PARTY UNITY  3:53 pm July 29, 2008

GOP Candidates Skipping St. Paul, Don’t Want To Be Seen With Bush Or McCain

by Ken Layne

Huggz!Say you’re a Republican incumbent, or maybe you’re the GOP candidate trying to take over a lucrative Senate or House seat for a retiring Republican. You would want to go to the big Republican Convention and bask in the successful glow of the GOP candidate for president, not to mention the outgoing Republican president who served two exciting terms, right? Wrong. You stay home, to avoid the stench of loserdom.

A bunch of high-profile GOP senators and Senate candidates either aren’t going to the RNC or refuse to say if they’re going. This is kind of incredible. The convention is a four-day commercial for the party and its presidential campaign. There are speeches from the party leaders and the candidate and even George W. Bush.

So of course you want nothing to do with that Failure Festival. And you sure as hell don’t want to arm your opponents with fresh pictures and video of you hugging Walnuts or kissing on George W.

Nine of 12 targeted Republicans running in the most competitive Senate races this fall are either skipping the Republican convention in St. Paul, Minn., or have not decided whether to attend.

One of the senators who won’t be in St. Paul is Ted Stevens, as he’ll be in the “rape ward” of Rat Islands Federal Prison.

For Targeted GOP Senate Candidates, St. Paul Is Not A Choice Destination [Congress Daily]

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donner_froh July 29, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Fewer chickhawks circling the boy hooker spots.

Thegreatbacon July 29, 2008 at 3:59 pm

They’re all coming, but they’re going to the Ron Paul extravaganza at the Target center instead.

Thanatopsis July 29, 2008 at 3:59 pm

They must be terrorists. “If you’re not with us, you’re against us.”

WhatTheHeck July 29, 2008 at 4:00 pm

Its every man/woman for him/herself.
Abandon ship!!

MoodProcessor July 29, 2008 at 4:00 pm

Boosch – “There, there now Wally….don’t crahh….we’ll find ya some new frends for yer party….”

McWeep – “I just..(sob)…(sob)…feel so…(sob)…dirty….(sob!)”

Boosch – “Those are called feelins…they’ll go away….just like your memry And yer first wife. ‘Member her…?”

McWeep – “Who?”

Boosch – “Wanna nucklebump?….s’awryyt….”

WadISay July 29, 2008 at 4:06 pm

For sure, they could still come to Minnesota just to eat the hot dish, hear people talk like dorks and enjoy our many scenic bridges.

jagorev July 29, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Bush: No cry albino, iz be ok.

TGY July 29, 2008 at 4:08 pm

The Republican nightmare is for John McCain to win the presidency. Four more years of loserness! And he’s only a pseudo-Republican! How small will their minority be in the end, eh? Might be down to a Republican commemorative urinal for the senate with the inscription ‘Republicans Peed Here’.

shortsshortsshorts July 29, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Biggest. Orgy. Ever.

columnv July 29, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Is there a gorilla in the rape ward???

ReverendGreen July 29, 2008 at 4:14 pm

In Minneapolis, Larry Craig might be the first Senator to not make a convention because he got detained at the airport he ARRIVED at.

WhatTheHeck July 29, 2008 at 4:14 pm

This evil empire will not go down without a fight, even if it means taking out 1/2 of the planet.
Bastards just don’t see how despised they are.

freakishlystrong July 29, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=46998]MoodProcessor[/re]: Rocks!..and shit, now I can’t stop tawlkin’ lahk that..damn you!

freakishlystrong July 29, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Do these jerks realize, that even if they’re not at the convention the (R) taint is still with them?

Gopherit v2.0 July 29, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Aww, all this does is focus the Paultardian rage on the few who will show.

What’s to become of the hookers who were being brought in for the Convention? Some of them were hoping to make enough to retire in Boca.

BillyClubb July 29, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Ha ha, you wrote “Failure Festival” and “hugging Walnuts.” Anyway, Republicans have been doing way too much “hugging [Wal]nuts” lately, and many of them are probably staying away because they’re convinced that the highlight of the RNC will be a vice sting.

MoodProcessor July 29, 2008 at 4:18 pm

“Hey Wally, like my new deoderant? It’s called Hubris.”

SayItWithWookies July 29, 2008 at 4:18 pm

I can’t wait to see the camera pan the seats and it looks like a Nationals game.

Larry McAwful July 29, 2008 at 4:20 pm

I want to fly to St. Paul in September to watch the Republican delegates arrive. Specifically, I want to watch them to see who goes into the men’s room. That could be important information!

I’ll send $5.00—cash—to whoever can install a plaque on a St. Paul airport men’s room that reads “GOP delegates welcome.” I want pictures.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl July 29, 2008 at 4:21 pm

[re=47036]freakishlystrong[/re]: They’re counting upon the illiteracy of the masses to be unable to distinguish between R&D

masterdebater July 29, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Among other things that are somehow understood by republicans, is the wierd concept of not being seen with the people you support that are fucking everything up, thereby obsolving you from any blame (and permitting you to be elected to carry right on with the same policies). If you ever needed proof that conservatives are stupid, there you go.

Scooter July 29, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Not to worry, the white-hot charisma of Norm Coleman will chase away those convention blues.

Monsieur Grumpe July 29, 2008 at 4:26 pm

The local legislators passed a bill that would allow St Paul bars to stay open an extra 2 hours while the Republican party animals are in town. Apparently, none of the local pubs want to put out the $2500 fee. Something about cheap ass tippers I hear.

freakishlystrong July 29, 2008 at 4:27 pm

[re=47048]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: You mean “Hardworking White Americans”?

