SO SAD  2:01 pm July 24, 2008

Somehow John McCain Is Basically Tied With Barack Obama

by Jim Newell

For Christ’s sake, Walnuts, you’re making it too easy: “He tells reporters in a Columbus, Ohio German restaurant he’d love to give a speech in Germany. ‘But I’d much prefer to do it as president of the United States rather than as a candidate for president.’” Maybe he could’ve DONE ANYTHING ELSE besides this, during Obama’s speech? WATCHING IT AT A GERMAN RESTAURANT IN OHIO? WHINING? Take a nap, my friend. [The Page]

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shortsshortsshorts July 24, 2008 at 2:05 pm

The headline, the post and the article have made me very confused….

SuperRounder July 24, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Please tell me he finished his speech and chugged a Heiniken.

EnBuenOra July 24, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Also, McCain petted a German Shepherd, and then ate a Bratwurst in a VW Beetle. Take that, Obamassiah!

Schadenfried July 24, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Sure he’d love to give a speech in Germany, but he still thinks it’s under Nazi rule.

freakishlystrong July 24, 2008 at 2:08 pm

Choke on a wiener, McSurge…

sanantonerose July 24, 2008 at 2:09 pm

But I’d much prefer to do it as president of the United States rather than as a candidate for president.

Meow. How’s about just being able to do it at all? McCain shares his lifetime subscription to Modern Jackass magazine with Giuliani’s son.

Scarab July 24, 2008 at 2:10 pm

John McCain? John McCain? Why does that name sound familiar?

SuperRounder July 24, 2008 at 2:12 pm

[re=43294]sanantonerose[/re]: To pull this off in Europe, WALNUTS would need some heavy artillery. The Decemberists wouldn’t cut it. He’d need a Smiths reunion.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 24, 2008 at 2:12 pm

“My friends, I will soon head to Gaul, where we will build an army to defeat the Romans.”

PoliticalGraffiti July 24, 2008 at 2:13 pm

it looks like his neck flaps are about to fall off in that picture

mookworthjwilson July 24, 2008 at 2:13 pm

[re=43292]Schadenfried[/re]: actually he still calls it Prussia…

PoliticalGraffiti July 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm

…and when Obama visited the Middle East, McCain ate falafel.

he sure knows how to half-ass things, huh

lumpenprole July 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm

As Hopey rallies the Teutonic Hordes, Walnuts rudely interrupts Luis Guzmán’s lunch.

Sortofexpat July 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm

[re=43295]Scarab[/re]: I think it’s the guy from Die Hard.

slithytoves July 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm


pondscum July 24, 2008 at 2:15 pm

[re=43298]SuperRounder[/re]: ABBA

shortsshortsshorts July 24, 2008 at 2:15 pm

[re=43295]Scarab[/re]: What you say reminds me this little thing ‘ere.

Sean O July 24, 2008 at 2:15 pm

This is just so, so sad. What are they thinking in that campaign? And how is he not polling 25-30 points lower than hopey?

AfghanVet July 24, 2008 at 2:18 pm

The kicker is they thought he was Abe Frohman, Sausage King.

Hooray For Anything July 24, 2008 at 2:20 pm

If McCain were smarter, he would have watched the speech in a synagogue or a Polish restaurant.

randomsausage July 24, 2008 at 2:21 pm

You know, McCain would look good in a pair of lederhosen. So would Cindy….

loudmouthredhead July 24, 2008 at 2:21 pm

Wow. I bet Barry is crying softly to himself on his plane, unable to be consoled by the cheers of the THOUSANDS OF WELL-WISHERS.

How do you stay so sharp, Walnuts? Play Brain-Age or something?

nyhfrog July 24, 2008 at 2:23 pm

I’m beginning to take McCain’s campaign tactics personally.

It’s almost like he’s saying, “How can I get that one guy,Nyhfrog, who used to say I was a decent man even though he didn’t agree with me, how can I embarass him and make him hate my guts. That’s the way I’ll win this election.”

