Obama Brings Partisanship To Space Monster Crisis

by Ken Layne

Ha ha, it’s time for the Stupid August Questions portion of the campaign. Because we all know UFOs are pretend and space aliens aren’t for realz and there’s no such thing as monsters and at least they’re not trying to kill our presidents, it’s a hoot to see Barack Obama make fun of this terrible threat to Earth. [Ben Smith/KGAN]

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NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 1, 2008 at 11:33 am

Can we launch the minute men into space?

Q2 August 1, 2008 at 11:34 am

8-O Mecharegulators Of Rigel liten to me!

“Skur gallar us jobillasan
Ra skurhats zatsiska petman
Zai deidutzipau
Lotes gunlarbau
Manhenlar ran op ji kifan”

Rev. Peter Lemonjello August 1, 2008 at 11:37 am

So Kucinich will be veep?

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 11:39 am

…geez Barry, everyone knows that aliens are Libertarians!!!

shortsshortsshorts August 1, 2008 at 11:41 am



NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 1, 2008 at 11:41 am

[re=49909]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I always imagined that aliens were huge statists, which is why they were able to develop space flight in the first place.

ManchuCandidate August 1, 2008 at 11:42 am

Anal probing grey fuckers = Repub
Vulcans = Dem
Warlike deformed Klingons = Repub
Romulans = Repub
Cylons = Repub
Xenomorph Aliens = Repub
Gort = Demrat
Borg = Paultards
Vorlons = Demrat
Shadows = Repub
Centauri = Repub

I guess I’m hoping that aliens are Vulcans only because their women look like Jolene Blaylock.

WhatTheHeck August 1, 2008 at 11:42 am

Aliens tend to be republicans, take viagra and love the anal probe thing.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 1, 2008 at 11:42 am

Don’t tell me he’s also going to play the alien card

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 1, 2008 at 11:44 am

[re=49897]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: The punk band?

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 1, 2008 at 11:45 am

Quick, build a wall.

spencer August 1, 2008 at 11:47 am

If Werther McWalnuts becomes president at least he will die from a heart attack when someone from the air force pops into his office and tells him, “we know about aliens, and no we aren’t talking about the ones in your kitchen.”

shortsshortsshorts August 1, 2008 at 11:48 am

wut ef the aliinz are phor Wron Pual? Yu ar eh basstawrd baroque HUUSAN obawa

WIDTAP August 1, 2008 at 11:50 am

No Automatic Path To Citizenship For The Anal-Probing Grays!

SayItWithWookies August 1, 2008 at 11:55 am

All I know about aliens is that they’re Mac compatible, Tom Cruise can defeat them (thus they’re sissies) and Whitley Strieber is a big dead fruitball. These core values come from my gut.

4tehlulz August 1, 2008 at 11:57 am

[re=49940]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And by gut you mean colon amirite?

springfield_meltdown August 1, 2008 at 12:08 pm

Obama is denying the proud Democrat tradition of of embracing alien life as established by Kucinich and Jimmy Carter. Now If you’ll excuse me I have to go make a tinfoil hat to protect against the government mind control rays that Kucinich is so concerned about.

WadISay August 1, 2008 at 12:11 pm

[re=49914]ManchuCandidate[/re]: The aliens in Independence Day destroyed the White House, used anal probes, and their electrical systems didn’t work. We can’t rule out that they were British.

SayItWithWookies August 1, 2008 at 12:11 pm

[re=49944]4tehlulz[/re]: The very seat of wisdom itself.

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 12:11 pm

[re=49914]ManchuCandidate[/re]: …I was soooooooo resisting going down the sci-fi path, but since you opened the door!

-Kardasian – Repub
-Ferengi – Repub
-Go’auld – Repub
-Wraith – Repub
-Any Alien Captain kirk slept with – Dem
-Face Hugger – Repub
-Super Man – Dem
-Tribble – Obamatard
-Alf – Paultard

Monsieur Grumpe August 1, 2008 at 12:13 pm

You forgot these guys.


Republicans is my guess.

ManchuCandidate August 1, 2008 at 12:16 pm

My inner SF geek needed to go down that road. Now I’m going to go give myself a wedgie.

But they were defeated because they didn’t understand the intertubes, virus scanning and email like Foley, Stevens, and McCain. British Repubs?

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 1, 2008 at 12:17 pm

[re=49967]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: *Cardassian

Right on, Tribbles are totally for Obama.

[re=49914]ManchuCandidate[/re]:Don’t worry, Vulcans were the first to make first contact with humans, so that means we’re getting a Dem boost in the short term.

obfuscator August 1, 2008 at 12:21 pm


C3P0 – total Log Cabin Republican

Barry should have said, “I, for one, welcome our new extraterrestrial voting bloc”, then said something in Klingon.

