tommy Franks actually just say that he’s surprised that Iraq’s making billions of dollars in oil revenue? That explains an awful lot about the handling of this entire fiasco.

  5. Texan Bulldoggette

    Well, you didn’t really expect Faux to actually do any, I don’t know, REAL REPORTING (based on facts) did you? All those blonde heads, so few thoughts.

  6. AnnieGetYourFun

    There is, however, a real KFC in Urumqi, Xinjiang, PRC. In Chinese they call it “Ken De Ji” (cun duh gee, essentially, and attempt at saying “Kentucky” while managing to tack the word chicken to the end). Everyone was always asking if I had eaten there, and were super-proud of the fact that they had one, all the way out west. I don’t eat that shit here in the States, so there was no way I was going to spend my renminbi on it when there were handmade noodles to be had at a fraction of the cost.

  7. kudzu

    Fox News is just pathetic. The only people who watches that outfit are brain-dead rednecks and right-wing wackos. Who gives a shit about what those two groups may or may not think (assuming they can think)? Fuck them; and Rupert Murdoch too.

  8. pdiddycornchips

    ” But it turns out there is no real KFC in Fallujah after all; it’s just some black market chop-shop that they probably threw together to make Barack Obama feel welcome during his visit.”

    Iraq is playing the race card.

  9. Indi

    [re=51720]pdiddycornchips[/re]: No way. Fox News totally joked about putting Iraq on the $100 bill and how funny that would look – months ago. Iraq was just.. you know… defending itself.

    On a related note, any countries we want to go to war with would be MUCH better served by sending in invading hordes of grease-chains like KFC and McD’s, and we can watch their entire population keel over via congestive heart failure. Much less civilized and humane, but cheaper.

  10. jasonelias

    Franks was sounding right faggy on the interview. That happens when old southern men try to be “cutesy.”

  11. shortsshortsshorts

    YOU LIBRULS HAVE NO APPRECIATION OF FANTASY LAND. A land where Iraq is filled with chicken, american flags and SUVs. What is wrong with you people?

  12. Dr. Spaceman

    [re=51699]SayItWithWookies[/re]: For real, I don’t believe the Surge hype, but an economy that can support trademark and tradedress violations means something’s going right. Mission accomplished, when can the brave troops come home?

  13. Scooter

    So Iraq’s 6000-yr. old civilization still hasn’t experienced the spork?? Mission Un-accomplished!!

  14. anabellum

    what a bunch of idiots…havent they ever seen a fake Kentucky Fried Chicken stand in the US?………

    of course, theyd have to go to the ‘poor side of town’ to see one…..which i suppose explains it…

    the sign outside will say KFC, in more or less the same typeface…on closer inspection, the real name will turn out to be Kennedy Fried Chicken…or something like that…

    to anyone with half a brain, its clearly not the real thing…..

    its almost impossible to imagine that who ever opened the ‘KFC’ in Fallujah hasn’t worked at, or run, a similar set up in the states…

  15. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    I am for once speechless. I have seen KFC destroy cultures across the Caribbean. Why wouldn’t she start working on the Middle East? Go cholesteral . Go Islamic obesity!

  16. wheelie

    It’s a Kentucky Fried Chickpea outlet.

    [re=51730]jasonelias[/re]: No, not faggy at all. Faggy would have been Tommy Franks going, “Oh hey girl, Jimmy Choo is omigod, I swear, opening in Fallujah, and the leather is like, Halal. It’s so amazing. Come see.” (End of txt message.)

  17. Pelagius

    [re=51713]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: My favorite KFC of all time is the one in Ho Chi Minh City, right down the street from the “Reunification Palace “. They take US dollars, too. Now THAT’s what I call Mission Accomplished.

    If we really want a KFC in Fallujah, all we need to do is quit and go home.

  18. Delicious

    [re=51737]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: No, we can’t declare Mission Accomplished until the Iraqis open a porn store in Fallujah.

  19. Darehead

    [re=51734]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: KFC-Fallujah is in the vast bipartisan fantasy land with weapons of mass destruction, unicorns, NAU, whitey tapes and a commenter named genericuserid.

