Wonkette
Barack Obama today revealed that he hates John McCain’s tax plan and will therefore kill him with guns: “Obama jokingly claimed that Wild Bill Hickock, a famous old Western gunslinger, was a distant cousin of his so McCain should be on the alert. ‘I’m ready to duel John McCain on taxes. Right now, right here. I’m a quick draw,’ Obama quipped.” OK, we get it Hussein, YOU HAD WHITE ANCESTORS. McCain responded that he knew Bill Hickock and you, sir, are no Bill Hickock. [ABC News]
VIOLENCE
Is it just me, or is Wild Bill sporting dreads?
Hickok, not Hickock.
For fuck’s sake, Barry! Springfield, Missouri? Seriously? Get the hell out of there as soon as possible*.
*If possible, make a quick side trip to Branson and take in Yakov’s Smirnoff’s show. Is so hilarious! What a country!)
RWer Jeebus Stupid Brigade freaks out again. Barry’s not only an arrogant presumptuous elitist mooslimaic terrorist fist jabber but also a tax raising kill crazy hero shooter.
Alrighty!! Obama’s got his gun and is ready to shoot McCain. NOW the campaign has begun!
Like Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton “Sweet”
LIES! we ALL know muslims only carry AK47s
I want to live in a parallel universe where all Wonkette headlines are literally true.
distant cousin on the CHENEY side, obama??? damn, mccains fucked.
McCain saw many of Will Bill Hickock’s shows. He liked the part where he let the audience shoot at the Chinamen.
Obama = Wild Bill
Hillz = Jane
Bill Clinton = Al Swearingen
Walnuts = Hearst (actually Cindy is Hearst, and Walnuts is Hearst’s man who enjoys murdering whores)
Lieberman = E.B. Farnum
/Deadwood’d
He’s also a distant relative of another famous marksman:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21340764/
According to Wild Bill, he killed the bear with a Bowie knife after emptying his pistols into the bear. He also cut off the bear’s testicles and put them in a coffee can.
Weird. I just made reference of Michelle to Calamity Jane on the Vanity Fair headline.
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
I think McInsane fits the Al Swearingen character better.
Ha-ha, which one of you Wonketteers posted this comment on the ABC news story:
“You’re more likely to be the distant cousin of a terrorist .. not a gunslinger!”
Seriously, who posted it? Great satire!
Anyone?
No?
*sigh*
Ha…you said cock.
Raising taxes on the rich will be like shooting buffalo out of a train window.
Hillary = Annie Oakley
Obama = Wild Bill Hickock
John McCain = Colonel Custer
Hey O, where you goin’ with that gun in your hand?
Bypartizoa:
Not dreads, a Jerry Curl.
Servo: Come now, how many times has Al Swearingen called the women around him a cunt?
Oh right. Carry on.
Barry, if you’re dealt two pairs of black aces and black eights, and an unknown fifth card, duck! Or turn around quickly.
You’ll have to be a very quick draw for that wily NRA guy, Jack McHuckabee.
Ironically McCain is related to Black Bart, go figure.
Take that, NRA. Take some of that.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: He then took the bear testicles and attached them to the driver’s seat of his buckboard wagon. These were called “Buck Nutz.”
Barry can totally gun up at the Bass Pro Shop!
roundofapplause: Canmon (the Inadequate): I’ve got to be quicker on the trigger if I’m going to get in any Cheney jokes.
Wild Bill was a whole lot like Magoo in one respect. Had no better sense than to play draw poker with his back to the door.
Who ISN’T Obama related to?
I’m a quick draw
Barry is also a cartoonist? Who knew?
StripesAndPlaids: ZING!
“Just say the word, John. And those telegraph poles are kindling.”
Wild Bill was gay, you know. Wore long silky hair and frilly blouses and slept with a miner in a Deadwood tent. Herstory.
Wild Bill Hickok: Sure you wanna quit playing, Jack? The game’s always between you and getting called a cunt.
Tom Nuttall: Meeting adjourned, fellas, take it outside.
Wild Bill Hickok: That dropped eye of yours looks like the hood on a cunt to me, Jack. When you talk, your mouth looks like a cunt moving.
Jack McCall: I ain’t gonna get in no gun fight with you, Hickok.
Wild Bill Hickok: But you will run your cunt mouth at me. And I will take it, to play poker.
Squiggyfm: His white ancestors?
StripesAndPlaids: Go blue!
is this his way of hinting that annie oakley will be his v.p.?
i’m gonna go start this rumor on the obama blog right now–it’s pretty boring over there without the hillary hate.
If Barry gets filmed toting a varmint rifle, the election will be not just over but over-over.
“DAN! You have to come up here and break down the fuckin’ door!”
Clovis: I salute you. Hickok possibly gay–situationally, like prisoners?– but so syphilitic he couldn’t do it anyway. Legend has it Swearengen was very gay as in real gay. I think when Season Three ended abruptly they were about to explore this theme since Al was really into that theater guy.
Shoot the three?
YES LAME.
Gunslinger McCain: Read my hips. No new taxes!
Botswana Meat Commission FC: McCain strikes me more as Hooplehead Steve. AFTER he got kicked in the temple by the horse.
AfghanVet: that’s what i was thinking.
shortsshortsshorts: And yes McCain would probably die during a game of basketball.
obfuscator: OMG- I was dragged to Branson for my grandma’s 80th and saw that show. The highlight for me was his song: “Red to Redneck!” Oy.
Terry: A nice one too, look at those waves!
Snake baked a hoecake…
Squiggyfm: Me. Not….yet.
Walnut’s sport was boxing.
I’m tryin’ to find something today…something interesting enough to snark…or better yet to rant over. Not today. Not here. No joy.
Barack Oblamma
Does Wild Bill look a bit like Jennifer Lopez, or is it just me projecting?
Noisette:
I just returned from a mandatory family gathering in Branson. I’m pleased to report that the Yak’s still go it! Seriously, that motherfucker loves America more than Thomas Kincaid, Hulk Hogan, and Captain America combined.
Really? No premature ejaculation jokes? I’m the only one who giggles whenever anyone says “quick draw”?
El Bombastico:
Damn. You nailed it. That’s it! Walnuts is Hooplehead Steve.
And Huckabee = the crazy-but-likable Jesus freak frontier preacher.
When is Obama going to find that he’s distantly related to an porn star and says, “Watch out. I’m going to dick whip you to death, McCain.” Because that would be awesome.
I think you misunderstood McCain. He is, after all, a republican. He didn’t say he knew Wild Bill, he said he BLEW Wild Bill. Well, I guess it’s the same thing, really.
Wu = 43
Bokgwailococksucka!!! (NSFW)
Hang dai, Wu, hang dai…
“Barack Obama To Shoot & Kill John McCain”
I read it on the internet so it must be true.
Is there anyone this negro is not related to? Dick Cheney, Wild Bil Hickcock, Jesus, Mohammed, yo momma….
Servo: No, no, no. Swearingen is a consummate tactician and negotiator with a soft spot for children, cripples and idiots. Walnuts is a cranky nutjob who hates everybody. Seriously, can you see Walnuts allying himself with Woo? Please.
Lazy Media:
Only if Wu made lead-based toys. I was basing my comparison simply on his temper and his language and therefore overlooked Al’s brilliance. I stand corrected.
Maybe Walnuts should pick Zell Miller as his running mate.
BobLoblawLawBlog: i hate when that happens
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Huckabee is “the coward Jack McCall” for being so weaselly and the most likely to sneak up on yer from behind cuz he can’t really use those NRA guns properly now, can he?
I like Preacher way too much for him to be Huckabee. Please.