Wonkette
Bridget: big $ale on truck nutz. [Rocky Mountain News]
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We’ll Go With ‘More Choice Words’
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4:20 PM
on Mon July 28 2008
By
Jim Newell
4507 Views
I am pro-choice words. Especially when it comes to Novak.
Fuck you, Bob.
And here I was all ready to curse God for foresaking the world. Huh. Seems he does care.
Huh. Well, Wonkette, do you feel bad? Do ya? Huh?
Ooooo. Feel the shame.
karma’s a bitch, eh bob?
The fact that he’s in pain now doesn’t absolve him of the pain he caused beforehand. He was a tumor and now he has one.
This is just like the time I said “your mom” to someone and they told me that their mother had died of cancer.
Listen, Bridg. If we make exceptions for Novak then we’ll have to make excuses for Dick Cheney, Rick Santorum’s 9-year-old daughter, and WALNUTS! mom.
P.S. Did you read the posts on Jerry Falwell’s funeral?
I won’t let me comment…damn…
Bridget has a comments section on her page, let’s show her some radio silence.
Maybe he has the good kind of brain tumor, like the one that Rain Man had.
Maybe we can use mowing down homeless people to diagnose and treat all of America’s illnesses. Sure beats that socialized Muslim crap Barry Obama wants to impose on all of us.
tunamelt: You should have said “EXACTLY!”
Well, the important thing is that he’s not dead. Yet. Wait, that’s actually the part that sucks, isn’t it?
Yeah, Bridgette. Making fun of a lousy old guy driver in a compensating Corvette who later finds out he has a toomah is cruel unlike said lousy old guy driver who leaks the name of a CIA involved in preventing nuclear proliferation for political payback which is just plain fucking hilarious.
So the ancient hobo-slayer finally manifests a physical, Blackberry sized nugget of the type of woe his philosophy jams up the asses of 80% of the American population and I have something to apologize about for not giving a shit? EPIC LULZ
Would that he have a death-bed conversion, to, you know, good.
Hey, Hitler got depressed and killed himself. I feel bad for him now. :’(
I will admit that Mr. Novak is better than Wonkette in one key thing:
He leads this site in acts of treason, 1 to 0. Was outing Valarie Plame tumor-induced, too?
I think everybody here hopes that Robert Novak — the douchebag of liberty — fully recovers so that he may one day return to his important work of mowing down homeless guys with his ‘vette.
So, does having a brain tumor now excuse decades of antisocial behavior? Because if so, I’ve had a brain tumor since the age of 12.
Hey “Bridget,” Novak’s still an asshole and he still RAN OVER A HOMELESS GUY, the end.
Hmm….choice words? Couldn’t have happened to a better guy?
It’s not like he’s had the brain tumor his entire life…..which, coincidentally,
is as long as Novak’s been an evil asshole who WOULD drive away from an accident.
Frankly, I’d be willing to bet he’d make up a brain tumor story just to get
out of a $50 ticket.
It’s not a tumor: it’s his brain.
Does this mean he won’t be going to traffic school?
My bitter rage against Wonkette for this heartless attack on sweet Bob Novak can best be expressed through this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCDgKbKEBjM
So he gets out of outing a spy and running over the elderly by playing the tumor card?
Well played, Satan. Well played.
Is the idea that it was the tumor that committed treason and hit the homeless guy? Because if so, that’s one bad-ass tumor!
Is she trying to imply the tumor is why he’s been a dick his whole life…or that his illness should excuse the previously mentioned being of a dick. i’m not sure i understand.
Bridget: This is one of theose situations where the things that you said in no way make the things that Wonkette said any less funny.
And Yes I have alwyas thought that “there might be a reason why he wasn’t cognizant of what happened.” Its because he is a grade A assclown.
That said, I wish him a recovery faster than the clean up of bloody hair and skull fragments of Corvette windshield.
FMA: Indeed. He’s got years of hit-and-runs left in him.
From the Wikipedia:
In 2002, Novak’s attitudes towards animal welfare came under scrutiny when he stated in an interview that he attended a cockfight in Puerto Rico and “relished it tremendously”, adding that the United States has “too damn many” anti-cruelty statutes. He also expressed his avid support of dog fighting and bullfighting.
