Wonkette
The batshit crazy Washington Times published a hilarious column from creepy actor Jon Voight yesterday, and we missed it, because who reads the fucking Moonie Times, right? Fortunately a tipster has sent us the article and good freaking lord: “The Democratic Party, in its quest for power, has managed a propaganda campaign with subliminal messages, creating a God-like figure in a man who falls short in every way. It seems to me that if Mr. Obama wins the presidential election, then Messrs. Farrakhan, Wright, Ayers and Pfleger will gain power for their need to demoralize this country and help create a socialist America.” Many trees were killed so that they could be soaked in this ink.
Commence, thespian:
We, as parents, are well aware of the importance of our teachers who teach and program our children. We also know how important it is for our children to play with good-thinking children growing up.
Voight’s child, for example, started drinking at like nine years old, married a piece of old white trash whose blood she carried in a necklace, and eventually stole hundreds of children from poor people around the world — all because of her father’s “programming.” And man oh man, did Voight program her into a hot dish or what! We digress:
Sen. Barack Obama has grown up with the teaching of very angry, militant white and black people: the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, William Ayers and Rev. Michael Pfleger. We cannot say we are not affected by teachers who are militant and angry. We know too well that we become like them, and Mr. Obama will run this country in their mindset.
Oh yes, all these people he met as an adult. Who’s angry, again?
If Mr. Obama had his way, he would have pulled our troops from Iraq years ago and initiated an unprecedented bloodbath, turning over that country to the barbarianism of our enemies. With what he has openly stated about his plans for our military, and his lack of understanding about the true nature of our enemies, there’s not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world, and from Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb. And while a misleading portrait of Mr. Obama is being perpetrated by a media controlled by the Democrats, the Obama camp has sent out people to attack the greatness of Sen. John McCain, whose suffering and courage in a Hanoi prison camp is an American legend.
Here is a picture of American Legend John McCain in Vietnam:
Oops, wrong picture! Where were we here… someone wrote an op-ed about something or other, hmm?
VOIGHT: My concerns for America [Washington Times]
He’s just bitter ’bout all the darkie grandchildren.
Jon Voight is the greatest American actor to have been vomited up by a giant Anaconda. We need to listen to him people.
He sure does have a purty mouth.
Butt secks jokes aside, at least Obama’s daughters speak to him.
Back to butt secks: he better start prayin’ to Obama with that mouth.
And we wonder why his hot dish daughter doesn’t talk to the man? (besides the fact that she is too busy having sex with Brad Pitt and having babies)
More pictures, please.
Dear Jon Voight:
Thanks for being have the genetic makeup of that fine, fine daughter of yours. Now SFTU and go away. Forever.
ALLAH Obama Hussain Al Qaeda Barry…
IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOWS.
Man, I bet Angelina Jolie is really nasty in the sack. Good job Jon!
in that photo McCain looks highly electable to me
If there’s anyone who knows conservative values it’s an actor who got paid to play a male prostitute.
If he had his way, WE WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU IDIOT.
That is all.
“… there’s not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world …”
He’s not a man. He’s a hive of willful cells!
Jesus H. Christ, conservatives have for years complained of the undue influence of Hollywood liberals, but at least most Hollywood liberals don’t write like a nine year-old grade Archie Bunker on ritalin. I’ve read more coherent essays that were written by trained monkeys transcribing whale-song while listening to their favorite podcast on the shitter.
If you blow in his ear, you can play his head. Like an ocarina.
He looks mexican!
I would love to see a deathmatch between Voight and Busey…
Delicious:
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2008/06/01-07/jolie-vanity-fair.jpg
Given what his daughter went through (living in a squat at age 14, drinking, cutting herself, drugs), Jon Voight using a childhood-friendship analogy is hilarious beyond belief.
2goats: yeah, if he uses that one in campaign ads, he might beat Obama in a landslide.
Yeah, getting captured by the Vietnamese makes someone qualified to be president while someone who has his eyes open and is realistic is just a product of the Liberal media propaganda. Why do I have the urge to drop an anvil on his head?
That explains why AngieJo hates his pathetic guts!! I love how he claims Obama was trained to be a militant by Ayers, Pfleiger, Wright and Farakhan as a child.. LMAO.. This is classic.
Who knew Pepaw Voight was a republican jerkoff? You live you learn..
