Wonkette
John McCain might have a crappy old web site that sells golfing gear, but the Republican National Committee is running a very sophisticated Interwebs operation on his behalf. It is so sophisticated that they finally stopped the clock counting how many days had passed since Obama had been to Iraq, and maybe they will even reset it next week, after the clock-winder gets back from his vacation in Orlando. But the very best part of this web site is a section called “Can We Ask?”, where visitors get to ask Barack Obama questions. They are predictably hilarious.
- (Don - Mt. Clemens, MI) You ran a campain of change when Michigan and Florida Changed there primarys wouldn’t the right thing to do be to say yes Michigan Yes Florida you changed i’m for change i’ll be there insteed of following the party leaders who deemed millions of people nobodys? what would your response have been if this happened in a third world election? Who eles will you leave behind when Howard Dean sats to?This from a Michigan Democrat!!!
- (Anonymous) No question, NoObama, Hillary for President, Dem. for MaCain
- (Marcia - Alamogordo, NM) Why can’t you vocalize your “change”?
And that is just from the very first page. Onward, page 2!
- (Anonymous) You said ‘When Americans go to France, they don’t know the language’. How many Americans do you think could actually afford to go there or would want to go? Let Hispanics learn some English before they sneak into this country first.
The Hilltards hit the booze early on Fridays, apparently.
Can We Ask? [RNC]
This site just begs for some fuckery, doesn’t it?
“Why are you Muslim?”
“Why do you hate America?”
“Why are you a dirty liar?”
“Why do you urinate on the American flag?”
am i supposed to leave confused and annoyed?
Why do you insist on running a competent campaign and making our guy look like a total doofus? Damn your dirty, rotten soul to hell!
When did your wife stop beating you?
i have a question for you, Don of Michigan, why can’t you spell and use correct grammar?
Question: Can we ask?
Answer: Not coherently.
“Can We Ask?” Yes, I have many questions, but it doesn’t really matter. No-one will remember McCain in another year or so…
“How come girls can wear guys clothes, but guys can’t wear girls clothes?”
Where do babies come from, Nobama?
“How badly will you beat McCain - a squeaker like Bush/Gore in 2000, or enough to make Fritz Mondale send McCain a sympathy card?”
Is it true that Michelle is really a drag queen whose stage name is Tara Newhole?
“Why is there a rash on my scrotum?”
“Why do I want to give you $20 so I can suck your cock?”
Bob Allen FL
Rupert Fantasy No. 128:
(Bill - Jefferson City, MO) What will you say to the thousands of Democrats like me who will flock to John McCain the moment you are nominated?
Barack Obama: You’re retarded. Don’t let the door hit your fat ass on the way out. When I’m elected, I’ll rat fuck you and your simpering bitch friends till they cry tears of blood. And Joe Lieberman? Oh, you don’t want to know.
Why do you have to be so racial by being so…..you know….black?
Can’t you be just an American like our past presidents were (even that JFK fellow)?
satyricrash: Guys can’t wear girls clothes???
Hart88:
…to say the very least.
Can someone remind me why we abolished literacy tests for voting?
Scarlett Johansson and Lara Logan: which one would be the Ferrari and which would be the Maserati?
Where can I get the best deal on Truck Nutz?
Why do we park on driveways, but drive on parkways?
I think that first comment was Ayn Rand…
PoliticalGraffiti: Exactly. My favorite is how Don Dem from Michigan uses the wrong there/their. And he’s probably a high school English teacher or something…
satyricrash: …we cant?!
LikeSweetTea_NotARedneck:
Don of the Mount is too enraged to be coherent. Trouble is, nobody knows why.
tunamelt: …damn you!!!
Tell me Barack, why are you such an elitist?
I don’t trust anyone like you who can say them fancy words to confuze me.
Why can’t you be more down to earth like our great president Bush? Huh!
Hart88: ohh yes massive fuckery
How long does the big sale on truck nutz last?
I’m glad to see McCain sticking to his plan of not running a negative campaign… He’s letting the bitterz do it for him.
Dear Mr. osama, What the fuck is wrong with Republicans?
AngryBlakGuy: haHA! Now I can dash away, twirling my wicked mustache.