Can he get retroactive tumor immunity for his love of violence against animals?
I know I’m going to hell, but I think it made it funnier.
“the Last Scion of Bilbo Baggins” is still fucking hilarious
I think that Wonkette should apologize for calling Novak an 800 year old columnist. It’s insulting.
He’s really 900 years old, So shame on you, Wonkette, for tarnishing the good name of Bob Novak.
Larry Fine: Lawrence. That was Tony Maero in Phenomenon. Sheesh…you got your tumors all mixed up.
CollegeStudent: wow, too many typos to count.
It must be my tumor.
If this is what a tumor makes you do, why are we granted all those kids wishes to go to Disney World? We should be wearing electronic ankle bracelets, not making wishes!
tunamelt: My fiancee’s mom is dead and she still says it all the time. After a while it makes it funnier.
I thought he *was* a tumor.
Isn’t this like me being diagnosed as a human?
I think I know where this is going…
Who’s Bridget Johnson?
I thought the last scion of Bilbo Baggins just ran for the Senate in Oregon.
Dramatist: Since Novak committed treason, it’s the Chuck Norris of tumors.
PoliticalGraffiti: indeed.
The Intern: Does that mean if I spell “Robert Novak’s Tumor” in Scrabble, I win forever?
bridgid, dude’s an old shithead, we’re a bunch of unsympathetic shitheads and ‘radio silence’ is a term best applied to the radio.
but thanks for trying.
Bridget, do I feel bad? Yes, that he’s still alive. It’s also great that you quote a fictional MOVIE when you talk about air safety. You are a fucking genius and should win a Pulitzer for this.
DemmeFatale: A Pulitzer prize waiting to never happen.
I think Bridget’s website has a “Object Inspected” tumor.
i calll bullshit. what perfect timing… by the way Bridget, Kennedy has a brain tumor and he didn’t… well, but that wasn’t the brain tumor is my point! so… there!
“Think there might be a reason why he wasn’t cognizant of what happened?”
Oh please, Bridget — Novak is faaaar too much an exponent of “personal responsibility” to jump on the sleazy “tumor defense” bandwagon. I’m thinking he’ll claim to be a member of the unitary executive, and he was investigating the homeless guy for acts of terrorism.
I really hope the Bridgets of the world keep trying to teach us all a lesson. This is as good as e-mail of the day!
And if Novak was that unaware of it’s actions, maybe it should have showed some personal
responsibility and not been driving around in the first place?
Dramatist: Yes. But it’s a shame that the tumor never played Scrabble.
Yes Bridgette, I am ashamed of myself. From now on, I will dedicate myself to being more humble. As a matter of fact, I will become the humblest person in the world, just like Bob.
Lemme try that again…
[IMG="http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/memoryalpha/en/images/thumb/8/83/Bart_of_Darkness.jpg/180px-Bart_of_Darkness.jpg"]
The Intern: Ooh. I really oughta be more careful in what I say about it then. Wouldn’t want to be perceived as willfully insensitive.
Ken Layne: Exactly.
It annoys me greatly that the same group that screeches about “personal responsibility” always wants to use lame excuses to get out of the messes they make.
Fuck it, I quit.
His black corvette is the perfect carriage for delivering his soul expeditiously to its final resting place. His license plate “HLLBNT” provides further confirmation.
Sounds like a pretty convenient brain tumor, if you ask me. Look for an equally convenient “healing” after the trial.
Hah. That wasn’t Wonkette that called out Novak Bridget, it was our evil twin - the Assholettes! However, I do have to give her credit for posting the Jerry O’Connell video making fun of Tom Cruise. Perhaps Tom has a tumor to explain his odd behavior?
Is this the same Bridget that used to pose for that calendar? (Showing my age here…)
“Think there might be a reason why he wasn’t cognizant of what happened?”
Argues facts not in evidence, your Honour. As I recall, the bill of Wonkette particulars indicated that he was cognizant of what happened and, true to his douchebag self, fled the scene of a crime.
