It has been merely a HALF-YEAR since John McCain locked up the Republican nomination, and his team has somehow found the time to develop an online grassroots strategy between those 20-person town halls in nowhere that it holds every other day. From campaign manager Rick Davis’ email client, he writes, “Through the McCain Nation online headquarters you can create events, upload and invite your contacts, send out invitations, get maps and directions, and much more. You can also search for events in your area and ask hosts to attend.” Oh right! Hasn’t that black guy used something exactly like this for the past year or so, to defeat Clintons? Three months should be plenty of time for WALNUTS! to catch up. [John McCain]

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  • nbawriter

    If you stick a dime in your INIAC while at, you get a Superball!

  • SuperRounder

    Wow. I’m impressed WALNUTS! Did you do this from the dairy aisle?

  • masterdebater

    Oh, sure! Like there are just TONS of republicans out there with the chops to “…create events, upload and invite your contacts, send out invitations, get maps and directions…” on this intertube thingy? I don’t think they are the type of people to get caught up in a fad like “personal computers”! Jeeze, give me a break!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Who’s gonna be the first Wonketteer to put their own event up? I’m thinkin’ this site is dying for a “Free Truck Nutz!” party ad.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    I imagine any event you actually went to as a result of McCain Nation will resemble bingo night in a Boca senior center. Can you imagine the quotes:

    1. This better be over by 6 p.m. Murder, She Wrote is coming on.
    2. I was told there was going to be free Metamucil.
    3. Is that Kosher?
    4. Who? John McCain–is he married because I have a granddaughter…

    Woo hoo–good times!

  • carerer

    So McCain’s website is like a ghetto iphone

  • Stealth Liberal

    [re=43722]masterdebater[/re]: Yeah, uh, I don’t think many Republicans who support WALNUTS are young enough to know about this social networking thing…

  • masterdebater

    [re=43725]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: You’re probably right. Definately no naked Twister, and gin tasting.

  • Tawmn

    I think his “youth” staff has been listening to My Sharona again.

  • anabellum

    what a great way for the many quilting circles from around the country to connect with each other……..amateur backyard fish fryers should be happy too….this has been needed for a long time…

  • El Bombastico
  • NoWireHangers

    The WALNUTS! website has basically ripped off every single aspect of Barry’s website. Down to the fucking fonts. What a jerk.

    Luckily, I don’t see fiscal conservatives as the type to volunteer their time without pay to knock on doors in bad neighborhoods. That’s something bleeding heart liberals and college kids love to do. Also, it’ll be hard for the WALNUTS! supporters to walk a precinct while dragging an oxygen tank.

  • tunamelt

    [re=43716]SuperRounder[/re]: [re=43735]El Bombastico[/re]: Most older persons can’t drink dairy, so he’s alienating his core demographic. And I am basing this on how my grandpa has to buy Lactaid instead of milk.

  • Canuckledragger

    Next thing you know, he’ll have a “presence” on MyFace and Spacebook.

    All the kids are doing it.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=43735]El Bombastico[/re]: Damn! HW looks YOUNGER than WALNUTS!

  • El Bombastico

    The only category of event you can search for is a “John McCain House Party”. Nowhere on the site, however, does it indicate if either Kid or Play will be in attendance.

  • tunamelt

    [re=43753]El Bombastico[/re]: The shorties be bumpin’ and grindin’ at my last McCain House Party.

  • SuperRounder

    [re=43741]tunamelt[/re]: I bet Hussein Obama drinks that elitist Soy crap.

  • StripesAndPlaids

    In the words of Steve Douchey, “This is HUGE!”

    Seriously. Things haven’t been this exciting at McCain Headquarters since they replaced their mimeograph with a new XEROXy doo hickey thing-a-mabobber.

  • greenbird

    i like that he got where eggs and cheese come from.
    that’s important.

  • SuperRounder

    [re=43753]El Bombastico[/re]: If Bilal is the DJ I’m SO THERE.

  • WagTehGod

    His new site won’t load on my Netscape 1.0 browser, helpz meeez!

  • BillyClubb

    “Through the McCain Nation online headquarters you can create events, upload and invite your contacts, send out invitations, get maps and directions, and much more. You can also search for events in your area and ask hosts to attend.”

    This will never happen — I’m sure the geriatrics in charge of this have chosen to host the web site on an old 80’s era PC that runs MS-DOS and has 640K of memory. But to these folks that’s considered modern technology…

  • Joey Ratz

    [re=43735]El Bombastico[/re]: My favourites are the golf cart pics. “Property of #41. Hands off!” Get your own damn golf cart, #43!

  • greenbird

    i remember some college students chanting:
    ho ho hey hey social security’s gonna poop out.

  • Scarab

    McCain Nation or Machination?

  • shortsshortsshorts


    Or not.
    Fuck it.

