Wonkette
The mobile-home hobbits were very busy over the weekend, so we got about 5,000 versions of the latest NOBAMA spam this weekend, invariably sent from AOL addresses. Somebody is VERY confused!!?? about a few things, and we better send this to all our friends.
I AM VERY confused!!??
I RECEIVED THIS, AND NOW I AM MORE CONFUSED THAN I WAS BEFORE …. LET ME SEE IF I HAVE THIS STRAIGHT:HIS FATHER WAS A KENYAN, MUSLIM, BLACK - WE HAVE SEEN PICTURES OF HIS ‘AFRICAN FAMILY’
HIS MOTHER IS A KANSAN, ATHEIST, WHITE - WHERE ARE THE PICTURES OF HIS KANSAN, WHITE MOTHER AND HIS WHITE GRANDPARENTS WHO RAISED HIM?
HIS FATHER DESERTED HIS MOTHER AND HIM WHEN HE WAS VERY YOUNG AND WENT BACK TO HIS FAMILY (WHOSE FAMILY ?) IN KENYA ?
HIS MOTHER MARRIED AN INDONESIAN MUSLIM AND TOOK HIM TO JAKARTA WHERE HE WAS SCHOOLED IN A MUSLIM SCHOOL
HIS MOTHER RETURNED TO HAWAII AND HE WAS RAISED BY HIS WHITE KANSAN GRANDPARENTS ?WHEN ?
HE LATER WENT TO THE BEST HIGH DOLLAR SCHOOLS, HOW?
HE LIVES IN A $1.4 MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE THAT HE ACQUIRED THROUGH A DEAL WITH A WEALTHY FUND RAISER…. HOW?
HE ‘WORKED’ AS A CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST IN CHICAGO - HAS NEVER HELD A PRODUCTIVE JOB.
THE PRESIDENCY IS NOT A CIVIL RIGHTS POST, NOR IS IT SUBJECT TO AFFIRMATIVE ACTION SET ASIDES
HE ENTERED POLITICS AT THE STATE LEVEL AND THEN THE NATIONAL LEVEL, WHERE HE HAS MINIMAL EXPERIENCE
HE IS PROUD OF HIS ‘AFRICAN HERITAGE’ BUT IT SEEMS THAT HIS ONLY AFRICAN CONNECTION WAS THAT HIS AFRICAN FATHER GOT A WHITE GIRL PREGNANT AND DESERTED HER.
I DIDN’T KNOW THAT SPERM CARRIED A ‘CULTURAL’ GENE.
WHERE IS THE PRIDE IN HIS WHITE CULTURE?
HE GOES TO A ‘AFROCENTRIC’ CHURCH THAT HATES WHITES, HATES JEWS, AND BLAMES AMERICA FOR ALL THE WORLD’S PERCEIVED FAULTS AND THEN REPEATEDLY COVERS UP FOR THE PASTOR AND THE CHURCH
HE CLAIMS THAT HE COULD NOT CONFRONT HIS PASTOR BUT HE WANTS US TO BELIEVE THAT HE CAN CONFRONT NORTH KOREA AND IRAN,
YEAH, RIGHT!!!
YEAH, I THINK I SEE HOW HE COULD BE A ‘UNITER’ AND BRING US TOGETHER, I THINK THE HOPE IS THAT HE HOPES NO ONE WILL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER UNTIL AFTER THE ‘ELECTION’
LIKE I SAID AT THE START, ‘ I AM CONFUSED !!!! ‘
HOW ABOUT YOU ???
————————–
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Good news, Confused! There are a ton of pictures of Bear-Bear with his whitey family, so that should clear up any subsequent confusion. Unless by “confused” you meant “racist”.
I have a feeling the person who wrote that gets confused quite easily. The find the ball under the hat game on the jumbotron at ballgames causes weeks of confusion for this person…
someone needs to direct Confused over to Wikipedia
Good use of comic sans.
Someone needs to tell Joe Scarbourgh about the whole “bold” and “Comic Sans” interweb gaffes…
Haha they put “election” in quotes…that reeks of PUMA.
“THE PRESIDENCY IS NOT A CIVIL RIGHTS POST, NOR IS IT SUBJECT TO AFFIRMATIVE ACTION SET ASIDES”
But apparently legacy admissions are ok.
