Wonkette
“The RPSSG has determined to form on the RonPaulForums.com as a method of designing and building a space vehicle capable of carrying a satelite into space. This satelite, called the Ron Paul Satelite, will be a solar powered transmitter, capable of broadcasting Ron Paul Revolution: A Manefesto, in audio format, to the entire Universe! We realise this may take several billion light-years for the signal to reach the end of the Universe, but we are prepared to continue our peaceful revolution, as long as it takes.”
“We also intend to develop the promising technology Carbonic Reaction Thrust Engines. The Ron Paul Rocket design will provide the perfect vehicle to test our revolutionary systems. The fuel for CRTE is Diet Coke and Mentos. The benifits to mankind force us to ask the Coca Cola Corp. and Mentos brand Breath Mints to sponsor our research.
“What kind of propulsion will you use before you finish developing CRTE?
“This is a good question. Our goal is to use Diet Coke and Mentos, however until then, we will use timed burn hobby rocket engines. We will use very big ones, and lots of them!”
And we hate posting on Saturday evenings.
Project Goals [Ron Paul Rocket]
Ya, like what is up with The Saturday Evening Post?
…a blimp then a rocket?! Whats next a time traveling Delorean?!
Could it be that the paultards have finally gotten a sense of humor? I didn’t see that coming.
…oh yeah and congrats Jim for being coherent/sober enough on a Saturday to actually post!
What are the consequences if alien life thinks the Earth is populated by nothing but Paultards?
“I’m going sendin’ to outer space
To find another (presidential) race . . .”
I certainly get a reverse thrust out of diet coke.
One can only hope the launch (ritual) includes castration and Phenobarbital.
This is definitely satire, but props to whoever came up with the Diet Coke and Mentos engine idea.
(40 years from now, our entire economy will be running on Diet Coke and Mentos engines)
Paultards involved in a rocket launch brings Wile E. Coyote cartoons to mind, particularly the inevitable outcome.
Ron Paul is off to visit his relatives.
Who reads Wonkette on Saturday night for gawdsakes?…Oh.
jagorev: The only way out for persistent paultards at this stage is to backtrack on all their campaigning and make like it was all one giant hilarious meme that totally got out of hand, but it was so funny, and every paultard was totally in on it. LOL! This ’satire’ is probably their exit strategy.
I mean, what are their alternatives? Blast themselves into outer space or something? … oh wait . . .
Am I the only one who immediately thought of the B-Ark from Hitch-Hiker’s Guide?:
Golgafrincham is a red semi-desert planet that is home of the Great Circling Poets of Arium and a species of particularly inspiring lichen. Its people decided it was time to rid themselves of an entire useless third of their population, and so concocted a story that their planet would shortly be destroyed in a great catastrophe. (It was apparently under threat from a “mutant star goat”). The useless third of the population (consisting of hairdressers, tired TV producers*, insurance salesmen, personnel officers, security guards, management consultants, telephone sanitizers and the like) were packed into the B-Ark, one of three giant Ark spaceships, and told that everyone else would follow shortly in the other two. The other two thirds of the population, of course, did not follow and “led full, rich and happy lives until they were all suddenly wiped out by a virulent disease contracted from a dirty telephone”.
“Paultards! Your B-Ark is now boarding! B-Ark boarding at Gates Zed through Zed-Double Alpha! Please have your ‘TardBoardingCards out and available for inspection!”
Too bad the FCC, FAA and NASA might have a problem with ‘Tards in Space.
Sigh. I never thought I’d ever use ST: Enterprise’s theme song…
It’s been a long joke
Getting from blimp to space
It’s been a long farce
But out plan is finally near
And we will see my dream come alive at last,
We’ll Paultard the sky
And NASA’s not gonna hold us down no more
No, FAA’s not gonna change us mind
Cause we got faith of Ron Paul
We’re going where my faith will take me
We’re deluded to believe
We can do anything
We got no skills of the world
And they’re gonna snark or mock us
We can crash any star
We got faith
Faith of Ron Paul…
ManchuCandidate: Mutant Star Goat did the best cover of that.