Hey John,
You were awesome in Bratz
Love,
Rev. Moon
Doglessliberal: Ah, my day is complete.
Slutty_Chola_Cobbler: Was that while he was in that Indonesian Madrassa with Osama Bin Laden and Hitler?
I was going to read the whole op-ed, but apparently all twenty Wonketters went to the Moonie Times’ website at once and crashed their servers. Probably more hits than it’s ever gotten.
Even though I have teh ghey I find the offspring of this curious creature to be most fine. Does this mean I have to worship his loins?
…Iran is making “Great Strides” toward a nuclear bomb? Besides the fact that Iran isnt anywhere NEAR close to having a nuclear DEVICE let alone a weaponized nuclear bomb. When Iran has the ability to transport 6 or 7 tractor trailers worth of scientific equipment along with dozens(if not hundreds)of scientist into an American city and then take 3 to 4 months setting up an exceedingly fragile and finicky nuclear device all without being noticed(or irradiating themselves); then I will be afraid of Iran.
will he leave the country when sen. o is elected?
Serolf Divad: Yeah, the Tennessee Unitarian killer’s manifesto probably read a lot like this.
Yeah, he’s a crazy old bastard, he’s had more than his share of problems, his own kid can’t stand to be around him, he’s probably got cooties…but hey, this crap will play great in the red states! Can we forgive his senile rambling because he contributed half of the DNA to the best piece of eye candy the world has ever seen? Too close to call, but I think I’m coming down on the side of the “ignore the witless old fuck” argument.
Why is anyone surprised that Daddy Angie is a Repub? Jon Voight’s Midnight Cowboy character Joe Buck is the symbol of Today’s Republican Party.
Starts with dreams of glory, wealth and power based on his mindless charm/looks rather than say hardwork or talent. Goes to school and realizes that he can’t compete with the geeks, the immigrants kids or those with talent so he realizes that he needs to ply on the charm and “network.” In that quest, he goes to Wall St so he can fuck (over) old ladies for their money. As he gets older and his mindless charm/looks fade with age, he gets increasingly desperate and befriends greasy foreigner types who tell them they can make a fortune selling themselves to the highest bidder. As dreams become under realized and the heart is broken repeatedly, the mindless charmer finds himself jerking off old gayz for cash while his greasy friend lays dying because he can’t afford health insurance.
“Everybody’s talking ’bout it…”
Gopherit v2.0: her mom gave her more looks genes, I think:
http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/ap/la10101281915.widec.jpg
WAIT. JON VOIGHT IS confused. LET ME SEE IF I HAVE THIS STRAIGHT: YEAH, RIGHT!!!
LIKE I SAID AT THE START, ‘ JON VOIGHT IS CONFUSED !!!! ‘
HOW ABOUT YOU ???
tsunami: He’s gonna split a cab with Stephen Baldwin.
You fucking asshole media! You liberal sons of bitches!
There is also a comments (!) section for this tripe. I highly recommend it. P.S. Jim, I found the story through a link on E online….
Advocatus_Diaboli: That’s Ted Stevens, packing up his tubes and heading into the wild… You are right, though, it’s down. Were some of you violating the comments section while I was at lunch? (Assuming they even have one?)
You can tell this is a second draft; the original lead of “ZOMG A NIGRA IN THE WHITE HOUSE?” was removed.
…its really sad when your one claim to fame in life is having a REALLY hot daughter that hates you with the heat of a collapsing super-nova!
I like how he talks about programming, like children are computers, or VCRs, or something.
nietzscheprojectile: I saw that, too, but thought it referred to it as the WaPo? I remember thinking it odd that I had not seen the piece, as I read the WaPo. I must have misread eonline.
Does he even live in this country these days? He might live somewhere else “for tax purposes”.
mookworthjwilson - deathmatch nothing, I wanna see a debate-off between Voight, Busey, and Flava Flav.
I think that having to live with the fact that his recent movie roles include Nazi villian in Baby Geniuses 2 is punishment enough for having written this article. It seems like Voight pretty much gave up on taste and life after appearing in Heat.
I can’t wait for the whole lineup of Hollywood has-beens to come out for McCain. Where are Suzanne Somers and Spanky and Michael Richards when you really need them?
Serolf Divad: Oooh, I read that one, too! That was a good one.
Also, I’d like for him to program me up a daughter just like his, I’ll swing by the house and pick her up in like 18 years, ‘kay John?
Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb.
“Atomic” bomb? The freakin’ A-bomb? Really? Does anybody call it that anymore? Come on Mr. Voight. It’s pronounced “nuke-you-lar”, not “atomic”.
Remember ‘Coming Home’ and that character of his who came back from Vietnam all disabled, bitter, and unable to cope?
That really seems unlikely.
Serolf Divad: For every word in that essay, three angels lose there wings and 10 abortions inevitably happen. Also, Jeebus cries and Satan punches God in the face.
When I look at Jon Voight’s face, I see the makings of the features that create Angelina’s beauty, but somehow gone wrong.
I must admit that I am quickly beginning to think that Angleina has gone off the deepend crazy (as if the cutting, blood-jewelry, brother-incest insinuations were not enough). But, it is understandable given her crazy nut job of a father and massive deprivation of any food whatsoever for the last ten years.
SayItWithWookies: Michael Richards writing an Op-Ed for the Moonie Times would be awesome.
SayItWithWookies: Doonesbury has had a great bit lately about trying to book celebs for McCain. One example:
http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/db/2008/07/25/
Thank Jeebus, someone is protecting us from the threat of socialist moooslums!
Jon who?
AngryBlakGuy:
am still laughing that you went to nigeria. i thought you were
smarter than that. i just mailed a check and saved myself the
trouble. can’t wait for the profits to start rolling in.
mookworthjwilson:
you’re my all-time favorite met…and i hope those jerkoffs need to
borrow cab money.
Who cares what some idiot cockmonger actor thinks? They’re all fucked in the head. Geebus.
Doglessliberal: I actually checked on that, and yes, “Big Kenny” has donated to Obama…
I wish these god damn Hollywood Liberals would keep their twisted, left-coast values out of our…wait, what?
Doglessliberal: Or perhaps your clicking finger was viscerally aware of the aneurym inducing danger posed by going to the Times site. I guess this makes up for Jon’s role in Coming Home…
“The Democratic Party, in its quest for power, has managed a propaganda campaign with subliminal messages, creating a God-like figure in a man who falls short in every way.”
Change “Democratic” to “Republican” and you’d have a perfect description of Reagan.
WHICH PROVES WHY ANGELINA NEITHER SPEAKS TO HIM NOR HAS EVER HAD HIM MEET EVEN ONE OF HIS GRANDCHILDREN.
ALso, of course Voight is on McCain’s side; they’re cut from the same cloth. He left Jolie’s mom when she was just a baby. He has no fucking clue how to be a father. He’s really stupid.
And he sucked in Tomb Raider. So there.
nietzscheprojectile: Gaah. Aneurysm. Sorry, it’s happing already.
This “op-ed” is so much better if you listen to “Everybody’s talkin’” while reading it.
I am waiting for comment from Carol Channing as to her thoughts on this election cycle.
Didn’t Angelina and her brother fuck for awhile? Now that’s parenting at its incest. meh
And I was all set to watch me some Midnight Cowboy. Now I’ll have to settle for The Karate Dog. Because apparently, that happened.
mookworthjwilson: Garry Trudeau never lies
nietzscheprojectile: You are probably right. My finger was protecting me.
The Real JR Revisted: her hot, French, model mother. He was a moran.
econdave: Wait - So Reagan wasn’t the Lord Our God?
Well maybe if Jon practiced what he preached, “Angie” would be running for president right now.
Doglessliberal: Yup, definitley looks like her mom, her brother looks more like Jon.
Marshaline wasn’t really French (according to the gosphel of E! THS), but she was part native american.
Doglessliberal: You don’t neva lie.
These rants are only the echoes of an old man’s mind.
mookworthjwilson: 50 bucks on Busey.
This is what happens if you get your news only from NewsMax, FreeRepublic and FOX.
Still, anyone who tried to kill Tom Cruise, even only in a movie, can’t be all bad.
And by Republican standards, since as far as I know Voight has never molested children or stolen from the poor, he is about as good and coherent of spokesman as they can hope for.
This almost makes me wish I hadn’t bought his used convertible.
