• May 25, 2012
WHY SO CRAZY?

July 25, 2008

Republicans Have Questions For Barack Obama!

by Sara K. Smith  

No. No, you cannot ask.John McCain might have a crappy old web site that sells golfing gear, but the Republican National Committee is running a very sophisticated Interwebs operation on his behalf. It is so sophisticated that they finally stopped the clock counting how many days had passed since Obama had been to Iraq, and maybe they will even reset it next week, after the clock-winder gets back from his vacation in Orlando. But the very best part of this web site is a section called “Can We Ask?”, where visitors get to ask Barack Obama questions. They are predictably hilarious.

  • (Don – Mt. Clemens, MI) You ran a campain of change when Michigan and Florida Changed there primarys wouldn’t the right thing to do be to say yes Michigan Yes Florida you changed i’m for change i’ll be there insteed of following the party leaders who deemed millions of people nobodys? what would your response have been if this happened in a third world election? Who eles will you leave behind when Howard Dean sats to?This from a Michigan Democrat!!!
  • (Anonymous) No question, NoObama, Hillary for President, Dem. for MaCain
  • (Marcia – Alamogordo, NM) Why can’t you vocalize your “change”?

And that is just from the very first page. Onward, page 2!

  • (Anonymous) You said ‘When Americans go to France, they don’t know the language’. How many Americans do you think could actually afford to go there or would want to go? Let Hispanics learn some English before they sneak into this country first.

The Hilltards hit the booze early on Fridays, apparently.

Can We Ask? [RNC]

{ 233 comments }

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 11:57 am

This site just begs for some fuckery, doesn’t it?

NoWireHangers July 25, 2008 at 11:58 am

“Why are you Muslim?”
“Why do you hate America?”
“Why are you a dirty liar?”
“Why do you urinate on the American flag?”

PoliticalGraffiti July 25, 2008 at 11:59 am

am i supposed to leave confused and annoyed?

Texan Bulldoggette July 25, 2008 at 11:59 am

Why do you insist on running a competent campaign and making our guy look like a total doofus? Damn your dirty, rotten soul to hell!

Jobbotch July 25, 2008 at 11:59 am

When did your wife stop beating you?

PoliticalGraffiti July 25, 2008 at 11:59 am

i have a question for you, Don of Michigan, why can’t you spell and use correct grammar?

LikeSweetTea_NotARedneck July 25, 2008 at 11:59 am

Question: Can we ask?
Answer: Not coherently.

BillyClubb July 25, 2008 at 12:00 pm

“Can We Ask?” Yes, I have many questions, but it doesn’t really matter. No-one will remember McCain in another year or so…

satyricrash July 25, 2008 at 12:01 pm

“How come girls can wear guys clothes, but guys can’t wear girls clothes?”

tunamelt July 25, 2008 at 12:01 pm

Where do babies come from, Nobama?

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 12:02 pm

“How badly will you beat McCain – a squeaker like Bush/Gore in 2000, or enough to make Fritz Mondale send McCain a sympathy card?”

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 25, 2008 at 12:04 pm

Is it true that Michelle is really a drag queen whose stage name is Tara Newhole?

NoWireHangers July 25, 2008 at 12:04 pm

“Why is there a rash on my scrotum?”

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 12:04 pm

“Why do I want to give you $20 so I can suck your cock?”
Bob Allen FL

RuperttheBear July 25, 2008 at 12:05 pm

Rupert Fantasy No. 128:

(Bill – Jefferson City, MO) What will you say to the thousands of Democrats like me who will flock to John McCain the moment you are nominated?

Barack Obama: You’re retarded. Don’t let the door hit your fat ass on the way out. When I’m elected, I’ll rat fuck you and your simpering bitch friends till they cry tears of blood. And Joe Lieberman? Oh, you don’t want to know.

4tehlulz July 25, 2008 at 12:05 pm

Why do you have to be so racial by being so…..you know….black?

Can’t you be just an American like our past presidents were (even that JFK fellow)?

tunamelt July 25, 2008 at 12:05 pm

[re=44111]satyricrash[/re]: Guys can’t wear girls clothes???

Servo July 25, 2008 at 12:05 pm

[re=44097]Hart88[/re]:
…to say the very least.

Uncle Al July 25, 2008 at 12:05 pm

Can someone remind me why we abolished literacy tests for voting?

WadISay July 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Scarlett Johansson and Lara Logan: which one would be the Ferrari and which would be the Maserati?

StuckBetweenStations July 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Where can I get the best deal on Truck Nutz?

