Wonkette
Oooh this looks sexy, what the hell is it? “Cuddle Party is a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection.” The website also has… Cuddlemonials: “You continue to open new arenas up for me in regard to my own sexuality and my love for women, as well as in learning to love myself and my body.” So basically at Cuddle Party, you just fuck for a while. And one is coming to DC!
Washington
Saturday, September 13, 2008
2:00-5:30 PM
LifeBliss Solutions Cuddle Party!
Party Type All-inclusive — no wait list
Led by Edie Weinstein-Moser
Cost $40 per person - $30 each for two
Notes: Please register ONLY if you plan to attend. Share this with friends…the more, the cuddlier! Location is 4 blocks from Potomac Avenue Metrorail station
Well this seems like a good opportunity to register a politician:
Oh, you can thank us later, it’s okay.
Calendar [Cuddle Party]
“It was like one of these sleep-over parties we had when we were 12…”
Seriously I am throwing up in my mouth right now. These people are pathetic and deserve to die alone, hopefully in misery.
Isn’t this what the House R’s were doing in the dark Friday?
Hello. I’m John Edwards and I approved this advertisement.
$40 and no alcohol? Pfft, fuck that. I’d get more action at a bar spending 1/3 of that.
…”communication boundaries” is a code word for “Get the hell away from me before I file a restraining order!!!” God I love my ex-girlfriend!
“At a Cuddle Party, erections become Mother Nature’s way of giving us the thumbs-up sign. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s dirty. Nothing’s suspect. And as long as you’re not dry humping anyone (Rule #7), it’s completely okay. Really.”
WHAT? No dry humping? How the fuck do I cuddle with somebody without grinding my cock in the crack of their ass? What’s the point of this thing again?
Right, the next time I pop wood at the public swimming pool I’ll just tell that sexy lifeguard “Mother Nature says ‘two thumbs WAY up!’”
For the first time in a long time, I’m glad I don’t live in DC. The first week after cudddlepalooza will be way worse than a tent revival. Hallelujah, my ass!
On the other hand the snark value will be great….
Fuck cuddle parties. SUSHI parties!!:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cas/780312567.html
Ive heard of these. Its basically an orgy for pussies and not the good kinds, mind you. What kind of guy would choose to cuddle with complete strangers over going to a bar and being completely rejected by every woman there. Its madness.
Maybe I’m just old and cranky but isn’t this just an excuse for you twenty-something’s to play grab-ass?
Hippsters in NYC have been doing this for years. It’s a part of their whole “return to childhood” lifestyle– or to be more honest “stay in childhood” cus’ those kids never left. Do you have hipsters in DC? This blog is how I’m trying to learn more about your fine city and its peoples.
It’s Plato’s Retreat with Ron Jeremy and Al Goldstein dry-humping each other and you simultaneously. Now I am puking.
Is this some sort of Meet Your Meat tie-in?
i know this is blasphemy, but…i’ve actually been to one. and they’re fun.
make my snarkdeath swift and merciful, wonketteers…
It is good to see that Rep. Mark Foley has found a new job.
I went to a Cuddle Party but it was too intimate and spontaneous. So now I stick to Distant Staring events.
Oh, God, I remember reading about these things like two years ago. The best part is the cuddle lifeguard and caddy, who are basically designated cock blockers.
Seriously, never do this. Go have sex, with real people.
Quacker: “Hallelujah my ass!”
That’s what Larry Craig will say when he reads his invite. Then he will rub it… gently.
InsertSnarkyReferenceLater: Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing.
wheelie: I agree with you. No need to be consensual if you can just find a decent window.
So this is like 98% hetero men who are discernibly turgid, yes?
WonderWomyn: “Do you have hipsters in DC?”
Where to begin? If by “hipsters” you mean “droves of young professionals in khakis and button-downs, at all times,” then yes. But which is worse?
This’ll be great until Bob Novak shows up and clears the room.
