Wonkette
Yesterday, conservative columnist Bob Novak ran over a pedestrian who flew on top of his windshield. Then Novak sped away and, when captured, pretended that he had no idea. The police gave him a $50 ticket. Maybe in this economy that’s a lot, hmm? Anyway, the victim was originally reported as a 66-year-old pedestrian, but according to new information, he is actually an 86-year-old homeless guy who remains in the hospital. The Main Stream Media continues to conceal the truth, which is that the victim is a 72-year-old homeless doctor martyr named Ron Paul. [Washington Post]
I’m torn, I want Novak to die but I hope this story never does.
Wait a minute… Bob Novak is kind of a dick.
Oh, homeless guy. So he really didn’t hit anyone after all.
This reminds one of Novak’s statement that every Enron employee who got wiped out by its collapse had it coming, because they didn’t diversify their investments. If MSM ever asks him about this little mishap (And why would they? He’s one of them!) he’ll say the old guy was almost dead anyway. Andrew Sullivan has even speculated that Novak must be a Democratic mole. It’s pretty clear now he’s just The Devil.
If the homeless guy would just get a job he would have a black Corvette and no need for crosswalks.
‘”I didn’t know I hit him,” Novak said as he walked back to his Corvette. “I feel terrible. . . . [But] he’s not dead, that’s the main thing.”‘
Beautiful sentiment from Bob Novak. At least he didn’t kill him, what’s the big deal?
FIRST THE PLANE THING AND THEN THIS WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL RON PAUL SO BAD DO YOU NOT SEE HOW FREEDOM HE IS?
“…actually an 86-year-old homeless guy…”
Now if he was just handicapped it would be a republican trifecta!
…86 years old?! Im surprised his body didnt explode into a cloud of dust when he got hit!
whiteasasheet: One less Democrat rejecting the ownership society and straining the social safety net.
Little known fact: Novak calls his black Corvette convertible “Valerie”.
If he’s homeless, then I’m assuming he doesn’t have health insurance, which means that the taxpayers are paying for Bob Novak to run over the homeless.
It was actually Barbra Bush on her way to an ARBY’s, she was hired to get nekked and pop out of a cake by Novak. He’s only avoiding embarrassment.
masterdebater: He is now.
Is this the plot for Dogma 2?
That explains it; Republicans don’t see the homeless, it’s kinda like how dogs don’t see color.
…if running over old people is a crime then I need legal representation ASAP!!!
Personally, I can’t believe Novak didn’t run over the bicycle guy who tracked him down and finally got him to stop. Too many witnesses probably. And forget the citation. Novak’s gonna wipe his ass with it and send it to the D.C. govt. Give him a ticket? Who the hell do those cops think they are? Nobody gives The Man a ticket. He does the punishing, baby, not vice versa.You gotta love a guy who can hit, run, and then tell everybody — cops, press, you name it — to leave him the fuck alone. And they do.
The elderly pedestrian had no idea he was struck because the incident was like a preemptive strike on a nuclear reactor.
I hope the poor dude has a lawyer.
$50? isn’t that the going hourly rate for latino lettuce pickers? that’s what Mkkkain told me
Asked whether he believed Novak’s account of not seeing the pedestrian, bicyclist David A. Bono said, “No, I would not believe that.”
Why doesn’t anybody believe competent journalist ™ Robert Novak anymore?
I said it before and I’ll say it again: Novak drives a Corvette built after 1968 - what further evidence is needed that he is a total douchebag?
Mr. Herpes: Are you serious? If he ran the guy on the bike down, the metal from the bike would have scratched his paint job. Pedestrians tend to be softer and do less damage.
4everjung: hey!! i’m a lil’ black corvette! new screen name alert!
Bob Novak: working tirelessly to solve the crisis of homelessness, one stinking elderly hobo at a time.
I just love having my top down!
WhatTheHeck: I hope the elderly dude has 10 lawyers! I hope every ambulance chaser in town is at the hospital trying to land this case. It would be so sweet if NoFacts lost a few million bucks. It would make him angrier and bitterer and more likely to have a stroke right on the teevee.
S.Luggo: Yeah, you know, I guess it counts. + 3 for Bob. I’ll bet Cheney is so jealous! This is just sooo much better than shooting a rich republican friend in the face.
/done
Hitting homeless people with Corvettes stimulates the economy (body shop repairs, medical care, etc.) Although it could lead to a reduced 40oz intake during the man’s hospital stay, which would hurt the refreshing beverage industry. We must consider these aspects closely before we can consider this “good” or “bad”.
/done?
I’m a bit surpised Novak hasn’t revealed this homeless gent’s identity over the giant intertubes just yet. Methinks he’s slipping.
