Wonkette
A supersecret source sends us this important update on the sad abandoned Republican street urchin/chimbley sweep cabal that got stuck fighting for lower gas prices while the decadent world around them yawned and left for vacation. These oppressed legislators issued a special request via the emails!
Here’s what it says:
House Democrats are no where to be found. House Republicans are on the Floor willing and ready to work to lower the price of gas at the pump.
***Members are encouraged to come to the Floor.***
NOTE: If any Member has a megaphone, please bring it to the Floor. Folks in the gallery and [sic] engaged and wanting to hear us. However, the Speaker’s Office refuses to turn on the microphones.
O the outrage!! No citizen should be denied a megaphone for broadcasting opinions in the dark, on the House floor, on a Friday afternoon in August when most sensible humans are already half drunk. The price of gas depends on it.
I can’t blame them for wanting to spend as much of these last few days on the House floor as possible given that in November most of them will be out of a job and will never see the place again.
Sounds wrong. If it were really a true Repub memo, it would have read:
***Members are encouraged to come ON the Floor.***
Are there any lady republican reps worth pulling the old “Sure, I have one in my pocket, just reach in and get it” trick on? Classic humor always lightens the mood of these tense times.
…they should totally turn on the microphone and fukk with the leveling so all of them sound like Alvin and Chipmunks!
If a bitter Republican street urchin shouts into a megaphone while standing in a dark legislative chamber on a hot Friday August afternoon and there’s no one around to hear it, does it make a noise?
Serolf Divad: DING DING DING yes we have a winner.
“Let the EEEEEAgle SOOOOOAAR, like its NEVER SOOOOOAR’D before.”
Megaphones inevitably lead to general douchebaggery.
Is there anything worse than hearing your local Care Bear Animal Rescue League Chairman shouting his nasally voice into a megaphone about “what do we want? (Shitty cause!) When do we want it? Now!”
I’m picturing all the congressmen sitting in a circle while Arlen Specter tells them about the “ghost of Strom Thurmond who still haunts these chambers” with a flashlight held under his chin.
Can’t they use Dubya’s old Yale megaphone from his cheerleading days? It’ll serve a dual role in also being a reminder of the highlight of his career.
This story is forgettable - who cares about House Republicans’ bitching?
But awesome use of The Walkmen’s first album cover, Sara. That’s the real news here.
SayItWithWookies: …and the level of dignity he has brought to government?
they should just hire the person who did the ‘news for the hearing impaired’ on SNL
Serolf Divad: Now THAT’S funny.
BTW, has anybody warned the young, nubile pages that this would be a good time to get the fuck out of there???
SayItWithWookies: Dubya’s old megaphone, or they could use McCain’s ear trumpet in reverse.
bigbluewreckingjew: Garrett Morris. Good call.
KevoTron: I’m enjoying your new avatar
The megaphones will make for classic CSPAN.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: “your new avatar” Ahh. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Thanks! It’s Mr. Bill (the original “Oh noez!”) from late 70’s SNL if you didn’t know. It just occurred to me that it kind of looks like the McCauley Culkin avatar I was using a few weeks ago. Hmmm..
nancy should have turned off the tubes when she turned off the lights so republicans could only communicate semaphorically or using john mccain’s prison tap code.
Wait…is the term “Megaphone” some kind of secret gay republican euphemism for penis?
Will they have to film this on C-SPAN using night vision?
This is just sad. And yet, I’m laughing.
A megaphone stuck in the ass would make a Fart Heard ‘Round the World.
“We’re ready to lower gas prices.”
Really? Okay then, why don’t each of you pool your campaign and PAC money and send everyone a check to help pay for our next fill up?
That, or you could just shut the fuck up.
tunamelt: Yes. And the House R’s will have those glowy eyes like racoons.
If you tought you enjoyed rants against abortions, gays, taxes, government, terrorisms, secular anything, gun control, and science BEFORE, wait until you get to hear them through a megaphone!
Will Boehner be using a megaphone that amplifies tears?
KevoTron: That’s exactly why it struck me! Looked like a sex-doll version of him
You can leave the microphones off? Shit, why haven’t they been doing that for the last 14 years?
Say, why don’t you folks take your bullhorns back on your treks to your various BFEs and loudly tell your constituents why your EPIC FAIL energy policy is a red herring, aight?
Y’all don’t come back now, hear!
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Okay that’s just gross. Sex dolls fashioned after child actors are not okay. Unless they’re modeling Punky Brewster.
The Republican plan to lower gas prices: shout at the dark.
Delicious: Terrifying.
“WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER, WE PREFER STUNTS TO GETTING SHIT DONE!”
Doesn’t quite work . . .
KevoTron: I’m just straight-talking.
KevoTron: My vote is so for Blossom last season.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Express or imply?