  20. wheelie

    [re=51699]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Welcome to Fallujah. Welcome to Kentucky Fried Copyright.

  21. schvitzatura

    This store is not approved by KFC International and we have working with the US Military to warn the troops of this situation.

    Yum! Brands must protect their IP…the only solution…HOTEL THREE EIGHT, THIS IS CHARLIE ONE NINE, ADJUST FIRE BATTALION, OVER. GRID THREE FIVE FOUR TWO TWO THREE, OVER. BATTALION ASSEMBLY AREA, ICM IN EFFECT, OVER.

  22. ManchuCandidate

    [re=51771]schvitzatura[/re]:
    CHARLIE ONE NINE, THIS IS HOTEL THREE EIGHT, WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT! YOU CAN EAT MIKE ROMEO ECHOS FOR ALL I CARE. I’M GETTING A KILO FOXTROT CHARLIE 20 PIECE BUCKET. OVER.

  23. Delicious

    [re=51756]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: I was there. There were two decent Chinese restaurants in Baghdad. I went to one and it seemed to be staffed by slaves smuggled from China. Good orange beef with broccoli.

    [IMG]http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn242/funski1010/DSCN6098.jpg[/IMG]

  24. loudmouthredhead

    Well, since they aren’t producing at capacity, they have to do SOMETHING with all that oil, right?

    [re=51748]Delicious[/re]: The day they start selling Fleshlights(tm) in Fallujah, I will kiss Dubya’s hairy ass.

  25. Anita Cocktail

    [re=51720]pdiddycornchips[/re]: I was highly offended when they built a “Watermelon Shack” next to the Kentucky Faux Chicken.

  26. tsunami

    god bless america. gm…down the tubes.

    the world’s worst chicken…all over the world.
    no wonder they hate us. it’s not bush…it’s the frikkin chicken.

    in jersey city, new jersey, we go to church’s or popeyes.
    nobody goes to kfc…except a couple white people.
    i think they’re tourists…lost tourists who thought the path
    was the subway and ended up in jersey.

  27. Slutty_Chola_Cobbler

    I am 99.99999% positive that you have to have the words:

    I AM A FUCKING REPUBLICAN Y’ALL

    on your resumé in order to get a job at Faux News!!

    They all sound the same, think the same.. It’s like fucking Children of the Corn over there..

  28. Delicious

    [re=51785]tsunami[/re]: Damn. KFC is the bomb with the non-whites I know…and I like it, too.

  29. tsunami

    [re=51788]Delicious[/re]:

    in jc, kfc is empty when church’s, one block away and across the
    street, is out the door.

    earlier, [re=51739]anabellum[/re]: wrote about off brands and
    used kennedy’s as an example, like it didn’t really exist…maybe…
    but we have kennedy’s too…and it’s bangin’…

    popeye’s…regarded as the best.

    maybe it’s an east coast thing? east coast ghetto thing?
    am white…but live-in lover is black. [just to give frame of reference]

  30. SayItWithWookies

    [re=51713]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: And the Chinese are worried that that Xinjiang Uighur group is going to be a security threat during the Olympics. C’mon — nobody who loves KFC could be a security threat. Except Timothy McVeigh. And maybe that anthrax guy.

  31. Delicious

    [re=51789]tsunami[/re]: Well, KFC rocks in Beijing and Manila, where I’ve been and seen the KFC fish specials. Anyway, I’m east coast and I do Crown Fried Chicken. Love that hot sauce.

  32. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=51786]Slutty_Chola_Cobbler[/re]: That’s like applying for a job under the Attorney General, except without the degree! Where can I sign on?

  33. tsunami

    [re=51791]Delicious[/re]:

    crown…yes…i wrote church’s, but i meant crown.
    church’s is in fla…and also very good.

    crown…so you know what i mean…and if i’m that confused…
    it’s bedtime for chicken man.

    btw…you can be sure that noah and his wife were not black…
    cause those two chickens would never have made it 40 days and 40 nites.

  34. RuperttheBear

    Let’s be honest about how much we all love chicken that can be inhaled.

    It is snifforific.