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Why do we park on driveways, but drive on parkways?

JeffGoldblum July 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm

I think that first comment was Ayn Rand…

somelegalbitch July 25, 2008 at 12:07 pm

[re=44106]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: Exactly. My favorite is how Don Dem from Michigan uses the wrong there/their. And he’s probably a high school English teacher or something…

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 12:07 pm

[re=44111]satyricrash[/re]: …we cant?!

Servo July 25, 2008 at 12:07 pm

[re=44107]LikeSweetTea_NotARedneck[/re]:
Don of the Mount is too enraged to be coherent. Trouble is, nobody knows why.

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 12:08 pm

[re=44120]tunamelt[/re]: …damn you!!!

WhatTheHeck July 25, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Tell me Barack, why are you such an elitist?
I don’t trust anyone like you who can say them fancy words to confuze me.
Why can’t you be more down to earth like our great president Bush? Huh!

flubber July 25, 2008 at 12:10 pm

[re=44097]Hart88[/re]: ohh yes massive fuckery

PeteJayhawk v2.0 July 25, 2008 at 12:11 pm

How long does the big sale on truck nutz last?

Tawmn July 25, 2008 at 12:11 pm

I’m glad to see McCain sticking to his plan of not running a negative campaign… He’s letting the bitterz do it for him.

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 12:12 pm

Dear Mr. osama, What the fuck is wrong with Republicans?

tunamelt July 25, 2008 at 12:13 pm

[re=44131]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: haHA! Now I can dash away, twirling my wicked mustache.

Why is the sky blue, Nobama? What makes green jell-o green?

Cicada July 25, 2008 at 12:13 pm

OMG – Barry is RUINING THE DREAMS OF THE NEXT GENERATION OF BITTERZ:

“Sen Obama: My 17 year old son informed me he is not going to attend college in September. His tuition has been paid and it is a lifelong ambition. Why? He says there is no benefit. He believes under your campaign promises, he will work and sacrifice for 4 to 7 years – and then you will take it away from him and give it to a highschool drop out. How do I assure him?”

Hey jackass: I worked my way through college during the Bush administration. I had to worry that I would work and sacrifice only to have everything taken away and given to Blackwater and KBR. Cry me a fucking river.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2008 at 12:14 pm

And what about the Millennium Development Goals? Well?!

Sussemilch July 25, 2008 at 12:14 pm

Is it true when you get a physical the doctor brings a forklift?

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 12:14 pm

…I have a question for the almighty omnipotent hope ejaculator!

“Why does my neighbors dog insist on humping my leg but not my girlfriends?”

Sincerely
Wet Pant Leg in Miami

Servo July 25, 2008 at 12:16 pm

How cum y’dunt weer a towl on yer heed lak all dem udder terris?

Cape Clod July 25, 2008 at 12:17 pm

‘Let Hispanics learn some English before they sneak into this country first.’
Obviously written by a sneaky, newly arrived, self loathing hispanic.

edgydrifter July 25, 2008 at 12:17 pm

How do I get to the waffle house from here?

Mumble Softly July 25, 2008 at 12:18 pm

Mr Barak, Why do you think that you would be a president that is a better president then Admiral Mccain would have been had he been president in 2000 instead of President Bush ?

unertl July 25, 2008 at 12:19 pm

“Senator Obama, if Senator Jack Reed were on a horse and he wanted to get down, would you help Jack off the horse?”

KevoTron July 25, 2008 at 12:19 pm

“Does size matter?”

“Spit or swallow?”

“boxers or briefs?”

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 12:21 pm

If a train leaves a station, heading south at 35 MPH….

bernadette July 25, 2008 at 12:22 pm

[re=44151]Servo[/re]: Touché

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Why does it hurt when I pee?

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Dear Hopey,
If you had a blimp would it sport TruckNutz?
Love, Paul

The Real JR Revisted July 25, 2008 at 12:23 pm

“Do you really taste like chocolate? We don’t get many negros around these parts.”

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 12:24 pm

…is it still rape if she is drunk?

lumpenprole July 25, 2008 at 12:26 pm

How do I post a comment here?

Mumble Softly July 25, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Is angryblak guy blacker than Obama? (who is not black enough)

gurukalehuru July 25, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Why does the garbage always weigh more than the groceries?

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 12:27 pm

Why does yo’ black daddy hate yo’ white mama?
And why does my bologna have a first name?

Cape Clod July 25, 2008 at 12:27 pm

Is resistance really futile?

