PORNOGRAPHY  3:34 pm July 25, 2008

German Reporter’s Sexy Workout With Obama!

by Ken Layne

Dear German Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me ...While John McCain was waddling behind a housewife and knocking over the apple sauce in a grocery store, Barack Obama had a German Gym Workout with a young lady reporter from the German paper BILD. And she is not going to forget that anytime soon. Let’s enjoy her sexytime memories, together.

  • As thousands waited at the Sieges Saule monument in Berlin to hear Obama’s sensational speech, a BILD reporter met Barack all alone – in the gym!
  • Barack Obama is wearing a grey t-shirt, black tracksuit bottoms – and a great smile!
  • “Hi, how’s it going?“ asks Obama in his deep voice. My heart beats.
  • Shortly before five o’clock Obama comes over and sits directly next to my cross-trainer on the mat. First he does 10 sit-ups, then stretches.
  • Then, amazingly, he picks up the 32 kilo weights! Very slowly he lifts them, first 10 curls with his right, then 10 with his left. He breathes deeply in and out and takes a sip of water from his 0,5 litre Evian bottle.
  • “I’m Barack Obama, nice to meet you!” he says, and puts his arm across my shoulder. I put my arm around his hip – wow, he didn’t even sweat! WHAT A MAN!

I worked out with Obama! [BILD]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 98 comments }

Q2 July 25, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Someone needs to find a boyfriend.

SuperRounder July 25, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Barry, have you learned nothing from John Edwards? Sweating it up with a young lady is NOT a good idea right now!!

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 3:39 pm

I’ll be right back, I need a cigarette…

greatgooglymoogly July 25, 2008 at 3:39 pm

“Und I am tinking … SUPER RACE! Ja! (Gott in himmel, vat iz wrong mit me?)”

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 3:40 pm

“…He breathes deeply in and out and takes a sip of water from his 0,5 litre Evian bottle…

“I’m Barack Obama, nice to meet you!” he says, and puts his arm across my shoulder. I put my arm around his hip – wow, he didn’t even sweat! WHAT A MAN!”

You KNOW what she wanted her next sentence to be.

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 3:42 pm

C’mon now, WALNUTS! did lift that tiny package and place it in the cunts shopping cart all by himself without working up a sweat.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 3:43 pm

One armed 70lb dumbbell curls? Ack. In my best days I could barely manage 50lbs.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 3:43 pm

[re=44593]Doglessliberal[/re]:
“Is it twoo you people are gifted?”

Outstando July 25, 2008 at 3:43 pm

I think I just turned gay.

Cicada July 25, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Kilos, litres? How can we vote for a man who associates with such elitist units of measurement?
Pounds and gallons, Senator! Like the good lord intended.

Tawmn July 25, 2008 at 3:44 pm

I never thought I’d find myself writing a letter to your magazine…

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 3:44 pm

and damn, the dude is curling a lot of weight.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 3:44 pm

…ewwwwwww, I hope they wiped down the equipment when they were done!?

Outstando July 25, 2008 at 3:45 pm

32 kilo one-arm curls? Seriously? Someone convert this to pounds so all the nation’s football players can be impressed.

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 3:45 pm

[re=44598]ManchuCandidate[/re]: you beat me to it–that is impressive. Hopey runs on Unicorn Power (TM), though, so he has an advantage.

nietzscheprojectile July 25, 2008 at 3:45 pm

[re=44597]CrunchyKnee[/re]: The operative phrase being tiny package.

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 3:47 pm

who else came after reading this?

iwillsavethispatient July 25, 2008 at 3:47 pm

He drank out of a “0,5 litre Evian bottle”? ELITIST!

Blow Up Speaker Doll July 25, 2008 at 3:50 pm

Her last name is “Bonesky.” Giggle.

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=44607]Outstando[/re]: 1 kilo = 2.2 lbs.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Y’know, Obama.com doesn’t even have to publish Hopey’s schedule — if you want to find out where he is, just follow the trail of swooning reporters until you catch up to him.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 3:53 pm

…”0.5 litre Evian bottle”!? Only elitist use decimals, is he too good to drink 5 litres?!

Outstando July 25, 2008 at 3:54 pm

[re=44621]Doglessliberal[/re]: The literal get slapped around here.