Doglessliberal July 29, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=46986]donner_froh[/re]: goddamn selfish Republicans–the boy hookers were counting on this income!

FreshCliches July 29, 2008 at 4:28 pm

What’s the over/under on attendance vs. the Wellstone Memorial Service?

Larry McAwful July 29, 2008 at 4:31 pm

[re=47057]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Well, this year’s Republican prospects are indeed something to drink about. But it’s not the toast-the-future-with-your-friends kind of drinking. It’s more like the stay-in-your-room-alone-with-a-bottle-of-cheap-vodka kind of drinking.

trophy(forparticipation)wife July 29, 2008 at 4:34 pm

I hope W could get the wooden teeth stain out of his collar.

SayItWithWookies July 29, 2008 at 4:36 pm

You mean even Republicans don’t wanna hear a Joe Lieberman speech? I’m — not surprised, actually.

pdiddycornchips July 29, 2008 at 4:38 pm

Something tells me Jeff Gannon still plans on having a good time.

kudzu July 29, 2008 at 4:41 pm

I find the likes of Monica Goodling’s husband, the dude from so fucking pathetic. They’re about the only ones–along with, that insist in beating W’s drum and in praising WALNUTS! as a triumph of integrity and competence. What a bunch of losers (all of them).

masterdebater July 29, 2008 at 4:46 pm

*absolving*…I’m such a tard, I might have to switch my vote to McCranky just to be consistent.

BadNewsJack July 29, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Its kinda like a guy in a women’s locker room, covering his eyes and thinking “Nobody’ll see me. Im so smart.”

thefrontpage July 29, 2008 at 4:51 pm

The conventions are some of the biggest piles of stinking crap and, along with inaugurations, among the biggest wastes of time, money, resources, effort and common sense and intelligence in politics. There is literally no need for these stinking piles of crap. There should be a video or telephone conference call, with law enforcement oversight to assure legality, of the presidential nomination–and that’s it!!! Really. No joke. No stupid speeches, no stupid people in stupid hats, not stupidity all around. No one cares about them except journalists enjoying an expense account and a chance to travel somewhere in August on someone else’s dime, eat free food, have free drinks, and maybe file a rote news report on a boring speech. Conventions are dumb, a waste of time and money, and outdated by about 60 years. They should be cancelled, and the money used to help people who need it. What a disgrace!

Ken Layne July 29, 2008 at 5:05 pm

[re=47111]thefrontpage[/re]: You can hate America all you want, but *Wonkette* is going to both conventions. I mean, all *three* conventions. (We already have our Ron Paul concert ticketmasters, bitches!)

BadNewsJack July 29, 2008 at 5:08 pm

[re=47111]thefrontpage[/re]: Would you like some aloe with that burn?

BadNewsJack July 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm

my God I need a life. :(

Cape Clod July 29, 2008 at 5:24 pm

[re=47130]Ken Layne[/re]: Wow, here I am stuck at the beach in the summer and you get to go to Minneapolis. Your just taunting me, Ken, aren’t you, you sick bastard.

Thanatopsis July 29, 2008 at 5:24 pm

[re=47111]thefrontpage[/re]: What else is stupid? Dumb? I’m sorry, did you say “common sense” and “intelligence” in the same sentence as “politics?” Now who’s dumb?

AxmxZ July 29, 2008 at 5:24 pm

I can’t wait for the coverage of the Repub convention. It’ll be like watching an ancient flea-ridden elephant slowly wheeze its last on the dusty trail of an Indian village, eaten alive by flies as it struggles to draw breath.

Monsieur Grumpe July 29, 2008 at 6:06 pm

[re=47130]Ken Layne[/re]:
I’ll be trolling the St Paul bars taking pictures of vomiting Republicans. Look me up. I’ll be the guy with a camera around my neck, a beer in one hand and a flag pin on my lapel.

Scarab July 29, 2008 at 6:10 pm

Is it too late for the RNC to get their deposit back on the big arena?
Perhaps the St. Paul Skate-O-Rama is still available.

edgydrifter July 29, 2008 at 6:12 pm

[re=47156]AxmxZ[/re]: Yes, a decrepit, wheezing elephant that will still somehow manage to stomp our young, virile donkeycorn. America runs on stupid, so stupid will always run America.

hrhkingfriday July 29, 2008 at 6:42 pm

[re=47130]Ken Layne[/re]: Sweet, will you come to my convention as well? The HRHKingfridayican party wants youuuuu!

sanantonerose July 29, 2008 at 7:46 pm

[re=46997]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Which is exactly how they govern the country, too.

anabellum July 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

[re=47200]Scarab[/re]: my theory is that the Skate-O-Rama HAS been booked…and that the true location of the convention is a secret designed to fool W…..

its either that, or lock him in a broom closet at the hotel…

Studge July 29, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=47130]Ken Layne[/re]: Yeah, real tough, but do you have the balls to show up at whatever the fuck convention is held for Nader-
Gonzalez? They have a 30-State strategy, you know. Suck on that, Howard Dean!

shortsshortsshorts July 30, 2008 at 1:31 am


regisgoat July 30, 2008 at 7:14 am

One received idea I’ve heard is that its actually the Democratic conventions that are washouts for the hookers and bartenders, because Democrats love (or fear, maybe) their wives and don’t have any discretionary money for hotel bars. I got free booze at the ’84 convention and later saw the Dead Kennedys play for free. I’m totally for all political conventions.

lilblackcorvette July 30, 2008 at 8:16 am

[re=47111]thefrontpage[/re]: geez… somebody needs a little magic titty

Chumley July 30, 2008 at 12:39 pm

I think McCain found that marvelous ape!

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