Mumble Softly July 25, 2008 at 12:27 pm

(Anonymous) The one thing we can do about the Oil Prices, is getting the value of the dollar Back one dollar What would you do to get the value of a dollar back to a dollar, Since if the dollar is worth a dollar, the Price of Oil will come down?

Servo July 25, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Chicken or ribs?

NoWireHangers July 25, 2008 at 12:29 pm

[re=44145]Cicada[/re]: But if her son didn’t go to college, wouldn’t he then be on almost the same level as a high school dropout, hence qualifying for whatever Obama was “giving away”?

Cape Clod July 25, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Do you want fries with that?

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 12:30 pm

How much for a rib?

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 12:31 pm

[re=44106]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: are we even sure he is attempting English? That is incomprehensible enough to be a different language altogether.

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 12:32 pm

[re=44145]Cicada[/re]: Answer: go put a boot up his whiny entitled ass and tell him it’s this or the Navy.

KevoTron July 25, 2008 at 12:32 pm

Is the Hokey Pokey really what it’s all about? Or should we rename it the Hopey Pokey?

MoodProcessor July 25, 2008 at 12:32 pm

Why is Cindy McCain such a trollopey c*nt?

MoodProcessor July 25, 2008 at 12:34 pm

Who’s nutz does McCain have in his cheeks?

irisheyes July 25, 2008 at 12:34 pm

How does you expect us people of the erth (y’know, morons) to survive on hope? If’n you only give your own family 1 dollar a week to live on. That ain’t barely enough to get sumfin’ off the dollar menu at mcD’s wheres I no longer goes on account of the homosexuals.

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 12:34 pm

I heard that the black the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Is this true?

Also, do you think Heath Ledger be nominated?

MoodProcessor July 25, 2008 at 12:34 pm

Can I get Chelsea’s digits?

tonashideska July 25, 2008 at 12:35 pm

Are you planning any carrier landings after the election?

mookworthjwilson July 25, 2008 at 12:35 pm

What I want to know is how we see thiese video questions…

KevoTron July 25, 2008 at 12:35 pm

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 12:35 pm

[re=44145]Cicada[/re]: Dear moron, your 17 year old son is a lazy manipulator who is spinning you a fabulous line of BS and who is going to mooch off you for the next 10 years. Both you and he need to grow up. Or buy yourself some TruckNutz. I hear they make you manly.

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 12:35 pm

Is your body an amazing machine like mine? I can take a burrito and turn it into sperm and snarkyness.

JeffGoldblum July 25, 2008 at 12:36 pm

“Where do you get off?”

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 12:36 pm

[re=44172]Mumble Softly[/re]: …well, considering the fact that when I rolled out of bed this morning I tripped over my penis I think yes!

Fata Morgana July 25, 2008 at 12:37 pm

A train leaves the station at 5:00 going 700 miles per hour. Another train leaves the station coming the opposite direction at 800 miles per hour. If the track between the trains is completely straight and free of any obstruction, why do you hate america you fucking mooslem?

Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 12:37 pm

[re=44176]Mumble Softly[/re]: oh my god.

IQ tests before voting please!

mookworthjwilson July 25, 2008 at 12:37 pm

[re=44195]mookworthjwilson[/re]: these…damn…maybe I need to learnz inglish…

PrairiePossum July 25, 2008 at 12:38 pm

If the bitterz like Jesus, and Jesus brought the good news, why won’t Jesus bring the bitterz some good news?

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 12:38 pm

[re=44199]JeffGoldblum[/re]:
“Yeah, you’ve got a lotta of nerve! That’s my question!”

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 12:38 pm

[re=44190]MoodProcessor[/re]: …I don’t know whose “nutz” are in his mouth but yesterday he was eating German wieners!

A Geek Tragedy July 25, 2008 at 12:39 pm

Conservapedia say you’d be an Affirmative Action President; why do you hate homeschooled retards?

4tehlulz July 25, 2008 at 12:40 pm

Is it true that once you go black, you never go back?

whiteguyinshaw July 25, 2008 at 12:43 pm

Is it true what they say about black guys?

pondscum July 25, 2008 at 12:44 pm

Why are so many of these questions completely unreadable? Is it the poor grammar and usage or the lack of punctuation?
Yes, I really did submit that question. Let’s see if it shows…

irisheyes July 25, 2008 at 12:44 pm

I have read three pages worth of this “stuff”. We’re through the looking glass here people.

RuperttheBear July 25, 2008 at 12:44 pm

[re=44195]mookworthjwilson[/re]: http://net.gop.com/canweask/CWAVideo.aspx

WARNING: Somethings, once see, cannot be unseen. You may end up jumping into the fires of Mount Doom. The stupid . . . it burns.