Now, Bridget, if I - or Wonkette - were guilty of giving Novackula a “man made” [*tm - Paranormal] brain tumour, we would have reason to feel regret and remorse. But we didn’t “give” it to him; we’re just laughing because Yahweh did.
How completely fuckin’ hypocritical it is to loathe a man’s entire life’s work, but then issue pious pronouncements about what a swell chap he is because he’s been stricken by something terrible. Bob Novack is an unmitigated disgrace as a human being, a bootlicking toady of the rich and powerful, an imperious egomaniac who’s never had a single thought to impart on the wellbeing of his fellow human. Hit’n'run is nothing new for him; his entire career is based on it.
And, Bridget…. fuck you too, just for good measure.
You like my “radio silence?”
Dramatist: See that you do so. I would really hate to see Bob Novak’s Tumor bring a fellow Wonketter to justice because you hurt its feelings.
‘don’t you feel bad now for calling “prince of darkness”‘
A) No
B) People at the Rocky Mountain News read Wonkette?
C) Ohhhhh, *bloggers* read Wonkette. Never mind.
Walter Sobchak: Even funnier is saying “your mom” to your sister…
Nah, guys, Bridget is right. When something bad happens to someone, it immediately absolves them of any wrong they’ve ever done. We’re the dicks for getting on the guy just cause he may have run someone over or something - we should have assumed that he had some kind of brain tumor (actually, I’m surprised none of the commenters did). What’s one little pedestrian flattening compared to such a splendorous career?
PS Bridget, don’t blame me for taking a dump on your cat. I had a stomach ache.
D) ‘Prince of Darkness’, as applied to Novak, is an exaggeration. Dick Cheney rightly has that title. Bob Novak is merely the ‘Squire of Dimness’ ala Tori Amos.
once again you all have it rong. dis is all a cuver up. mccain is behind dis. novak is fakin it so he dozent loze points on his license for killin that fake homelesss cia guy. if he got any more points takin off, he’d loose his license for the rest of hiz life or someting
Are they sure it isn’t just a bad case of anal warts? ‘Cuz with Novak, you know, it’s easy to confuse the ends.
TGY: But if Bob is right below Dick, where does that leave W and Rove?
Cancer is horrible and terrible, and this is regrettable. In no way does that mean that Mr. Novak did not richly deserve the criticism he got.
And there’s a big fat fucking line between calling someone names because you think he’s damaging our country and wishing that he gets brain cancer. Jesus. Right-wingers are completely insane.
“…the columnist is putting his journalistic endeavors on hold …”
This isn’t breaking news. He’s been doing this his whole career.
I do, hereby, choose the following words:
Cantakerous
Old
Shithead.
oh, yes two more:
Ass
Fucking.
The Intern:
Cheney = Prince of Darkness
Novak = Squire of Dimness
W = Dim Squire
Turdblossom = Turdblossom
TGY: Beelzebub’s little brother. It explains the corvette as compensator.
mookworthjwilson: Automatic angry reply: “She’s your mom, too-oo!”
edgydrifter: Thank you for clearing that up. The subleties of wich asshole is more evil is so confusing!!!!
What’s next? “Ann Coulter diagnosed with brain tumor: Demands liberals apologise to her after she said mean things about John Edwards.”
Oh, and when Novak identified Plame it was due to severe psoriasis.
I feel so retroactively guilty now!!!
What is radio silence?
Joey Ratz: If she announced she had throat cancer it would go a long ways towards deflecting the rumors about her manly adam’s apple.
Damn it to HELL. That Novak is a smart guy. I ran over over the paper boy the other day and the cops said I was high or drunk or something, next time, I’m going with the brain tumor thingy.
Yo Bridget Johnson is ugly. http://bridgetjohnson.org/
Joey Ratz: Ann Coulter is, alas, immune to brain tumors for obvious reasons. When she goes, it’ll be prostate cancer.
Bridget Johnson’s Diary:
“I have to confess, I read ‘Wonkette’
That Ken really makes me laugh, except when he says mean ’ol things about mean ’ol men. But I was really hoping Wonkette would take me to dinner and the movies… and then we could… Oh fuck. I’ve said too much. That’s enough for tonight diary.”
