The Bushes Are House Hunting In Dallas!

It's easy to forget that some other guy was president before the McCain/Obama joint rulership of America began. The other guy's name was "George Bush," and he flew around the world dancing with the natives and bombing nonexistent nuke installations. But now that Dick Cheney has tired of operating the chip in his brain, George Bush needs a new place to live, so he has dispatched his wife to investigate every cavernous tacky 7,000-square-foot limestone piece of shit in the greater Dallas area. Let's explore the possibilities, together.

Hey, thisisn't even limestone! FAIL. The wine cellar would be nice, though, for somebody who isn't a recovering drunk. Maybe they can stash the bodies down there? Or the exercise bikes?

 This one is perfect, for people who only exist in two dimensions. It also reportedly has "steam showers," for sexytime. But it's only 5,800 square feet -- not nearly large enough for the presidential porn stashandthe Cheetos Vault.

Now this house ... this would be perfect, except they'd have to evict Ron Paul first.

 Presidential House Hunt [Newsweek]