On the plus side, these are youtube embeds. COMMENTS ENABLED.

MoodProcessor July 25, 2008 at 12:45 pm

[re=44207]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Brings now meaning to “Sauer Kraut”, nein?

tunamelt July 25, 2008 at 12:45 pm

[re=44168]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: In California, yes, actually.

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 12:46 pm

[re=44207]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Bushy the squirrels nutz…

thatswhatshesaid July 25, 2008 at 12:46 pm

How DO they get so much cheesy goodness into a Cheez-It?

bitchincamaro July 25, 2008 at 12:47 pm

How much is a 10 cent ice cream cone?

Mumble Softly July 25, 2008 at 12:47 pm

[re=44203]Doglessliberal[/re]: may I ask as to which comment you replied “oh my god”
There were many deserving ones :-)

ALIVE! July 25, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Do you really want to hurt me?

BadNewsJack July 25, 2008 at 12:48 pm

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I bet MaCain would answer that, you spanish speaking, elitist, black militant Muslim Terrorist.

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 12:49 pm

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

thefrontpage July 25, 2008 at 12:49 pm

“Do you happen to know Miss Rain Day?”

“Do you know the woman who the Enquirer says is having an affair with John Edwards?”

“If you make John Edwards your Vice President running mate, what happens to that woman?”

“As the President of the United States, will you write proclamations every year noting the annual Miss Rain Day festivities?”

“Was your wife ever a Miss Rain Day contestant?”

“Why isn’t there a Mr. Rain Day?”

“Will you ask the Office of the Special Counsel to investigate why there isn’t a Mr. Rain Day?”

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 12:51 pm

which is the better hot sauce: tabasco, texas pete, or dave’s insanity sauce?

Studge July 25, 2008 at 12:52 pm

Shouldn’t the alt-tag read, “No, we can’t”?

Servo July 25, 2008 at 12:52 pm

Mah pappy sez that if yew people have purple gums then yewr poisnous. Is dat true?

BadNewsJack July 25, 2008 at 12:53 pm

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

greatgooglymoogly July 25, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Why am you not me friend? Why not can American win all wars? Why you have wife with hair and big pretty? Why me feel need … a deep, longing need … to wrap hands around you skinny throat like all blaK pepul and SKWUEEZ AND SKWEEZ AND SWKWEEZ!!! Eyaaugghh!

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 12:55 pm

Can it only really get better from here?

Lazy Media July 25, 2008 at 12:55 pm

Who is Spain? Why is Hitler? Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

Cicada July 25, 2008 at 12:56 pm

[re=44226]ALIVE![/re]: Do you really want to make me cry?

MoodProcessor July 25, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Can you verify reports of Joe Lieberman’s superfluous third nipple?

El Bombastico July 25, 2008 at 12:56 pm

How come I can’t find RC Cola ’round here any more?

BadNewsJack July 25, 2008 at 12:57 pm

Why can’t we all just get along?

Why Can’t we be friends?

How many roads must a man travel down, before you can call him a man?

Blew your mind, didnt I?

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 12:57 pm

david lee roth or sammy hagar?

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 12:58 pm

Do I really have to wait 30 minutes after eating before I can go back in the pool?

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 12:58 pm

[re=44225]Mumble Softly[/re]: the dollar=a dollar one. And true, it is a bounty of idiocy.

sezme July 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm

“Does this look infected?”

Cicada July 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm

[re=44226]ALIVE![/re]: I just realized your avatar is Abe Vigoda. Best avatar/screen name combo ever!

spencer July 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm

Where da white women at?

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm

[re=44219]tunamelt[/re]: …damn liberals! Next thing you’ll tell me that she has to be over 16 to legally consent!!!

El Bombastico July 25, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Who would win in a fight, Superman or The Hulk? Follow up: what if The Hulk was wearing a kryptonite necklace?

4tehlulz July 25, 2008 at 1:01 pm

A follow up if I may: Were you white, have gone black, and now can never come back?

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 1:01 pm

Dick York or Dick Sargent?

Godot July 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm

What’s the deal with airplane food?

Why do bad things happen to good people?

You need to transport a wolf, a sheep, and a sack of grain across a river. You have a canoe in which you can transport one of these at a time. You can also cross the river without carrying any of them. If the wolf is left alone with the sheep, it will eat the sheep. If the sheep is left alone with the grain, it will eat the grain. How can you get the wolf, the sheep, and the grain across the river intact?

