John McCain has squeezed every possible bit of fame and wealth from his heroic plane crash 40 years ago, so he’s super angry about how Barack Obama is also a political celebrity who has also written best-sellers and became famous for something that happened 40 years ago (His birth). This is why the McCain campaign has boldly made a shitty commercial with pictures of Britney Spears from back when Bob Dole was doing Viagra ads with the forgotten teen starlet. Being popular is scary!

BONUS FAIL: Jake Tapper mocks the McCain campaign today for whining like a used-up Disney Channel trollop — Britney Spears, specifically — and on that very day, McCain’s campaign puts out a commercial that actually features Britney Spears from like eight years ago, when both she and McCain were briefly popular.

Not to be all consultanty, but wouldn’t McCain be doing a little better if his entire campaign wasn’t a grumpy, half-assed reaction to Obama’s campaign, which hardly notices there’s an opponent?

McCain commercial: “Celeb” [YouTube]

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  1. Boy, I can’t wait until the Obama campaign makes an ad with this tagline:

    “He’s the oldest man in the world. But is he still in old man love with Charles Keating? And in the pockets of lobbyists? And basically already dead?


  2. I agree. Paris Hilton’s views on NAFTA are backwards and could hurt the economy not on here at home, but abroad where she whores for dollars. Plus, Britney is not ready to lead–unless leadership is teaching your 2-year old how to smoke. Then she’s got it in spades!

    Really. That’s what WALNUTS has in his backpocket–comparing Barry to two blonds old dudes wanted to have sex with for five minutes eight years ago?

    Now, if they have a tape of all three of those kids screwing–that would be YouTube worthy!

  3. I’m not so sure McCain understands how campaign ads work. You usually don’t show low angle, lingering photos of your oppenent looking god-like while hundreds of thousands of people cheer him. At the end of the ad I half expected to hear “I’m John McCain and I approve of this Man.” Heck, Obama could just change the graphics and run the very same ad.

  4. McCain ad consultant: “Hey, I’ve got it! The way to demonize Obama is to have voters subconsciously associate him with hot celebrities they want to fuck!”

    Genius move!

  5. Brilliant! Next time I run for office all my ads are going to show footage of my opponent in his greatest element. Can’t wait to see how that works out for me.

  6. Shit, I can do better than that.

    Canada City’s Shame, Nickelback.
    McCain’s Rock Star

    I’m through with standing in line to a job I’ll never be in
    I’m at the bottom of the shit tank and I’m never gonna win
    This campaign hasn’t turned out quite the way I want it to be

    (Tell me watchya want)

    I want a brand new house right on 1600 Penn
    And a sugar momma I can yell trollop at
    And a king sized war big enough to fire nukes by me

    (Tell me watchya need)

    I’ll need a
    Donations and fuck the limit
    And a big private jet with hookers in it
    Gonna join the mile high club at thirty-seven thousand feet

    (Been there, done that)

    I want a new tour bus full of ass kissers
    My name on the Republican ticket
    Somewhere above Dog abuser Mittens is fine for me

    (So how you gonna do it)

    I’m gonna trade my honor for fortune and fame
    I’d even bomb Iran and sellout my name

    ‘Cause I just wanna beat the big rock star
    And live in big white houses starting fifteen wars
    The cunts come easy and the sauce come cheap
    We’ll all stay rich as we just won’t tax
    And we’ll
    Hang out in the coolest bars
    In the VIP with the Oil Barons
    Every good lobbyist’s gonna wind up there
    Every Cindy lookalike with her bleach blond hair and well,
    Hey hey I wanna beat the rock star
    Hey hey I wanna beat the rock star

  7. So, is this McCain’s jump the shark moment? He’s personally approving the kind of attack ads other politicians have third parties do. Next, he’ll probably start forwarding those “Obama is a Muslim” viral emails from his personal email address.

  8. well, at the end there, he shows his right cheek, [not the walnutty one].

    i for one, am glad that when he shows us his ass cheeks, he does it metaphorically.

    i mean…after watching that ad…i feel so mooned.


  9. Hey, this is good. You can get no more popular than to have Britney spliced in with you.
    At least every man, woman and rodent on the planet knows who you are.
    McCain’s next ad will feature Obama with porn stars in the background.
    That’s when you know Obama has reached god-like stature.

  10. At least the celebrities in this ad are from the last decade. Had McCain scripted it himeslf there would have been footage of Obama intercut with daguerrotypes of Gypsy Rose Lee.

  11. McCain just wants a Vietnam redo, beginning with bomb, bomb Iran. Try that for a rebuttal ad, along with a shot of his Keating Five photo. This from a guy who brags about being at the bottom of his Annapolis class and admits he knows little about economics…

    better yet, McCain got shot down in ‘Nam, and therefore he caused the US to lose the war…would you trust him again, to loose another war, along with the whole economy?

  12. …if Barry is young, vibrant and a media darling like Britney and Paris then John McCain is like one of those old celebrities who most people think is dead but isn’t.

  13. [re=47708]Terry[/re]: I’d be happy if McCain was forwarding those emails. At least he would’ve learned how to interact with the series of tubes.

  14. Seriously, WALNUTS! needs to stop playing catch up and give us some of his actual opinions. Plus, he really needs to give the late night comedians more to work with aside from the fact that he’s thisclose to death and full-blown senility.

