Wonkette
Even though he was just a famous celebrity who never did anything but smoke dope and try to kill Sarah Conner, Arnold Schwarzenegger overcame his popularity and racial background to become California’s favorite governor! Let’s celebrate his life and art, today, on his birthday.
Arnold was born on this day in 1947, right after the Americans defeated his people, the Nazis. Instead of “holding a grudge,” he decided to become a famous muscleman, move to the USA, marry a Kennedy, become a movie star, and eventually become president. He is almost there!
Schwarzenegger even had a hit techno song in the ’80s, called “Safety Dance.”
Here’s “Arnie” accepting the Oscar(TM) for Batman Begins.
You know what’s funny? Prank calling your dad, Mitt Romney, and putting your voice through an Arnold voice filter thing. Look how much Mitt enjoys this! Guess who rode home in a shit-covered roof-cage that day?
This one’s incredible: It’s a birthday party for teevee’s The Hulk, Lou Ferrigno, in the ’70s. Arnold is just cold smokin’ weed and singing.
This is the greatest scene from the greatest movie ever made. Ois Guade zu Deim Geburdstog, Arnold!
(Thanks to Total Fark for the birthday reminder!)
The Governator is celebrating his birthday by pushing to pay state employees the federal minimum wage. His best work was Hercules in NY. If only we could dub his voice on a daily basis.
You know what’s weird? After reading through some of Barry’s exams… do you guys realize that he has Arnold almost in every single one? Sometimes also with Maria? It’s kind of odd… I think there’s a story there.
Conan The Gropinator. Perfect way to end my Wonektte day. But Isle Be Bach!
People in California hate him so much now, there was talk about him causing the earthquake to distract from his horribly unpopular budget proposals.
Is it wrong that I find Matt Romney mildly attractive?
When Italics attack!
I voted for the weed guy.
After watching all those clips I feel stupider.
Whoa, Arnold is Mr. Sparkle.
Steroids? What steroids?
Marijoowanna? What Marijoowanna?
Hey, if they were organic and from Whole Foods, then its ok.
Delicious: Whatever fishbulb…
May he one day return to ruling Unterland.
mookworthjwilson: He is disrespectful to dirt…and women’s bottoms.
ServiceJervixJuice: Which would make Hopey “Jefferson Twilight” (’cuz, you know, he’s black and all–plus he he’s got mad blackula-slaying skills), and McMelanoma would be the reanimated zombie of “Dr. Dugong”.
He clearly didn’t need that commercial director to ask for “more intensity.”
ARNOLD IS A REALLY STUPID GOVERNOR WHO DOESN’T DO ANYTHING AND THEREFORE WE SHOULD VOTE FOR HILLARY BECAUSE ARNOLD IS A FOREIGNS AND HE HAS NOT GOTTEN ANY OF HIS SPECIAL BALLOT THINGIES PASSED EVER UNLIKE HILLARY WHO SIGNED OFF ON IRAQ WAR AND ARNOLD IS ALSO AN AUSTRIAN WHICH MEANS HE GOT PWNED BY GERMANS AND THAN JOINED THEM IN PWNING EUROPE UNTIL HILLARY CAME AND TOOK SNIPER FIRE ON THE TARMAC WITH SINBAD.
Anyone else here a fan of “Ultimate Reality?” It’s essentially a 30-minute tripout sequence made entireley of clips from the Governator’s movies.
Part 1 is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P81dHaZiyA8
NoWireHangers: “The Governator is celebrating his birthday by pushing to pay state employees the federal minimum wage” does that include him?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Yes.
I love the Japanese ad! It that for “blow in a bottle”?
Red Sonja remains the one movie I have ever gone to where the entire audience turned on it before the end of the first reel. Yes, I paid to see it, but it was worth it to see a session of MST3K break out spontaneously.
I always thought “Terminator” was a satire on how dumb people in Los Angeles were.
A heavily armed, cybernetic killing machine with a homicidal glint in its robotic eye stomps up to you and asks, in that Nazi-Underseaboote-Captain-Who-Has-Just-Topedoed-The-Red-Cross-Hospital-Ship-AND-Then-Machine-Gunned-The-Swimming-Survivors Voice . . . .
“Are YOU Sarah Conner?”
And the stupid “Angelinos” don’t respond: “Who?” Or “No, SHE is!,” or the equivalent.
You know, satire.
Then I moved down here and I realized I was wrong.
“Terminator” is not a satire. It’s a DOCUMENTARY.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! MY EYES!
Why don’t Ahnold and Sly Stallone - former gay lovers from their Roman chariot flicks days - raid the Republican Convention and off Walnuts!, then take the nomination away from the wimps and go on to challenge Barry and his Veep to a medieval duel for the love (and long blond locks) of the electoral damstrels?
Or better yet, Sly and Ahnold could hit the steel cage as an RNC fund raiser and then Ahnold run for prez with the corpse of Walnuts! as his veep:
http://growabrain.typepad.com/growabrain/sch2.jpg
Oscar Folsom Cleveland: Arnold seems more inclined to arm-wrestle people for Barry’s favor than some damsel’s.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Not at all. Matt is the handsome one. Mitt is the one with money.
Oscar Folsom Cleveland: AxmxZ:
Sorry to break the fantasies going people. Here are some facts (I have witnesses to all, BTW). #1 Gov. Arnold is actually a nice heterosexual guy. He came to B’ham, AL in 1972 or ‘73 to film a throwaway B movie called “Stay Hungry” about bodybuilders in the South. Writer was, oh my! a local golden child blueblood, Charles Gaines, who wanted to rattle a few local skeletons in local closets w/a farce about Bodybuilding with some actual facts…. Being in college at the time, most folks my age at the time were walk-ons. Jeff Bridges (who is an awful person w/a huge ego and a bad tipper according to B’ham folks) and Sally Fields (who is hands down a lady and gracious guest) were in the movie too. The big draw, tho, was Ahh-nold. He taught all the local willing interested, and able women about PAM* (TRADEMARKED) and its wonderous uses in posing, but OH let’s not forget about sex!! and man did Arnold deliver. All women involved said Maria should wake up every morning of her life with a big smile! –This is from Southern women who know the real deal and a good thing when they see it.—
Just be careful w/the PAM application; one of my friends and her husband tried it, being careless @ the walls, and had to have the wall repainted after an little slippage onto said wall….. That stuff’s hard to get off.
Ken Layne,
It still amazes me that he is our Governor and can’t say “California” without sounding like a first-grader sounding it out.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark
bonghitsforjesus: Gov. Schwarzenegger does not accept a salary for being Governor. Got to give him credit for that.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark