Nobody likes a bitch, JohnReporters are a lot like common housecats: they laze around until they see some shiny thing, which they toy with for two minutes before going back to vomiting and sleeping on your clean laundry. (Bloggers are a lot like common bums, who cut straight to the vomiting and laundry-soiling.) It’s no surprise that Barack Obama, a shiny bauble if ever there was one, enjoys terrific press coverage this election cycle — the most generous and adoring coverage since John McCain ran for president in 2000. But John McCain can’t stop grumping about it, because he is a sour old bitch who feels betrayed by his former friends.

Meanwhile, reporters far and wide are all having a hearty chuckle about what a loser John McCain looks like the more he complains.

Joe Scarborough, MSNBC anchor: “The great irony of it coming from the McCain camp is that no candidate in modern American politics got more favorable treatment from the press than John McCain in 2000. … For McCain to now cry foul because the media is intrigued by a new exciting candidate is humorous.”

Jake Tapper, of ABC News: “It’s difficult not to see McCain’s point that Obama has generally been getting not only more positive press but quantitatively more press, period … But it is a bit like Britney Spears complaining that Miley Cyrus gets more publicity than her talent warrants. True, but haven’t you been there yourself?”

John McCain needs to quit whining, stop hanging out in Kennebunkport with old men in mock turtlenecks, and get a groovy new earring like Harrison Ford.

Mac Attack [New York Observer]

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  1. “it is a bit like Britney Spears complaining that Miley Cyrus gets more publicity than her talent warrants. True, but haven’t you been there yourself?”

    Oh, shit, am I going to be forced to constantly quote Jake Tapper now?

  2. Oh, come on! You are soooo distracted by shiny things! If some rumor surfaced about congressional assfucking you’d drop McCain so fast it would make your head spin and cause more vomiting.

  3. Maybe McCain should flash his crotch while getting out of a limousine. ‘Cause that worked for Britney, too.

  4. Reporters: genus shineetoyus hawkaloogieus?
    Bloggers: genus barfindalaundryous lickusballsup?

    John McCain will whine his way to victory. It’s the power of positive whining!

  5. McCain, here’s how it works:

    If you do something of interest, you get coverage.

    If you do something of interest, and you do it well, you get lots of coverage.

    If you do nothing of interest, you don’t get coverage.

    If you do nothing of interest, and you do it really, really badly, thank your lucky fuckin’ stars that you’re being ignored by the press. Failure to report your daily EPIC FAIL is the kindest thing they could do for you.

    BTW, SKS: I have an earring. Do you think it’s “goovy?”

  6. Well, cheez whiz, should we start major campaigns claiming McCain is a COMMUNIST and a TERRORIST and a MUSLIM and maybe even the ANTICHRIST so he won’t feel so cheated by Barry’s media coverage?

  7. Isn’t the press call Hopey names now? So, Hopey gets more, but it’s all about how he’s gotten too much, and Grampy gets less, but it’s all about how he drinks buttermilk with soda crackers.

  8. What It Takes by John Aerosmith McCain

    There goes my old press friends, there’s the dem (black) candidate
    And, uh, all those big free BBQs I
    guess they don’t mean a thing
    So baby, where’s my story? Did you find another meme?
    Is it easy to ride on the bus that we made?
    When you don’t look back I guess the
    feelings start to fade away.
    I used to feel your fire
    But now it’s cold inside
    And you’re back on the street like
    you didn’t miss a beat, yeah

    Tell me what it takes to let him go
    Tell me how the story’s supposed to go
    Tell me how it is that you can ride on the bus
    Without thinking you lost access that was
    good to your job to a b-ball free throw?
    Tell me what it takes to let him go.

    Press, before I met you I was F.I.N.E. Fine
    but your love made me a prisoner, yeah
    my ego’s been doing time
    You made me look like the geezer, then you mocked me on the air
    It’s so easy to mock all my lies in disguise
    ‘Cause you had me fooled with the compliance in your eyes

    Tell me what it takes to let him go
    Tell me how the story’s supposed to go
    Tell me how it is that you can ride on the bus
    Without thinking you lost access that was
    good to your job to a b-ball free throw?
    Tell me what it takes to let him go.

  9. At this point, the only thing McCain can do to generate excitement is to start dropping N-bombs on record.

    The press will fall back in love with his 3dg33 maverickism all over again.

  10. [re=47506]Canuckledragger[/re]: Brilliantly said. It’s amazing to me that McCain expects a day at The Fudge House to be the moral equivalent of a day spent in front of 200,000 Berliners (which I understand to be a delicious jelly-filled pastry).

  11. You must be accustomed to much better behaved housecats. Ours play with a new shiny thing, pee on our clean laundry and then go to sleep on my pillow.

  12. @ManchuCandidate: Nice handiwork, but would the term ‘meme’ truly fall within John McCain’s usable backlog of vocabulary? (i.e things he is aware of?) UNLIKELY.

  13. “But John McCain can’t stop grumping about it, because he is a sour old bitch who feels betrayed by his former friends.”
    Jebus on a Cheeto, all he needs is a God-awful pantsuit and wig and this is the primarys all over again!

  14. Like Hillary, I believe the favorable press for Obama is because of media SEXISM…against McCain. There, I said it. It was the 300lb lady elephant in the room.
    Obama comes in flash with his tailored Hugo Boss suits, while Hillary and Grampappy are both off the rack at Lane Bryant.
    Barry’s cool under pressure and they’re just hot flashes, fits of crying, and frequent trips to the restroom.
    Michelle Obama is treated with dignity and respect, while Shrill and Uncle Footstink are both portrayed negatively for their respective marriages to sloppy ass hoes.

    It’s obvious at this point what’s going on. Sexism. I’m sure our nation’s leading scribes like Bill Kristol and Richard Cohen would agree with me.
    The end.

  15. [re=47513]Darehead[/re]: Funny you mention that. I already thought those things, by virtue of McCain’s links to the Republican Party, and this administration’s head-first banzai jump toward Armageddon.

    Mother Jones: Senator McCain, you’re a Republican that voted for the war in Iraq.

    McCain: Yes.

    MJ: And you’ve said we could be there 100 more years, right?

    McCain: That was a contextual argum–

    MJ: Interview’s over. You’re fucking scum.

  16. …does John McCain REAAAALLY want the press to cover him more?! The fact that he isn’t on TV every 5 minutes is the only reason this race isn’t an epic example of a landslide. He has flip-flopped on nearly every major issue and seems to have the memory retention of an etch-a-sketch. The media is trying its best to make this race as close(and marketable) as possible. Maybe they should give him EXACTLY what he asking for and show all of his speeches LIVE and UNCUT. Then we will see how quickly the McCain camp will begin to complain about a liberal media bias!

  17. [re=47513]Darehead[/re]: I actually know some people that are of the belief that dear ole cuddly McCain is a communist. They have a theory that he was turned back in Vietnam and sent back to the US as a manchurian candidate by those perennial enemies of freedom, the Việt Nam Cộng Sản. They have it all mapped out darned well, very impressive, I truly could listen to them for hours and have begged them to PowerPoint their investigations so I can take it on the road. Mind you all of them have signed up for David Ickes email subscription and eat regularly at Arbys, so tells you a lot about them really.

  18. Can you imagine how much more tail an Obama reporter gets than a McCain reporter? “I cover the Obama campaign for the Plain-Dealer” sounds pretty sexy, Cleveland-rocks and I love Randy Newman’s satire. Try “I cover McCain for the Plain-Dealer” and you sound like an anachronism and a perv already.

  19. It’s funny, because “Sac Down” is actually an important code phrase on team McCain, a signal to the candidate to cross his legs. “Sac Out” is a code red.

  20. Senator McCain, I don’t think the global MSM heard enough of this quote. Could you repeat it again, please? Then maybe you will get more coverage.

    “We have a lot of work to do. It’s a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border.” –referring to a border that does not exist, ABC News interview, July 21, 2008

  21. [re=47565]fistedbymollyringwald[/re]: Thanks for reminding me about that. But then anyone who remembers Việt Nam Cộng Sản is probably too old to matter. (You and me excluded.) Hence, their eating at Arby’s, like you said. (They really want to go to MickDee’s now, don’t they?)

    The problem with America,is there aren’t many real Communists worth mentioning. In global terms, there isn’t even much of a left wing. Anybody know the name of the presidential candidate supported by the wee American Communist Party? Me neither.

    But if only we had real Communists, then maybe Barry wouldn’t look so leftie at all.

  22. [re=47591]Darehead[/re]: Here’s where you’re wrong. McCain is actually way ahead of his time. After Israel nukes Iran, it will be annexed by Iraq, and will be renamed Persia County. At that point in time, there will, in fact, be an Iraq-Pakistan Border.

  23. Your description of reporters could just as easily describe the average Wonketteeer, too. I know I could make do with sleeping 15 hours a day.

  24. [re=47539]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You, sir, are exactly right. This thing is a friggin’ landslide if Poopy McOldpants let’s his crazy show up on too many microphones. They’re giving him a pass on nearly every stupid thing that falls out of his Metamucil-encrusted lips. It’s the only way to keep this thing any kind of horse-race.

  25. [re=47625]Not_So_Much[/re]: I’d like to see more press coverage of Cindy. Can you imagine what a hidden microphone would pick up if it were attached to her Fendi bag for the day?

  26. [re=47631]Anita Cocktail[/re]: Yes, it tells you I work primarily with the elderly. Check out my website

    [re=47604]Darehead[/re]: I’ve always thought that, if an American Nazi is needed one can wheel out a rabid Hitler-Luvin Good Ole Boy in minutes, to remind you of the true master race (fat, sweaty, pink and swinish). But where the hell are the true Communists, I demand a rent-a-beard make-weight forthwith.

    I’m assuming I’ll need a ticket to Berkeley this weekend. (dusts off Che t-shirt from University days)

    If I read one more person label The Chosen One as either a Marxist or Socialist I truly am going to gouge they eyes out with a spork and [expletive deleted] their [expletive deleted] until their mother [expletive deleted] cries out “Gordons Alive!” whilst gargling [expletive deleted].

  27. He wishes he were back to the good old days where the Times would cover his non-sexual, possibly sexual (ew) relationship with that lobbyist lady.

  28. Scarborough: “You make your own breaks in politics. They knew ahead of time that Barack Obama was going to Europe. His staff were the ones who got caught flat-footed despite the fact that they knew this trip was coming, and they get him in Kennebunkport, Maine, with a respected but aging president in a mock turtleneck, tweed jacket and golf cart? Good God. Why don’t we just get Bing Crosby on the 18th hole of Pebble Beach, and smoke a pipe?”

    McCain’s Staff: You can have your Tiger Woods. We’ll take Bing Crosby and our whiteness.

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