Well, John, you’ve almost achieved total disgust on my part. Your work may soon be done.

loudmouthredhead July 24, 2008 at 2:24 pm

The guy below him in the pic is thinking:

“Damn it, now I can’t even look at my food…I mean, LOOK at that neck! *bwarf*”

NotNotLickingToads July 24, 2008 at 2:25 pm

I’m going to go out on a (caustic) limb and say what I’ve been thinking for a while now: while McCain’s generation was once “great,” they’ve been in power for too long to be of any real use in moving the country forward…they’re crotchety and self-centered, and stuck in their glory days, and yet we feel some need to stupidly “revere” them…for what? For managing to barely restrain their self-interest long enough to not drive the country into the dirt? Oh wait…they DID do that…

Actually, I reserve most of that sentiment for the generation that is about to retire, but the few skeletons like McCain still holding on are an even more frightening extension of that skin-cancer riddled, arthritic arm.

Scarab July 24, 2008 at 2:26 pm

I’m not sure this is really a campaign at all.
I’m beginning to think that McCain is some sort of performance artist and we’re all too bourgeois to get it.

Cicada July 24, 2008 at 2:28 pm

[re=43325]nyhfrog[/re]: I think WALNUT’s campaign crossed the disgust threshold when they implied Barry was soft on genocide.

loudmouthredhead July 24, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=43330]NotNotLickingToads[/re]: Snark aside for once, I agree with you. It strikes me as sad that the older gen. in power doesn’t inspire reverence in me. It’s sad to see people do amazing things and then change and become twisted with time. I wonder if they realize that this is how they will be remembered by us?

V572625694 July 24, 2008 at 2:30 pm

[re=43331]Scarab[/re]: Yes, yes…it explains so much. His speeches have the Laurie Anderson/John Cage/Philip Glass vibe to them: I’m going to teach you how “boring” is the new “thrilling.”

Anonymous Office Zombie July 24, 2008 at 2:34 pm

The really sad thing is going to be how Faux News, Rove, and and Limbaugh will manage to flip this whole thing back on Obama. They’ll say that Obama is an elitist loved by Europeans, not like that John McCain, American Man of the People. “So, German American restaurants are good for Jonny Six-Pack America and John McCain, but they aren’t good enough for Obama? No, fancy-boy Hussein’s got to fly over to Europe with his fancy-boy passport. How elitist and un-American.”

And this will work, because if ’04 taught me anything it’s that we are a nation of deeply stupid retards.

magic titty July 24, 2008 at 2:37 pm

[re=43317]AfghanVet[/re]: awesome. ferris!

magic titty July 24, 2008 at 2:39 pm

[re=43298]SuperRounder[/re]: and for Ian Curtis to come back to life cranking out “She’s Lost Control”.

wonk_the_heck July 24, 2008 at 2:39 pm

Later on he stood outside taking questions in front of a sign for
the “Fudge Haus”. Mittens missed another fudge packing moment.

BigLar July 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=43317]AfghanVet[/re]: Save Ferris!

ManchuCandidate July 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm

Hey Walnuts, I have some menu suggestions if Barry decides to go see more foreigns.

France: Scarf down a bottle of French’s Mustard
Korea: Find a little girl’s puppy, kill and roast it in front of her while she sobs in terror/grief.
China: Eat at a Dim Sum restaurant and not some shit place that serves “White” people shit like Chicken balls
India: 5.99 All you can eat lunch with Tandoori
Japan: Sushi (to support them Moonies and their raw fish empire) and down some of the fugu to show you’re more manly than Unicorn is.
England: Eat a Swanson’s Steak and Kidney pie (support Tucker and his shit ass family)
Canada: Find a Tim Horton’s. Have a doughnut you old geezer.

eatsshootsleaves July 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=43339]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: I know! Ugh, I really don’t think this was a good idea. Americans don’t like Europe, and that’s the way it always was and always will be.

magic titty July 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm

[re=43345]eatsshootsleaves[/re]: The people who get their ‘news’ from Fucks News were never going to vote for Barry anyway in light of his Negro status, so who cares if they hate Euro’s too. He can’t get the dumb cracker vote no matter what, so let them preach to their choir.

