Wonkette
Mean old John McCain was all, “Oh yeah, boy? Go fight The Kaiser in Nazi Germany like I did, then we’ll see who was tortured.” So Barack Obama got on a plane and went to Germany, via every other country in the world, and now he’s going to give his famous speech! We are going to liveblog it! You can tell your kids about this day, when you were at work, and Wonkette liveblogged some thing on teevee!
12:38 PM — It is actually midnight:38 in Germany, the time when all German children are released from “kinder garten” and go to the “bier platz” to hear American campaign speeches. Look at all those people! It’s scary to think what so many crazy Germans might do … ah, but there’s nothing to really worry about. They’re just Industrious!
12:40 PM — Whoa, there is a live video feed courtesy of Mr. Phone Holster himself, My Barack Obama dot-com. There’s a dude standing by the base of the War Dildo. And dear lord, the sound … the only sound in Germany is some terrible song called “So beautiful and white” … this is the only sound in Germany. This is why they fell for Hitler — something different, at least, than this fucking song. “You killed me with your (smile?), So beautiful and white.”
12:43 PM — Oooooh, it’s Bono. Well, that explains a lot.
12:44 PM — David Hasslehauf?
12:45 PM — And here’s an exclusive picture of the speech:
12:48 PM — Oh jesus christ, “Sympathy for the Devil”?
12:49 PM — THE MUSIC ON THE BARACK OBAMA VIDEO FEED FROM BERLIN IS “SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL,” WE ARE SERIOUS.
12:51 PM — “I shouted out, who killed the Kennedys, when after all, it was yuuuuu and me.” So inclusive.
12:53 PM — Meanwhile, there’s no sign on any cable news channel that Barack Obama is doing anything at all today. CNN has a report on a People magazine article about the Obama family and how they will not unpack boxes at their house.
12:53 PM — New song: Is it “Thriller” by once-black performer Michael Jackson? Ha, this is totally normal for Germany. Germany still thinks Michael Jackson is a big pop star — it’s even worse in Poland, which the Germans destroyed.
12:54 PM — Fox News has … yes, footage of the crowd! It’s a big big crowd. Hundreds of thousands of people “potentially listening to this thing,” says the Fox bimbo.
12:56 PM — Hah, this one Obamatard we know, in Dallas, just made it known that he wants this whole thing TiVo’d and probably archived in Linux so his kids will hate him when he’s an old man.
12:59 PM — The Europeans and their terrible re-mixes and “mash ups” of old pop songs, mostly from the ’80s … god, they are terrible. (The Europeans.)
1:02 PM — MSNBC has switched to a live crowd shot. Huh, we were kind of expecting an all-black crowd, but there seems to be a lot of white Germans.
1:04 PM — But there’s a nice black lady DRINKING A BEER. So she’s a white German, too.
1:07 PM — Germany has some nice music, you know? Why not some German music? Maybe a Wagner-Kraftwerk mashup? [That is called "Kraftwerk"--Ed.]
1:08 PM — A new poll blah blah something or other … 13% say America is on the Right Track! That’s better than in Germany, where negative 3% think America is “daft punk.”
1:09 PM — Weird night video of lil’ McCain hugging a big lady.
1:19 PM — Some weasel is on MSNBC whining about Obama. Andrea Mitchell is acting like this is important. It’s one of John McCain’s log-cabin Republicans.
1:22 PM — He’s talking!
1:22 PM — Only MSNBC had him live when he began to speak. CNN was on a commercial, I forget what Fox had, anyway ….
1:23 PM — He is thanking the Germans, and the Police.
1:24 PM — “I know I don’t look like the other Americans who have spoken here.” Yes, he is much younger than Reagan. And he’s much thinner and more attractive than the average American …. wait, some big laugh, what happened?
1:25 PM — “This city knows the dream of freedom. You know the only reason we stand here tonight is because men and women from both of our nations came together to struggle, and work …” Oh he is talking about the Berlin Air Lift! Whew.
1:26 PM — The top picture on this post is of the Berlin Air Lift, by the way. It was when Berlin was literally “lifted” by airplanes and flown to Western Germany.
1:27 PM — The Berlin Air Lift also brought Hope, says Obama. He’s always been with us.
1:27 PM — But, you know, the Berlin Air Lift was a real long time ago. Before Barry was born, in fact.
1:28 PM — And then the USSR fell apart three decades later, the end.
