those celebrities are not racial transcendence!

Was John McCain’s Ad Racist Because It Didn’t Include Tiger Woods?

There’s been a hilarious debate on the Internet the last couple of days, as per usual, about whether the McCain “Celeb” ad was Racist because it chose two young white gals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as Barack Obama’s alter egos instead of the actual two most famous celebrities in the world. It is, apparently, a similar situation to the attack ad on Harold Ford in 2006, where he is constantly talking to loose white women on the telephone. If John McCain were to *objectively* pick the two most famous people in the world, the liberals argue, at least one of them would have been TIGER WOODS, the GOLFER. The conservatives do not believe Tiger Woods counts, however, because he has accomplishments!

Prepare to rock and/or roll.

Here’s a well-received liberal post from Newsday‘s John Riley.

We just got off a conference call with Camp McCain, defending their new ad comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.

They said they thought the ad was legitimate because Obama is a big celebrity (which happens to be what John McCain was, too, when he came home from Vietnam and started to build his political career), and Britney and Paris were Number 2 and 3.

The problem: Anyone with even a vague sense of pop culture knows that Britney and Paris are yesterday’s news. Here’s a link to Forbes’ Celebrity 100. Paris and Britney don’t even make the list any more.

Instead, the top 10, in order: Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles, David Beckham, Johnny Depp, Jay-Z, The Police, JK Rowling, Brad Pitt.

John Riley is not merely a political writer, folks. He is the official Arbiter of Pop Culture Celebrities as chosen by America’s hip youngsters. You think Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are famous? Well that’s a nice ROCK YOU’RE LIVING UNDER, SIR NERDLINGTON. Try reading some fucking FORBES whenever you leave your current loser chess tournament.

Someone, however, has chosen to challenge cool John Riley! And he works for… The Weekly Standard! (No, it’s not Bill Kristol in this case, but Monday’s only three days away and we bet he has a column idea already!) This is Dean Barnett, taking up the important issue of Tiger Woods’ non-inclusion in some dumb McCain ad:

Some of the ad’s critics have noted that Britney Spears and Paris Hilton aren’t even such enormous celebrities. Tiger Woods and Brad Pitt, they rightly argue, are much bigger stars. But that analysis misses the point as far as Obama is concerned. Unlike Britney and Paris, Tiger Woods earned his fame. No one could accuse Tiger Woods of being a media sensation or being famous just for being famous.

Not man enough to take up the pressing issue of Brad Pitt though, are you, Barnett?

Here’s the thing: Tiger Woods plays golf! He is famous for playing GOLF. Whatever Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have done to become famous — Britney’s (once) killer dance moves didn’t come to her in her sleep, by the way, idiots — was certainly more difficult than playing a little outdoors game really well. Tiger Woods got famous for the exact same reason Barack Obama got famous: because he’s a multiracial (a.k.a. “black”), “charismatic” and talented as shit entry into a field previously populated by old white men, exclusively, since forever.

In conclusion: John McCain should never have made this ad, at all, with any celebrities, because what the fuck.

Sex celebs: Why Britney and Paris [Newsday]
About That Ad [Weekly Standard]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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55 comments

  1. KevoTron

    Nice take down Jim. My Dad has been saying for months that Obama should pick Tiger to be his running mate. Seriously, my Dad’s so fucking gay retarded for Obama it’s sickening. And my Mom’s all Hillary bitter. Dinner conversations at their house have gotten very testy over the last few months.

  2. NoWireHangers

    Maybe WALNUTS! is the real genius here. He makes crap-tastic ads, gaffs, and sound bites, and then we talk about them ad nauseum, providing him the press he so bitterly wants. Touche WALNUTS!, tou-fucking-che.

  3. BadNewsJack

    Well, Barack cant choose tiger for his vp, cuz, if you havent noticed he’s *whispers* black.

  4. pdiddycornchips

    “Tiger Woods got famous for the exact same reason Barack Obama got famous: because he’s a multiracial (a.k.a. “black”), “charismatic” and talented as shit”

    Let’s not go THAT far. Tiger will, when all is said and done, be the best golfer to ever tee it up in the history of the game. Were Obama to equal him in earned greatness, his face will end up on Mt. Rushmore. Now, Obama is cool and all but he’s not even president yet. In otherwords, he hasn’t won his first Major. Obama is more like the Sergio Garcia of Politics.