Bob Novak titled his autobiography “Prince of Darkness,” so it’s probably okay if we call him that.
More important, if Novak wasn’t aware that he hit a pedestrian because he has a brain tumor, then he shouldn’t have been fucking driving! Don’t tell me that fatass can’t afford a driver.
Ken Layne: There you go again. Novak ran under a homeless guy, not over him. Big difference!
What, did the tumor also make him expose secret agents as well?
Wrongavore: She looks like Porky Pig’s older sister.
How completely fuckin’ hypocritical it is to loathe a man’s entire life’s work, but then issue pious pronouncements about what a swell chap he is because he’s been stricken by something terrible.
Hey now. The only one stricken by something terrible had his better parts cleaned up by novak’s windshield wipers.
WHY CANT I HAZ CMMNTS ON BRIDDID BLOG!?!?!?!!1?!?!?!
Good to know our gopvixen sports Alan Keyes as her friend: http://www.myspace.com/gopvixen
Huh?? Novak … was admitted to Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston …
So far as I know, Novak is not a “Brigham,” whatever that is, which means … ?!?
it wasn’t the brain tumor…. it was me….MWA HAHAHA
Bridget, hon, just because you’ve made a habit of getting porked by LNS-ers in the back of their dads’ Audis does not make you a “vixen”, GOP or otherwise. Dial back the false self-esteem, missy; you’re not that hot.
AnnieGetYourFun: I know I feel all shitty about this. But he’s still a dickhead. And I don’t really feel shitty about it at all—bwah ha ha ha ha
columnv: It’s what you most fervently pray for when Dr. Whora or Rush “Pillboy” Limbahhh is on the old Ay Em.
If he can blame his brain tumor for mowing down old people, then I get to blame my Athlete’s foot for punching a guy in the face.
I thought these were two cute little items will look great in his obituary. I know it’s premature, but I’m so excited.
His son, Alex Novak, is the Director of Marketing for the Swift Boat Veterans’ publisher, Regnery Publishing.
In 2002, Novak’s attitudes towards animal welfare came under scrutiny when he stated in an interview that he attended a cockfight in Puerto Rico and “relished it tremendously”, adding that the United States has “too damn many” anti-cruelty statutes. He also expressed his avid support of dog fighting and bullfighting.
His life will be remembered with such relish as the rich depth of shit he’s given the world.
If she is a Wonkette reader, then she must not have been around for Tony Snow’s diagnosis.
And as far as cancer goes, well that’s a slippery slope argument waiting to happen. Cancer is much less a killer than it once was. Do we have to stop calling an asshole an asshole when they get a bad case of hayfever?
Just sayin’
Bridget: Go to hell! Novak’s a jerk, and a Republican tool! He writes inaccurate, crappy columns, and he’s overpaid and a poseur! There, we said it. Deal with it.
Bridget - you must not be aware that Jim Newell has a bad case of psoriasis or else you wouldn’t be attacking Wonkette. Can’t you see that it’s his constant itching that’s to blame for his anti-Novak rant? That, and too many Twinkies. You heartless bitch.
rockstarjoe: Head’s up on the linking thing.
“Bob, I’m not going to kill you. But I don’t have to save you either.” –The Batman
Bridget’s (her real name?) blog won’t let me comment, or is it just me? I got radio silence I’d like to beam into her skull.
Typical Republican. Doesn’t want to hear the truth from real people. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to be in my ivory tower right about now.
I just read a MSM report on Bob Novak’s tumor that explains why he hit a homeless person and kept driving with the guy splayed across his windshield: “Dr. Lynne Taylor, a neuro-oncologist at Virginia Mason Medical Center in Seattle and fellow with the American Academy of Neurology, said . . .”People get spatial and visual neglect of a certain part of their bodies and they don’t realize they’ve done what they’ve done.”
News flash - President George W. Bush has a tumor. The black Corvette is his Presidency, and we are all the (soon to be, if not already) homeless people.
I didn’t know poop could get tumors. All this time I thought those were peanuts.
Damn, Bob. Ted Kennedy lost half his head, and when he was told the citizens needed his vote on Medicare, through off his covers, grabbed a bottle of Chivas and returned to the Senate to vote, and in doing so, restored my ailing father’s therapy sessions.