In my opinion, anyway.
See, I would have gone with baking soda + vinegar engines, the same tried and true technology used by every child for a science fair at SOME point in their lives.
Servo: No, see, that would require them using a giant slingshot, and maybe wrapping Dr. Paul in a latex flying bat suit (not a pretty sight).
whiteasasheet: [This is an automated post. My user is out boozin' and ballin', not in front of a computer creating snark on a Saturday night.]
This is proof that the average Ron Paul support spends their time sitting in Mom’s basement, on the internet, and doing bong hits.
I was going to talk about the SWIM girl but I think this thread is done, and she will be here, fresh and ready for comment, in the morning. We need drinks….Ron Paul too.
I’m picturing the Hindenburg, aflame, going 17,000 MPH.
“we will use timed burn hobby rocket engines. We will use very big ones, and lots of them!”
Been there done that. You can strap those C5s to just about anything but that doesn’t mean they’ll fly. Why don’t you stick to potato canons?
Are these people the “special” children of the L5 Society?
jagorev: There’s a kazillion Diet Coke n’ Mentos YouTubes going back a couple years.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Diet+Coke+%2B+Mentos&search_type=&aq=f
Some silly Paultard just want to hijack the idea and pretend it was his own invention as a way of impressing his imaginary girlfriend, kinda like Dr. Horrible.
Then again, maybe it explains why Paultards are so against global government. They have secret plans to conquer the ENTIRE UNIVERSE and take away all of our earthly sovereignty.
Each one of them is like a beautiful and unique snowflake.
Yes, but did you see their proposed launch site? The Lakotah nation…which is of dubious status, even to a person who once had breakfast with an ‘ambassador’ from the Republic of Texas…
Check out their map here–http://yubanet.com/usa/The_American_West_No_More_Lakota_Nation_Releases_National_Map.php
and
http://lakotahoyate.net/index.html
It’s like the Paultard country already exists….
“very big ones, and lots of them!”
On that note, it’s off to the club!!!
Did I correctly read the “inspecific” launch year as 2031? I hope they solve the fuel/weight conundrum by then.
FuriousBluebonnets: The Paultard blimp guy, Jerry Collette, defected from Ron Paul and is now the Attorney General of the Republic of Lakotah.
But I think they have one-upped the Paultards by infiltrating their system and then breaking away to use some of its ideas on their own. The Lakota obviously have a lot of reasons to hate the federal government and they don’t have to fabricate their conspiracies and grievances, so anti-state libertarianism vis-a-vis the US appeals to them. But their proposed government is to be based on “Consensus” rather than radical individual liberty-ism.
It delightfully exposes the cracks in Paultardism. Paul cares more about sovereignty and US nationalism than freedom and “non-intervention” (bla bla bla) and he is still trying to get the Panama Canal back fer chrissakes. He’s OLDER than McCain, remember.
So the Revolution is intended to be universal?
I hope Dr. Paul can intervene and do something with the Entropy Law, for the JFX sake.
In the rocket, please include samples of Cannabis Indica and Sativa, and some Ralph Towner music.
YES you people are stuck with me all evening, trolls. The Ron Paul rEVOLution is going galactic, bitches, with the intent of finding lots of gold.
All your blog are belong to us…
shortsshortsshorts:
You, shorty, where did you get all that jewelry?
shortsshortsshorts: And what was that giant BURP? And smell….OOOOOO. Have you been doing Diet Coke, Mentos and Velveeta?
Darehead: I am fed by the prospects of privatizing EVERYTHING, but of course, being a Paultard (pweec kil dim) it’s cheeseits and vicodin this evening.