WhatTheHeck July 25, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Now what benefit is it to us to have a president who’s handsome, muscular, breathes hard when he works out and exudes sexuality?
Now take John Mc…

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 3:55 pm

“Obama (with toned arms and a strong back) puts on his headphones for his iPod to listen to pop music. He hums quietly. Then he jumps on a fitness bike.” Bonesky was then crushed beyond belief to realize that Obama wasn’t listening to Kraftwerk or Turbo Negor, but Kenny G. instead.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 3:56 pm

[re=44621]Doglessliberal[/re]: [re=44607]Outstando[/re]: …ok, if that conversion is true then Im gonna have to call BULLSHIT!!! Im 27 years old and can bench 375lbs(twice no spot) and I cant even curl 70.4 lbs 10 times!!!

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 3:56 pm

[re=44628]Outstando[/re]: As soon as I posted that I realized I was a moron. I apologize. It is the lawyer in me–I am compelled to answer questions posed to me.

pastor mike July 25, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Thats Ok the more McCains camp see’s they are losing the more they will attack Obama any where they can. Has any one else seen this new grainy cell video of Obama smoking? I wonder if the new cell phone video of Obama smoking a cigar with the french PM will have any effect on the vote, seeing how Obama said he quit smoking. You can find Obama cigar video at http://www.theobamaplan.com its at one of the links at that site. I cant remember which one but its not hard to find. I dont know who I will be voting for. I dislike both candidates so much.

I however am a Paul supporter, just wondering if anyone has seen this new video of Ron Paul, He gets angry while taling about Obama’s Policy. He if visibly angrey and starts shouting. LOL, Ive never seen him mad before. Pretty funny, man he’d make a good president. here is the link if you wanna see. http://www.BarrPaul08.com

Outstando July 25, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=44635]Doglessliberal[/re]: It’s okay. It lets everyone off the hook.

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=44634]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Hopey runs on Unicorn Power, maybe with some rainbow dust thrown in. That lifts all burdens and opens all doors. The dude shot an impossible three pointer a few days ago. There is clearly a supernatural force at work here.

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=44634]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: well duh, you are angry and black. Obama is just angry.

Cicada July 25, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=44623]SayItWithWookies[/re]: WALNUTS might get more swooning reporters following him if he didn’t spend all his time at the grocery store and the Fudge Haus.
I bet all the reporters assigned to WALNUTS are green with envy every time they look at their itinerary: “Another frickin’ town hall in Podunk Ohio? Dammit!”

Outstando July 25, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=44634]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Yeah, well maybe you’re arms are really short, and you’re barrel-chested, and you use three towels stacked on your chest, and you fail to appreciate the power of sinew. Skinny is the new strong!

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: You are a Paul supporter??? You are kidding????

Cicada July 25, 2008 at 4:02 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 4:02 pm

So, I just Google Languaged her article from English to Morrissey and this popped up:

I touched you at the soundcheck
You had no real way of knowing
In my heart I begged “Take me with you …
I don’t care where you’re going…”

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 4:03 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: Please vote for Doctor Ron Paul.

Scarab July 25, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Will Obama still want be president?
This Germany trip has been the biggest American pussyfest since Hasselhoff’s ‘Crazy for You’ tour in 1990.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=44640]Doglessliberal[/re]: …dont forget a couple doses of anabolic horse steroids for good measure!

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 4:06 pm

[re=44651]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: well, yeah, that works, too.

Lazy Media July 25, 2008 at 4:07 pm

[re=44634]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Seriously? 375? What are you, an ex-pro lineman? The best I’ve ever managed was @ 190 (I am a pretty scrawny type, though).

70 lbs. is a hell of a one-arm curl, particularly for 10 reps. That may have happened in Dream Land during her fainting spell. I can probably do 10 35-pound curls on my best day; I work out with, like, 25.

He could probably manage it if he cheated and used bad form.

Smackdown July 25, 2008 at 4:07 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: you are right about everything they would be a great tema and the other cnanidats were crazy to think they could even compare no taxes everyone be their own doctor and stop telling me to eat my brococoli.

Buffy and Hildegard July 25, 2008 at 4:08 pm

“Then, amazingly, he picks up the 32 kilo weights! Very slowly he lifts them, first 10 curls with his right, then 10 with his left. He breathes deeply in and out and takes a sip of water from his 0,5 litre Evian bottle and says, “…ninety-eight…ninety-nine…”

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=44641]CrunchyKnee[/re]: …are you trying to imply that Barack Obama was part of some government experiment which gives him superhuman strength and render’s him green when he gets angry?