  5. bup

    If they’d used Tiger Woods that would have been racist too, because “what, do they all look alike to McCain?”

    He couldn’t pick Oprah because McCain would probably lose to her too.

  6. shortsshortsshorts

    “Barry is as big as the Three Stooges, and as popular as Jimmy Stewart. He has all the craze of Clark Gable!”

    BUT CAN HE BE PRESIDENT?

  7. CollegeStudent

    Wait, Tiger Woods is black too?
    This election is challenging everything I thought I knew about America.
    I am going to give up golf until they get this all straightened out.

  8. freakishlystrong

    Man, that mean, bitter doucheboy Barnett needs to get laid or something..just hateful..

  9. NoWireHangers

    WALNUTS! wanted to use pictures of stars he was familiar with, but the estates of Mary Pickford and Buster Keaton refused to help.

  10. floraway

    Wait, John Riley didn’t get that this commercial was supposed to be an insult? Because if the commercial compared him to Tiger Woods and Brad Pitt, people would be swooning all over the place. I don’t think John McCain’s campaign was hoping for ladies to like Obama more.

    I do appreciate that he chose the two stars most likely to be Republicans for the ad, though.

  11. toastandlove

    I think the point WALNUTS! was trying to make is that Obama is famous for being rich and skanky, just like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Also Barack Obama is talentless and/or a substance abuser and/or flashes his naughty bits at paparazzi whenever possible. And he has never done anything of substance, ever, in his life, as a lawyer/community organizer/law professor/senator, which are all frivolous professions just like being a Pop Star Heiress Celebutard.

  12. NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    My parents have always maintained that Tiger Woods is proof that any young colored fellow can do anything (white) he wants and be totally accepted by (white) society and be rich (white).

  13. Scarab

    Based on recent precedent doesn’t this mean that Tiger Woods, by not doing something, is somehow playing the race card?

  14. jagorev

    I am sure the ad was focusing only on celebrities, like Obama, that John McCain would like to fuck but will never have a chance to do so because of that overbearing cunt trollop wife of his.

  15. pinko-commie

    Lets examine the parallels…

    Obama: Ivy League education, community organizer, lawyer, law school professor/lecturer/whatever, state and federal senator, successful family

    Paris Hilton: coordinating outfits, carrying a lap dog everywhere, doing two porn videos, being born into money and doing fuck all with it

    Britney Spears: building a musical empire with minimal talent, blowing it all through drug habit, surrounding herself with total losers, having public meltdowns, evading paparazzi, losing custodial rights of her children

    Congratulations, Walnuts. You have proven the totally valid point that you are a racist prick.

  16. Delicious

    Yeah, but Obama didn’t make a sex tape.

    Or did he? And who’s the white girl?

    Feel free to spread rumor liberally.

  17. pdiddycornchips

    [re=50110]RuperttheBear[/re]:

    Whatever it is, it doesn’t make you Tiger Woods in terms of accomplishment.

  18. A Geek Tragedy

    Actually forget Beckham. THE POLICE!?! Like Sting and those other two guys? Those Police?

  19. RuperttheBear

    [re=50155]pdiddycornchips[/re]: Agreed. So, the nature of one’s chosen field matters little, only the degree of accomplishment. Thus, Ted Bundy was more accomplished than Obama is now.

  20. NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=50154]Delicious[/re]: It was a GAY sex tape, DUH.

    And it’s all over X-tube. Or so I hear.

  21. supremecourtjester

    Racist and xenophobic, too! These girls are named after two locations in France–and we know what the Republicans think about France. Here are two poor young blondes who, it is well documented on the web, cannot afford a pair of panties between them. I don’t know what party they’ve joined, but I’ll bet that McCain couldn’t get an invitation to it, and that it goes on all night.

  22. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    [re=50152]pinko-commie[/re]:

    Coordinating outfits
    Being born into money
    Drug habit
    Surrounding herself with total losers

    I’m not thinking Britney or Paris.

