Kerry's O-FaceHere’s your beloved 2004 presidential loser John Kerry, enjoying a “B.J.” on the docks of Nantucket, where he encountered a “party boat” full of these gals, especially this one with the “penis straw” (for practice) and then this one with the “crotch shot.” All of this is on, of course, because John Kerry is the new whoever-they-write-about guy!

John Kerry, of course, issues statements about everything, so it’s no surprise his office would issue some lame statement about this outrage of teen alcoholism and fatness:

“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story”

And you know what? That’s probably the truth.

Then the girls and their cardboard suitcase of Bud Lite got back on the S.S. Tacky and immediately sank to the bottom, where they were all eaten by lobsters.

John Kerry For Party President [TMZ]

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  1. Wow, that’s almost Kerry boring. I’m surprised those girls didn’t pass out from the general lack of energy he has and his ability to suck the life out of people.
    Kerry/Illegitimate Father ’04!

  2. “Oh suck it. Suck it. Suck it you bitch.”

    Repeat that phrase in your head in Kerry’s voice. I’m stunned that everyone who’s ever slept with him didn’t change teams.

  3. Everybody had matching towels
    Somebody went under a dock
    And there they saw a rock
    It wasn’t a rock
    It was a rock lobster!!!!!

  4. [re=46829]tunamelt[/re]: That was the earth reeling from Ted Stevens getting indicted and John Kerry being photographed partying on the same day.
    Srsly though, hope you’re okay.

  5. There once was a senator from Nantucket
    Who threw his purple hearts in a bucket
    When some drunk teen twats
    Wanted to jump on his yachts
    He said “If you would check the record, you would see that I actually voted for the Straight Wharf, before I voted against it. In fact, my policies on this have been quite…” Ahhhh, fuck it.

  6. [re=46829]tunamelt[/re]: Ecstasy can have noticeable effects for well over twelve hours. I suggest you take advantage of this opportunity for amusement by causing it to jizz on various coworkers’ possessions.

  7. Those Lurch photos make Eddie Murphy’s foray into music sound not-so-lame.
    “Yes, I want to Party all the time, Party all the time…”

  8. [re=46829]tunamelt[/re]: The news is calling it a 5.8. Hope you weren’t near the epicenter……that’s big enough to setthe crazy loose in L.A.

    Kerry looks hammered.

  9. no way man. I was thinking this was a lie but now i dont no and is it real or what shit
    [re=46842]Noodle Salad[/re]: Excellent!

  10. …Im starting to think John Kerry is an androgynous Ken doll without any genitalia! isn’t the point of being recognized by drunken groupies getting laid?!

  11. [re=46850]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Currently, I’m in downtown LA, so I got to enjoy the rolling sensation of my tall building. You know, after I dive-bombed under my desk.

  12. This is a ‘scandal’? Even Kerry’s ‘scandals’ are boring. He’s like an excitement vampire, sucking (as ’twere) the excitement from life and leaving the detritus (mostly papers and the smell of virginity).

  13. If the girl in that pic is giving Kerry a beej, then his peenor must be about 25 feet long. God, it’s like TMZ has never even heard of perspective.

  14. you know despite the fact that we had to endure 4 more years of endless, bloody war and unprecedented incompetence on just about every Federal level save from the Bureau of Shotguns in Faces, i’m really, really glad John Kerry isn’t running a presidential re-election campaign right now.

  15. This official statement will be cold consolation when the Senator shows up with a black bar across his face on the next Girls Gone Wild Nantucket DVD.

  16. You’d thing the junior senator from Massachusetts would have the decency to wait until the senior senator was actually dead before stealing his moves

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