Isn’t the best answer to that simply “No.”
In related news: Benazir Bhutto is STILL DEAD!
(Soooooo glad Her Dead Majesty’s Paki Party has lefted A.Q. Khan’s house arrest. Even as we speak, he’s probably flogging updated nuke plans to the Iranians (and North Koreans and Kurds and Nigerians and . . . . )
yellowdogdem: That’s an insult to Mr. Pig. The person who did the photoshop on that picture deserves awards for making her look that good. Yikes, that is one homely ass bitch.
WagTehGod: Not if you define being a splay-legged partisan slattern as a “journalistic endeavor”.
yellowdogdem: Nonsense. She is a GOP Vixen. She says so herself. http://gopvixen.blogs.com/
How sad…
Imagine how bad I’ll feel if she goes and borrows a brain tumor from Bob!
brain cancer? i got my wish!
P.S.
Bridget’s on my wish list.
chadamir: cockfighting, huh? typical republican.
Fucking cunt turned off the comments.
Canuckledragger: YES YES YES YES OH YESSSSSS
That felt soooo good to read. I need a candy cigarette.
WagTehGod: YES YES YES YESSSSS!
This thread is giving me multiples. Whew!
Wrongavore:
Damn. Whoever photoshopped the fuck out that picture got nuts with the Gaussian Blur. Nice plastic skin tone and texture.
Mahousu: Clearly its a Mormon hospital. It was built for Brigham and his Womens…er, wives.
edgydrifter: True, dat. As usual, I am simultaneously grateful and repulsed due to the fact that I have a myspace account.
Damn you Rupert Murdoch, damn you.
Clearly Mr. Novak was working on a new experimental cure for cancer, which involves running people over in your car until you happen to run over a young healthy athlete who heaven will send down as your replacement, just like that Warren Beatty &/or Chris Rock movie.
Who *is* this brilliant person “Bridget Johnson”?? Her “column” is fascinating…real news that we can use, unlike the mean fake news of Wonkette. I’m gonna change channels and watch Bridget every morning over my bowl of Trix and the bong.
Good stuff like, “the second time in recent weeks, a Chicago man sporting a Barack Obama T-shirt was arrested for allegedly soliciting a sex act from an undercover cop” and, referring to Christiane Amanpour’s “scum” question to M. Sarkozy, “Oddest press conference question EVER!”
Now *that’s* some good writin’ over dere. Effete east coast liberals, meet Rocky Mountain high. (I suspect “Bridget” is really Jeff Gannon out of uniform; didn’t he move in with Jim Kolbe, the next Republican vice president of the USA?
looks around for the right wing trolls culling comments from here…..
First those damn “doctors” have to go and say that Cheney actually has a heart, and then they come along with “proof” that Novak apparently has a brain. My faith in modern medicine is severely shaken…
If Bob was doing something out of character when he hit the homeless guy, I might feel bad….
Ha ha! LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT YOURS, WONKETTE. That guy who made fun of because he’s an asshole has a BRAIN TUMOR!! SUCKS FOR YOU!!!
Imagine42: Yes, this principle was perfectly demonstrated when Richard Nixon died.
Wrongavore: Now, now, let’s not be shallow. Let’s not mock her physical appearance, which she cannot change. Instead, let’s mock the shiny lipgloss. I guess it’s nostalgia for the Reagan years.
When Teddy dies his funeral will be a bipartisan sobfest. When Novak dies people will be lining up to poke him with a sharp stick to make certain he’s dead. That’s just how it is with haters.
I’m on my third biopsy since the last time I commented here and I must tell you I was spitting with laughter. I’m definitely going to buy me a black corvette, I’ve got some driving to do!That Bob, what a slippery eel. Maybe he will throw off his covers, crawl down to his computer and full time ghost writer and publish one more treasonist piece of shit. Is treasonist a word? Shit.
ph7: Awwww, she only has 35 MySpace friends? And only 5 or so real friends? That’s sad. Even ugly whores can get more than that on MySpace - just look at Ashley Dupre.
So take away his driver’s license.