Oh and how ’bout those fuckers stick around to get Rove to testify, eh? EHHH????
wait. this is a total lie and you know it. megerfones sound like somethin connectered to dem intertubes and therefore illegal/untrustworthy. but not the gay kind of illegal o’course
dude, what’s totally pathetic is if republicans are non-interventionist free market guys (ah, if only that were true, i’d warm a bit to ‘em), why the fo’ would they think sittin’ round washington bitcin’ is gonna do anyting to supply or demand. total hypos…
trophy(forparticipation)wife: Maybe some the Saved By the Bell characters as well. All other children are strictly off limits for the purposes of designing sex toys. Except Gary Coleman of course.
Borat: wut they shood be tolkingg abowt ar thows .25 sense growsry baags! wut are libruls dowing 2 here?
Whenever I’m fucking a really hot guy, and I don’t want to cum too soon, I think of Karl Rove. Does the trick every time.
shortsshortsshorts: Definitely expressing to penisland.
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: Fuck, now I’ve just lost all my desire to go out tonight.
KevoTron: I recognized him. But I’m apparently a little old.
OKAY WONKETTE I KNOW ITS FRIDAY BUT ITS STILL BEEN NEARLY TWO HOURS SINCE THE LAST POST AND I”M STILL STUCK AT WORK NEEDING YOUR LIFEFORCE TO SUSTAIN ME OH GOD I”M TURNING INTO A BITTER/PAULTARD WHERE THE FUCK IS TEH CAPS LOCK KEY!?!!?!?!?!?1?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Take a deep breathe and step awaaaaay from the keyboard!
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: New post!
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=080801145404.zfnnx1i6&show_article=1
Weren’t half of the republicans in congress cheerleaders at some point? And that is totally NOT gay.
Damn! I love the Walkmen.
how lame…
what do those pussies think?…that the House chambers always had microphones?…
its called public speaking, assholes…which generally implies one has something to say and that one is capable of doing more than mumbling…
I was wondering why Republicans would have megaphones sitting around, anyway, until I remembered the average age of a Republican Congressman and realized they need them just to hear each other talk.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: whoa.
Honestly, I feel about this the same way I feel about circumcisions and penis enlargement - KEEP YOUR KNIVES AWAY YOU CRAZY DUCK FUCKER
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Now now: Cindy didn’t FUCK the duck, she merely stuck her fingers into its various orifices, like a good Republican.
Hell, if they’re getting megaphones, why not gee-tars and a campfire! Time for a sing-along!
Here’s a little something to replace “Kumbaya” in the Republican songbook-
Georgie Bush was a decider
A real upstanding dude
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him drill for crude
-he always had the light, sweet crude…
Oil to the world
To all the boys and girls
Oil slicks in the river and the deep blue sea
Oil to you and me
If I were the Pre-sid-ent
Tell you what I’d do
I’d throw away the trees and the fish and the birds
And pump that lovely crude
Oil to the world
To all the boys and girls
Oil on the fishes and the filthy beach
Oil to you and me
You know I love the lobbyists
Love to have my fun
I’m a real flipflopper and big cash-grabber
A Straight-Talkin’ son-of-a-gun
Oil to the world
To all the boys and girls
Oil for the Bentley and the SUV
Oil to you and me
It’s called a Staycation - and it’s all the rage - since those nasty Dems won’t give us the Gas Tax Holiday - which the ReThugs have pointed out would provide an extra night at the campground and a bag of marshmallows for an American family. Geesh!
shortsshortsshorts: Okay, but did she wash her hands before she ate or touched her face?
shortsshortsshorts: I heard she got her whole fist in, and that, my friend, is called fistfucking. And when I go home and tell my boyfriend what I did with so-and-so today, he’s going to get mad. Or jealous. Either way, it counts as a fuck.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: We need graphics, plz.
Mahatma Froglegs: You know every time you sing that little tune, somewhere an aged hippie just got his dividend check.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: How come it counts as the dirty deed if the women or the duck is tired, but doesn’t count if the guy is tired?
I’m with the Repugs on this one…it’s crucial we start offshore drilling NOW since it will take a solid 15-20 years before any effect is felt at the pump.
BUT WHERE IS RON PAUL???
Let Terry live! Replace the feeding tube!
If Condoleeza Rice had nice legs she’d be so hot even Cheney would hit it.
They’re going to need straw hats, raccoon coats and ukes to go with those megaphones. It’ll look like the montage in Singin’ in the Rain.
Bowery Boys Meet the GOP:
“Listen saps! $5.00 smackeroos will buy the whole gang jersy’s. This a sweet deal from these here congress swells, see! They say all we gotta do is talk in to a watchyacallit, a megaphone! That’s the ticket.
“I dunno, Mugsy. One of those creepy old guys told me to close my eyes and ‘talk into the mike,’ once and I didn’t like that at all.”
“Why I’ll murderlize ya! If one of those swells makes you do that you’ll take, and you’ll like it, see.”