Advocatus_Diaboli July 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. [sigh]

whiteasasheet July 24, 2008 at 2:51 pm

This is hilarious! McCain’s campaign must be run by an Obie operative.

shortsshortsshorts July 24, 2008 at 2:54 pm

[re=43353]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN

Uncle Al July 24, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=43331]Scarab[/re]: That’s so funny about it’s not a campaign, it’s performance art. We’ll know for sure when he starts holding all his press conferences in nursing homes.

But what Magic Titty said. I’m afraid it won’t matter how crazy, how senile, how inept McSenile is. There are going to be a lot of Cletuses who will vote how Rush tells them to, so it’s scary if Obama is polling only a few points ahead….

lumpenprole July 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm


What was “great” about them? All they know how to do is run shit into the ground for short term profit. Is there a single institution in the entire country that is in better shape because of baby boomer leadership? Besides embracing the counterculture for a couple years in the 60′s, what is there to admire about this bunch drifting into retirement promising to bankrupt a generation yet unborn? Bush is not an aberration…

crap, I’m having a Kossack Attack.

RuperttheBear July 24, 2008 at 3:12 pm

He should put on a top hat, pop in his monocle, cue the zither player and begin:

Ist das ist nicht ein schnitzlbank?

Sean O July 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

[re=43381]lumpenprole[/re]: incorrect; you’re not self-righteously saying that your way, and only your way, is the answer. You’re having, ironically, a McCain Attack, in that you’re tearing down another group without really offering a solution.

Subtle difference.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland July 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

I am LOVING the new Walnuts! ad…..

CthuNHu July 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

While the Candidate Formerly Known As Maverick is nervously eyeing the Blutwurst at the Fudge Haus…

…SOMEBODY is getting lucky with Angela Merkel!

“Und dies ist mein Bettzimmer, mit all den Posteren der Unikorner… Komm, sitzen hier von mir auf dem Bett…”

(From )

pondscum July 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm

Please, please, please tell me the Mar’s Cheese Castle is on his “tour”…

magic titty July 24, 2008 at 3:27 pm

this campaign is being run by obama operatives, right? next week he’ll marry a black female lawyer and show up at cowboys training camp for a few linebacker drills. turd.

RuperttheBear July 24, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=43413]pondscum[/re]: Same day as the Usinger’s Sausage Factory. It’s the elves!

AfghanVet July 24, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=43398]Sean O[/re]: I am not sure it is a generational thing as much as it is an education thing. All of the boomers who went out and got MBAs and degrees in economics went to schools that were pushing policies that those that went to those schools put into action. The problem is that these policies and theories and ideas were ideologically attractive, but practically unsound.

Uncle Milton’s ideas that the free market cures all and will police itself has turned out to be bunk, but virtually all fiscal policy and regulatory policy is based on his principles of unfettered free enterprise. Low taxes, little regulation and the like have produced the morass that we call the markets.

Now, add to this that all of those that have gotten MBAs since the late 60s and through the early 90s didn’t take any courses in LEADERSHIP and only courses in FINANCE, which told them how to shift numbers around to accumulate capital quickly AND add to THAT the lack of regulation in the financial markets that allowed for what amounts to legalized gambling and unchecked pyramid schemes and you have the recipe for the disaster that is our economy. Why do the hard work of producing something when you can play with numbers and get rich?

Now, just for added fun, take all of the Nixonian douchebags who saw an opportunity to win POLITICALLY but not add any value to the governance of this nation when the Dixiecrats left the Democratic party ’cause blacks got rights and sprinkle in the religious nuts who were rightfully marginalized and begging for someone to throw them a bone and you get just the right amount of voter turnout to put people in office who couldn’t lead their own shit into a toilet if they were sitting on it.