Did you know THE BUSHES ARE RECOLORED CLOUDS??!?
http://killer12137.bulletfiles.com/images/bushes_clouds.jpg

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm

…if your father is your moms brother are you your own cousin?

tropaean July 25, 2008 at 1:04 pm

Does this look contagious to you?

lumpenprole July 25, 2008 at 1:06 pm

“Why have You forsaken Me?”

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Does this post make my butt look big?

Is Karl Rove a superman?

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 1:08 pm

Why do fools fall in love?

4tehlulz July 25, 2008 at 1:08 pm

Can you make a rock so heavy that even you can’t lift?

TRY AND WEASEL OUT OF THAT ONE MESSIAH!

MoodProcessor July 25, 2008 at 1:10 pm

[re=44255]Godot[/re]: The clouds are de-colored bushes.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 1:11 pm

If you can pick your nose and you can pick your friends then why can’t I pick my friend’s nose?

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Paper or plastic?

Not_So_Much July 25, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Get a brane, Moranz!

Wow, nice punctuation in them there questions for Hopey.

The end of western civilization is upon us…

AngryBlakGuy July 25, 2008 at 1:12 pm

…if I bury someone alive in a coffin with a loaded gun and they choose to kill themselves, is it can I be prosecuted or is it considered suicide?

MoodProcessor July 25, 2008 at 1:13 pm

Remember that speech you did in Berlin?
The one where you were all, “People of Berlin…People of the world…?”
Remember?

That was awesome.

irisheyes July 25, 2008 at 1:13 pm

I did it! Went to the first video of some 15 year old snarkass who wanted to know why Obama would meet with “crazy” dictators but not Gen, Petraeus. Pointed out the obvious, then noted he was too young to recall the soviet downfall. If he replies to me, I’ll post it in its entirety. Maybe we should all join forces, like a supergroup (think: RUSH, Boston, etc.) and either post our own questions to Can We Ask, or comments to the youtube stuff. I’d organize it, but it’s after 12 here on a Friday and, well, it just ain’t gonna happen.

tropaean July 25, 2008 at 1:14 pm

What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 1:15 pm

How do you know your Father is having sex with your little sister?

Anonymous Office Zombie July 25, 2008 at 1:16 pm

Great taste or less filling? Also, where’s the beef?

ALIVE! July 25, 2008 at 1:16 pm

[re=44249]Cicada[/re]: (Blushes)

Got it from this site: http://www.abevigoda.com/ffb.php

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 1:17 pm

where do all the socks go that get lost in the dryer?

Perrys Mollycoddler July 25, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Sen. Obama, can you even understand the questions being asked on “Can We Ask”???

Servo July 25, 2008 at 1:18 pm

[re=44274]tropaean[/re]:
What do you mean? African or European?

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 1:20 pm

What do these Repubs think happens if Barry replies, “I don’t know”? I don’t see any buckets of green slime floating about.

Beef Supreme July 25, 2008 at 1:20 pm

Why is it that the Mac-donalds is givin’ theys money to the gay ones? Hunh? I wants 3 BIG MACS rite NOW!

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 1:20 pm

This could be the best post ever, I’m laffing my ass off?

bitchincamaro July 25, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Can you Canoe?

greatgooglymoogly July 25, 2008 at 1:22 pm

[re=44274]tropaean[/re]: An African swallow or a European swallow? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?

greatgooglymoogly July 25, 2008 at 1:23 pm

[re=44282]Servo[/re]: Okay — me too slow today.

lumpenprole July 25, 2008 at 1:24 pm

What’s in room 101?

AfghanVet July 25, 2008 at 1:24 pm

[re=44274]tropaean[/re]: African or European? Are swallows migratory?

Mumble Softly July 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm

[re=44247]Doglessliberal[/re]: The worst part about it is that it appears to be a GENUINE question and not the work of some wonkette operative.

I shall now go electrocute myself with a toaster while sitting in the bathtud.

irisheyes July 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm

[re=44285]freakishlystrong[/re]: I concur wholeheartedly! What a way to end the week!

Mumble Softly July 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm

[re=44255]Godot[/re]: Shoot the wolf and hump the sheep as the ayrabs do

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 1:29 pm

[re=44293]Mumble Softly[/re]: exactly. The simple idiocy of it is almost transcendent, like it has reached the Platonic form of idiocy.

tropaean July 25, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Dimmy, why you did this to me?

HuddledMass July 25, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Can our Wonkette overlords please do a dump of all the above excellent questions to the “Can We Ask?” site.

I would like that.