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 4:08 pm

Oh man, he is in for some serious head rolling “oh no you didt’” and references to being “kicked to the curb” when he gets home…

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 4:09 pm

…Then from German to Morrissey:

On the day that your mentality
catches up with your biology
And if you ever need self-validation
just meet me in the alley by the
railway-station
it’s written all over my face

Outstando July 25, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=44654]Lazy Media[/re]: If you look closely, you’ll see I’m now wearing a whistle around my neck, and coach’s shorts. What this means is that it’s time for everyone to come on over here and take a knee. Now we’re in here to go up, to get stronger. And we’re gonna do the two best exercises you can do: bench press, and arm curls. It’s critical for this nation’s satirical political discourse that we publicly discuss our max. Now take a lap, girls.

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=44660]freakishlystrong[/re]: It’ll be worse when Carla Bruni comes out with the remix of “You Are My Drug”, dedicated to “that tall, Black drink of water…the moments we stole will be with me always…”

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 4:17 pm

[re=44667]Doglessliberal[/re]: Bitch’ll throw her damn shoe at him!

PioBaroja July 25, 2008 at 4:18 pm

[re=44599]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Lady you’re sucking on my arm.” Best line in the movie, according to Richard Pryor, who wrote it, but it was edited out. Them Gemermans do love them an “exotic” though.

Mo MoDo July 25, 2008 at 4:18 pm

I had no idea Maureen Dowd was German.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 25, 2008 at 4:19 pm

[re=44654]Lazy Media[/re]: He used the same magic technique Pat Robertson did when he leg pressed 2000 pounds. Or Barry just bought the shake.

BadNewsJack July 25, 2008 at 4:21 pm

Am I the only one with a boner here, or is that unnatural?

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=44654]Lazy Media[/re]:
Stop stealing my chest workout (in the days when I did weights)!

El Bombastico July 25, 2008 at 4:23 pm

If Pat Robertson could leg press 2,000 pounds with the force of Jesus behind him, then BHO could easily curl 70lbs. with the grace of Mohammed guiding his hand.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=44654]Lazy Media[/re]: …I played Highschool and College football. And at risk of turning this into a fitness blog; the secret is always max-out during every exercise and always exercise with someone who is stronger than you(because they will always push you to keep up). And if Barry is curling 70lbs for 10 reps then he should be running for Mr. Olympia too not just president.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=44705]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
But Barry doesn’t look it. He should be looking like the Hulk, not Reed Richard’s Black Twin.

loquaciousmusic July 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Man, that reporter is such a BILD.

nietzscheprojectile July 25, 2008 at 4:31 pm

[re=44705]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Mr. Olympia! Yes. That Zeus has turned into a lazy fat ass the last couple of millenia. This is change I can believe in.

masterdebater July 25, 2008 at 4:31 pm

Wow, not a single “I’m Barack Obama, and I am here to pump..you up!” joke?

nietzscheprojectile July 25, 2008 at 4:32 pm

[re=44724]masterdebater[/re]: I haven’t seen a “I’m Barack Obama, now we dance.” joke either. Or maybe he was working up to having her touch his monkey?

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=44705]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Skinny can be strong. I am a slender-looking woman and can move a lot of weight. I cannot get my arms to grow much. (maybe I can score some of that rainbow powder)

Gee, a new topic for this blog–weight lifting. Assholettes: We Know a Little About a Lot!

El Bombastico July 25, 2008 at 4:38 pm

I call BS on this whole article. The reporter’s name is “Judith Bonesky”?? That sounds like the name of a female Russian spy from a rejected James Bond screenplay.