Why is the sky blue, Nobama? What makes green jell-o green?
OMG - Barry is RUINING THE DREAMS OF THE NEXT GENERATION OF BITTERZ:
“Sen Obama: My 17 year old son informed me he is not going to attend college in September. His tuition has been paid and it is a lifelong ambition. Why? He says there is no benefit. He believes under your campaign promises, he will work and sacrifice for 4 to 7 years - and then you will take it away from him and give it to a highschool drop out. How do I assure him?”
Hey jackass: I worked my way through college during the Bush administration. I had to worry that I would work and sacrifice only to have everything taken away and given to Blackwater and KBR. Cry me a fucking river.
And what about the Millennium Development Goals? Well?!
Is it true when you get a physical the doctor brings a forklift?
…I have a question for the almighty omnipotent hope ejaculator!
“Why does my neighbors dog insist on humping my leg but not my girlfriends?”
Sincerely
Wet Pant Leg in Miami
How cum y’dunt weer a towl on yer heed lak all dem udder terris?
‘Let Hispanics learn some English before they sneak into this country first.’
Obviously written by a sneaky, newly arrived, self loathing hispanic.
How do I get to the waffle house from here?
Mr Barak, Why do you think that you would be a president that is a better president then Admiral Mccain would have been had he been president in 2000 instead of President Bush ?
“Senator Obama, if Senator Jack Reed were on a horse and he wanted to get down, would you help Jack off the horse?”
“Does size matter?”
“Spit or swallow?”
“boxers or briefs?”
If a train leaves a station, heading south at 35 MPH….
Servo: Touché
Why does it hurt when I pee?
Dear Hopey,
If you had a blimp would it sport TruckNutz?
Love, Paul
“Do you really taste like chocolate? We don’t get many negros around these parts.”
…is it still rape if she is drunk?
How do I post a comment here?
Is angryblak guy blacker than Obama? (who is not black enough)
Why does the garbage always weigh more than the groceries?
Why does yo’ black daddy hate yo’ white mama?
And why does my bologna have a first name?
Is resistance really futile?
(Anonymous) The one thing we can do about the Oil Prices, is getting the value of the dollar Back one dollar What would you do to get the value of a dollar back to a dollar, Since if the dollar is worth a dollar, the Price of Oil will come down?
Chicken or ribs?
Cicada: But if her son didn’t go to college, wouldn’t he then be on almost the same level as a high school dropout, hence qualifying for whatever Obama was “giving away”?
Do you want fries with that?
How much for a rib?
PoliticalGraffiti: are we even sure he is attempting English? That is incomprehensible enough to be a different language altogether.
Cicada: Answer: go put a boot up his whiny entitled ass and tell him it’s this or the Navy.
Is the Hokey Pokey really what it’s all about? Or should we rename it the Hopey Pokey?
Why is Cindy McCain such a trollopey c*nt?
Who’s nutz does McCain have in his cheeks?
How does you expect us people of the erth (y’know, morons) to survive on hope? If’n you only give your own family 1 dollar a week to live on. That ain’t barely enough to get sumfin’ off the dollar menu at mcD’s wheres I no longer goes on account of the homosexuals.
I heard that the black the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Is this true?
Also, do you think Heath Ledger be nominated?
Can I get Chelsea’s digits?
Are you planning any carrier landings after the election?
What I want to know is how we see thiese video questions…
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Cicada: Dear moron, your 17 year old son is a lazy manipulator who is spinning you a fabulous line of BS and who is going to mooch off you for the next 10 years. Both you and he need to grow up. Or buy yourself some TruckNutz. I hear they make you manly.
Is your body an amazing machine like mine? I can take a burrito and turn it into sperm and snarkyness.
“Where do you get off?”
Mumble Softly: …well, considering the fact that when I rolled out of bed this morning I tripped over my penis I think yes!
A train leaves the station at 5:00 going 700 miles per hour. Another train leaves the station coming the opposite direction at 800 miles per hour. If the track between the trains is completely straight and free of any obstruction, why do you hate america you fucking mooslem?
Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.
Mumble Softly: oh my god.