1:30 PM — “Freedom, markets, information, prison camps, walls came tumbling down, revealed a world more intertwined,” etc. When is going to speak GERMAN?
1:32 PM — So he is going to be president of The World so he can stop all the bad stuff like Global Ice Caps, Danger and Poppies?
1:32 PM — Yes, he is going to be World President. Just like in Star Trek.
1:32 PM — “On both sides of the Atlantic, we have drifted apart,” because Europeans hate Bush and the people who egg him on.
1:33 PM — But Europe will … oh who knows, getting some more coffee now, brb. ;(
1:36 PM — “Here, at the base of a massive war phallus, we meet in peace, just like in S. Africa and Belfast.” (Bono sings from Heaven.)
1:36 PM — “Walls can be torn down,” etc. It’s all a riff on “Tear Down This Wall,” which is maybe remembered by older people in Germany — bitterly, on the Eastern side, where at least they used to have subsidized rent and some food and beer — and not at all in America, because jesus that was like 30 years ago, who remembers that?
1:37 PM — Well, at least Obama seems to be riled up about this exciting narration from the Hitler History Channel.
1:40 PM — German hippies will always cheer the No Nukes deal. (They were not so happy to hear Obama talking smack about their heroin dealers.)
1:43 PM — Sara is shopping on the J. Crew website. Jim is probably playing “Wii” on his xBoX. Your editor is making his car payment online, and sending terrible e-cards to his friends who recently had birthdays or got savagely mugged at a taco truck in Highland Park.
1:45 PM — They should’ve put a big hoop on that War Column, then Barry could make a three-pointer from downtown Berlin, run off the stage, and then FALCO appears doing “Der Kommisar” and people start mad break dancing, plus lazers and fireworks, and a huge Ron Paul Barack Obama Hindenberg lands gracefully, and out comes LED ZEPPELIN, with the Berlin Symphony Orchestra, cold playing “Kashmir,” as Afghan poppies float down from the sky.
1:47 PM — Instead, all these Germans are just politely waiting for The Decemberists.
1:49 PM — Oh, great. DirecTV just shut off your editor’s receiver so it can “download software.” 15% complete!
1:52 PM — “62% complete ….”
1:54 PM — Sara S.
Wow, look at the rope line. All those clutching hands…no wonder they’re all Purell addicts.
Sara S.
(politicians)
Jim N.
HAHAHAH this sums everything up: “McCain Swings By German Restaurant to Target Obama”
Jim N.
i will post this
1:55 PM — Your editor has no idea what’s happening. Let’s check the My Barack Obama computer feed! Nothing. Oh wait, DirecTV is back!
1:55 PM — Ha ha, Obama said he felt sorry for the McCain campaign this week, as they are lame.
1:56 PM — Look at those Germans. Also, is Vladimir Putin his secret service dude now?
1:57 PM — Or is that Brian Williams?
1:58 PM — Well, Barry looks happy. Yes, that is Brian Williams.
1:58 PM — Thanks, Andrea Mitchell, for interrupting everyone so Wonkette could know for sure if that was Vladimir Putin or Brian Williams.
1:58 PM — Oh, and now John Kerry will comment, from Washington. Wake us when he finally shuts up in 10 years.
2:00 PM — Stock market collapses on news of Obama’s hopeful message to the world; Dow down nearly 200.
2:01 PM — Now we’re on CNN, and let’s see what Candy Crowley has to say. She says he rocked. Well, maybe it was better in person.
2:01 PM — He has a catch phrase! (”This is our moment. This is our time.”)
2:01 PM — Your editor needs to stop this now, and go get Mexican Food and a Margarita, and then vanish in the desert wastes for several hours, with Sandpeople and Jawas and robots, because a column is due to a newspaper that pays money, the end.
If he gave this speech in Frankfurt, he could say “Ich bin ein Frankfurter”
Dreadful Gate: And the world would fall to their knees
all these stupid foreign news channels are talking about other stuff going on in the world… im confused.
Sympathy for the Devil??? interesting.
Mrs. Merkel, pull up those pants!
Dreadful Gate:
And in Hamburg… don’t get me started on hamburgers!
they’re playing sympathy for the devil? references to satanism and the kennedy assasinations = FAIL
I like the greenery in front of the podium. It’s like he’s giving a speech from the jungle.
Midnight Rambler would have been better.