Also, I can’t think of a more productive cross cultural event than interracial fucking.
No, asshole, I am not confused. I will vote for the Muslim, terror loving, Jew hating, niggrah! Why? He is the only hope presently available.
Damned… Obama’s a secret Al-Qaeda Moslem sleeper-cell and McCain is a brainwashed Chi-com sleeper agent. We’re so fucked!
ronaldpagan: I’m guessing Confuse mainly reads the kind of publications that want to show Barry with his black family.
I see no evidence that the writer would not be CONFUSED on any other subject:
Barack Obama: I AM CONFUSED???!!!
Cable Television: I AM CONFUSED???!!!
Type ‘O’ Blood: I AM CONFUSED???!!!
Sun-centered Solar System: I AM CONFUSED???!!!
Subject-Verb Agreement: I AM CONFUSED???!!!
Rent due on 1st of Month: I AM CONFUSED???!!!
I AM CONFUSED TOO.
RACIST DUMBFUCK WHITE PEOPLE ALWAYS TYPE WITH CAPS LOCK ON. WHY?
MAYBE FINGERS TO FAT FOR KEYBOARD. HOW?
EAT TOO MUCH CRAP FOOD. EXERCISE TOO LITTLE. WHY?
JUST FUCKING STUPID OR LAZY. WHY?
TWO STUPID DIPSHITS MATING ODDS OF GETTING SMART KID WORSE THAN WINNING POWERBALL. HOW?
GENES PASSED ON FROM PARENT NOT FROM JEEBUS. STUPID PARENT GENES = STUPID BABY. WHY?
GOD MADE YOU STUPID.
THIS IS WHY CONS SHOULD NEVER REPRODUCE.
HOW ABOUT YOU???
“Didn’t know that sperm carried a cultural gene”?? Obvsly, it’s carrying inbred cracker retard in ‘Confused’ family gene puddle.
Whoa! Novak has a brain tumor?!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080728/ap_on_re_us/novak_brain_tumor
Confused? Go speak to your Afrocentric Chruch pastor, who is apparently Muslim.
WWOBLPD?
(What would Osama Bin Ladin’s pastor do?)
I’m confused?!!? This is higher than a first grade spelling level, How?
Where’s his pride in White Culture? The belt clip for his mobile, obviously!
Pretty sure Obama wrote a book that covers most of this ground. And Racist McBaiter didn’t go into the history of drug use. Or is that no longer code for Dangerous Negro?
Dear confused,
The fumes being emitted from your trailer can cause some confusion which can actually make you
think about marrying your immediate family.
Yeah, I got a lot of NOBAMA e-mails this weekend too.
Wait… sorry, it was just my regular NAMBLA e-mails, never mind.
Dear Confused,
In the interest of bringing some clarity and balance to your messages may I make a suggestion? Before composing your next email please find a key on the left-most side of your keyboard between the “Tab” and “Shift” keys. See that one? Press it until that little green light on the top-right goes “off”. Okay?
Thanks,
The rest of us.
“HE ‘WORKED’ AS A CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST IN CHICAGO - HAS NEVER HELD A PRODUCTIVE JOB.”
Wow. Just…wow.
What’s in that Wonkettini again? I need something to knock me out so I can dream of a world without Bitters. And Caps Lock.
HE’S A NIGGER!!!!
I’m confused how this person’s parents were able to procreate properly. I guess they figured out that his penis wasn’t supposed to go in her ear after awhile.
Dear Abby,
Are you still holding onto that idea about how all voters should be equally represented?
Sincerely,
Befuddled in Bitterville
YOU LEARNED READING AND WRITING, HOW?
‘
YOU GET ON THE INTERNET HIGHWAY BY PAYING THE BILL WITH MONEY DOING WHAT?
YOU CLEARLY SHOULD BE, YET YOU ARE NOT CLASSIFIED AS “SPECIAL NEEDS” WHY?
YOU BELIEVE ALL THE TRIPE ABOUT MCHOPEY, BUT NONE OF THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR CUNT LOVIN’, TROLLOP HATIN’, FLIP FLOPPIN’ APE RAPIN’ MAN WHY?
“HE ‘WORKED’ AS A CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST IN CHICAGO - HAS NEVER HELD A PRODUCTIVE JOB.”