IQ tests before voting please!
mookworthjwilson: these…damn…maybe I need to learnz inglish…
If the bitterz like Jesus, and Jesus brought the good news, why won’t Jesus bring the bitterz some good news?
JeffGoldblum:
“Yeah, you’ve got a lotta of nerve! That’s my question!”
MoodProcessor: …I don’t know whose “nutz” are in his mouth but yesterday he was eating German wieners!
Conservapedia say you’d be an Affirmative Action President; why do you hate homeschooled retards?
Is it true that once you go black, you never go back?
Is it true what they say about black guys?
Why are so many of these questions completely unreadable? Is it the poor grammar and usage or the lack of punctuation?
Yes, I really did submit that question. Let’s see if it shows…
I have read three pages worth of this “stuff”. We’re through the looking glass here people.
mookworthjwilson: http://net.gop.com/canweask/CWAVideo.aspx
WARNING: Somethings, once see, cannot be unseen. You may end up jumping into the fires of Mount Doom. The stupid . . . it burns.
On the plus side, these are youtube embeds. COMMENTS ENABLED.
AngryBlakGuy: Brings now meaning to “Sauer Kraut”, nein?
AngryBlakGuy: In California, yes, actually.
AngryBlakGuy: Bushy the squirrels nutz…
How DO they get so much cheesy goodness into a Cheez-It?
How much is a 10 cent ice cream cone?
Doglessliberal: may I ask as to which comment you replied “oh my god”
There were many deserving ones
Do you really want to hurt me?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I bet MaCain would answer that, you spanish speaking, elitist, black militant Muslim Terrorist.
What would you do for a Klondike bar?
“Do you happen to know Miss Rain Day?”
“Do you know the woman who the Enquirer says is having an affair with John Edwards?”
“If you make John Edwards your Vice President running mate, what happens to that woman?”
“As the President of the United States, will you write proclamations every year noting the annual Miss Rain Day festivities?”
“Was your wife ever a Miss Rain Day contestant?”
“Why isn’t there a Mr. Rain Day?”
“Will you ask the Office of the Special Counsel to investigate why there isn’t a Mr. Rain Day?”
which is the better hot sauce: tabasco, texas pete, or dave’s insanity sauce?
Shouldn’t the alt-tag read, “No, we can’t”?
Mah pappy sez that if yew people have purple gums then yewr poisnous. Is dat true?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Why am you not me friend? Why not can American win all wars? Why you have wife with hair and big pretty? Why me feel need … a deep, longing need … to wrap hands around you skinny throat like all blaK pepul and SKWUEEZ AND SKWEEZ AND SWKWEEZ!!! Eyaaugghh!
Can it only really get better from here?
Who is Spain? Why is Hitler? Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?
ALIVE!: Do you really want to make me cry?
Can you verify reports of Joe Lieberman’s superfluous third nipple?
How come I can’t find RC Cola ’round here any more?
Why can’t we all just get along?
Why Can’t we be friends?
How many roads must a man travel down, before you can call him a man?
Blew your mind, didnt I?
david lee roth or sammy hagar?
Do I really have to wait 30 minutes after eating before I can go back in the pool?
Mumble Softly: the dollar=a dollar one. And true, it is a bounty of idiocy.
“Does this look infected?”
ALIVE!: I just realized your avatar is Abe Vigoda. Best avatar/screen name combo ever!
Where da white women at?
tunamelt: …damn liberals! Next thing you’ll tell me that she has to be over 16 to legally consent!!!
Who would win in a fight, Superman or The Hulk? Follow up: what if The Hulk was wearing a kryptonite necklace?
A follow up if I may: Were you white, have gone black, and now can never come back?
Dick York or Dick Sargent?
What’s the deal with airplane food?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
You need to transport a wolf, a sheep, and a sack of grain across a river. You have a canoe in which you can transport one of these at a time. You can also cross the river without carrying any of them. If the wolf is left alone with the sheep, it will eat the sheep. If the sheep is left alone with the grain, it will eat the grain. How can you get the wolf, the sheep, and the grain across the river intact?
Did you know THE BUSHES ARE RECOLORED CLOUDS??!?
http://killer12137.bulletfiles.com/images/bushes_clouds.jpg
…if your father is your moms brother are you your own cousin?