VOTE FOR MEIN BAMA
TRAINS SHALL GO ON TIME
What is this crazy White Stripes vs Michael Jackson vs Ghostbusters Theme Song bullshit?!
Outstando: Life is Live…na na na na na…
im glad to find out im not the only one hearing “Sympathy for the Devil”…
i was starting to think the last acid trip i took might not have been such a good idea…
What channel are y’all watching? CNN is bitching that the FDIC only covers $100k while MSNBC is jabbering about some dead kid in Florida. Are they blocking out OBAMAMANIA IN BERLIN 2008 in the southern states?
Sympathy for the Great Satan?
It may have something to do with the “devil you know versus the devil you don’t” quote that Barry made, and which has some Politico commenters’ panties in the usual knots.
‘The devil you know versus the devil you don’t’
A not-terribly-hopeful view from Obama on what is, indeed, turning into an election in which fears of both candidates are vying with hopes about them to determine the election.
“It’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t,” he said, when asked about being viewed as a “riskier” choice.
The line came response to a question from Brian Williams in an interview airing on NBC this evening, which found that more Americans view Obama as “riskier” than McCain than vice versa, Obama blamed his novelty to the political scene.
“It’s not surprising that people would say that the guy we’re more familiar with is the less riskier choice. That doesn’t answer the broader question, though, which is what do Americans think we need right now?” Obama said. “And can we afford to have four more years or eight more years of the same types of policies that we’ve had for the past eight?
“And in some ways, I guess that would be safe. It’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t. But– but I think the American people understand that we’re in a time of profound challenge and that we’ve got to make some significant changes– in how our economy works, in how our tax policy is structured, in our energy policy and our foreign policy if we’re gonna meet those challenges.”
The Neoskeptic: On the plus side, he also killed the czar and his ministers. And gave us knowledge. In exchange for our souls.
MSNBC just had a crowd shot, and somebody was holding up that picture of Barry on a bike. Ha!
Those silly furriners.
Rather than walk on stage, Barry will simply descend from the heavens.
The CNN live feed is better. Someone in the crowd was holding up that picture of Barack “nerd dad” Obama on a bicycle.
God, I wish that SS dude would just let go and bust a move.
I don’t think he’s going to show up…
DON’T BE STUPID
BE A SMARTIE
COME AND JOIN
DER FUHRER BARRY
I wish that security dude would start breakdancing to the music. It could be a Fatboy Slim music video.
Barry better be on time. The Germans do not like tardiness!
Shit, the worst part of this satan gaffe is now Keith Richards is going to be asked his opinion on Obama.
Holy SHIT, look at that crowd
ChernobylSoup: streaming internets super-tubers, THAT;s what channel!
Choppiest feed evar.
shortsshortsshorts: …or rise up from Helle.
David Bowie? Let’s Dance?
Sure, why not…
David Bowie now?
I must say, the war dildo looks rather grungy…Is THAT a statement about something?
C-Span music is, of course, much better. “Say Goodbye to Love” into Bowie.
Let’s dance!
shortsshortsshorts: or astride Battle Cate
NotNotLickingToads: c-span feed less choppy than the ObamaTube
If you say run (for president) I’ll run with you
If you say hide (the salami), we’ll hide
Because my love for you (Barry) would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms, and tremble like a flower….
Rev. Peter Lemonjello: Battle Cat, ass
Let’s Dance! better than “I’m Afraid of Americans”
they’re showing lots of crowd shots on the ’span. Germany has teh blacks! who knew?!
Sympathy for the Devil (killed Kennedy), Bowie (who went through a nazi phase)…. what next, Leni Riefenstahl highlights and Joy Division’s awkward “Warsaw” days?
MSNBC Dancing German = Best Television I’ve Seen Ever, Ever.
WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE WATCHING THIS???
Oooh…the hype man is out. Tonight the role of Flavor Flav will be played by some boring white guy in a suit.
HAHAHAHA technotronic, Daft Punk
Is anyone watching the cnn world feed where that guy is dancing like a total tard while christiane amanpour talks about serious stuff?
Hundreds of thousands of people “potentially listening to this thing,” says the Fox bimbo.
Please FOX, never stop amazing me.
shortsshortsshorts: Fucking chill.
http://www.barackobama.com/live/
Ken had the link in his post.
shortsshortsshorts: The CNN live feed is good, but I also have up the Obama one. I think CNN is the best for this. Crisp video, close-ups of dancing Germans, wide-shots of the crowd, etc.
