Wonkette
This is inventive: “An Oregon state senator has been hospitalized with an accidental gunshot wound in the knee. The Medford Mail Tribune reports that Republican Jason Atkinson, 37, was hit while repairing a friend’s bicycle Tuesday. Central Point police say a .38-caliber derringer was in a bag attached to the bike, and it fired when Atkinson dropped the bag … The John McCain campaign named him an honorary chairman for Oregon activities.” Promote this man, Walnuts — he’s more competent than any of your current top advisers. [OregonLive]
DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING
Honorary McCain Chair Accidentally Shoots Self While Fixing Bike
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4:23 PM
on Wed July 30 2008
By
Jim Newell
1779 Views
A derringer? What a fag. I guess he is a Republican…
It’s come to this–all of WALNUTS!’ campaign officials are going to start offing themselves in hilarious ways to avoid being associated with his campaign.
I mean, seriously, a Republican shoots himself while fixing a bike? That destroys his street cred on all kinds of counts–can’t handle a firearm, is using a frickin’ derringer (to appeal to McCain, maybe? aren’t they like 300 years old?), and was fixing a BIKE?
Hmm… and these are the people who want to interfere with DC’s home rule and rewrite our handgun ban for us.
a handgun in a bike bag? is this some kind of new Republican biathlon? i want it to be a metaphor for McCain’s campaign but i can’t get the terms to line up - except to say McCranky’s campaign = teh suck.
Junior: The term is “River boat gambler and dandy”
Wouldn’t the guy be better off claiming he was trying to shoot the bike before getting into a Ford F-650, but the gun went off too soon?
Real men: shoot their friends with a glock, while driving a truck, preferably while drunk
This guy: shoots self with antique pistol while fixing a bike, probably while speaking French
With friends like that, who needs assassins!
is “repairing a friend’s bicycle” the new euphanism for giving head in a public park?
For gawd’s sake, Obama only hinted he was figuratively gun-slinging for McCain.
McCain’s camp is just a bundle of nerves right now. Someone might blow their foot clean off.
Quite the derring-do.
The bullet didn’t kill him, and, since he’s a Republican, neither will the shame.
ps - “Oregon Activities” = buttsecks
THE REAL STORY?
Cindy McCain was duck hunting and the gun went off…
or is it duck fucking?
I don’t know, but no matter what those ducks deserve justice.
The death of irony I could understand — but the death of metaphor? If the McCain crew are gonna literally shoot themselves in the foot every day, are there even gonna be any of ‘em left by November 4? Just save a lawyer or two for Dick Cheney, okay guys?
ohhhhh. He missed. Sad.
Was this guy repairing the bike in a scene from Back to the Future III? A fucking Derringer?
The knee, not the foot? Clearly he has no place in the Walnuts campaign.
You’re doin’ a heckuva job Atkie!
Yawn. You mean he wasn’t even in a wet suit?
Doesn’t that guy look like he should be a character on Twin Peaks?
So let me get this straight (so to speak). Atkinson is 37, has a 3-year-old kid nicknamed “Pomp,” is on the board of the United Christian Broadcasters, and he represents Josephine County?
Gay as a box of birds. With extra birds.
Walter Sobchak: I would expect nothing less. A derringer is “cute”…and my gaydar detctor is pegged at a solid 10.
“Numerous witnesses saw Cindy McCain flip over a surprisingly tame duck and insert several of her fingers into its private areas. The duck flew away several seconds after the encounter, but the owners of the property were so horrified by what they saw that they banned the McCains from their estate up until John McCain lost the Republican nomination for president in early 2000.”
ronaldpagan: No, he’s perfect. He can’t even shoot himself in the foot. Kind of fits.
RuperttheBear: Giggle!
ronaldpagan: I thought he was on Two and a Half Men.
Which reminds me — was it a Hello Kitty pearl-handled derringer?
I’m guessing that this was one of those three wheeled bikes with a huge basket that the “special” people like to pedal cause they don’t tip over.
I’m not buying it. This has all the marks of a republican lovers quarrel. Dropped the bag, indeed.
Kirk: I’m lucky that thing had knees.
Martia: That was not his knee… not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place, Captain.
Secret Service agents wrestled the bike to the ground.
The interesting thing is… Aw fuck it, I can’t think of anything funnier than the actual story.