  • eatsshootsleaves

    [re=43777]Scarab[/re]: I was thinking the same thing! Better than “Obama Nation,” I guess…

  • iwillsavethispatient

    Sorry, but I thought I’d threadjack to say that if Obama’s going to visit Gordy Brown in merry ole England tomorrow / Saturday, he’s going to visit a very unhappy man. It looks like the Labour party are going to lose their Glasgow East seat. It’s a bit like the Democrats losing San Francisco.
    Also, their blogs are not on Wonkette’s par…

  • Outstando

    McCainiacs presumably hits a little too close to home.

    His staffers have learned to whisper when they say the word ‘crazy’. If he hears you, look out, my friends.

    He especially hates that twirly finger by the ear. Because he is not insane you fucking gooks!

  • Outstando

    If you say McCain Nation over and over again it sounds like McGay Nation. Where is McCain on the McDonald’s boycott?

  • Jimb

    Actually, everyone should try and see if there are any McCain events happening soon in their area. I tried it, and there were none within one hundred miles!!!

    And I live in Houston, Texas.

  • Scarab

    I believe here’s a ‘Now Where Do I Click?” event scheduled next week at Applebee’s.

  • Speed Ball

    And that, my friends, is teh internets

  • expatinOz

    Oh, c’mon. McCain supporters aren’t all compooper illiterate. My dad’s been able to forward me that cheesy, “In praise of the Marines,” poem that’s been floating round the internets about 407 times now. He’s hip to the tech jive.

  • RuperttheBear

    This is an internet tradition of which I was unaware.

  • Neilist

    Am I the only one — Techno-Geek, Failed Fighter Pilot, Former 9th Grade Science Club Star Trek (Original Series Only) Fan that I am — who saw that and immediately thought: “Alien Nation.”

    You know, with John “Samuel Francisco” McCain getting drunk on sour milk? And then being burned by the acid ocean. And James Caan “acting” . . . or whatever it was he was doing?

    Det. Samuel ‘George’ Francisco: And that fits?
    Det. Sgt. Matthew Sykes: Well… Yeah, it’s rubber. It stretches.
    Det. Samuel ‘George’ Francisco: And still it fits?

    Okay, tell me that dialogue wasn’t written in reference to Cindy’s tits.

    Go on.

    I dare you.

  • CometHasTheFloor

    [re=43739]NoWireHangers[/re]: Sans serif, sans shame.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    McCain House Party:

    Boca Gardens Senior Center
    100 Floating Chad Way

  • cal


    Exactly my first thought.

    Either that or McNation.

  • WadISay

    So I can invite all the local McCainiacs down to the local Marine recruiter? Cool.

  • tsunami

    [re=43814]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:

    sorry, that’s nap time.

    did you find anything earlier?

  • cal

    That wavy banner should read “Independence Day Sale-a-thon at Your Local Ford Dealer”

  • Deserve Neither

    I think Shady Pines is having an event.

  • larz

    Don’t know if I’m just lucky or if McCain’s supporters are just as technologically inept as old jabberjaws, but there’s nothing within 100 miles of me. Of course I do live where there’s running water and electricity 365 days a year.

  • TJBeck

    Is there an option to fax in an event?

  • TJBeck

    Damn, there are two events within 100 miles of Philadelphia. One in the Bronx and one somewhere in MD. Obama had 24 separate office openings today in PA.

  • Lazy Media

    The diff. is that the brother has, like, 900 paid employees who set up the events FOR you. Asking McCain “supporters” to do more than grudgingly admit he’s the Republican nominee is a bit much, neh?

  • Lazy Media

    Metro Atlanta, center of Red State, no events within 100 miles. Oh, Walnuts!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    In SF there are TONS of WALNUTS events to do…
    why there’s an apple bob,
    ah hell old Grimsy’s over there chasin’ a coyote!

    No there is nothing here for poor old Walnuts.

  • Johnny Zhivago


    THURSDAY, AUGUST 14, 2008
    7:00 PM to 8:00 PM

    Public Description:
    (This is what uninvited guests and the general public will see)

    Support John McCain and let’s start drilling here in ANWAR TODAY. One less moose on the road is OK by me as long as we can get gas for our Hummer’s right?

    Private Description:
    (This is what your confirmed guests will see)

    Support McCain with good old fashioned Alaska cooking and maybe even a cross burning or two.

  • Neilist

    Boy, this is sad.

    I just did a search for “McCain Events” within 100 miles of 90012 (which is downtown Los Angeles).

    This would include all of Orange County, i.e., the NeoNazi Konservative Kapital of Southern California.

    Not ONE event.

    Poor WALNUTS.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=43853]Neilist[/re]: If you were a REAL McCain supporter, you would GLADLY travel 400-500 miles to attend one of his events.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=43857]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: But there are no events in McCain Nation? Where the hell should us Valiant WALNUTS Supporters for Jeebus go?

    [re=43853]Neilist[/re]: And I’ll be down there tomorrow (in reality land) searching hard.

  • gliberal

    Check out the McCain Nation Surge-O-Meter that lets YOU pick a date that it began, and let’s YOU gloat about how surge-a-licious the dang thing is doing!

