Wonkette
Like so many McCain campaign disasters — choosing Phil “Poor People Suck” Gramm as financial adviser or announcing a press conference on an oil rig during a hurricane — it probably seemed like a terrific idea at the time: Harass Barack Obama into embarking on an international fact-finding mission thing, which would obviously provide so many embarrassing gaffes and make Americans scared to death of the Boy Muslim President.
Instead, Obama has turned the world into an exciting and hopeful background for his candidacy. Here’s what we’ve noticed, so far:
- The U.S. troops in Afghanistan endorse his plans there.
- … Where he also made a three-pointer from way downtown on his first try.
- The Iraqi government endorses his plan over the Bush/McCain non-plan.
- He struts around without body armor, a foot taller than everybody else — in painful contrast to Ol’ Walnuts looking like a Kevlar burrito wearing an old lady’s sun hat.
- The hawkish Israelis say, “Hey, this fellow will let us nuke Iran, too. We like him fine.”
- The saner Israelis say, “Hey, maybe this guy isn’t such a one-note warmonger and might actually accomplish something over here.”
- The Jordanians say, “Welcome, Mr. Cool. Our king will drive you around and you guys can figure everything out.”
- Germany’s Angela Merkel pronounces him “well-equipped — physically, mentally and politically.”
- The Palestinians make him a bagel!
Meanwhile, McCain has bumbled and stumbled from one fuckup to another. He doesn’t know where Iraq is, he doesn’t know when his precious Surge started, the magic sheiks his polices protected were murdered by Al Qaeda a year ago, he whines about the media following Obama’s epic trip, the trip McCain forced Obama to make.
Meanwhile, the NYT says “no thanks” to McCain’s crappy op-ed while his idiot staffers book him atop an offshore oil platform during a hurricane and cancel his one serious press conference of the week. It is all frantic and weird.
McCain Makes the Biggest Political Mistake of Our Lifetimes [Matt Littman/HuffPo]
Next he’ll challenge Obama to sing a tune from ‘South Pacific’ and Obama will give a haunting rendition of ‘Some Enchanted Evening’ that will be favorably compared to Jose Carreras.
The Audacity of Audacity.
When a million Germans show up to see you speak, you know you’re going places. Like Poland.
I’m gonna wash that man right outta mah hair!
This is such an up surd and one-sided race right now. I think I’m changing sides.
WALNUTS is better because WALNUTS flies lots of planes.
WALNUTS is better because WALNUTS eats soft foods.
WALNUTS is better because WALNUTS wants to kill Iran
WALNUTS is better because WALNUTS has many hundreds of years more experience
WALNUTS is better because WALNUTS has had more wives
WALNUTS is better because WALNUTS doesn’t smoke anymore
This is proving very difficult. but the trump card is still “Fuck it, let’s bomb Iran.”
It’s over for my Daddy Walnuts. Ever since he found my momma in a Tuscon trailer park I wanted to be livin in da White House. Ding dang!! Oh well, back to living under the stairs!!
I think Andrea’s hankering for a little dark meat.
And yet… they’re virtually tied in the polls.
“GET OFF MY LAWN! I MEAN IT! GETTTOFFFAMYLAWWWWN!”
SuperRounder: Andrea Mitchell? Or Angela Merkel? Or both? A little reverse-Oreo-menage a trois? Still, the Greenspan funk is still probably heavy on Andrea.
floraway: I don’t believez that is true, my dear. Not that polls matter at this point, but I think the child from Indonesia is laying it on like a prison beating.
@ Outstando, the fortune teller: “My friends, when a million Germans show up to see you speak, you know you’re going places, my friends.”
a campaign of whiners. in terminal mental recession…
And of course none of this matters, because the USA is still inhabbited by about 150 million assholes.
This is why McCain is sure to be our next president.
Johnny Zhivago: That seems low
perhaps it was a bagel with a bomb in it
The Palestinians enjoy bagels too?
So let me get this straight: McCain launches a plan, doesn’t foresee the obvious consequences, it blows up in his face and makes his opponent a hero? Doesn’t that prove John McCain has what it takes to be president?
Business Week: “the McCain campaign jumped the shark”
http://www.businessweek.com/the_thread/brandnewday/archives/2008/07/john_mccains_br.html
PoliticalGraffiti: It was an Einstein Bros. bagel, which is worse.
Andrea Merkel, “Its twue! Its twue!!”
Don’t count McCain out yet. He plans to challenge Obama to a game of hoops as soon as he gets back from Europeland.
El Bombastico: Awesome idea, but then Michelle would have to cut a bitch, and I’d hate to see that happen to either.
Speechless, Mr. Layne.
Well done. The whole battlefield in a paragraph. stunning!
SayItWithWookies: yes? No?
Don’t worry; McCain’s new ad campaign will turn things around:
http://georgiawomenvote.blogspot.com/2008/07/this-pretty-much-sums-it-up.html
Aaahh, but what about the crucial pregnant/transgendered voting block?
WALNUTS! will challenge Obama to give birth to a child. Hopey will birth the most charismatic, magnificent-speech-making, Muslim/militant Christian, too-serious, gay, Frenchie Poo, commie/socialist basketball star baby the world has ever seen.
And after it graduates from the madrassa, it will rule the world.