Q2: And what kind of pussy needs a gun to go biking?…what…this guy lives in the South Central of Oregon? Oh nonono…there is more than meets the knee here Wonketeers. Something is very wrong here…
M I C
K E Y
M O U S E
Mickey Mouse! (Jason Atkinson!)
Mickey Mouse! (Jason Atkinson!)
Forever let him shoot his bullet straight!
Monsieur Grumpe: WIN!
Nothing like being crippled for life to reinforce your belief in 2nd amendemnt rights…
wow, a Repug shooting himself while doing something stupid. big whoop. like we haven’t heard that before, not that I’m saying that it isn’t still funny as hell.
Is this an Oregon law? Must carry a handgun at all times while riding a bicycle? Wouldn’t be surprised.
First Walnuts’ supermarket applesauce bombing, and now this? “Operation: Daffy Duck” is in full swing!
You know with all the crap that’s happened to the GOP this week (Novak, Goodling, Stevens, Rove, and now Atkinson) maybe they should bring in Jindal for an exorcism.
I’m laughing too hard to be snarky.
Keep ‘em coming.. These guys need a job with Saturday Night LIve.. LMAo..
Iggy Plop: Republican Biathlon - i like it. Kill the Darkies!
He’s the Dick Cheney of wheeled exercise.
WhatTheHeck: oddly enough, Atkinson is currently working a book called …Don’t Kill the Cowboy….
http://www.jasonatkinson.us/?page_id=2
anabellum: A political Brokeback Mountain perhaps?
sezme: indeed, that would be Oregons ‘Bullets on Wheels Program’…
i dont know about Oregon, but in the south…bicycle+derringer=female…
and no one fixes a girls bicycle but…her boyfriend…
just a thought..
If I read it right, it was the friend’s bike/bag/sissy gun. So Atkinson is just guilty of incompetent bike repair. The friend is obviously a cheapskate, because .38 derringers that go off when you drop them are CHEAP. Like, $100 brand-new kind of cheap. No doubt a Cobra (nee Davis Arms) piece o’ crap.
Who is this “friend” and why did he try to kill John McCain in the least expensive way possible?
Can you blame the guy for wanting to off himself?
As for wanting to make it look like an accident, yet FAILING miserably, well, he is a Republican, after all.
sezme: Actually, it might as well be an OR law that you have to ride bikes… if my lovey dovey GAY GAY GAY mayor elect (Sam Adams, he even shares his name with a beer!) has his way - and mind you, I’ve hinted that he should have his way with me - that will be city law in Portland, the de facto state capital. Also, it might as well be an OR law that you have to be stoned at all times, in all places. Which explains why someone forgot where they left the bike the last time they went hunting whatever you can hunt when you’re blitzo. And if my buddy Barney gets his way, you will have to get baked too!!1! Mandatory doobies!!1!!
Rev. Juan MessyCan: IDIOT! *where they left the gun*, is what you meant.
Oh, excuse me, IDIOTA, in your native tongue.
Rev. Juan MessyCan: *where they left the gun*
idiota! No se porque dejan que estos hijos de su … (continues grumbling only intelligibly enough to tell it’s some third world language or gibberish, which is the same)
Rev. Juan MessyCan: You’re high right now, aren’t you?
Apparently Sam has a bf, by the way, so I think you’re out of luck.
Dave J.: No kidding. Way to hold up your end of your “Everyone in Oregon must be stoned” law there, Juan.
Pop Socket: I bet he was trying to get the VP slot and accidentally shot himself instead of a friend.
Dave J.Gopherit v2.0 : Ahem, I’m at work right now… I am one of those “responsible users.” But I ought to be taking a break shortly.
I missed my window with Sam; I should’ve been more responsive at last year’s Latino gay pride, I guess. I managed to snag a more than satisfactory consolation prize, however.
mookworthjwilson: Jinx. I was wondering if there was some new form of autoerotic Russian roulette or something. I mean, how is it possible to pull the trigger on a gun by dropping the bag in which it’s contained? Can we get the Mythbusters team on this one?
Rev. Juan MessyCan: Something you said in your last post makes me wonder if we’re actually co-workers. Wouldn’t that be hilarious. Do you work at some sort of educational institution/organization, perchance?