We have lived through the perfect storm of stupidity, selfishness, and religious ideology and bigotry and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster ( help us if this country does not elect Barrack Obama as we have yet to reach bottom.

Scooter July 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm

McGrampy catches the giant wave of German-cuisine that’s sweeping the nation! Mmmm, Sauerkraut mit Walnuts! Brilliant campaign move.

CthuNHu July 24, 2008 at 3:47 pm

While the Candidate Formerly Known As Maverick is nervously eyeing the Blutwurst at the Fudge Haus…

…SOMEBODY is getting lucky with Angela Merkel!

“Und dies ist mein Bettzimmer, mit all den Posteren der Unikorner… Komm, sitzen hier von mir auf dem Bett…”

bmannes July 24, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Oh, he punched a waiter cuz he thought he was Hitler. That’s not strudel we can believe in.

magic titty July 24, 2008 at 3:57 pm

[re=43380]Uncle Al[/re]: Absolutely. And i’m predicting Barry will be bludgeoned in November. But Fox and Rush telling their retarded audience who to vote for isn’t his problem. His problem is convincing a lot of ppl who have dormant but festering hesitation at the thought of a (gasps) black man being in a position of power. It’s cut and dry with the Fox watchers. The answer with them is a resounding NO. So why sweat it?
he needs to convince the people who are acting as if they are capable of grown-ups in a voting booth come November.

Joey Ratz July 24, 2008 at 4:00 pm

I had to do a bit of double-checking to make sure this wasn’t something out of The Onion. WTF is his campaign staff thinking? Look for WALNUTS! to do all future commentary on foreign affairs from the International House Of Pancakes.

[re=43325]nyhfrog[/re]: I’m with you – except I gave up on WALNUTS! once he started rim-jobbing the religious right. If there had been McCain vs. Gore in 2000, I would actually have been somewhat torn. These days, there’s no contest whatsoever.

lumpenprole July 24, 2008 at 4:16 pm

[re=43398]Sean O[/re]:
I have a way? People post solutions in Wonkette comments?* There’s a subtle difference between tone-deaf political smears and mindless bitching worth thinking about? Please, elevate us.

* Trucknutz notwithstanding

btwbfdimho July 24, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Now Obama should deliver a speech from Hanoi.

Maus July 24, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=43330]NotNotLickingToads[/re]: It’s not caustic, it’s true. They stopped being “great” at the very same time that they started calling themselves “great”.

walnuts love child July 24, 2008 at 4:58 pm

My Daddy Walnuts is gonna take me to Epcot fer all our foreign trips from now on!! Yeehaw!!

masterdebater July 24, 2008 at 5:21 pm

This just reported from the McCranky Wagon (Straight Talk Express):
McCain’s speach was similarly evocative of past presidential speaches when he was overheard to say, “Ich bin ein Frankfurter”. He was also heard to say, “My corns hurt, get me a chair, cunt”. However, by then the place was empty.

shortsshortsshorts July 24, 2008 at 5:28 pm

As a self-pronounced cannibal, I would never, never ever chew on John McCain.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez July 24, 2008 at 8:59 pm

Did he bring in Leni Reifenstahl to handle the mise-em-scene?

schvitzatura July 24, 2008 at 10:31 pm

If only McSame had made his appearance at the Der Wienerschnitzel in Rancho Cucamonga, CA…

kizmets_adjutant July 25, 2008 at 3:14 am

Please please please: doesn’t anyone have the video of McCain’s press conference being interrupted for news about a bear cub in California?

Geoff July 28, 2008 at 3:51 pm

McCain is now ratcheting up the attacks on Obama, assisted by his pit bull Limbaugh.

How sad. Poor John doesn’t have anything constructive to offer our country, so he resorts to petty shots.

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