KevoTron July 25, 2008 at 1:29 pm

“Umm, I know this one black guy… He posts on this blog I read… He’s kind of pissed off and I was just wondering… Are you guys related?”

nietzscheprojectile July 25, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Someone please help me understand….

“(Anonymous) If Obama were to talk some common sence in to the hundreds of collage anti war students thay may come to realize that thy have been played by Educators on the hourses go in front of the cairage to heal this country we get reed of personal responablty and a man of color alone will heal this counrty. Is this a Crack in the strongest link?. Is A chan only as strong as is strongest link?. ”

Horses? Collages? Crack?

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Who was the better Vivian Banks on Fresh Prince of Bell Air, Janet Hubert or Daphne Reid?

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 1:33 pm

and a follow-up; who was the better Becky on Roseanne, Sarah Chalke or Lecy Goranson?

KevoTron July 25, 2008 at 1:33 pm

[re=44303]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: werds escxsape me.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2008 at 1:34 pm

Ginger or Mary Ann? (For you (Barry), the answer is no one.)

Servo July 25, 2008 at 1:34 pm

Smokey and the Bandit or Cannonball Run?

freakishlystrong July 25, 2008 at 1:36 pm

[re=44301]HuddledMass[/re]: Oh yes, please, please please! Then I can read them all again on the GOOPER site!

tropaean July 25, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=44303]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Holy crap. Well, at least it’s a safe assumption that that lad is unpolluted by any Educators.

Doglessliberal July 25, 2008 at 1:39 pm

[re=44303]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: I am wavering between depressed and laughing hysterically.

AxmxZ July 25, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party, the Stone-cutters or the Jackson Five?

Deepthroat July 25, 2008 at 1:41 pm

[re=44122]Uncle Al[/re]: there should absolutly be intelligence tests for voting. for reals.

lumpenprole July 25, 2008 at 1:41 pm

Which Young Ones character do you most identify with?

(I’d actually kinda like to have an answer to this. It could mean the difference between “meh” and “he can’t be all bad” for me.)

PoliticalGraffiti July 25, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=44303]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Crack. capitalized. because he/she is on it

Mumble Softly July 25, 2008 at 1:44 pm

[re=44303]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: There are some things that are not meant to be understood. You must believe that Drinky McDumbass and the angry dwarf will do the understanding for you and the rest of us. Now go back to shopping on QVC and watching The Hills.

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 1:44 pm

Who is Number One?

GIJoeIce July 25, 2008 at 1:47 pm

Will you, at some point, have to get back into the Cool Machine and turn back into regular, boring old Urkel?

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Who does Number 2 work for?

CollegeStudent July 25, 2008 at 1:50 pm

[re=44254]Hart88[/re]: Sargent York?

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2008 at 1:51 pm

If the Cobra’s had better uniforms than those damn easy to see light blue ones, would they have kicked the GI Joe’s asses at least once?

Slutty_Chola_Cobbler July 25, 2008 at 1:51 pm

<>

***********THE ABOVE QUESTION SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT THE KIND OF SHIT BRAINS THAT ARE ALLOWED TO VOTE ***********Take that America, at least the ignorance is constant!!

S.Luggo July 25, 2008 at 1:55 pm

I asked, “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”. The RNC refused to post it. What gives? Humorless bastards.

nietzscheprojectile July 25, 2008 at 1:57 pm

[re=44322]Mumble Softly[/re]: “one of us, one of us.” Whew. Thank you.

In other news, I’d also like to know if soilent green really is people.

pat robertsons personal trainer July 25, 2008 at 2:01 pm

why, if i’m doing all i can to combat the sodomite agenda, can i not resist your eyes or a quarter pounder with cheese? and how in our and lord and savior baby jeebus, did they figure out onions and pickles taste better when there’s no lettuce and tomato bothering me?

Not_So_Much July 25, 2008 at 2:01 pm

Do you dress left or right?

Probably left, you tree-hugging librul fascist!

S.Luggo July 25, 2008 at 2:04 pm

Why does the Porridge Bird lay its egg in the air?

BadNewsJack July 25, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Are you CONTROL?

Big Al1317 July 25, 2008 at 2:06 pm

OMG!! You guys and gals are so funny I just pissed my pants. Thanks for brightening my otherwise miserable, depressing day!! You saved a life today. You really did. Bless you wonkette and all the contributors.

Larry McAwful July 25, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Senator Obama, do you know whether the Republicans have found a candidate to run against you yet? I’ve been looking around, but I haven’t heard of any serious contenders yet.

sati demise July 25, 2008 at 2:10 pm

[re=44234]The Neoskeptic[/re]:
None of the above. the answer is:
Cholula.