Does this look contagious to you?
“Why have You forsaken Me?”
Does this post make my butt look big?
Is Karl Rove a superman?
Why do fools fall in love?
Can you make a rock so heavy that even you can’t lift?
TRY AND WEASEL OUT OF THAT ONE MESSIAH!
Godot: The clouds are de-colored bushes.
If you can pick your nose and you can pick your friends then why can’t I pick my friend’s nose?
Paper or plastic?
Get a brane, Moranz!
Wow, nice punctuation in them there questions for Hopey.
The end of western civilization is upon us…
…if I bury someone alive in a coffin with a loaded gun and they choose to kill themselves, is it can I be prosecuted or is it considered suicide?
Remember that speech you did in Berlin?
The one where you were all, “People of Berlin…People of the world…?”
Remember?
That was awesome.
I did it! Went to the first video of some 15 year old snarkass who wanted to know why Obama would meet with “crazy” dictators but not Gen, Petraeus. Pointed out the obvious, then noted he was too young to recall the soviet downfall. If he replies to me, I’ll post it in its entirety. Maybe we should all join forces, like a supergroup (think: RUSH, Boston, etc.) and either post our own questions to Can We Ask, or comments to the youtube stuff. I’d organize it, but it’s after 12 here on a Friday and, well, it just ain’t gonna happen.
What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
How do you know your Father is having sex with your little sister?
Great taste or less filling? Also, where’s the beef?
Cicada: (Blushes)
Got it from this site: http://www.abevigoda.com/ffb.php
where do all the socks go that get lost in the dryer?
Sen. Obama, can you even understand the questions being asked on “Can We Ask”???
tropaean:
What do you mean? African or European?
What do these Repubs think happens if Barry replies, “I don’t know”? I don’t see any buckets of green slime floating about.
Why is it that the Mac-donalds is givin’ theys money to the gay ones? Hunh? I wants 3 BIG MACS rite NOW!
This could be the best post ever, I’m laffing my ass off?
Can you Canoe?
tropaean: An African swallow or a European swallow? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?
Servo: Okay — me too slow today.
What’s in room 101?
tropaean: African or European? Are swallows migratory?
Doglessliberal: The worst part about it is that it appears to be a GENUINE question and not the work of some wonkette operative.
I shall now go electrocute myself with a toaster while sitting in the bathtud.
freakishlystrong: I concur wholeheartedly! What a way to end the week!
Godot: Shoot the wolf and hump the sheep as the ayrabs do
Mumble Softly: exactly. The simple idiocy of it is almost transcendent, like it has reached the Platonic form of idiocy.
Dimmy, why you did this to me?
Can our Wonkette overlords please do a dump of all the above excellent questions to the “Can We Ask?” site.
I would like that.
“Umm, I know this one black guy… He posts on this blog I read… He’s kind of pissed off and I was just wondering… Are you guys related?”
Someone please help me understand….
“(Anonymous) If Obama were to talk some common sence in to the hundreds of collage anti war students thay may come to realize that thy have been played by Educators on the hourses go in front of the cairage to heal this country we get reed of personal responablty and a man of color alone will heal this counrty. Is this a Crack in the strongest link?. Is A chan only as strong as is strongest link?. ”
Horses? Collages? Crack?
Who was the better Vivian Banks on Fresh Prince of Bell Air, Janet Hubert or Daphne Reid?
and a follow-up; who was the better Becky on Roseanne, Sarah Chalke or Lecy Goranson?
nietzscheprojectile: werds escxsape me.
Ginger or Mary Ann? (For you (Barry), the answer is no one.)
Smokey and the Bandit or Cannonball Run?
HuddledMass: Oh yes, please, please please! Then I can read them all again on the GOOPER site!
nietzscheprojectile: Holy crap. Well, at least it’s a safe assumption that that lad is unpolluted by any Educators.
nietzscheprojectile: I am wavering between depressed and laughing hysterically.
Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party, the Stone-cutters or the Jackson Five?
Uncle Al: there should absolutly be intelligence tests for voting. for reals.
Which Young Ones character do you most identify with?