I like the McCain strategy. He seems convinced that Americans just aren’t ready
…you know, ready for a sane president that isn’t politically tone deaf. Go Mc Cain!
well then it’s settled. in that photo McCain looks like he’s about to putter off and tend to his rose bushes anyway. everybody wins.
Despite all this, Obama still does not have a 99% chance of winning.
Senator Ted Stevens: Yes, he’s hovering around the 95% area. He just can’t get those damn ex-Hillary supporters to come on board.
That’s a good point. Why hasn’t Obama been able to close the deal yet?
“Instead, Obama has turned the world into an exciting and hopeful background for his candidacy.”
Playground, you mean? Hopey be swinging on the big boy swing!
Oh, dear God, thank you. I had a shitty day at work. You made me laugh. Out loud. I’m thinking about McAncient thinking about all those other fuckups while hanging on for dear life in the hurricane.
Mahousu:
Did you notice the gent in the front row has wet himself?
Either that or someone has a nice soft touch with her photoshop skillz.
Suck on it, McCain. Suck it long, and suck it hard.
i AM SURE wALNUTS WILL RETHINK HIS TOWN HALL MEETINGS.. lmao..
Walnuts didn’t want to stop by New Orleans this afternoon because if you are out on an oil rig announcing that you think offshore drilling is peachy, and, at the EXACT SAME TIME, there is a 50 mile slick of #6 crude headed down river towards you, it makes for some really bad sound bites and visuals.
Shame though, it would have made for some fun teevee.
shortsshortsshorts: The trump card, if there is one, may be a whole bunch of assholes (like millions) deciding as they walk into the voting booth “fuck it, I’m voting for the white guy.”
At this point there is no other reason in the world that Obama could lose.
Sazerac: I respectfully disagree.
He could dip his hand in the ocean and say, “When you’re running low on Pomade, this stuff does the trick!”
Katie Couric would blow chocolate milk through her nose because that Walnuts is so funny and just the best.
Sazerac: The bio-diesel spill probably doesn’t help, but it only makes him more doomed, right?
Slutty_Chola_Cobbler:
I hope not! I really want to see McCain and Obama standing right next to each other, really close, talking off the cuff, for hours and hours….
bup: please make the bitters drop the cliches! the deal is CLOSED dammit!
It occurs to me that what I really think is funny is the set ups to jokes, more than the punchline even. The butler saying “Those three plumbers you called for are here, madam” is in a way more exquisitely funny than the Three Stooges themselves. McCain has been shooting himself in his aged old foot with a Gatling gun all summer long–really, just aiming, cocking the pistol and letting fly–and it’s been more fun than anything that Obama says or does. He’s just such a wonderful straight man and I know there’s more fun coming.
If McGrampy wants to give his campaign a little kick in the ass, why not get the Keating Five back together for a reunion tour? I hear Alan Cranston has already decomposed some new tunes!!
When did McSenile join the convent?
I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for a McCain/ Obama town hall meeting.
I live in a red state and even went to one of McCain’s town meetings. The building held about 500, and only a small handful turned up (admittedly, most of those came out of sheer curiosity and are in no way McCain supporters. And it was close to work. And free. So I covered my Ron Paul 2008 t-shirt and went in). So anyway, everyone was herded to the front to make it look like more supporters were there. I studied McCain carefully and noticed two things right away:
1) In two hours he talked a lot, but did not ANSWER a single question. Even something as benign as “What is your favorite book” was given a long-assed story about one of his prison guards in ‘Nam, but he never did answer the question. Alzheimer’s, maybe?
2) He paces back and forth all the time. It’s like watching a dottering nonagenarian play solo racquetball. The constant moving left to right is but an annoying, sly distraction from the fact that he doesn’t ANSWER a single question.
So yeah, bring it on with Obama. With two candidates on the stage McCain won’t have room to roam all over, and his pacing has been the only thing keeping people awake thus far. And if it becomes obvious to us that Obama answers questions and McCain doesn’t…it’s all over but the crying.
Besides, inviting Obama is the only way for McCain to fill a room.
Less “kevlar burrito,” more “Marlon Brando as Dr. Moreau”
bup: he’s a negro
Obamania is worldwide, baby!
All very true observations about the campaign so far. Yet this is my secret fear: Sometime in September, McCain heroically will have a stroke, leaving him unable to continue with the campaign. Suddenly there’s a national outpouring of sympathy and Mittens takes the One-spot vowing to run on McCain’s legacy of straight-talking mavericity. He loses the popular vote, but the electoral college result is contested and … you know the rest.
Stay strong, Walnuts!
Words cannot describe how exciting this whole election is. It’s absolutely hysterical to read conservative blogs lately. They try to mock the guy and make him look clownish but than he does shit like effortlessly make a three-pointer in front of hundreds of adoring soldiers. The guy is a fucking rock star.
And McCain is like your senile old Grandpa who won’t stop talking about his war stories even though you’ve heard them a hundred times but they keep changing because he’s old and forgettable and christ Grandma bring me and the old guy another High Life.
And today McNutz counters Obama’s massive crowd in Berlin with
a visit to a Sausage-Haus in Germantown (Columbus OH). It’s like
his campaign are going out of their way to make him look ridiculous
by comparison:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/07/24/mccain-plays-catch-up-att_n_114761.html
Outstando:
ZING!!!