SayItWithWookies: And David Vitter would feel right at home: diapers, bonnet and all.
shortsshortsshorts: Exactly. And from the right vantage point, you can quietly ‘cuddle’ yourself too!
Is this what they call Plato’s Retreat these days?
shortsshortsshorts: Why do I get the impression this party’s going to be all men?
Barry should hold one of those in place of a debate.
AxmxZ: I would rethink my stances on a lot of things, including cuddle parties, in order to cuddle with Obama.
I’m guessing no sex, not even a handjob, and the place will have more sausage than Satrialle’s Meat Store
i think i’ll stick to having rough drunken sex in parking garages, like God intended…
tunamelt: Would you per se, widen those stances?
InsertSnarkyReferenceLater: DETAILS, heathen!
InsertSnarkyReferenceLater: Good golly! With your frank admission, you have touched me.
(That’s a breach of Rule #3: “Please respect my personal boundaries.” Watch it.)
I’m not sure what the point of having this party is. I could go out to the park and get molested by a lonely, torpid, creeper for FREE.
This whole “return to childhood” bullshit makes me wanna puke; really. WTF? This is just another venue for the childlike, emotionally stunted (to quote Layne) pussy-ass mofos to go back to being what can’t physically be: kids. Man, we’re a fucked up nation, aren’t we?
The point of these parties?
Daddy or Mommy issues, you choose.
If by cuddling they mean getting me a beer and towel and then going home, then I am in.
These are still around? Penn and Teller covered this on “Bullshit”, along with a gagglefuck of other inane new age therapists. Looked about as sexy as the basement at Wizards of the Coast.
Well, I guess I’m willing to try this, but only if I can tie up, ball-gag, humiliate, and sodomize all my cuddle partners.
What is the social dynamic around sporting a boner under your sweatpants at these things? Is that frowned upon? Encouraged?
bmannes: Read the
kinklink. Boners are natural, therefore welcome, but dry-humping is not allowed.I don’t see the point. I wouldn’t even go to my local cinema if they didn’t allow that.
So, you see, Bush and McCain are just having a little cuddle party up there on the left side of our screens. And Bush is beckoning in a third … is it Cheney??
No no! He’s calling for the Cuddle Lifeguard!! Seems that Johnny has violated his personal space.
This must be the desperate, bittersweet non-soul-satisfying frottage after the P.E. for Beta-Plus adults.
“Spastic ball” = centrifugal bumble-puppy for our brave, not-so-new world, obvs.
Western Civ just threw up a little in its mouth…
Kids today. Whatever happened to good old fashioned Wife Swapping?
I was a little late getting to the internet– it was about five years ago, so someone’s gotta help me out. I remember reading people saying that they just threw up in their mouths a little bit, and thinking it was hilarious. I repeated the phrase to a friend when the opportunity arose, and she looked at me in horror. “That was never funny, and it’s been so overused!” she said. So does anyone remember how many years ago this phrase was actually new?
As for cuddle parties, it’s sad that people are so starved for physical contact that entrepenuers can get $40 a pop from our citizens. I’m always grateful that I get real hugs (not the “pat pat let’s make sure our torsos don’t touch and end this as sooon as possible kind) from friends, family, and even coworkers. I understand that many people are surrounded by “I’d rather not touch you at all if I’m not going to be also fucking you right now”-minded people all the time, so hence the market for the cuddles for cash thing. I guess it’s not any more mercenary than opening a bar and at least it’s something different.
Sorry for mispuntuating, etc. I guess I am a little drunk already.
If anyone needs a hug and a cuddle, it’s Larry Craig.
WonderWomyn: We have Hill staff. It’s much, much worse.
ManchuCandidate: You’d think we’d all learn from Craigslist by now.
You can’t just fuck. There are all kinda rules. And I quote:
“What if something “comes up”? (AKA, Arousal and the Erection Phenomenon…)
Erections. Erections. ERECTIONS. There, we said it…
Since Cuddle Parties are safe spaces for adults to explore and practice affectionate touch without sexualizing it, and since the state of arousal is natural for us human beings, it’s no surprise that erections sometimes do occur. Our goal is not to teach men how not to get erections. Instead, we want to make normal functions and needs of human beings seem, well, “normal.”