(I’d actually kinda like to have an answer to this. It could mean the difference between “meh” and “he can’t be all bad” for me.)
nietzscheprojectile: Crack. capitalized. because he/she is on it
nietzscheprojectile: There are some things that are not meant to be understood. You must believe that Drinky McDumbass and the angry dwarf will do the understanding for you and the rest of us. Now go back to shopping on QVC and watching The Hills.
Who is Number One?
Will you, at some point, have to get back into the Cool Machine and turn back into regular, boring old Urkel?
Who does Number 2 work for?
Hart88: Sargent York?
If the Cobra’s had better uniforms than those damn easy to see light blue ones, would they have kicked the GI Joe’s asses at least once?
<>
***********THE ABOVE QUESTION SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT THE KIND OF SHIT BRAINS THAT ARE ALLOWED TO VOTE ***********Take that America, at least the ignorance is constant!!
I asked, “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”. The RNC refused to post it. What gives? Humorless bastards.
Mumble Softly: “one of us, one of us.” Whew. Thank you.
In other news, I’d also like to know if soilent green really is people.
why, if i’m doing all i can to combat the sodomite agenda, can i not resist your eyes or a quarter pounder with cheese? and how in our and lord and savior baby jeebus, did they figure out onions and pickles taste better when there’s no lettuce and tomato bothering me?
Do you dress left or right?
Probably left, you tree-hugging librul fascist!
Why does the Porridge Bird lay its egg in the air?
Are you CONTROL?
OMG!! You guys and gals are so funny I just pissed my pants. Thanks for brightening my otherwise miserable, depressing day!! You saved a life today. You really did. Bless you wonkette and all the contributors.
Senator Obama, do you know whether the Republicans have found a candidate to run against you yet? I’ve been looking around, but I haven’t heard of any serious contenders yet.
The Neoskeptic:
None of the above. the answer is:
Cholula.
Do these jeans make me look fat?
Who made Steve Guttenberg a star?
Best. Comments. Evah…
magic titty: Why so serious? Wanna know how I got these scars?
I’m all for more people learning English, but how about we start with the people already in this country? (Don, I’m looking at you!)
Do you ever get that ‘itis?
If you had to choose between sitting through a whole NASCAR race or hunting with Cheney, which would you pick and why?
If you becum prez’dent, you gonna make kids lurn that Jeezus wuz black too? Wha bout Santa?
Is it true that 19% of the Federal payroll is used for reading and writing Wonkette comments? Is the other 81% just wasted, or what?
Can I haz some?
sati demise: I concur!
Senator, how many more Brendan Fraser “Mummy” movies must America suffer through?
AngryBlakGuy: Assisted suicide?
sati demise: Reckless Endangerment?
greatgooglymoogly:
You silly English Kinnnnniggits!
Is it true that once you go black, you never go back?
Will you punish George Lucas for the prequels?
George W. Bush: Great President or Greatest President?
Have you ever known anyone as old as John McCain that was still permitted to drive?
A secret Muslim says what?
tunamelt: Well, we do all agree that the wearing of women’s underwear is just a comfort thing…, And NOTHING ELSE.
Marcia has a point. Obama is a black man. Surely he can find three others and vocalize his “change.” A Doo-Wop version would be nice.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Hey, once they start putting lace on men’s underwear, I’LL stop
answers in no particular order:
- sperm
- turn left on main and turn right at the only streetlight in town. It’s on the left next to the Kmart
- dogs are inherently gay
- food coloring
- light waves / earth’s atmosphere / angel tears
- swallow
- briefs
- most likely an STD or Urinary Tract Infection
- because of an evil marketing scheme to humanize processed animal parts
- yes, futile.
- chicken
- yes
- no. the limbo is actually what it’s all about
- she plasters on the makeup
- his own
- a faggots worth
- at the #2 stop
- because he’s dead
- because they’re retarded
- sometimes you do go back
- punctuation is an aspect of grammar
- a dime
- Mr. Rain Day was killed in a tragic plane crash on Xmas day
- none. Franks
- 68
- 23 roads
- David Lee Roth
- no, its an urban legend. try 15
- Superman; with kryptonite, Hulk
- York
- They’re not really good
- yes, stay away from me
- wolf, grain, sheep
- they want ass
- you can, but i wouldn’t
- paper
- still murder
- it’s a question of weight ratios
- great taste
- gnomes
- Picard
- yes, my brother by another mother
- whoever was the meaner, darker one
- Goranson
- Ginger
- Smokey
- Vyvyan
- Dr. Evil
- Yes. Go Team Cobra.