CollegeStudent July 25, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: Pastor Mike, you have no idea where you are do you?
I’m sorry, those jealous bastards at HuffPo told you turn left when you got to politico, huh? You need to take a sharp right turn at Glenn Beck, and that will take you to the same on Truck Nutz.
Safe Travels

WadISay July 25, 2008 at 4:44 pm

Her nostrils flared and her ample bodice heaved as this mandingo Uebermensh curled his bottle of Evian to his glistening lips. “Kommst du hier vielmals?” she whispered hoarsley.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=44738]El Bombastico[/re]: …nah, now Ivana Bonesky sounds like a James Bond Starlet!

keepinitrealyo July 25, 2008 at 4:48 pm

Merkel is probably jonesing for a backrub from this guy.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 4:51 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: …I must have been to busy snarking to smell the bullshit coming from your post, but better late than never right? I’m pretty sure that most people(with commonsense) will rather have a candidate who smokes cigs than a candidate who would forget he is running for president if it wasn’t for his handlers constantly reminding him.

AxmxZ July 25, 2008 at 5:19 pm

He’s working off a buff he got at the Temple of Hercules. And that Evian bottle? Secret mana potion.

jagorev July 25, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Michelle is going to kick some blonde German reporter ass very soon.

Obamaton July 25, 2008 at 5:28 pm

[re=44705]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Who said he was using his arms?

sati demise July 25, 2008 at 5:38 pm

[re=44760]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
McCain used to be a two pack a day smoker. Dont think Barry was in that league, ever.

But an occasional cigar? Nothing wrong with that.

Stealth Liberal July 25, 2008 at 5:49 pm

[re=44654]Lazy Media[/re]: He never curled 70 pounds. You have to divide 35 by 2.2, not multiply. Thus, something more along the lines of 15ish.

Hominidx July 25, 2008 at 5:59 pm

[re=44624]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Not to mention EVIAN is NAIVE backwards!
INEXPERIENCED! NEGRO!

TJBeck July 25, 2008 at 6:26 pm

OK, this may be one of the saddest Youtube video ever. I googled 70 lb dumbells just to see what I found, and I found this AXE-drenched douchebag on Youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhDIBQKrgE

This is the saddest video ever. It’ almost two minutes long, and the guy barely swings up two reps, if you could call them that.

TJBeck July 25, 2008 at 6:28 pm

[re=44842]Stealth Liberal[/re]: I think you need to update the current exchange rate.

Sean O July 25, 2008 at 6:28 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: You’re a paultard? NO WAY.

lilblackcorvette July 25, 2008 at 6:32 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]: I, the black princess, summon you to my court. Defend the Kingdom from the fire breathin two- headed Gorgon! We beseecheth thee!

Wagamuffin July 25, 2008 at 7:14 pm

This woman gives Contessa Brewer a run for her money.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey July 25, 2008 at 7:33 pm

[re=44637]pastor mike[/re]:
Welcome to the House of Fun/
Now I’ve come of age/
Welcome to the House of Fun/
Welcome to the lion’s den/
Temptation’s on his way/
Welcome to the House of Fun/

Welcome to the House of Fun…

Welcome to Wonkette!

Mr. Spanky July 25, 2008 at 7:53 pm

[re=44631]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Not Kenny G, my friend, but Barry was actually listening to old-school, Ice-T, Body Count style:

“Went to Berlin, met this fine-assed white girl,
blonde hair, blue eyes, big tits and thighs,
the kinda girl that would knock out most guys.
She got wild in the gymnasium bathroom,
sucked my dick like a motherfucking’ vacuum,
said “I love you, but my daddy don’t play,
he’s the fuckin’ big doggie of the Green Par-tay.”

TheRealJimbo July 25, 2008 at 7:54 pm

[re=44872]TJBeck[/re]: It had never occured to me to rip my shirt off at the gym. Let alone videotape myself doing two curls.

BwanaJim July 25, 2008 at 9:29 pm

[re=44842]Stealth Liberal[/re]: Regents’ Math college grad?

Stealth Liberal July 25, 2008 at 11:00 pm

*hangs head* Well, fifteen pounds-ish would have made more sense? I am so embarrassed. I blame alcohol. My math skills have certainly declined…

Lazy Media July 25, 2008 at 11:22 pm

[re=44842]Stealth Liberal[/re]: Jeepers, libruls can’t do math.

AxmxZ July 25, 2008 at 11:58 pm

[re=44963]Lazy Media[/re]: I think the implication of Barry “Men’s Answer to Kate Moss” Obama curling 70 lbs twenty times was just too awesome for him to process.

nbawriter July 26, 2008 at 10:34 am

BILD = Barack I’d Like to Do.