  23. dano

    I love the racial subtext of republican commercials: Look out White America, the darkie’s gonna poke your daughter!

  24. pdiddycornchips

    [re=50168]RuperttheBear[/re]:

    Accomplished at what? Serial killing? I’m not sure Bundy is the Tiger Woods of serial killers. More like the Denny Hastert of Serial killers. There are others more accomplished in that field. But yes, it’s the degree of accomplishment that matters. Obama being compared to Tiger, not for their multi-cultural similiarities but for their accomplishments, reminds me of what the wingnuts used to say about GWB when he was the shit. Remember when he was Churchill? Lincoln? Truman? Batman?

  25. wheelie

    Actually . . . America’s big international celebrity breakthrough act this summer, apart from Obama,
    is KID ROCK. He’s going to No 1 right across Europe, right now! And Australia won’t be far behind. Take a bow, America!

  26. pdiddycornchips

    [re=50189]wheelie[/re]:

    Not surprising Kid is popular in Europe. He has british teeth, German hair and smells like a french cabbie. But I hear he can smell a pig from a mile away.

  27. donner_froh

    [re=50110]RuperttheBear[/re]: Becoming a senator is an accomplishment on the same level as winning the Jamie Farr Owens Corning Classic Presented by Kroger in Toledo, Ohio. If you are a woman since it is an LPGA event.

    I was going to use a funnier/dumber but real golf tournament name but the Canon Sammy Davis, Jr. – Greater Hartford Open sounds too racially untranscendent.

  28. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=50189]wheelie[/re]: And Germans love David Hasselhoff.
    What is wrong with you Euro people? Seriously. Please take Kid Rock away from here. k?

  29. filmsoncon

    Teh Racismz aside, what I like bestest about that ad is the idea that the GOP doesn’t want to elect a celebrity who is short on political experience. Remind me– who the fuck is the Republican governor of California?

    And for that matter, wasn’t the man that Republicans keep holding up as the Greatest President of The 20th Century a man who was LITERALLY a movie star?

  30. samfish

    I don’t know. I wouldn’t fuck Oprah Winfrey, but I would bed Paris and Britney. I have low standards, not no standards.

    I might fuck Obama. Depends on if Michelle is tied up and watching or not.

  31. RuperttheBear

    [re=50186]pdiddycornchips[/re]: I was gonna go with Gilles de Rais, but that’s too douchey even for a widdle ol’ bear. How about Sally Struthers and corn chip eating?

    Still, comparing hitting a ball with a stick versus rising through the American political scene to the verge of the president is a category error.

    THERE. I’VE SAID IT. AND I USED TOO MANY GERUNDS. NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!

  32. gurukalehuru

    Britney was not born into a life of wealth and privilege. She worked her way up, starting as a fucking mouseketeer, for christ’s sake.
    She could sing, she could dance, and she was hot enough to burn the sporran off a dead scot.
    Sure, she’s dumb as a rock and she’s made a mess of her life but, goddamnit, she’s earned whatever it is she’s got.
    I don’t object so much to seeing her compared to Obama. I’m just pissed that she should be compared to Paris Hilton.

  33. pdiddycornchips

    [re=50232]RuperttheBear[/re]:

    “Still, comparing hitting a ball with a stick versus rising through the American political scene to the verge of the president is a category error.”

    Word. We both agree then the camparison doesn’t work. But for different reasons.

  34. sati demise

    You know Brad Pitt is Hopeys distant cousin , right?
    That disqualifies Brad for all comparisons.

    Glad the Hiltons are outraged, hahah, McCain made a big mistake there-
    I have a feeling the Hiltons are not going to write any more of those big checks to Mr. McNasty.

  35. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    But they’re international celebrities, so applesauce to applesauce.

  36. RuperttheBear

    [re=50266]pdiddycornchips[/re]: I’m not clear on your point. A category error, like this one, means there isn’t really a comparison taking place.

  37. The 3-Legged Man

    Are you allowed to say “because what the fuck” on the interweb? Awesome. Fucking awesome.

Comments are closed.