I wonder if all those Germans know that Barry speaks English. They won’t be able to understand him, which will most-likely infuriate them.
Holy crap, the CSPAN feed just went dead. Or maybe I’m blind now. Barry hasn’t appeared yet, has he? ‘Cause I saw him in Portland and he was radiating…
Serolf Divad: “Ich bin ein Düsseldorfer!”
Where’s Barry?
shortsshortsshorts: here you go baby
PeteJayhawk v2.0: Sorry… all doped up on Claritan D right now. This shit is tight.
You know you’re a dork when you’re concerned about the implications of pop rock songs written a couple decades ago in context with the political campaign of the present.
JeffGoldblum: Germans speak better English than the McDonald’s boycotters.
O-BA-MA!
JeffGoldblum: other countries learn English from our tv, movies, and music.
look, they’re chanting - O-bam-a! O-bam-a!
Mobs of Germans chanting–not a good thing.
NoWireHangers: Closeups of wide-stanced Germans?
HAWT.
JeffGoldblum: He’s just finishing up his scene in “Ballin’ 2″ with NBA All-Star Dirk Nowitzki and a German porn actress to be revealed later.
Ja, Wir Können!
poorly enunciated yes we can chants, woohoo
shortsshortsshorts: I spent all last week hopped up on it. I concur with your assessment.
PeteJayhawk v2.0: ya, vee khan! ya, vee khan!
Next song up is Blinded by the White by Manfred Mann and the Earth Band.
The Neoskeptic: “Bilinguality” is a Jewish Conspiracy to make Middle America feel inadequate. Everyone needs to know the Real Truth.
Studge: Ich bin ein donut!
Um, did the liveblog just disappear for a minute or am I going fucking insane? Because now I look like an (even bigger) ass for making mention of that in the posts before and after that.
I just realized the deliciously hilarious irony in all of this. I did some research on the Googlewebs and found out that these Germans CAN’T EVEN VOTE!!! Idiots!!
“Ich bin ein light Braunschweiger!”
Hello, old black bluesman. What, pray tell, are you doing in Berlin?
JeffGoldblum: that’s a neat trick the Jews pulled - making Middle America feel what they already are - inadequate.
Sympathy for the Devil?
HOPE: you guessed my name, oh yeah!
PeteJayhawk v2.0: Getting paid in the new millennium.
CNN is cute, trying to get in as many of their stupid commercials as they can. (while they can) Is there a better feed?
Maybe Hopey should just run for President of Germany
msnbc has a pretty good feed
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/22886841#22886841
When Barry steps out, Goebbel’s rotted corpse will ejaculate blood. It’s part of the show.
PeteJayhawk v2.0:
Yes, this thread keeps appearing and disappearing–it’s magic!
PeteJayhawk v2.0: No, it was definitely gone. I thought I was crazy, too.
Haha, on Fox they were just talking about how McCain’s bad poll numbers might be good for him because they’ll energize voters. HAHAHAHA.
It’s 20 minutes past time for Barry to appear. Why does Barack Obama hate Germany and Wonkette?
Okay, snark off for a moment.
Aanyone else blown away at the size of the crowd for a speech by a presidental candidate from another country?
Okay, snark away.
Am I the only one who finds the vaguely odd German pronounciation of O-BA-MA hilarious?
More beer drinkers. I like German politics.
V572625694: 1:30…
eatsshootsleaves: The bitches at Fox are now resigned to the jedi mind trick. Nothing riles up the base like a black person moving into the neighborhood!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!
Whooooo hopey!
When will the crowd start singing, “Tomorrow Belongs to Me”?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMVql9RLP34
I liked Germany more during the Atari Teenage Riot days. Now it just looks like Seattle. Hey Germany, make mine a soy decaf.
Cranky Little Camperette: I know, it’s pretty cool.
I was just thinking about that…and how if Angela Merkel came to the US during a campaign for German Chancellor, it would barely get a mention in the local paper.
Sig heil!!!
Haha that Senator (R) McCain douchebag wouldn’t stop talking as Obama strolled up to the podium and Andrea Mitchell told him to shut the hell up because President Barry Jesus was about to talk.
Herr we go!
I can’t wait until he speaks some German
Cookie Guggelman: No one who speaks German can be an evil man!
YEAH HE SAID WORLD!
ich bin ein “citizen of the world”??
HE JUST MENTIONED HE’S BLACK! Oh no he di-inn’t…