FuriousBluebonnets: And, probably from the influence of Paultardation, they renamed Lakota Nation to Republic of Lakotah and want to use the gold standard — wiki is here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republic_of_Lakotah
Gee, now Dr. Paul will have to spend the rest of his career getting those dissidents back, like he is still trying to do with the Panama Canal: “The transfer of the Panama Canal increasingly erodes our already waning national sovereignty by handing over that which is rightfully ours…the Panama Canal is and always has been ours and should continue to be so.”(1999)
Neilist: Only a whole lot stupider than the Golgafrinchams.
Servo: I am a pair of shorts and will not respond to “shorty”, unless you are TonytheTiger, who is a living legend of vast regard.
Jeebus and Paultard will forgive you.
Neilist: I keep calling you and you never answer your phone.
WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE! WAKE UPS!
I don’t have the heart to tell the Paultards that our EM signals aren’t powerful enough to reach the nearest star.
Another wise investment!
39 comments and still no mention of Heaven’s Gate?
He’s a doctor, dammit, not a scientist!
I am drinking diet coke right now. If I eat some mentos, will I become a Ron Paul Rocket?
tunamelt: If you get shaken rather than stirred you can fly like Peter Petrelli. But watch out for the unicorns.
Darehead: See, this plan is great if it means they’re kamikazing themselves into outer space. I’m all for it.
So the manifesto of the Ron Paul Rloveution will be the 2nd thing highly advanced alien civilizations hear from Earth. After the voice of Nazi Kurt Waldheim.
They’re coming to kill us all.
You silly wonktard blog commenters and your identity politics… Gormogon society operatives spotted your author drinking with PAULTARDS last month… it’s WWF stuff, kids.
(PS Ventura 2012)
When this message of “peace” reachs the actual Sheeple of the Lamb galaxy: We. Are. FUCKED.
Wake up people!
Thechansen: All of my agreements are belong to you.
Is it true that on RonPaulForums.com you cannot deactivate your CAPS LOCK key?
tunamelt: Win. Winner. Evermore. Amen.
i thought the internetoid reached the outer spaces. how come i keep gettin electronic mails and finding webified pages that aren’t in american?
Darehead: There’s a beautiful demonstration of this Von Braunian technology in Step Brothers. I’m glad to have it explained by Wonkette, because I’d thought they were mothballs…
The Farce will be with you… Always!
Wait, what?
Wait, what?!
Wait, WHAT?!
…
Awesome!
Neilist: Does this mean that we’re going to be wiped out by a disease contracted from use of non-gold-and-silver-based currency? Inevitably.
great! I’m logged on from my PDA. I’ll be blogging from church!………..oh well, no rapture for me (but i’ll certainly be praying for you bunch o’ heathens!)
Larry McAwful:
On Gold and Silver based currency we stand
All Fiat based currency is sinking sand
All Fiat based currency is sinking sand
Oh great — leave it to the Paultards to use technology to tell the rest of the universe that earthlings can’t spell “Manifesto.”
SayItWithWookies: Indeed. And for that matter, why isn’t it “Personifesto”?
SayItWithWookies: And “Satelite” — what?–as compared to “Sate Classic?”
Cheez wiz, I am so used to Paultard spelling I hardly notice it anymore.
Darehead: Christ, I didn’t even notice “satelite” and it’s all over that page. It just goes to show whose a crapy spelor know.
The rAVULooshon wil now b telvised.
shortsshortsshorts: Goody goody gumdrops, then they will make it into a movie! Maybe it will win the Oscar next year for Best Documentary!
Darehead: A paultard documentary would fall under bullet-point three of the following bad documentary criteria:
http://doesthisblogmakemybuttlookbig.com/2005/10/09/does-this-documentary-make-my-butt-go-numb/
Oh and the convention will NOT be televised. Those peoplz r 2 uglies.
Darehead:
They already did. It’s called “Life of Brian”
Best picture I ever saw:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3294/2728905308_d19b0d99fd.jpg?v=0
shortsshortsshorts: Ha! Maybe a MOCKumentary then. Heck, we Wonkers could write it!