  15. [re=47708]Terry[/re]: First, he has to learn how to use email. I imagine he’ll be heading to the local post office to send nasty viral telegrams. From there he will mobilize his army of courier pigeons armed with notes scrawled on parchment to all the world leaders from Prussia to Siam to warn them that Hopey is a disciple of Saladin, bent on the re-taking of Jerusalem…

  16. Stupid, silly WALNUTS! Americans know US Magazine, In Touch, and People better than the Bible. These are the only publications they read. You can foreclose on their homes, cut their jobs, and pay them minimum wage but don’t you DARE cancel Entertainment Tonight. Perez generates more hits in a day than your stupid website will in a year, WALNUTS! More Americans can tell you the name of Britney Spears’ ex-husband, than can define your position on off-shore drilling. You will have to pry the tabloids out of America’s cold, dead hands.

    Also, you’ve just besieged us with images of Obama looking sexy, tall, healthy, and popular. Then came you with the turkey waddle just barely hidden. What did I take from that ad? Vote for the winner.

    And a final note to all Republicans. Work more on telling us why WALNUTS! should be President than why Barry shouldn’t. In fact, why don’t you try to keep Barry out of your ads entirely–all it does is make you look desperate and scared–we know you are, but at least hide it better.

  17. In using pictures of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, is McCain subliminally trying to say that Obama is, in fact, a vapid blonde woman?

  18. [re=47786]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yeah, it’s like Team Walnuts! forgot everything about the Reagan years. Remember that famous anecdote about the time 60 Minutes thought they were doing a hard hitting piece on Reagan by showing all the clips of him on horseback, at the ranch, etc. with a narrator reading tons of critical things about him, and a Reagan advisor called them afterwards to say thanks for the great visuals? People only pay attention to the pretty pictures, they don’t listen to the words. What I saw from that ad was Barack Obama is loved by billions of people, Britney used to be smoking hot, and John McCain is old.

  19. This ad is the perfect example of my (conspiracy) theory re: The Great Black Hope’s evil sabotage of Our Hero WALNUTS!. I believe that Obama has secretly replaced McCain’s staffers with his own. This is why WALNUTS! has scheduled oil rig helicopter drops in the middle of hurricanes, given avails in front of dairy cases, and harassed shoppers regarding all things peaches at the grocery store. (Won’t someone please think about the Mott’s?!?)

    Who else would make Our Hero Walnuts appear in front of the sausage haus or try to harness the superduper-mega-ding-dong young, hip (not really) and liberal site (facebook) against Hope? That was a disaster that any idiot could have seen coming way before the first “This is Lame” discussion thread was posted. We all saw it coming. I watched you people post harassing messages with glee until it forced the campaign to shutdown (btw, that was awesome).

    It is clear: WALNUTS is being sabotaged by secret Hopemongers who have infiltrated his campaign. HELP WALNUTS! Root out the infiltrators!

  20. [re=47814]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: Walnuts! must have hired the entire Kerry ’04 campaign lock, stock, and barrel. Nothing else explains his awesome series of failures.

  21. If Obama gives us a crotch flash getting out of a limo (maybe wearing too short basketball shorts?)… fifty state sweep in November!

  22. The GOPers are falling off without Karl Rove. This ad is positively amateurish. They didn’t darken Barry up, splice the ad with subliminal messages about Farrakhan, or use the prospect of a raped white woman as an object of fear of the Black man. Tsk! Tsk!

    I know Harold Ford has got to be thinking, “where were the pictures of the post-cootchie-baring but pre-Bipolar-Haircut Britney Spears in my negative ads when I was running for da white man’s office?”

  23. [re=47688]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I started to wonder if I was the only person that noticed this. Why put 2 white women in the AD..
    If that negro becomes President, y’all gonna have to watch out for yo’ white women..

    The Ad might be stupid, but it is reaching its target audience..

  24. [re=48015]Slutty_Chola_Cobbler[/re]: Yes, he’s after the white women for sure, but don’t neglect the parallel attempt at Breck-girling Barry with a comparison only to female celebs.

    Up to this point, I’ve only heard the bitterclingers complain “Whos he think he is a celebrity! He think’s hes Goerge Clooney yeah!”

  25. Seriously? a week ago we learned that Obama, not our silly government’s lack of planning and understanding the obvious, was responsible for higher gas prices, then we learned that he hates the troops sometimes (that is when he is not visiting them, and actually voting for legislation to improve their lives unlike McCain, but I digress), then we have a memo from JMac’s campaign adviser basically gushing about Obama but awkwardly slamming him at the same time, and now we have another shitty commercial from JMac.

    Seriously? I know that the vote is supposed to be secret. But any fool that votes for JMac needs to out themselves so we can get them the proper help that they need. Because they must be either deaf, dumb, blind, or mentally insane. This is effing ridiculous.

  26. Ken Layne,

    Midge is just bitter over giving Sen. Obama the idea for his World Tour Extravaganza. He’ll calm down after Cindy puts out or something. Midge doesn’t look much like a leader at the moment because he is chasing Obama down on anything and everything. He seems to be lacking…um…perspective.

    I suggest a longer nap and for Midge to figure out a great lie to appeal to people across the board about the economy and ignore Obama for a little while. Midge is still in this as far as I am concerned. I can handle four years of a grumpy old man, but I am not sure I can withstand eight years of flash and no substance. Everything Obama does is just a little too well choreographed, including his slide to the center for the General Election. Besides it’s Obama’s turn to screw up. His recent speech to black men borrowed heavily from Bill Cosby. Does Obama have anything original to say?

    Sincerely and respectfully,


  27. mcCrack should absolutely spend all his campaign’s and his wife’s money on ads like this. even borrow money. it’s the only way he’ll learn. oh, but just remember old homeless men aren’t funny. well, funnier than old men running for president

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