Anita Cocktail: Crappy, single-action derringer. The trigger doesn’t have to be pulled, because the hammer has a firing spur that rests directly on the primer of the cartridge (or it rest on a firing pin with no safety). Drop it so that it lands on the hammer, and BOOM. Most guns made before 1890 will do that, and cheap pieces of crap that don’t bother to include rudimentary safety devices do the same.
Dave J.: He’s from Oregon. They all live on their Bikes and brag about how many miles they put in this week. Even if he is an (R) he is going to know how to fix bikes. The deringer is just plain lame. You can’t aim it so even if you hit somebody it probably isn’t going to stop them, just piss ‘em off.
Lazy Media: Wow. I bow before your derringerific knowledge.
Dave J.: No, I don’t work at MLC…
Hmm… just what hairpins have I dropped? Gay, Latino, a bleeding heart that pumps all sorts of green, getting away/off from work around 3:00.
I guess I *have* spent a lot of time with the more didactic of brown queers in Portland, he he. But alas, no, we are not likely to share an employer.
And now you got me wondering just what institution you were referring to.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Star Trek III: The Undiscovered Country.
Just want you to know we’re paying attention, Not.
Lazy Media: That’s not fair, although I agree that a .38 derringer is sort of stupid.
Any derringer-type weapon is more succeptible to AD (accidental discharge — something that, in a different context, also is a problem) when dropped, because the live round is under the firing pin. Unlike a revolver, where you can keep the chamber under the hammer empty. I do that with my .38 cal. S&W Airweight, and my .22 LR NAA Minirevolver.
The real problem with the .38 derringer is that the round is stupid. You should either go with the .22 LR, which you can control, i.e., aim (sort of); or the .44 cal. magnum, which is completely uncontrollable but which you’re going to fire at point-blank range anyway (with the barrel up against the body so that the muzzle blast blows out the lungs and/or sets the vict . . . err . . . target . . . on fire (almost).
They even make a derringer chambered for the 410 gauge shotgun round, which is not much smaller than the 28 gauge shotgun that The Dark Lord uses to go hunting for aging Texas trial lawyers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fXJdIVG66I&feature=related
Personally, I prefer my Glock 27 (.40 cal. S&W) for bike riding and/or bike shooting. It’s supposed to be drop-safe (HAH!), but with the chamber empty you can still have 9 or so in the clip. It’s perfect for taking out an entire posse of homeboys . . .whoops . . . I meant . . . engagin in a pointed discussion with a group of engaged inter-city youth.
You know, I feel kind of proud to live in Oregon right now. Sure, on the one hand, the douchebag was a Republican who shot himself while doing something that should in no way lead to shooting yourself, but on the other hand he was fixing a bike. Our Darwin-Awards-style idiots are, at least, low-carbon.
Neilist: There’s no reason to keep an empty chamber in your .38 Airweight, because like any double-action revolver made since the turn of the 20th century, there is no chance of accidental discharge; the hammer and firing pin can’t make contact with the primer unless the trigger is pulled. And if the trigger gets accidentally pulled, it’s going to fire the next round in the cylinder, anyway. My Model 38 Airweight doesn’t even have a floating firing pin; it has a spur on the hammer that can’t absolutely can’t touch the round without the trigger being pulled back. Your minirevolver doesn’t have that feature, so you’re smart to keep it like that.
There are derringers with safety features; there’s no reason why they couldn’t all be that way except that it would cost more. If you really wanted to be safe carrying a POS Davis or Cobra, you could put the hammer down on an empty chamber and cock and fire twice to shoot it (making it a single-shot, but safe). Or just buy a Bond Arms or American Derringer with a built-in safety that makes it drop-safe (ish).
Since the main utility of a handgun is to intimidate (see Kleck), it really doesn’t matter what caliber it is. If you actually want to shoot someone so that they don’t shoot back, use a shotgun or rifle. Which is what your hypothetical street corner combatants are likely to use if you actually pointed that Glock at them.
Oh crap, this is becoming a gun nut thread. Buttsecks.
Junior: Seriously! At what gun store did this guy purchase a .38 derringer style pistol and how hard did the employees laugh at him when he left. He probably said it was for his girlfriend…and by girlfriend I mean gay lover. He is Republican after all.
he’s cute enough. i’d do him.