Wonkette
Since John McCain cannot appeal to America’s Youth in any demonstrable way, he has to rely on the famously hip and “with it” RNC to awaken the young voters’ elan vital. And what do the children like this millennium? The Facebook, of course! And, perchance, would there were a way to use New Yorker Satire to mock Barry Hussein with a Facebook spinoff, on the Internet? One might call it the “BarackBook”! Let’s explore the RNC’s ingenius new “BarackBook,” and possibly not kill ourselves in the process.
The normal Facebook works like this: you exchange maybe two logistical e-mails with a classmate or a business colleague you’ve never met in real life, and then you decide that this person is your “friend” and you request “friendship” from said other. Then you can view the other’s profile and see which cool bands or movies or Gabriel Garcia Marquez books he or she likes.
Barack Obama has 1,224,722 friends on his Facebook account. On BarackBook, however, he has seven friends, and they’re all filthy crooks:
Ha ha, silly William Ayers. Don’t flatter yourself, you’re not that young anymore!
Oh and how nice: Barack even includes a donation page for the RNC on his Facebook BarackBook.
Coming next from the RNC: free “coloring books” for potential black voters.
Man, I haven’t heard a COINTELPRO/Black Panther reference since college. Well played!
Not only are they all crooks, they are also all BELGIANS.
Can you prove otherwise?
Jeremiah Wright keeps poking Barry but he won’t poke back!
Where’s Hitler?
They left off Reverend Wright?
I clicked on Marilyn Katz because I had no idea who she is, or was.
I was shocked to learn:
[b]Katz Organized Vietnam War Protests Through Students For A Democratic Society (SDS), Including Throwing Nails In The Street To Thwart Police Officers.[/b]
Wait till McCain drops that bomb at the first debate. Yow.
Thanks for the Alzheimers and Dementia, Douchebag!
Could you imagine McCain even having enough energy to run your local Mcdonalds. Seriously. Think about it next time your in line watching the Mcdonalds manager run around taking orders and shouting orders. McCain couldnt do it. So I ask You, how will McCain be president??? Looks as though the RNC got behind the wrong candidate and they will pay for it., Guess they should of let the primary season play out without trying to minupulate the outcome. My candidate lost, my vp isnt going to be on the ticket. Wow bummer. Good news is i think McCain is just about done, I wouldnt doubt the GOP ditch him at the last second and run a younger more charasmatic charachter. They could site his Cancer scare as the reason. I dont doubt that they will, Becuase he is becoming more unelectable by the day, with gaff after gaff. Did you see him knock all that stuff off the shelf at the supermarket. the video is at http://www.mccanes.com all the while barack obama is looking like an NBA super star, (arrogence and all) even taking time to stop and have a cigar break video at http://www.theobamaplan.com I mean really what is the GOP going to do. McCain cannot win at this point and we havnt even started the debates.
From Jim Newell’s BarackBook page:
i have not listened to much new music this year, and i blame that on hillary clinton. still, some of my favorites:
portishead - third
the hold steady - stay positive
atlas sound - [some long name]
deerhunter - microcastles
times new viking - rip it off
silver jews - lookout mountain, lookout sea
no age - nouns
clipse - we got it for cheap vol. 3
beach house - devotion
hot chip - made in the dark
I’m going to go erase my entire iTunes library and fill it only with these pearls of wisdom from our esteemed editor!
“Larry Craig has SuperPorked you.”
Ohhhh, theres a page two, that does include hitler, wright, and lucifer. with a quote from lucifer saying obama is his son. Sooo I guess Obama is the anti christ?
News is to me as crack is to a, say, crackwhore, and still I don’t know who half the r-tards on that list are. Naturally, then, this is sure to grab our nation’s attention-deficient youth by the TruckNutz. Dude, drop the pipe and check this out–Eric Holder is BFF with Osama. Shit, NO WAY! If I was old enough to vote I would totally vote for McCain now that I know this. Well played, RNC!
Attacking Obama for not mentioning how he’s going to reduce the deficit — excellent strategy there, GOP.
I AM NOW AWARE OF BARACKBOOK. Thank you for making me aware of BARACKBOOK.
gurukalehuru: That is a shameful omission. Reverend Wright and Obama have a relationship status of “it’s complicated”
I just saw on Barack’s real Facebook that Moby Dick is one of his favorite books. Now that’s pretentious bullshit. Nobody really likes that book; it’s boring until the end when everyone dies and the whale beaches at Kennebunkport. How much do you need to know about ambergris, anyway?
Obama’s favorite movies include “Godfather I & II” but not Godfather III…because of all the suck. I betcha McCain’s favorite movie is “Godfather III”…or that movie where some guy sneezed in 1897 or something.
I’ve been spamming the Facebook group for this site all afternoon. It’s totes fun since everyone’s panning it. Come join! It’s a hoot!
http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=23308630814
Because John McCain never served on any boards occupied by right wing Cuban exile terrorists, right?
pastor mike: “What’s the difference? One says Big Mac, the other says… ah, forget it…”
Luckily for the rest of the country, every McCain staff person who can use a computer is currently spending all of their time on the facebook page, arguing with voters.
Squiggyfm: Nah, “Cocoon”.
slithytoves: So that’s how Barbara Bush ended up there…
I tried to login with my internet pencil, but my windows broke.
Can I get this program on my teevee?
The Real JR Revisted: Thank you for that. I am now aware of the internets. Time to destroy.
Squiggyfm: I heard it was “Birth of a Cunt”
…Barry should launch a counter strike to “BarackBook”!