  • AxmxZ

    McCain + internet = steampunk.

  • wonk_the_heck

    “You can also search for events in your area and ask hosts to attend.”

    Um, if there was an event planned, why would you ask a host to attend?
    I would hope a host was already there.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I thought it was Smoke Signals.

    The reason why McCain didn’t want to use the Intertubes isn’t fear of technology, but loathing of Al Gore. No self respecting Repub is going to use something invented by a Demrat.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    “Thursday, August 28, 2008
    7:00 pm to 8:00 pm
    Bronx, NY”

    Okay who’s coming with em?? Heeehh?? Hehhh??

  • Delicious

    McCain makes my penis hurt when I urinate.

  • Cicada

    [re=43885]Delicious[/re]: McCain gave you the clap? That bastard!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    @ Everyone:

    “Barry International” is up and running in Berlin for the last 10 minutes of this thing (meaning video, which you watch).

  • ChernobylSoup

    Okay, I’ve been away from Wonkette for a few days so pardon me if this issue has been discussed (or, since it’s Wonkette, beaten to death [double entendre… you’ll get it in a second]). Anyway, thank you Wonkette and American Apparel for getting rid of the man-woman in the ghastly purple jeans and replacing her/it with this unbelievably perfect specimen in the black bathing suit who I want to make my wife RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

    My only gripe, however, is we had weeks of staring at the less-than-enticing backside of purple jean girl and I think it’s only fair that we get a glimpse of what has to be the superb, delicious backside of black-bathing suit girl.

    Jim: Please, for the love of all that is holy and good, get American Apparel to advertise a front-AND-back image of my future wife. I really, really must see the flip side. PLEASE.

    Okay, I’m off to make the double entendre a double entendre indeed. Be back in a few minutes.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=43894]ChernobylSoup[/re]: Hello Mr. Allan. How are you doing this fine evening… or shall I say.. Woody?

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=43894]ChernobylSoup[/re]: OH! I hadn’t even noticed our new girl! How very interesting! Hmm… not that we’ve changed I’m feeling a touch of nostalgia… will it be like this when Barry becomes Chancellor?

  • ChernobylSoup

    [re=43896]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: [re=43898]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: I’m afraid I’m not Mr. Allen, whoever that is, shortshortshorts. Just an average aficionado of the backside (in other words, I like asses and legs. Boobs can be purchased; asses and legs cannot. You either got it or you don’t.)

    NotUr…: You didn’t notice? You really didn’t notice? You’re not boycotting McDonald’s are you?

  • ChernobylSoup

    [re=43898]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Wait… that last remark about McDonald’s didn’t make sense. I’m tired and overwhelmed by my thoughts of MY FUTURE WIFE. Anyway, my apolgies. Carry on.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=43901]ChernobylSoup[/re]: On the contrary, I’ve increased my McDonalds consumption to celebrate the victory of my people over the fundies.

  • Neilist

    [re=43902]ChernobylSoup[/re]: I . . . I . . . I miss the Snorg Girl.


    I said it.

    And I am NOT ashamed!

  • font9a

    I searched for an event within 100 miles of Austin, Texas. Apparently, McCain hates Austin because the results turned up zero, zilch, nada.

  • Oshkosh John

    I am sure there is a Republican Campaign headquarters in my county, but I have no idea where it is. The democratic HQ is on one of the busiest corners in town.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Nice going elitist liberals! I went to the McCainNation site this morning to check to see if there were any events in my area (I have a lot of free time now that the final episode of Deadliest Catch has run). But instead of McCainNation, there is this:


    We’re sorry. There appears to have been an error with your request. Please try again or if the problem continues, please contact us.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=43920]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
    Considering how piss poor Abe Simpson’s campaign has been going, being labeled as a 404 is the cherry on top.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    Found one! And it’s a racist…

    Show up at Tracy’s house to find out how the candidates match up with your “personal demographics!”

    (I think that means Don’t Vote fer the Nigra)

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=43925]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Yeah, I think that’s a very safe assumption there.

  • Canuckledragger

    [re=43901]ChernobylSoup[/re]: “I like asses and legs. Boobs can be purchased; asses and legs cannot. You either got it or you don’t.)”

    I took the liberty of magnifying the page in order to better see some tiny avatars. When I did, I couldn’t help but note that swimsuit girl might be packing something you wouldn’t necessarily welcome in a woman. Where there oughta be a camel-toe inversion, there’s a little v-shaped thingie hangin’ down.

    Now, if it’s just majors labs, I’m cool with that. Works for me. But if it’s an appendage of Crying Game proportions, I say caveat emptor.

  • AfghanVet

    Sooo…can you throw an “intervention” for the terminally stupid who are thinking of voting for McSame? How about a deprogramming?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    SLIM SLACKS for all.

  • Flounder

    American Apparel is quite naughty.

    Check out the woman’s section, under Tank Tops. Scroll almost all the way down to the two mesh tanks…..

    Naughty indeed.

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