    And why wouldn’t Iraq embrace chicken that is killed through the time-tested “throw at wall” method?

    And the spices!?? SHIT! These peoples economy WAS SPICES for like A THOUSAND YEARs. This chicken represents everything good about Iraq. Inhaled. Thrown at wall. Spicey.

    ‘Nufff said.

  35. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=51796]RuperttheBear[/re]: Sitting out for a few years letting it bask in the warm, moderate sun.

  36. expatinOz

    I’ll eat the KFC here in Australia, but nothing will ever top Guthrie’s. Tallasassy represent!

  37. Darehead

    [re=51771]schvitzatura[/re]: [re=51772]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Have you two been goin to the GENIUS Farm or what?

  38. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=51790]SayItWithWookies[/re]: There was an attack in Kashgar recently, did you hear? A bunch of Chinese troops were killed in some sort of cross-border grenade attack. Or maybe not and the Chinese government is looking for another excuse to execute another bunch of my former students.

  39. villageatrois

    My friend’s son was killed in Fallujah! For Kentucky Fake Chicken, so Tommy Fuckin Franks can induce more young men to sign up!

    {Cleaning guns now; take a number.}

  40. Volumptuous

    Yet another non-existent thing in Iraq with a three letter acronym. First, WMD, now KFC.

  41. shortsshortsshorts

    This convercommentofabob has put me in the mood of a little I AM JOHN MCCAIN I TURN YOU INTO FROG WITH FINGER, by golly.

  42. SayItWithWookies

    [re=51819]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yes, I saw the statement about the threat during the Olympics in an article about that. Apparently two Uighurs drove a bus into a group of police out on a morning jog, killed 16 of them by either running them over or hacking at them with machetes afterwards, and wounding about 16 more. The two perpetrators were arrested.
    Oh, it’s the top BBC story right now:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7542167.stm
    Yes, everything’s going to be fine. Pay no attention to the massacre behind the curtain.

  43. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=51828]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Drunken comment? I can’t tell, as I am drunk.

    [re=51829]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yikes. Machetes are a new tactic for that region. Le sigh. I wonder what really went down. And we’ll probably never know.

  44. SayItWithWookies

    [re=51828]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: or I AM CINDY MCCAIN I TURN A FINGER INTO YOUR DUCK.

    [re=51831]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I’m sure the truth will come out in the show trial. The earlier report was quite different, so apparently the facts on the ground are fluid.

  45. slavojzizek

    [re=51737]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: I’ll call it mission accomplished when Pam Anderson flies over to mount a protest about how the chickens are being treated badly.

  46. Darehead

    [re=51855]WonderWomyn[/re]: McCain was so impressed they named the whole town after him! Surge-is. The story that goes with this is funny; people were lined up to get autographs from the bikini-clad t-shirt beauty queen in the store and nobody cared about John and Cindy! Also, there was a naked lady poster in the store Walnuts had to avert his eyes from.

  47. dmac

    Gotta love that TPM muckraking: “We’ve also called the number of the faux KFC itself, but no one at the restaurant seems to speak English.” Gee, nobody at the restaurant in Fallujah speaks English? STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES!

  48. dmac

    I also like that KFC is “working with the US Military to warn the troops of this situation.” We wouldn’t want the troops to have fried chicken not up to the colonel’s standards.

  49. Anita Cocktail

    [re=51855]WonderWomyn[/re]: Jaysus, her hair gets whiter every time I see her. Conditioner, Cin, you need you some conditioner. Otherwise you’re gonna end up bald like your sorry-ass husband.

  50. schvitzatura

    [re=51831]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Probably figured the whole big knife thing out from technical advisors from Rwanda, Haiti, and the Philippines…

  51. RuperttheBear

    [re=51866]EnBuenOra[/re]: “i love you mccain girl/ i am the unemployrd tree sloth lol” This is you?

  52. Carrie_Okie

    A fraud of a fraud. Kentucky Fried Chicken, a chain started in South Cack-a-lacky.
    BTW, chain food is for retards.
    Price’s Chicken Coop. That’s how we roll in the Queen City.

Comments are closed.