My suggestions:
-McCain Scrolls
-McCain Tablets
-McCain Hieroglyphics
and my personal favorite
-McCain Cuneiform!
slithytoves: Besides, that whale’s not black enough.
mookworthjwilson: That’s how I read it…
shortsshortsshorts: LMAO you guys are evil and I love it and I think my office has confirmed my insane status after hearing me just laugh out loud
shortsshortsshorts: I posted on your discussion topic. This is fun!
Doesn’t one need to break the law to be a crook? Like stealing pain killers from orphans and breaking FEC rules??
pastor mike: Don’t forget that 59,000,000 idiots voted for Bush. And don’t forget the hanging chads and voting machines and the poor people who were told they couldn’t vote. Just because Walnuts is blowing his campaign doesn’t mean the Repugnants won’t do everything in their power to make sure he wins. By the way, what has Obama done that’s arrogant?
Where’s Lara Logan?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: It’s amazing what a little website called “Wonkette” can do to aid teh enemy.
yellowdogdem: this isn’t gonna get violent, like yesterday, is it?
larz: …or defrauding depositors of a savings and loan and then calling your WALNUTS!book friend to have the government bail you out?? Is ol Chuck one of Johnny’s internets friends?
RuperttheBear: Did I sound hostile? Very well then, I’m hostile.
McCainBook Friend’s List = Obituary
KevoTron: I LOVE it.
shortsshortsshorts: I’m having way too much fun for work. I need to get down to business for a little while. and by that I mean I’ll be back in ten minutes.
yellowdogdem: I think it’s more that I’m a woosie. I mean, I’m a cuddly widdle bear and all.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Jim likes elitist hipster music? I’d mistaken him for a Bitter.
How long before the snark causes the RNC to delete the app? I say two days.
The Real JR Revisted: You, good sir, just made my day. Well, other than the fact that my coworkers are now making fun of me because of the way I burst out laughing as I pretended that by reading Wonkette I am doing work…
I can just picture McCain’s tech support department now, as all two of them try to figure out how on earth their site got hacked… because you know, in situations like this, that is the only explanation…
Barackbook is the best website ever created.
The site’s Wall starts with three posts from a bitter. My favorite is this one:
We can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times…and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That’s not leadership. That’s not going to happen. - Barack Obama
That’s super offensive how? I’m pretty sure even my most rednecky asshole relatives are coming to grips with the idea that the times they are a’changin’.
At least the terrible Democratic mock Facebook actually resembles the real deal
http://www.rightwingfacebook.org/
McCain: What’s this Facbook thing-a-ma-jig?
Staffer: It’s a social networking site sir.
McCain: Oh, like the dance hall down at the Elks lodge?
Volumptuous: If only Walnuts was aware of it.
Dude, I think I just started a flamewar.
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=4894&post=18999&uid=23308630814#post18999
AnnieGetYourFun:
It’s offensive to those that never experienced sacrifice, but are addicted to the harvest of those that have.
The Real JR Revisted: Spam them with topics. Seems to be working well.
AngryBlakGuy: You are right, the maverick just needs to delve more in his own element.
Say, like a McCosetta Stone? “Come here and translate which gods aren’t smiling on this son of the Lower Lands.”
shortsshortsshorts: Yeah, I’m actually disheartened how there’s some sloppy batshittery mucking up the works in there like the prescription pill stuff and everything. I would love it if the entire site was just spammed with policy issues and citations… blinding them with science if you will. Hurh.
georgia_peach: Ahahahaha. Thanks for that.
What a cunning plan.
TGY: Don’t you mean a cunting plan?
I don’t even use BarackBook anymore, now that they took down Baracrabulous.
When Newell rides off into the sunset of whatever Internet pursuit is next, this will be one of the posts in his tribute. Holy smokes, sir. Well done.
pastor mike: Is there a Paultardbook? Imagine the fun apps, like Screed!, where you and your friends compete to write the longest, least comprehensible paeon to Ron Paul and Original Intent.
slithytoves: Philistine. I LOVED that book. Maybe being a sailor has something to do with it, but I found the voyage/natural history part interesting enough. It’s mainly about the way it’s written, though; Melville is a freakin’ genius with language and FUNNY.
Barack just climbed another notch on the old nerd meter.
One of Barack’s friends is Allison Davis, and it’s creeping me out cause this chick looks like a dude!
sezme: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allison_Davis ???
KevoTron: Possibly a punning clan.
HA! They shut down the comment board and topic board. Wonkette wins!
shortsshortsshorts: RNC — banned from the internets!
Facebook is a ripoff of McCain’s cave paintings. He’s been putting up pix of his friends, mostly engaged in the glorious hunt, for 16,000 years!
shortsshortsshorts:
YAY!
I thought it was only me “Cranky McCrankenstein” that got banned. But it was the whole comment board!!! wooooooo.
Volumptuous: No, they banned us all. I was able to go back on and leave a comment, and BAM. Banned.
That’s too bad. Most fun I’ve had all week!
Volumptuous: This ‘fun’ you speak of is not a part of the GNC platform.
Volumptuous: Boy that was great. I bet whoever planned that little stunt feels like a real jackass right now. sweet.
oh well, if your not afraid of NSA traps, you can still review it. I must say it’s hard to believe that joke shops went out of fashion with yuckmiester’s like these running around.
Volumptuous: I gotta say— you were a fucking genius on the Facebook thing and should find me on it if you can figure out who I am (teh one bombing them with posts about duck fucking and trolips, you cunts).
shortsshortsshorts: oh shit, i thought the duck fucking was a serious post!
I just finally made it on to FB. I fucking hate social networks, so I only joined today to take a giant shit on that stupid thing. Then they shitcanned my account! (those stupid canards)
But I’m on there now as Cranky McCrankle if you wanna say hi
AngryBlakGuy: johnnycumlately