This is actually all part of a viral campaign for the new Death Race 2000 remake…how many pts does an 88 year old homeless guy get you?
lilblackcorvette: I see you are having an existential meltdown.
The cops got the victim’s birth year wrong. They detained Novak for 30 seconds. Thank you, MPD, for a job well done. Now all we need is to demand an apology from the victim to Novak for getting blood on his windshield.
No comical alt tag this time?
freakishlystrong: “Trashfire of the Vanities”
There’s a wacky “Trading Places” -ish ABC sit-com in this somewhere.
Fuck you, Novak. I hope he owns your ass. Karma is a bitch.
86 years old?
Why, if he were any older, he could be Novak’s own grandson!
Politico notes that in a 2001 interview with the Washington Post, Novak said, “I really hate jaywalkers. I despise them. Since I don’t run the country, all I can do is yell at ‘em. The other option is to run ‘em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that.”
No, like that other famous “compassionate conservative” chickenhawk, he’d have others do it for him.
So, which did Novak cease to be yesterday: compassionate or conservative?
No need to answer this rhetorical question.
This vomit-eyed troll of Satan [TM Ed Sanders] is still the epitome of douchebaggery.
Can anyone explain how an 86-year-old homeless person flies up on your hood and your windshield, and is seen doing that by several people, and somehow you “didn’t see” him? What? Huh? In what alternative reality does this happen? And why wasn’t Novak charged with hit and run, leaving the scene of an accident and reckless driving?
What the hell is going on with this story?
thefrontpage: Yeah, I can’t imagine what he had to promise the cops in order to not be charged with a hit-n-run. Or are the cops in DC as awesome as they are in Seattle?
Here’s the thing: if you saw that you hit him, you’re an asshole who deserves to go to jail. If you didn’t notice a human body striking your windshield, then you’re an old fart whose license should be taken away immediately. Either way, sucks to be you.
Well, you know those tinted windscreens the posh used to avoid recognition, or to inspire it, but tell me something else. Maybe they’ve grown up, but back when I was noticing ‘Vettes they were toys. I mean, really. They were made out of yellowcake, or fiberglass. If you punched ‘em, they’d crinkle like an 86-year-old homeless person. I’ve seen ‘em totaled by squirrels.
Wait, Faux Noise is now reporting this “homeless person” was Joe Wilson. Gotta go.
Is anyone else surprised that Novak has not tried to claim he was “threatened” and had to run the person over?
Let me get this straight - the guy’s 86 years old, homeless, and shrugs off a vehicular assault by the Prince of Darkness…?
Ladies and gentlemen, our wait is over. The Messiah has come.
Uncle Al I’m with you, more lawyers/ambulance chasers, novack can not suffer enough for this (and the rest of his skanky life)
86 year old homeless man, run over, run over by a prick like Robert Novak. And I thought I had bad luck.
If old Bob really wanted to finish the guy, old Bob would hesitate to confirm his kill, perhaps backing over the victim repeatedly?
No, this is just old Bob being old. Or maybe what he considers ironic. Certainly what everyone else thinks craven and arrogant.
I just paid almost $100 for being late getting a $#&^%$^ inspection sticker on my car in Virginia. Wish I had run over a homeless guy in D.C. instead. Wait, what? That’s not the typical MPD treatment?
Mahousu: You may be right.
And with a name like “Liljenquist,” he’s probably Lutheran.
Take that, Pope Benny!
After 145 hours of DEEP thinking and DEEP meditation,
haven’t we all run over an 85 year-old-man, MAN?
…back to psychedelic cabbage.
An 86 year old homeless man?WTF?This country is so fucked up,it’s not funny.At all.
So, how small of a penis do you have to have to be old and very rich and still need to drive a black Corvette.
i heard it was WALNUTS! grandkid
masterdebater: Naw, he’d have to blow him in a restroom for a true Repub trifecta.
Gopherit v2.0: Maybe Novak will get to be the guy’s butler to work off his sentence…(TM George Constanza)
Take away Novak’s driver’s license.
thefrontpage: I’m pretty sure if you stop within sight of the scene, it’s not hit-and-run, even if you had to be pulled over by a remonstrative cyclist.
Does Novak have his own roll of police crime scene tape? Or must he now re-stock?
I’m wondering who’s going to be the first commentator to get run over by a corvette to show how easy it is to miss having a pedestrian splayed over your windshield.
I don’t understand this story at all -
Bob Novak is not a contractor for FEMA and Mr. Liljenquist is not from Iowa.
What gives?
A fucking homeless guy gets hit by Novack in a black corvette, Novack is totally in the wrong and flees the scene, and yet all he gets is a $50 dollar ticket. That’s pretty much an irrefutable proof that a loving God doesn’t exist. Fuck you, Thomas Aquinas!