Wonkette
Ha ha, it’s time for the Stupid August Questions portion of the campaign. Because we all know UFOs are pretend and space aliens aren’t for realz and there’s no such thing as monsters and at least they’re not trying to kill our presidents, it’s a hoot to see Barack Obama make fun of this terrible threat to Earth. [Ben Smith/KGAN]
TH-THAT'S NOT CH-CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN
Obama Brings Partisanship To Space Monster Crisis
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Can we launch the minute men into space?
“Skur gallar us jobillasan
Ra skurhats zatsiska petman
Zai deidutzipau
Lotes gunlarbau
Manhenlar ran op ji kifan”
So Kucinich will be veep?
…geez Barry, everyone knows that aliens are Libertarians!!!
BUT WHAT IF THEY THERE ALIENS WERE VOTING FOR HILLARY WHAT WOULD YOU DO THEN SENATOR WOULD YOU EMBRACE THEMM? NOES!
NOOOBAMA TONY REZKO HAM SANDWICH.
AngryBlakGuy: I always imagined that aliens were huge statists, which is why they were able to develop space flight in the first place.
Anal probing grey fuckers = Repub
Vulcans = Dem
Warlike deformed Klingons = Repub
Romulans = Repub
Cylons = Repub
Xenomorph Aliens = Repub
Gort = Demrat
Borg = Paultards
Vorlons = Demrat
Shadows = Repub
Centauri = Repub
I guess I’m hoping that aliens are Vulcans only because their women look like Jolene Blaylock.
Aliens tend to be republicans, take viagra and love the anal probe thing.
Don’t tell me he’s also going to play the alien card
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: The punk band?
Quick, build a wall.
If Werther McWalnuts becomes president at least he will die from a heart attack when someone from the air force pops into his office and tells him, “we know about aliens, and no we aren’t talking about the ones in your kitchen.”
wut ef the aliinz are phor Wron Pual? Yu ar eh basstawrd baroque HUUSAN obawa
No Automatic Path To Citizenship For The Anal-Probing Grays!
All I know about aliens is that they’re Mac compatible, Tom Cruise can defeat them (thus they’re sissies) and Whitley Strieber is a big dead fruitball. These core values come from my gut.
SayItWithWookies: And by gut you mean colon amirite?
Obama is denying the proud Democrat tradition of of embracing alien life as established by Kucinich and Jimmy Carter. Now If you’ll excuse me I have to go make a tinfoil hat to protect against the government mind control rays that Kucinich is so concerned about.
ManchuCandidate: The aliens in Independence Day destroyed the White House, used anal probes, and their electrical systems didn’t work. We can’t rule out that they were British.
4tehlulz: The very seat of wisdom itself.
ManchuCandidate: …I was soooooooo resisting going down the sci-fi path, but since you opened the door!
-Kardasian - Repub
-Ferengi - Repub
-Go’auld - Repub
-Wraith - Repub
-Any Alien Captain kirk slept with - Dem
-Face Hugger - Repub
-Super Man - Dem
-Tribble - Obamatard
-Alf - Paultard
ManchuCandidate:
You forgot these guys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_BPcDOjJCc
Republicans is my guess.
AngryBlakGuy:
My inner SF geek needed to go down that road. Now I’m going to go give myself a wedgie.
WadISay:
But they were defeated because they didn’t understand the intertubes, virus scanning and email like Foley, Stevens, and McCain. British Repubs?
AngryBlakGuy: *Cardassian
Right on, Tribbles are totally for Obama.
ManchuCandidate:Don’t worry, Vulcans were the first to make first contact with humans, so that means we’re getting a Dem boost in the short term.
AngryBlakGuy:
C3P0 - total Log Cabin Republican
Barry should have said, “I, for one, welcome our new extraterrestrial voting bloc”, then said something in Klingon.
alien appeaser! Munich conference! we must resume drilling or the aliens have won.
barry is cool. so is jolene blaylock (forgot about her!). i need a drink.
WadISay: ManchuCandidate: …whatever species Admiral Ackbar is, Im pretty sure is Joe Lieberman’s species.
AngryBlakGuy:
Ewoks = Obamatards
Good call on the tribbles.
obfuscator: …”Black Oil alien’s” from the X-Files = Dick Cheney!
AngryBlakGuy: no, Lieberman = ferengi. and/or Senator Palpatine. you know in your heart it is true.
AngryBlakGuy:
“You can’t repel douchebaggery of that magnitude!”
Joe Lie is more like Jar Jar. Annoying. Stupid. Enabler of evil.
I’m having some major difficulty trying to figure out Species 8472
I, for one, welcome our alien overlords, regardless of their party affiliation.
(NWH whispers quietly to self)
Sometimes I wish the aliens would come for me.
…Scorpius - John McCain
And with that “Farscape” reference we have officially descended in sci-fi hell!
ManchuCandidate: Norbert: …I always figured Emperor Palpatine was John McCain!? With the excessive skin folds, pale complexion and piss yellow teeth.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: …they are the terrorist that can attack you anywhere at anytime that “W” wants you to believe in! Duhhhhh!!!
AngryBlakGuy:
McCain selling his soul for power? Ole six penised Lando Mollari.
(Unleashing his inner B5 fan geek flag.)
Vogons = Club for Growth Republicans?
E.T. was definitely a member of the Green party. He was all about “healing the plants” and shit.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: “Your galaxy is impure and will be purged” … sounds Republican to me.
Now I’m going to go drown myself
The sad thing is, some talking head on one of the “news” shows will run this clip and say that it is further proof that Obama is only concerned with partisan crap.
Kang/Kodos ‘08 “Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.”
ManchuCandidate: …when you have 6 penises you can NO LONGER call them penises, you call it an udder! That being said does that make Obama G’kar?
Democrats are from Mars. Republicans are from Penis.
Dont blame me, I voted for Kodos (D-Rigel 7)
AngryBlakGuy:
It’s possible. Did G’Kar eat Arugula?
You and your “third dimension”.
We have five. Thousand.
Betazed = far-left leaning Dem
(would that make Deanna Troi equivalent to Elizabeth Kucinich?)
Barry is just playing coy. He knows full well the aliens are the ones who engineered him in late 1960 and implanting him in an Earth woman. Then when he was around 21, they initiated a wake-up sequence and turned a run-of-the-mill rebellious smarty-pants into a super-focused ambitious entity with only one goal in mind: absolute power over the whole of mankind. Once this is achieved, the aliens can initiate through him the massive global operation code-named “Reeducating the Apes.” If al goes according to plan, by the end of Barry’s second term, the average human mind will contain 30% to 35% less FAIL.
CivicHoliday: Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!
Damn you, Obama! MCCAIN would take the alien threat seriously!
Monsieur Grumpe: No those guys are Juggalos http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juggalo
AxmxZ: Surely, it was ‘God’ ‘Himself’ who implanted Bazza in an Earth woman? Although, I suppose an Alien with sufficient technology would be pretty God-like to our FAIL-addled minds.
Keanu Reeves is not amused. Keanu Reeves demands to be set free. Keanu Reeves will not be voting for Barack Obama now.