As I’ve gotten older and my politics have drifted to the right I notice a significant change. I have a much greater ability to articulate my thoughts. I reason, I site facts, I think. I don’t need to fall back on idiotic words like batshit because I am able to formulate a clear opinion and communicate it. I can’t explain here why Jon Voight is right. You wouldn’t get it. That’s OK. I only give you this warning; do not think! If you do you will be in danger of becoming a conservative. Just keep using the crutch of obscene names instead of substantive ideas and thoughts you’ll be fine. You’ll be cool, you’ll be progressive.
columnv: I failed as a father and I can’t program the fucking clock on my VCR!!
scott59: Oh you mean think like the following commenter on Voights batshit crazy screed:
“…..I was most taken by your perceptiveness in citing the pernicious influence of the Hard Left on the raising and educating of America’s youth. Loopy radical Bill Ayers said years ago that, his own actual bombs notwithstanding, the real key to mounting a socialist revolution in America was to get our kids to “kill their parents.” Since the poisonous Sixties, precisely that has happened — not physically, but in terms of parental authority and respect being murdered wholesale by our Hard Left dominated news and entertainment media, judiciary, universities and colleges, and most public school systems. This destructive process will only gain speed if the Lord Obama becomes president and staffs the federal judiciary and bureaucracy with the Hard Left loons with which he seems so comfortable. Again, thanks so much for speaking out against the impending Hard Left tyranny of an Obama Administration.”
I especially love the Vader like references.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: HAHAHAHAHA Nice!
Mr. Voight: You make some interesting points, but your message might be even more emphatic if you would USE THE CAPS LOCK. It’s to the left and slightly up from where your drool falls when you are typing.
Doglessliberal:Obvious that Voight was not the babydaddy in this arrangement.
scott59: “I don’t need to fall back on idiotic words like batshit because I am able to formulate a clear opinion and communicate it. I can’t explain here why Jon Voight is right.”
Hey, George Will, these sentences sort of… clash?
scott59: Lick my balls.
Jim Newell: snort. I am afraid you are trying to use irony against the irony- and humor-impaired, Jim.
scott59: For a moment there I thought I was reading something written by the resurrected rotting corpse of Edmund Burke. But it was only another old hack who can’t explain why he thinks someone who is clearly insane is also right.
mookworthjwilson: In case you didn’t get the message, I do need to fall back on idiotic words. But I think I can explain a million times over why Jon Voight is xenophobic crazy old nut.
I wonder if Jon Voight knows about his son’s upbringing? The same son that was French kissing his sister
Now he ain’t gonna see dem twins, Viv & Knox, fo’ sure!!
scott59:
As I’ve gotten older I misspell the word ‘cite’ while telling people how much smarter I am.
Jon Voight is nostalgic for the America where a young man could go to the big city and fail at his dreams of becoming a male prostitute.
scott59:
As I’ve gotten older, I become more and more of a pompous windbag because I think that my age gives me the write to tell everyone what I thinc and thus feel smurter than I really am.
scott59: “I am able to formulate a clear opinion and communicate it. I can’t explain here why Jon Voight is right.” That … is so brilliant!
Oh please, please, please be a real person who contributes OFTEN to this site, and not some third-rate poser who just likes stirring up trouble on a “this-is-my-first-time-here-and-boy-are-you-guys-ever-snarky-and-mean-and-I’m-leaving-and-I’m-never-coming-back-uh-boo-hoo-hoo” basis. I really hope you’ll be back. Really.
Barack Obama Akbar (ululation following)!!! I’ll vote for him if he puts that horse faced wife of his in a burkha.
scott59: As I’ve gotten older I find I’m unable to distinguish humor web sites from those offering serious political discussion. I’m now heading over to The Onion to point out some factual errors I’ve uncovered. Um… which button do I push to change the channel?
scott59: It has been scientifically proven that agreeing with Jon Voight is a sign of a brain tumor. Hit any homeless men in your vette lately? I’d seriously get yourself checked out.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: A Chrysler LeBaron?
scott59:As I’ve gotten older and my politics have drifted to the right I notice a significant change. I have a much greater ability to articulate my thoughts. I reason, I site facts, I think.
Oh, Scott. That’s the dementia talking. You know, like Jon V’s screed.
Look! There’s lime jell-o in the dinner menu! You like your jell-o, don’t you?
The best people to discuss family values are the ones that participated in charismatic cults (not a
Moonie or Scientology, I forget which one he was part of) and put their children through mental/verbal/whatever abuse to the point where their children refuse to speak with them and allow their children to be around and receive influence from them.
In a McCain administration, Jon Voight will head the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
Or the Peace Corps.