Barry was a community organizer - you know, helping poor people and the like - and was the president of the Law Journal Times or some such at Harvard, which I know is very confusing for the Bitters, seeing as how the “law” won’t let them put the Ten Commandments up in the courthouse, and helping poor people is not as admirable a career path as, say, driving a big truck or selling scraps of aluminum you find down by the river.
not “god bless America,”
goddamn these stupid bitterz
Oh boy. Dinner with my conservative in-laws is about to get even more interesting than usual.
HAS NEVER HELD A PRODUCTIVE JOB
Just like Dubya.
iwillsavethispatient: Don’t forget his 2-inches-too-short Dad Jeans and tucked in polo shirt. That’s all the white pride you need.
ronaldpagan:
I AM VERY RACIST!!??
I RECEIVED THIS, AND NOW I AM MORE RACIST THAN I WAS BEFORE …. LET ME SEE IF I HAVE THIS STRAIGHT:
HIS FATHER WAS A KENYAN, MUSLIM, BLACK - WE HAVE SEEN PICTURES OF HIS ‘AFRICAN FAMILY’
HIS MOTHER IS A KANSAN, ATHEIST, WHITE - WHERE ARE THE PICTURES OF HIS KANSAN, WHITE MOTHER AND HIS WHITE GRANDPARENTS WHO RAISED HIM?
HIS FATHER DESERTED HIS MOTHER AND HIM WHEN HE WAS VERY YOUNG AND WENT BACK TO HIS FAMILY (WHOSE FAMILY ?) IN KENYA ?
HIS MOTHER MARRIED AN INDONESIAN MUSLIM AND TOOK HIM TO JAKARTA WHERE HE WAS SCHOOLED IN A MUSLIM SCHOOL
HIS MOTHER RETURNED TO HAWAII AND HE WAS RAISED BY HIS WHITE KANSAN GRANDPARENTS ?WHEN ?
HE LATER WENT TO THE BEST HIGH DOLLAR SCHOOLS, HOW?
HE LIVES IN A $1.4 MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE THAT HE ACQUIRED THROUGH A DEAL WITH A WEALTHY FUND RAISER…. HOW?
HE ‘WORKED’ AS A CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST IN CHICAGO - HAS NEVER HELD A PRODUCTIVE JOB.
THE PRESIDENCY IS NOT A CIVIL RIGHTS POST, NOR IS IT SUBJECT TO AFFIRMATIVE ACTION SET ASIDES
HE ENTERED POLITICS AT THE STATE LEVEL AND THEN THE NATIONAL LEVEL, WHERE HE HAS MINIMAL EXPERIENCE
HE IS PROUD OF HIS ‘AFRICAN HERITAGE’ BUT IT SEEMS THAT HIS ONLY AFRICAN CONNECTION WAS THAT HIS AFRICAN FATHER GOT A WHITE GIRL PREGNANT AND DESERTED HER.
I DIDN’T KNOW THAT SPERM CARRIED A ‘CULTURAL’ GENE.
WHERE IS THE PRIDE IN HIS WHITE CULTURE?
HE GOES TO A ‘AFROCENTRIC’ CHURCH THAT HATES WHITES, HATES JEWS, AND BLAMES AMERICA FOR ALL THE WORLD’S PERCEIVED FAULTS AND THEN REPEATEDLY COVERS UP FOR THE PASTOR AND THE CHURCH
HE CLAIMS THAT HE COULD NOT CONFRONT HIS PASTOR BUT HE WANTS US TO BELIEVE THAT HE CAN CONFRONT NORTH KOREA AND IRAN,
YEAH, RIGHT!!!
YEAH, I THINK I SEE HOW HE COULD BE A ‘UNITER’ AND BRING US TOGETHER, I THINK THE HOPE IS THAT HE HOPES NO ONE WILL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER UNTIL AFTER THE ‘ELECTION’
LIKE I SAID AT THE START, ‘ I AM RACIST !!!! ‘
HOW ABOUT YOU ???
The funniest thing to do is pick a sentence from this informative email and enter it in Google.
It’s like licking the bottom of your shoe after walking through an abattoir.
Advocatus_Diaboli:
shit; I fucked it up and used the apostrophe correctly. Let me correct:
HES’ A NIGGER!!!
Our good friend “confused” does not seem to know the difference between confused and bitter, angry, deluded, racist moron.