Here’s an idea! Let’s put ALL of them on a rocket.
Darehead:
This Is Ron Paul!
ManchuCandidate:
Stupor-size Me
Ron and Me
Heart of Gold Standard
Crossing the River without a Bridge
No Endgame in Sight
Sicko, the Neverending Story
Mad Hot Paulroom
ManchuCandidate:
Dead at the Box Office
A Feast of Flesh
At Dawn They Sleep
Witchcraft 8: Salem’s Ghost
Terror at Tate Manor
Evil Behind You
Bigfoot
Voyeur.com
Girls on the Road
Death 4 Told
It’s time: Wonkette must invest in “building” a functional ground-to-air missile system.
Darehead: And let’s not forget all the “benifits” to mankind–or personkind.
I support sending Paultards into space and selling them low quality air at “free market” prices.
lilblackcorvette: dude, if you’re going to log on from church, why bother going to church? or are you being ‘encouraged’ to go in some way?
Servo: Yeah, I too saw “Inspecific.” Its making me cringe. While spellchecker says there’s nothing wrong with that … my spidey sense says that, sans revolution, non-specific would be the appropriate word choice.
Update: Spell check now determined inspecific is not a word, once I put quotes around it. It raygrets the prevtious error.
Do you think Canadians ever have to deal with this sorta thing?
Borat: i like church. But i can kinda see how Obama missed all that whole Rev Wright speech!
Guppy06: Re: Heaven’s Gate. That’s exactly my first thought. Piles of empty clothes consisting of one Paultard (or Rush) T-Shirt; one velcro wallet containing two dollars, an expired student ID, a ten-year-old condom (unused, of course) and an English-Klingon translation cheat sheet; one pair of sweaty Spiderman underpants, a pair of stinky Old Navy jeans, stinky socks and stinky high-top Converse All-Stars, complete with moist ditch weed pinner joint under the insole.
I only hope that the Hucktards think they got passed over for the JeezoRapture™ and commit mass suicide by beating themselves to death with Mitt Romney’s magic underwear-sheathed limbs.
Next up: frikkin’ sharks with frikkin’ lazer beams.
HedonismBot: Okay, “laser” beams. Paultard spelling is infecktious.
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings us round again to find
He’s not the man we think he is at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up there alone
Major Ron to Ground Control…
Servo: from yesterday. You asked about a remake of deathrace 2000. There is upcoming remake stariing that guy from “The Transporter”. Oh, and “The Mummy” sucks
The business end of my launch vehicle will feature a couple of rugby teams pre-fed with Bud Lite and bean burritos.
If this goes off, the Ron Paul Ringworld cannot be far behind.
WadISay: eeewwwww
Darehead: My home phone? My cell phone? Or the chip that the
CIA implanted in my head?
Perhaps the Paultards will lead the private sector charge in the colonization of Mars! Best idea I’ve ever heard.
Neilist: the dirty (minded?) telephone spreading the virulent disease of which you speak….
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Paulinization! Bring your guns, gold, god and family values! No McDonalds though.
“I’m milking Ron Paul! He makes Ron Paul milk!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75JYJUSpp4g
Darehead: Although, perhaps Paulinization would be considered too interventionist in Martian planetary affairs?
Aw fuck! I’m so tired of this. Let’s just give Wyoming to the Paultards, let them secede, let’s build a fence around their Shire and keep them locked in until they get so inbred that the movie Idiocracy looks like a PBS documentary.
The aliens will be watching episodes of “I Love Lucy” = the true blueprint for democracy - 50 years before they get the Ron Paul manifesto, so you ‘tards are shit out of luck.
loquaciousmusic: good to see you again. I missed your informed, relevant, snarkitivity. snarkedness. snarkination. snarkitudes. TRUCKNUTZ!
Delicious:you got some ’splainin’ to do.
Stupid Poe’s law.
What’s scary about this story is, I think they’re actually serious.