We strive not only to free people of the awkwardness surrounding arousal, but to allow them to develop some real coordination around it. At a Cuddle Party, erections become Mother Nature’s way of giving us the thumbs-up sign. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s dirty. Nothing’s suspect. And as long as you’re not dry humping anyone (Rule #7), it’s completely okay. Really.”
SayItWithWookies: Yeah, like one or two girls show up and the rest are dudes. What happens then? Hmmmm. Say…when does the next plane leave for D.C.?
weirdiowasculpture: Fine. Just no dry humping.
Isn’t this essentially the function of church? Other than to, like, take ten points off the top. Isn’t this also the function of retarded kids and old people? I mean, if you need a hug that bad, there’s probably a retarded kid or an old person you can find near you. I’m not approaching the erection angle, which would get kind of weird and you’d probably have to leave the facility in which you found said hugging demographic…Just asking.
“There are cookies, fruit, munchies, juice and no intoxicants (other than the oxytocin, that is).”
i totally read this as “other than the oxycontin”. it explained everything.
Jewdishoowary Square: But we do also have some that morph into hipsters at Black Cat or 9:30 Club at night that get the LNSers all hot and bothered.
sanantonerose: Hell, the next plane to Richmond, VA leaves in a few hours and I’ll meet you at the airport. I mean, unless you have a preference for lawyers who look like Larry David and are hoping to hug a roomful of guys. I’m not judging or anything.
It’s a DNC sting to out all teh Republicrat gayz before Congress returns to town on orders of President Walnuts!
Round ‘em up and ship ‘em ff to Alaska until this fake election thing blows over. Senator Ted’s getting lonely up there.
So, we have the Democratic Party, the Republican Party and now the…Cuddle Party. What’s their agenda?
shortsshortsshorts: I’m glad they have high educational standards.
TGY: Same agenda as the other parties — winning at erections.
I’m shocked that the leaders of this has a hyphenated last name.
The perfect setting for a vile, cat-gagging broccoli fart.
fourty bucks and all it is, is a cover charge, you get nothing?
Five bucks sounds better, then I’d only go if a cute girl said she was going and talked it up (as in hint hint stupid I am sorta interested in you).
But then I would suggest we could just cuddle and we can both skip the cover charge.
Cuddles are free
Darehead: HA HA! Waaaay too late to this thread, but ‘winning at erections’ made my morning great anyway. Me rikey.
Servo: Win!
SayItWithWookies: It’s not the hugging I’m interested in. It’s the hands. Do you have hands?
sanantonerose: Both. And prehensile feet. What have you got in mind?
SayItWithWookies: Mmmmmmmm…a few jolly rounds of naked Twister?
Let’s organize a Random Sex With Complete Strangers And No Money Involved Party.
Wouldn’t that be more fun–and more honest?
Really–have some people just lost their frickin’ minds in this city? What the hell is a frickin’ “cuddle party” without sex or making out? Blue balls, frustration, irritation, anxiety, remorse, jealousy, disappointment and anger, that’s what.
Refer to first paragraph here for a reality check.
sanantonerose: Ooh, fun — and actually that’s pretty non-kinky for a librarian. No lime Jell-O or hand-cranked eggbeater with feathers on it? Well we can get to those later.
SayItWithWookies: tell me more about this feathery hand cranked wonder tool….
Oh, and fuck cuddle parties, that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard. Go buy some Ecstasy, find some Friday’s waitresses, have a dance party in your living room - you’ll have more cuddle that you can tolerate for around $40 and you’ll be much cooler.
SayItWithWookies: Well, I was gonna start off with something easy! You don’t just charge out of the gate holding a whip and a butt plug! And actually, I prefer orange jello.
That link brings up a ColdFusion JRun error. Amateur cuddlers.