SuperRounder: Interracial fucking like a polar bear and a black bear?
iwillsavethispatient: What, Barry should put on a sheet and burn crosses? Because that’s what “white pride” means down here in South.
And really, do honkeys have something in particular to be proud of? But then again, I’m part Irish and part Cherokee. Drunk, oppressed, and female to boot. This is why I’ll be voting Democrat. The patriarchy I know is better than the patriarchy I don’t.
/rant
This guy’s so ‘confused’ I bet he pulls the lever for Obama on election day by accident. If he even figured out how to register.
I went to Kenya, got a woman pregnant and then abandoned her so there, we’re even.
Hominidx: I took your cue and I think I actually found the author here. http://solomonhezekiah.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/confused/
His name is ‘greg’ and he posts retarded comments in the thread below.
Of all the things I’ve wished for regarding comeuppance/schadenfreude/karma, I REALLY wish for cameras on the Nobamas/Pumas/Wingnuts/WALNUTS! of the world when Barry is crowded President. A video montage of their doomed facial expressions would keep me smiling for the rest of my days. Just like that picture of Santorum’s crying daughter; it’s the stuff dreams are made of.
That was AWESOME.
You can tell he lacks white pride because of his bowling score and the fact that his web site fails to sell divot tools.
Oh, I forgot: ??!!!???!
Hominidx: If you do the cool new thing and “cuil” it, you get this: “No results because of high load…Due to excessive load, our servers didn’t return results. Please try your search again.”
Bartender, another round please.
‘High Dollar Schools’? Hey don’t knock it! I leanrd to typ at the High Dollar school at my local mall. Its petween Payless Shoes and the Chikn-Filay
Hmmm. Looks like someone needs to tell Donald Wildmon to step away from the computer, as his McDonald’s withdrawal is starting to really show.
ronaldpagan: Or a grizzly. Brown bears need love too. Ask Bill Richardson.
Marcel Parcells: Yeah, ‘reads’. Likely.
Oh, good. Now we can all expect to get this piece of trash forwarded to us by distant relatives, the land lady, etc.
I thought we were calling inbreeding the “cultural gene” because the mentally handicapped get really mad when we call hillbillies ‘retards’.
SuperRounder: Or a pander bear. Ahem. Call me, Barack!
I think it’s safe to say that anytime you start talking about having “pride in your white heritage,” you’re already deep in the heart of Klan Kountry, which is right on down the dirt road from Deliverance country.
A relative of mine showed me this recently to show why he doesn’t “trust” Obama and the only response I could come up with was, “so what your telling me is that your a racist.”
ronaldpagan: You wouldn’t mind having him drop Michelle off by my place, wouldja?
“THE PRESIDENCY IS NOT A CIVIL RIGHTS POST, NOR IS IT SUBJECT TO AFFIRMATIVE ACTION SET ASIDES.”
Unfamiliar with Bush v. Gore, apparently.
Scarab: Haha! Of course you mean Nobama Assholes Making Blacks Look Arab.
Dear Confused:
The reason “confused” in the first sentence of your letter is lower case is that you already had the CAPS LOCK ON, and then apparently, for extra emphasis, also held down one of your SHIFT KEYS. The way to fix this is to ALSO HOLD DOWN THE SHIFT KEY ON THE OTHER SIDE of your keyboard while writing your message.
Good luck and happy typing.
W
somelegalbitch: My response to my conservative in-laws is “Trust? You mean to tell me that you trust OTHER politicians? Your ignorance on candidate X can be forgiven, but what you’ve just said indicates the more serious problem of plain ol’ stupidity.”
OK, so maybe I substitute “naivety” for “stupidity” in the course of actual discourse.
HIGH DOLLAR SCHOOL MUSICAL
sanantonerose: Thanks for saying that. Couldn’t have put it better myself.
BTW, that link to the outside blog hasn’t been abused in a while - I highly recommend everyone visit and leave a snarky comment. Fun!
For those of you wondering how his parents reproduced… remember, you can get pregnant by kissing.
Hey, cool. McCain sent his very first email ever to Wonkette! What an honor!
AnnieGetYourFun: I unfortunately have to make the time to think of these things.
pondscum: It’s one of those situations where I wasn’t sure if my eyes were hurting from the font or the assineness.
So hard to tell
why is it always ‘wordpress’?
Yes, you are confused. The good news is, if you kill yourself now, all confusion is guaranteed to end forever.
The only thing that could possibly make that caps-locked masterpiece any harder to read would be if I took a red pen to it, like the editor in me is SO aching to do right now.
mookworthjwilson: Where’d the ball go!? It’s a witch! BURN IT!
At least we know McCrankypants didn’t pen this opus, as we know he is aware of all internet traditions and nowhere in this email are Hitler or Nigeria mentioned.
EnBuenOra: That was *beautiful*. Thank you for making me laugh so hard I cried a little.
Other things the writer seems to be confused about are the use of CAPS LOCK and what kind of jobs are productive (Hint: community organizer = yes. doing blow at ivy league college/destroying major league sports team/failing at life = no.)
Did Maureen Dowd write this one too?
toastandlove: And don’t forget running to be President - that’s pretty white.
sanantonerose: It’s okay to have a little pride in being white, as long as it’s hidden by a huge amount of shame for past wrongdoings.
The question is: “I AM VERY confused!!??”
The answer is: “YES!!!!”
ManchuCandidate: Not enough redundant punctuation. FAIL.
Its funny how people like this always think they’re so smart because they put a couple of random thoughts together and believe that it makes sense.
“HOOOOOWIIIEEE, lookie what I just wrote here in the big box. I’s so smart. Those librul cocksuckers will never defend against this Muslim Negro. Now where’d I put my hood, its time for the klan meetin’.”
Fear of a Black Reagan: ManchuCandidate: Also, shows rudimentary understanding of math concepts. Has to be FAKE.
ManchuCandidate: LOL. And I mean L.O.L.!
KevoTron: Wow, I kept reading that comment section, and found this gem from the blogger:
sol Says:
June 13, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Always Curious, we are all familiar with Snopes and with Wikipedia. Unfortunately, you are not familiar with Greg, who has been a friend of mine for many years and a journalist of good repute for much longer. It doesn’t require his master’s degree in communications to prove he’s not as “intillectually” challenged as you.
Evidently, the AUTHOR OF THIS EMAIL HAS A MASTERS DEGREE IN COMMUNICATIONS. I AM SO confused!!?!
I’m confused because I thought civil rights lawyer and law professor meant “gainfully employed,” as one would receive an actual PAYCHECK from time to time.
And let’s face it, as far as affirmative action is concerned, no one has benefitted more than “legacy” George W. Bush. He would have never got into a single fancy school based on his merits.
Why is it these assholes who think blacks get special treatment don’t seem to mind when inbred rich assholes benefit from their connections?
KevoTron: This place is a real find. “You might have facts on your side, but I’ve known Greg for some time and respect his work.” In other words, fuck facts. Amazing.
TJBeck: Jinx! You got there first. Damn me and my lack of mad typing skillz.
wallythepug: I think in the minds of the Confused, “gainflly employed” for a nigra means scrubbing toilets.
Ha ha ha! Love this exchange with the blog-owner at the end — convicted by his own words:
# Duke Says: July 28, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I read on the internet that you are Belgian. Can you prove you aren’t?
# sol Says: July 28, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I’m not really obliged to prove anything to any interlopers. I’d love a link to where on the internet someone is even interested enough in me to allege that I’m Belgian. If you read the rest of my blog it would be pretty evident this isn’t the case.
http://solomonhezekiah.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/confused/#comment-992
Looks like the Paultards got you on this one!
As Stevie Wonder, Hopey’s first Minister of Blak Culture, likes to sing, “So What The Fuss”??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRoWE9nL_a8
grevillea: This is going to be my new response to everything: But can you PROVE you’re not Belgian?
I want it in the upcoming Presidential debates. I want it on Driver’s License exams. I dream of the day when an order placed at a McD’s drive through is met with the response “I’m afraid I cannot fill your order until you prove you aren’t Belgian.”
these all caps people type that way because their keyboards are all clogged up with cheetos crumbs. it ain’t easy being cheesy….
Karl tried to escape thru Nebraska in disguise and under the name of
<a href=”http://wonkette.com/401502/former-state-legislature-candidate-smokes-mary-jane-runs-around-naked-like-an-idiot#comments Charles Stepaneck
grevillea:
Haha, glorious.
Sol had it coming.