NoWireHangers July 25, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Do these jeans make me look fat?

Hart88 July 25, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Who made Steve Guttenberg a star?

loudmouthredhead July 25, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Best. Comments. Evah…

[re=44192]magic titty[/re]: Why so serious? Wanna know how I got these scars?

I’m all for more people learning English, but how about we start with the people already in this country? (Don, I’m looking at you!)

Do you ever get that ‘itis?

If you had to choose between sitting through a whole NASCAR race or hunting with Cheney, which would you pick and why?

If you becum prez’dent, you gonna make kids lurn that Jeezus wuz black too? Wha bout Santa?

villageatrois July 25, 2008 at 2:19 pm

Is it true that 19% of the Federal payroll is used for reading and writing Wonkette comments? Is the other 81% just wasted, or what?

Can I haz some?

loudmouthredhead July 25, 2008 at 2:20 pm

[re=44352]sati demise[/re]: I concur!

Senator, how many more Brendan Fraser “Mummy” movies must America suffer through?

sati demise July 25, 2008 at 2:20 pm

[re=44270]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Assisted suicide?

loudmouthredhead July 25, 2008 at 2:23 pm

[re=44374]sati demise[/re]: Reckless Endangerment?

Servo July 25, 2008 at 2:24 pm

[re=44289]greatgooglymoogly[/re]:
You silly English Kinnnnniggits!

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 25, 2008 at 2:30 pm

Is it true that once you go black, you never go back?

Will you punish George Lucas for the prequels?

George W. Bush: Great President or Greatest President?

Have you ever known anyone as old as John McCain that was still permitted to drive?

A secret Muslim says what?

[re=44120]tunamelt[/re]: Well, we do all agree that the wearing of women’s underwear is just a comfort thing…, And NOTHING ELSE.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 25, 2008 at 2:36 pm

Marcia has a point. Obama is a black man. Surely he can find three others and vocalize his “change.” A Doo-Wop version would be nice.

loudmouthredhead July 25, 2008 at 2:38 pm

[re=44395]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Hey, once they start putting lace on men’s underwear, I’LL stop

Deepthroat July 25, 2008 at 2:39 pm

answers in no particular order:

- sperm
- turn left on main and turn right at the only streetlight in town. It’s on the left next to the Kmart
- dogs are inherently gay
- food coloring
- light waves / earth’s atmosphere / angel tears
- swallow
- briefs
- most likely an STD or Urinary Tract Infection
- because of an evil marketing scheme to humanize processed animal parts
- yes, futile.
- chicken
- yes
- no. the limbo is actually what it’s all about
- she plasters on the makeup
- his own
- a faggots worth
- at the #2 stop
- because he’s dead
- because they’re retarded
- sometimes you do go back
- punctuation is an aspect of grammar
- a dime
- Mr. Rain Day was killed in a tragic plane crash on Xmas day
- none. Franks
- 68
- 23 roads
- David Lee Roth
- no, its an urban legend. try 15
- Superman; with kryptonite, Hulk
- York
- They’re not really good
- yes, stay away from me
- wolf, grain, sheep
- they want ass
- you can, but i wouldn’t
- paper
- still murder
- it’s a question of weight ratios
- great taste
- gnomes
- Picard
- yes, my brother by another mother
- whoever was the meaner, darker one
- Goranson
- Ginger
- Smokey
- Vyvyan
- Dr. Evil
- Yes. Go Team Cobra.

lawrenceofthedesert July 25, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Yes, it’s apparent that we can ask, but MAY we ask? Sincerely, Nancy Reagan

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 25, 2008 at 2:51 pm

[re=44210]4tehlulz[/re]: I don’t know how I missed it the first time I read this thread, but you got to “Once you go black” long before my scrawny mind thought of it.

[re=44419]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Exactly.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 25, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?
And miss her every day?

BadNewsJack July 25, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Mr. Obama, Do you know the way to San Jose?

Also, Do you know the muffin man? The one who lives on Drury Lane?

On to your national security policies. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

If you shot the sheriff, then who shot the deputy?

Can I go to the bathroom?

nietzscheprojectile July 25, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Who puts down the electric car?

lilblackcorvette July 25, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Will you be my baby daddy?

Lazy Media July 25, 2008 at 2:53 pm

[re=44421]Deepthroat[/re]: wolf, grain, sheep gets your grain eaten, doofus.