Norbert August 1, 2008 at 12:21 pm

alien appeaser! Munich conference! we must resume drilling or the aliens have won.

barry is cool. so is jolene blaylock (forgot about her!). i need a drink.

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 12:22 pm

[re=49965]WadISay[/re]: [re=49971]ManchuCandidate[/re]: …whatever species Admiral Ackbar is, Im pretty sure is Joe Lieberman’s species.

ManchuCandidate August 1, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Ewoks = Obamatards

Good call on the tribbles.

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 12:24 pm

[re=49978]obfuscator[/re]: …”Black Oil alien’s” from the X-Files = Dick Cheney!

Norbert August 1, 2008 at 12:26 pm

[re=49980]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: no, Lieberman = ferengi. and/or Senator Palpatine. you know in your heart it is true.

ManchuCandidate August 1, 2008 at 12:28 pm

“You can’t repel douchebaggery of that magnitude!”

Joe Lie is more like Jar Jar. Annoying. Stupid. Enabler of evil.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 1, 2008 at 12:29 pm

I’m having some major difficulty trying to figure out Species 8472

Advocatus_Diaboli August 1, 2008 at 12:30 pm

I, for one, welcome our alien overlords, regardless of their party affiliation.

NoWireHangers August 1, 2008 at 12:32 pm

(NWH whispers quietly to self)
Sometimes I wish the aliens would come for me.

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 12:33 pm

…Scorpius – John McCain

And with that “Farscape” reference we have officially descended in sci-fi hell!

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 12:35 pm

[re=49988]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=49987]Norbert[/re]: …I always figured Emperor Palpatine was John McCain!? With the excessive skin folds, pale complexion and piss yellow teeth.

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 12:38 pm

[re=49989]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: …they are the terrorist that can attack you anywhere at anytime that “W” wants you to believe in! Duhhhhh!!!

ManchuCandidate August 1, 2008 at 12:40 pm

McCain selling his soul for power? Ole six penised Lando Mollari.

(Unleashing his inner B5 fan geek flag.)

schvitzatura August 1, 2008 at 12:45 pm

Vogons = Club for Growth Republicans?

KevoTron August 1, 2008 at 12:45 pm

E.T. was definitely a member of the Green party. He was all about “healing the plants” and shit.

WagTehGod August 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm

[re=49989]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: “Your galaxy is impure and will be purged” … sounds Republican to me.

Now I’m going to go drown myself

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend August 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm

The sad thing is, some talking head on one of the “news” shows will run this clip and say that it is further proof that Obama is only concerned with partisan crap.

Kang/Kodos ’08 “Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.”

AngryBlakGuy August 1, 2008 at 12:51 pm

[re=50007]ManchuCandidate[/re]: …when you have 6 penises you can NO LONGER call them penises, you call it an udder! That being said does that make Obama G’kar?

TGY August 1, 2008 at 12:58 pm

Democrats are from Mars. Republicans are from Penis.

BadNewsJack August 1, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Dont blame me, I voted for Kodos (D-Rigel 7)

ManchuCandidate August 1, 2008 at 1:08 pm

It’s possible. Did G’Kar eat Arugula?

Godot August 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm

You and your “third dimension”.

We have five. Thousand.

CivicHoliday August 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Betazed = far-left leaning Dem

(would that make Deanna Troi equivalent to Elizabeth Kucinich?)

AxmxZ August 1, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Barry is just playing coy. He knows full well the aliens are the ones who engineered him in late 1960 and implanting him in an Earth woman. Then when he was around 21, they initiated a wake-up sequence and turned a run-of-the-mill rebellious smarty-pants into a super-focused ambitious entity with only one goal in mind: absolute power over the whole of mankind. Once this is achieved, the aliens can initiate through him the massive global operation code-named “Reeducating the Apes.” If al goes according to plan, by the end of Barry’s second term, the average human mind will contain 30% to 35% less FAIL.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 1, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=50114]CivicHoliday[/re]: Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!

samfish August 1, 2008 at 2:08 pm

Damn you, Obama! MCCAIN would take the alien threat seriously!

I Am Not Your Gary Busey August 1, 2008 at 2:17 pm

[re=49969]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: No those guys are Juggalos http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juggalo

iwillsavethispatient August 1, 2008 at 2:33 pm

[re=50141]AxmxZ[/re]: Surely, it was ‘God’ ‘Himself’ who implanted Bazza in an Earth woman? Although, I suppose an Alien with sufficient technology would be pretty God-like to our FAIL-addled minds.

populucious August 1, 2008 at 5:25 pm

Keanu Reeves is not amused. Keanu Reeves demands to be set free. Keanu Reeves will not be voting for Barack Obama now.

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