Wonkette
Here’s a nice video from The Hill newspaper that shows fitness creep Richard Simmons annoying Capitol Hill for several hours yesterday. He testifies to a House committee about No Child Left Behind destroying public schools’ physical education programs, and he exercises with Hill staffers outside the building. For Republican Congressmen who could witness this from the Capitol’s bathroom windows, it was a dream come true. In this video, Simmons starts freaking out to Congress at :52, then ratchets it up at 1:15, then “climaxes” at 1:30. It is hilarious. This Hill reporter, Erica whatever, seems nice. [YouTube]
Krusty the Clown meets Stuart Smalley.
OMG, Richard Simmons and Ronald McDonald — separated at birth? No wonder the AFA has it’s panties in a twist.
I want Erica to be my friend.
Ha! Jim Newell is in L-U-V.
She seems like a well-scrubbed and wholesome girl child. Go for it.
Richard Simmons is truly America’s First Queen, and as such, I think we should all listen hard (uh uh) to his solutions so that we can become (uh uh) a slimmer, healthier, and gosh-darnit better people.
Love him. Not kidding.
I can’t tear my eyes away from the sentance; ” For Republican Congressmen who could witness this from the Capitol’s bathroom windows, it was a dream come true.” And they block teh tubes at my damn office…
Freaking out on the Oldies, Pt 1.
Why won’t american kids live longer? Because repubs keep buggering them and giving them teh HIV. Duh.
Somebody get Richard drunk and leave him in Crew Club.
Uh, can he swing by the office of Dr. Ada M. Fisher? No disrespect… I’m just saying, it might be time for an intervention. Does he have any spare Deal-A-Meal cards?
He just comes around (cums inside?) Capitol Hill to make the GOP look less gay in comparison. I can only assume Tony Little and Chuck Norris had other gay activities that conflicted, hence sending in the tired, shrieky, lithium-addled Dick Simmons.
In that suit he looks like Michael Keaton in Beetlejuice after getting gang-raped by a roving band of Taser- and gravy-wielding Haggards.
I liked the “it made them rounded” comment. Excellent.
…isnt he kinda late? I mean Denny Hastert’s fat ass retired like 2 years ago!
It’s funny to see him in a dignified suit (excluding the wacky hair) and standing at the podium. For a moment you’ve got this false sense of hope that Richard Simmons is going to be speaking in measured and collegiate tones, but then the Richard Simmons you know and fear shows up.
He’s well qualified to run for office. He’s made more fat women cry than McAncient.
Also demonstrated: we can save energy by doing away with microphones and just screaming everything.
…Republicans in congress don’t care if kids can “throw balls”, just catch them! *rimshot*
…I never took Richard Simmons as a “Jock”, more of a “Fem”! *rimshot*
…I think we have finally found someone with a more annoying voice than Hillary Clinton! *rimshot*
this is just too easy!
All I know is that 15-year-old me would have rather been studying quietly for yet another round of standardize NCLB tests than going down the gym and having dodgeballs hurled at him.
Ya know, first they ruin “gay” and now he’s ruining “fit.” damn.
SuperRounder: LMAO
greatgooglymoogly: Holy shit, he IS Krusty.
Hot pants and cocoa butter for all!!!!
not surprisingly, Dr. Ada M. Fisher has no idea who this “man” is.
In the early 1990s Richard Simmons would sometimes just show up on the local CBS affiliate’s morning show–with the personal interest reporter who had a beagle named Barney. One morning, IIRC, it was Richard, Dick Wolfsie (the reporter), Barnie, and a clown(??) walking a neighborhood in Indianapolis just being insane. It was like Performance Art for the flyover crowd. Unreal.
Um, I’d rather be fat.
“This Hill reporter, Erica whatever, seems nice?” Newell…did you see what she was wearing AROUND HER FUCKING NECK: a padlock pendant. She obviouly into S&M, bondage, choke-sex, spanking or some similiar Republican perversion. What is the matter with you Newell? Hm. Oh. Right. Never mind.
Erica Wishnooski, be my sweet Patootie
I wish he’d worn hot pants to this thing (hey, you’ve got your milfs, I’ve got my … geez, what category does he fit? Fugly but entertaining queers?).
Doesn’t he have an appropriate red white and blue pair of nut huggerz? No flag pin needed!
Q2: GOP kinks don’t wear kinky jewelry; they wear crosses or crucifixes. I didn’t notice that little detail; I may now have to be Mr. Newell’s rival for her affections. I’m 20 years too old, but if she’s kinky, who knows what she likes?
They likes them some of them funny fitness queerz.
i have a fitness routine for Erica
I sort of (cough) caught myself humming ‘the wind beneath my wings’ during his emotional appeal… Um, I think it’s time for drinking now.
While I love Our Wonkette, I will say this:
DON’T YOU EVER EVER TALK SHIT ABOUT RICHARD SIMMONS WONKETTE I WILL CUT YOU! I WILL ENTER A KNIFE FIGHT TO DEFEND RICHARD AND I WILL CUT YOU WHILE SWEATING TO THE OLDIES!!!1!!11!
I feel much better now.
They cut out the part where Jack LaLanne swam across the reflection pool pulling the Grant Memorial with his teeth.
When did they let Phil Spector out of prison?
What have we done to kids in this country?
Fed them gayburgers n’ fries from McDonald’s that’s what. But it’s true, Richard, about the physical education classes being cut. I ran 50 miles one year in elementary school. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I still have the certificate from the Presidential Fitness Program.
Shrill factor: 10
sanantonerose: That’s nothing. John McCain ran 50 miles a day in elementary school, in the snow, uphill (both ways), and then flogged unmercifully if he showed any sign of weariness or pain.
But then that’s just the way they did things in Bronze Age Sparta.
*was flogged
So much for making a grand entrance.
Would it kill Mr. Simmons to invest in a new pair of exercise shorts? Preferably some that aren’t quite as, well, short?
Joey Ratz: We wouldn’t be able to marvel at his glistening thighs if he had longer shorts, and we wouldn’t want to cover those up.
I want to work out with Erica and get all sweaty. Richard? Not so much, no.
NumbaOneHotDogEatah: Everything you said (typed)! Only more.
sanantonerose: That video brought back some serious 5th grade memories of when I couldn’t climb the rope in gym class and failed the “President’s Physical Fitness Test” in 1976. He probably would have cried FOR me. I did have a friend who produced his TV show. She said he would have total hissy fits and lock himself in a closet and SOB.
RooseveltFranklin: He ‘locked himself in the closet?’
Did he evah come out?
“Insert fitness experts into America’s schools”
…. ugh that’s what Coach Spikes did to us in 9th grade gym class. Those of us who made it this far are still in therapy.
I’m sorry, did he threaten to run for office? Oh please Santa, my only wish is for this to be the year that Richard Simmons runs for office.
Erica Wisniewski is a Polish Princess, no doubt — but she’s no Michelle Kosinski (MSNBC correspondent who had the plum Natalee Holloway beat; she got to do a paid vacay in Aruba, in the name of news).
Still, with Erica, I’d make pierogi.
/don’t even know what that could mean
very interesting article : http://washedupcelebrities.blogspot.com/2007/04/richard-simmons.html
Simmons is fearless. What a bizarro story. Maybe, in some great state, Richard Simmons, Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Warren Beatty, Richard Dreyfus, Barbara Striesand, Al Franken, Ross Perot, Mark Foley, Ted Stephens, Larry Craig and that other guy from “Predator” can all run together for the same office! Now that would be fun.