Neilist July 27, 2008 at 1:41 pm

[re=44954]Stealth Liberal[/re]: Actually, a kilo IS 2.2 lbs. So the barbell was 70.4 lbs — IF the story is true.

I’m not calling “BULLSHIT!,” but . . . .

I’ve got about the same build as Hopey (tallish, with long – but not that large – arms/biceps; largish chest).

When I was in shape (rugby and combatives), I could bench the entire stack on the old Universal machines once or twice. That was around 425 lbs. Admittedly, it’s easier on a machine, because you don’t have to balance/control the weight as you do with a barbell.

But I could never to an equivalent weight with dumbbell curls, because my arms were/are too long. (It was a bad idea to try to out-jab me: My fist would be in your face about three or four inches before you got into range.) The leverage wasn’t here. And my biceps weren’t that big, because most of my training was aerobic. (Combatives are the best aerobic exercise: You sweat more when someone is trying to kick your head off.)

Hopey would have the same problem, due to the biomechanics. He might get 70 lbs. up and over in a curl — once or twice. But not 10 reps. Never happen. Trust me.

I figure this German blint’s vision was Lust-Blurred. Happens all the time in the gym.

Never to me, though.

:::SOB!:::

AxmxZ July 27, 2008 at 2:39 pm

[re=45058]Neilist[/re]: There’s only one logical way to settle this dispute once and for all: townhall curl-off!

Neilist July 27, 2008 at 4:19 pm

[re=45059]AxmxZ[/re]: But under the Fair Political Practices Act, wouldn’t we have to invite WALNUTS! to your proposed Town Hall Curl-Off?

And give him “equal time”?

How could we do that? Old “Ejection Seat Arms” can barely get his hands up high enough to bitchslap Cunty . . . Whoops! . . . Cindy, the next FLOTUS.

I suppose we could make WALNUTS! a special dumbbell by supergluing two of his former North Vietnamese jailers to a piece of the bamboo they used to question him — question, not torture, because the People’s Republic shares our abhorence of torture.

The NVA guys were pretty light. What with WALNUTS! ‘Roid Rage, he might be able to bang out an impressive series of ‘reps.

AxmxZ July 27, 2008 at 6:02 pm

[re=45065]Neilist[/re]: During the debates, Barry should arrange to surreptitiously slip out of his shirt. In fact, he should show up to the debate in a full tux and respond to every question by removing an article of clothing.

josereyes.theroof July 27, 2008 at 7:19 pm

[re=44587]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Post-war, Leni Riefenstahl did make her work photographing the Aryans of Sub-Saharan Africa in suggestive poses, so… Yes.

Neilist July 27, 2008 at 9:16 pm

[re=45069]AxmxZ[/re]: You’re head in the right direction, but you didn’t take the Big Idea far enough.

He shows up at the Convention in a g string, and the women of American slip $100 bills into his cup.

Hey, Presto! The National Debt is paid off overnight!

(Michelle might object, though. Particularly given her lack of pride in AMERICA!)

(Also, can Muss-lems be Chippendale’s Dancers?)

AxmxZ July 27, 2008 at 9:45 pm

[re=45085]Neilist[/re]: But what about building up suspense? Showing up in just a g-string and oil would sell it all too fast. He’d have nothing left for the debate. No, no, no. Full tux. The public will forget all about McCain by the time Barry is tie-less and in his shirtsleeves. Open the phonelines to international callers, and we’ll banrupt Asia.

Mr-Clark July 27, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Ken Layne,

10 whole situps? WOW! Of course he didn’t break a sweat. Who would? I’ll bet he is the kind of guy you see at the gym wearing the t-shirt tucked into the sweats. Geek!

Sincerely and respectfully,

Mr-Clark

Odd Ass City July 27, 2008 at 10:01 pm

[re=44676]PioBaroja[/re]: I think the actual line that was censored (according to Mel Brooks) was “I hate to disappoint you, Baby, but you’re sucking on my arm.” (Was supposed to follow “It’s twoo, it’s twoo!”)

Susanne July 28, 2008 at 5:52 am

Wow … and to imagine, if Obama, in his youth, had done this with a white woman in Mississippi or Alabama! He would have ended up in jail or dangling from a tree! No wonder the thought makes Americans uncomfortable.

Outstando July 28, 2008 at 11:08 am

[re=45058]Neilist[/re]: I used to be able to curl that much.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: