Wonkette
Here’s your beloved 2004 presidential loser John Kerry, enjoying a “B.J.” on the docks of Nantucket, where he encountered a “party boat” full of these gals, especially this one with the “penis straw” (for practice) and then this one with the “crotch shot.” All of this is on TMZ.com, of course, because John Kerry is the new whoever-they-write-about guy!
John Kerry, of course, issues statements about everything, so it’s no surprise his office would issue some lame statement about this outrage of teen alcoholism and fatness:
“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story”
And you know what? That’s probably the truth.
Then the girls and their cardboard suitcase of Bud Lite got back on the S.S. Tacky and immediately sank to the bottom, where they were all eaten by lobsters.
John Kerry For Party President [TMZ]
It’s big of him to be on good terms with the Bush twins.
Wow, that’s almost Kerry boring. I’m surprised those girls didn’t pass out from the general lack of energy he has and his ability to suck the life out of people.
Kerry/Illegitimate Father ‘04!
And then he went home to a party gal doing a Heinz ketchup shot.
“Oh suck it. Suck it. Suck it you bitch.”
Repeat that phrase in your head in Kerry’s voice. I’m stunned that everyone who’s ever slept with him didn’t change teams.
Everybody had matching towels
Somebody went under a dock
And there they saw a rock
It wasn’t a rock
It was a rock lobster!!!!!
We just had an earthquake and my building is still rolling.
Cartoonists never had it so easy.
I’ve always said John Kerry could yawn through an orgasm. Now here’s proof!
Kerry/Baby Daddy ‘04!
Those are some ugly women. I don’t think Teresa has anything to worry about.
Those girls’ red eyes are scary.
I’m kind of surprised that by the last photo, they weren’t all asleep, maybe even the photographer…
Amazing that someone can look as bored/uncomfortble while getting a serial blowjob from drunken college kids as he does.
tunamelt: That was the earth reeling from Ted Stevens getting indicted and John Kerry being photographed partying on the same day.
Srsly though, hope you’re okay.
There once was a senator from Nantucket
Who threw his purple hearts in a bucket
When some drunk teen twats
Wanted to jump on his yachts
He said “If you would check the record, you would see that I actually voted for the Straight Wharf, before I voted against it. In fact, my policies on this have been quite…” Ahhhh, fuck it.
tunamelt: Ecstasy can have noticeable effects for well over twelve hours. I suggest you take advantage of this opportunity for amusement by causing it to jizz on various coworkers’ possessions.
What warf does Barney Frank go to? Badum ching!
Imagine the txting afterward. OMG! Me N Krsty met John Kry! Hes ta11 Brng, tho. Drnk now! Prty!
Those Lurch photos make Eddie Murphy’s foray into music sound not-so-lame.
“Yes, I want to Party all the time, Party all the time…”
tunamelt: The news is calling it a 5.8. Hope you weren’t near the epicenter……that’s big enough to setthe crazy loose in L.A.
Kerry looks hammered.
no way man. I was thinking this was a lie but now i dont no and is it real or what shit
Noodle Salad: Excellent!
Gopherit v2.0: Please GAWD let there be riots.
…Im starting to think John Kerry is an androgynous Ken doll without any genitalia! isn’t the point of being recognized by drunken groupies getting laid?!
Gopherit v2.0: Currently, I’m in downtown LA, so I got to enjoy the rolling sensation of my tall building. You know, after I dive-bombed under my desk.
This is a ’scandal’? Even Kerry’s ’scandals’ are boring. He’s like an excitement vampire, sucking (as ’twere) the excitement from life and leaving the detritus (mostly papers and the smell of virginity).
Those Nantucket teen prostitutes, so rowdy.
tunamelt: Us too… felt it in San Diego. You?
The guy can sleep through a lap dance.
that orgy looks elitist
Isn’t this the way Gary Hart got famous? Copier!
If the girl in that pic is giving Kerry a beej, then his peenor must be about 25 feet long. God, it’s like TMZ has never even heard of perspective.
4tehlulz: that was awesome
GlennBecksTaint: they’re so elitist that up-skirt shots are of black, gramma panties.
“Rain. Spain. Monkey Brain.”
who dat white boy in this photo?
http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/john_kerry_party#23383
me want.
That penis straw must have been modeled on Republicans.
John Kerry, the talking mule-faced senator.
Where these girls part of that pact to all get pregnant, using homeless men and United States Senators if need be?
JOHN KERRY FOR PRESIDENT IN 2008!!!
wow, talk about a buzz kill.
you know despite the fact that we had to endure 4 more years of endless, bloody war and unprecedented incompetence on just about every Federal level save from the Bureau of Shotguns in Faces, i’m really, really glad John Kerry isn’t running a presidential re-election campaign right now.
Uhhh, who are those other “older dudes” posing so gleefully in the photo with teh young girls?
KERRY-DUKAKIS IN 2008!!!
Herman Munster attends a Playboy Mansion Party . . . IN HELL!
Gary Hart looked way happier on the Monkey Business
Makes me reminisce…
http://stjohnsdemocrats.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/kerry1.jpg
This official statement will be cold consolation when the Senator shows up with a black bar across his face on the next Girls Gone Wild Nantucket DVD.
You’d thing the junior senator from Massachusetts would have the decency to wait until the senior senator was actually dead before stealing his moves
He looks so tired and dull there.
Mike at http://get-boat-loans.com