Yes, it’s apparent that we can ask, but MAY we ask? Sincerely, Nancy Reagan
4tehlulz: I don’t know how I missed it the first time I read this thread, but you got to “Once you go black” long before my scrawny mind thought of it.
loudmouthredhead: Exactly.
Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?
And miss her every day?
Mr. Obama, Do you know the way to San Jose?
Also, Do you know the muffin man? The one who lives on Drury Lane?
On to your national security policies. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
If you shot the sheriff, then who shot the deputy?
Can I go to the bathroom?
Who puts down the electric car?
Will you be my baby daddy?
Deepthroat: wolf, grain, sheep gets your grain eaten, doofus.
It’s sheep, then wolf or grain (with the sheep coming back on the return trip), whatever’s left, sheep.
Deepthroat: Yes, but is it art?
Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.
Deepthroat:
42
only when you masturbate
that guy from Wham!
George Takei
bootylicious
not in a month of Sundays
Larry Craig
then don’t do that
where the sun don’t shine
the day before yesterday
floats
Will and Grace
assless chaps
Manitowoc
Freud
because I said so
sati demise: ah, is that Barry’s proclaimed favorite? I would have thought a real man would go for the harder stuff like scotch bonnet or mango habanero.
maybe he likes cholula cause he’s only half black?
Is it better to drink at a table or eat at a bar?
Am I my own grandpa?
How many u’s is in ignurnt?
Do you believe in legalizing retroactive abortion? That giant sucking sound is the 120th trimester pregnancy termination of Rush Limbaugh.
Is it normal that my asshole gets tingly in a disturbingly good way when I hear the word “appeasement”?
When you’re the next Merkin Prezident, will you enslave the white race and force M C Lame and “his friends” back to the old folks’ home for the criminally incompetent (incontinent? he’s got a bit of diaper butt going on) where he belongs?
Will you go out with me?
How is Elvis, and have you seen him lately?
I couldn’t get elected dogcatcher. Will you pay off my campaign debt?
Senator Obama,
Why, if it’s possible to spend this span
of existence as laurel, a little darker than all
other greens, with little waves on every
leaf-edge (like the smile of a breeze), why, then,
must we be human and, shunning destiny,
long for it?…
Why,huh,why?
Do you like me? Circle one:
YES NO MAYBE
Don’t you think Annie Lennox kind of looks like a dude?
who peed in my cornflakes?
loquaciousmusic: Marilyn Manson: Better looking as a chick?
http://www.ilbaluardo.com/Cover/Audio/M%20-%20N%20-%20O/MARILYN%20MANSON%20-%20Mechanical%20animals%20-%20Front.jpg
Big Al1317: McCain trolling?
my friend Mittens wants to know: who let the dogs out?
How many licks to the center of a Tootsie-Pop?
Why don’t we get drunk and screw?
AngryBlakGuy: Call me.
Would you rather have a bottle in front of you or a frontal lobot…
No,wait, that doesn’t work…
If you HAD to have sweaty buttsecks with a dude, and your two choices were AngryBlakGuy and shortshortshorts, whom would you choose?
Servo: That was going to be the next question. Well, Mr. Obama? Make up your mind already!
Lazy Media: good thing i didn’t really give a fuck
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Is light a particle or a wave?
gettin much lately?
Why can’t you just get caught in a gay sex scandal already!!! (?)
I Am Not Your Gary Busey: Because he is not a Republican?
semi- mojo. Who’s this kinky so and so?
Are you a black man with a white mother, or a white man with a black father?
Why don’t we do it in the road?
If your male member was 12 inches long, would it not then be a foot?
I want to write a book
“How to talk to a Democrat, even if you can’t”
And I’ll third the fuckery,
I’ll close with this
Have these people no teeth?