It’s sheep, then wolf or grain (with the sheep coming back on the return trip), whatever’s left, sheep.

greatgooglymoogly July 25, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=44421]Deepthroat[/re]: Yes, but is it art?

magic titty July 25, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 25, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=44421]Deepthroat[/re]:

42
only when you masturbate
that guy from Wham!
George Takei
bootylicious
not in a month of Sundays
Larry Craig
then don’t do that
where the sun don’t shine
the day before yesterday
floats
Will and Grace
assless chaps
Manitowoc
Freud
because I said so

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=44352]sati demise[/re]: ah, is that Barry’s proclaimed favorite? I would have thought a real man would go for the harder stuff like scotch bonnet or mango habanero.

maybe he likes cholula cause he’s only half black?

FalconerHK July 25, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Is it better to drink at a table or eat at a bar?

Am I my own grandpa?

How many u’s is in ignurnt?

Do you believe in legalizing retroactive abortion? That giant sucking sound is the 120th trimester pregnancy termination of Rush Limbaugh.

Is it normal that my asshole gets tingly in a disturbingly good way when I hear the word “appeasement”?

When you’re the next Merkin Prezident, will you enslave the white race and force M C Lame and “his friends” back to the old folks’ home for the criminally incompetent (incontinent? he’s got a bit of diaper butt going on) where he belongs?

KevoTron July 25, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Will you go out with me?

DieOnTheTurnpike July 25, 2008 at 3:26 pm

How is Elvis, and have you seen him lately?

lilblackcorvette July 25, 2008 at 3:26 pm

I couldn’t get elected dogcatcher. Will you pay off my campaign debt?

Tyrone Slothrop July 25, 2008 at 3:26 pm

Senator Obama,

Why, if it’s possible to spend this span
of existence as laurel, a little darker than all
other greens, with little waves on every
leaf-edge (like the smile of a breeze), why, then,
must we be human and, shunning destiny,
long for it?…

Why,huh,why?

loudmouthredhead July 25, 2008 at 3:27 pm

Do you like me? Circle one:
YES NO MAYBE

loquaciousmusic July 25, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Don’t you think Annie Lennox kind of looks like a dude?

The Neoskeptic July 25, 2008 at 3:35 pm

who peed in my cornflakes?

loudmouthredhead July 25, 2008 at 3:35 pm

[re=44555]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Marilyn Manson: Better looking as a chick?
http://www.ilbaluardo.com/Cover/Audio/M%20-%20N%20-%20O/MARILYN%20MANSON%20-%20Mechanical%20animals%20-%20Front.jpg

RuperttheBear July 25, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=44347]Big Al1317[/re]: McCain trolling?

Norbert July 25, 2008 at 3:37 pm

my friend Mittens wants to know: who let the dogs out?

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 25, 2008 at 3:39 pm

How many licks to the center of a Tootsie-Pop?

CometHasTheFloor July 25, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Why don’t we get drunk and screw?

AnnieGetYourFun July 25, 2008 at 3:45 pm

[re=44201]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Call me.

Tyrone Slothrop July 25, 2008 at 3:46 pm

Would you rather have a bottle in front of you or a frontal lobot…

No,wait, that doesn’t work…

loquaciousmusic July 25, 2008 at 4:23 pm

If you HAD to have sweaty buttsecks with a dude, and your two choices were AngryBlakGuy and shortshortshorts, whom would you choose?

AxmxZ July 25, 2008 at 4:26 pm

[re=44282]Servo[/re]: That was going to be the next question. Well, Mr. Obama? Make up your mind already!

Deepthroat July 25, 2008 at 4:27 pm

[re=44472]Lazy Media[/re]: good thing i didn’t really give a fuck

AxmxZ July 25, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

keepinitrealyo July 25, 2008 at 4:41 pm

Is light a particle or a wave?

Tyrone Slothrop July 25, 2008 at 4:45 pm

gettin much lately?

I Am Not Your Gary Busey July 25, 2008 at 5:01 pm

Why can’t you just get caught in a gay sex scandal already!!! (?)

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 25, 2008 at 5:15 pm

I Am Not Your Gary Busey: Because he is not a Republican?

lilblackcorvette July 25, 2008 at 6:17 pm

semi- mojo. Who’s this kinky so and so?

burton judson July 25, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Are you a black man with a white mother, or a white man with a black father?

sezme July 26, 2008 at 10:23 am

Why don’t we do it in the road?

0ldsteel211 July 26, 2008 at 9:13 pm

If your male member was 12 inches long, would it not then be a foot?
I want to write a book
“How to talk to a Democrat, even if you can’t”
And I’ll third the fuckery,
I’ll close with this
Have these people no teeth?

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