sex affairs

John Edwards Denies Having Sex Or Whatever

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We’re having trouble getting into this latest iteration of the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter/Love Child story, probably because, um, who gives a shit about this loser or his bastard? For what it’s worth, however, he offered a curt denial today in Houston, where he was talking to a low-income housing aid organization: “That’s tabloid trash… They’re full of lies. I’m here to talk about helping people.” Oh ho ho, so now Mr. Altruism over here thinks that helping poor people is more important than his ubiquitous boner, hmm? [Houston Press]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • RuperttheBear

    Jeebs, he looks PISSED in that picture. I always knew there was a tough fucker underneath all that.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    it makes me wonder what a john edwards love child would look like….
    and again, Mojo Nixon comes to mind.

  • Serolf Divad

    Eh… that’s sort of the classic non-denial denial. Still, the guy’s wife has cancer and he’s no longer a presidential contender. I say leave the guy alone.

  • mookworthjwilson

    Why do we care if that guy who speaks to dead people had a lovechild?

  • magic titty

    That picture tells me to lay off the John Edwards jokes for a while. The man has had enough. Or maybe hanging around mysterious black dudes makes you look edgy.

  • MathewBrooks

    [re=42341]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Please not to confuse Edwards with Edward.

    Wonkette: We need more salacious filth FORTHWITH!

  • Wagamuffin

    Downside: bastard child. Upside: providing new spawn to add to the taxpayer base.

    John Edwards Is A True Patriot! (TM).

  • Count Snarkula

    Great. Now I can’t get Diana Ross’ whiney voice out of my head…”Love child, Love child, never meant to be….” Thanks Enquirer and the minds that worship you.

  • magic titty

    Someone photoshop a doo-rag in that picture post haste.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hell, if I was as pretty and rich as John Edwards, I’d be hitting just about everything that moved. Of course I’d have to draw the line at crazy new age chicks, John. “No, honey, everything doesn’t happen for a reason, there are accidents, and the stars did not conspire to bring us together. Just because I put up with that bullshit to get you into bed doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to it afterwards.”

  • whiteasasheet

    [re=42346]MathewBrooks[/re]: Yeah, how bout more on that “ubiquitous boner”?

  • Q2

    I havin’ trouble getting the iGiVeAfUcK area of my brain fired up for this one Wonkeys.

  • Servo

    Thanks Wonkette for firmly planting that friggin’ song in my head. Damn you!

  • Delicious

    John Edwards has a posse.

  • MoodProcessor

    [re=42339]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I don’t blame him…there was a Lewseeanna Liplock involved.

  • user-of-owls

    Anyone else read that headline as “John Edwards Denies Having Sex Whatsoever”?

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Once again, AngryBlakGuy is stirrin’ up trouble in that picture.

  • MoodProcessor

    [re=42357]whiteasasheet[/re]: I believe John Edwards said the same thing.

  • Elitist Republican Tard

    This man’s only weakness is being too passionate about fucking poor people.

  • itgetter

    [re=42351]magic titty[/re]: Well, this is why no one should let me play with Photoshop. I’m not good enough for the Iranian government, but I’m about good enough for Fox News.

  • Wagamuffin

    …and somewhere, Hillary laughs her ass off…

  • Terry

    The male political mind is perplexing.

    Wife has cancer? It’s party time.

    Damn, guys. That’s just cold.

  • magic titty

    [re=42391]itgetter[/re]: Love it! That would definitely fool the assbags at Fox And Friends.

    “After the break…is Senator John Edwards an ‘O.G’?? Don’t touch that dial!”

  • RooseveltFranklin

    Man, Isaac from the Love Boat has seen better days. He’s probably the one that got John into all this mess in the first place.

  • Mr. Herpes

    Photo says it all. John-John just got his “we were framed” sympathy call from Larry Craig. Either that, or the dude on the right has just asked if Mr. Edwards has ever considered going black. After all, any dude who would step out on his Stage 4 wife, just might be itchin’ to pull the train, too. Mmmm. He used to have pretty mouth.

  • Big Al1317

    I did not have sex with that woman. Thank you. Signed, John Edward’s penis.

  • blowhard

    Should Elizabeth get her powder blue dress ready for a press conference? Just askin’.

  • walnuts love child

    He needs to find someone less hideous, like Vicki Iserman

  • ronaldpagan

    Hey John, how about helping me conceive?

  • ronaldpagan

    Also, bad call on John Edwards’ part. If he’d said that he was out at a hotel with her at some ungodly hour of the morning because she was, like, giving him a pedicure, I would have bought it. His face is so guileless. But this bullshit is what bullshitters say. Politicians are maybe even more full of bullshit than the National Enquirer. Tough call.

  • worstprezever

    Story has a ring of truth to it. It deserves vetting.

  • walnuts love child

    two amerikahs, 1 fer tha wife and 1 fer my new girl. I wish my Daddy Walnuts would deny I exist instead of makin’ me kleen tha’ toilet with my tongue…

  • masterdebater

    Ok, I clicked on that link, and I have to say that not even Bill Clinton would hit that!. Ok, Bill Clinton, but nobody else.

  • Neilist

    Is it just me, or do the “Before/After” pictures of Rielle Hunter confirm the whole “Beware of Coke-Skinny Blonde Chicks!: The Sex Is Great, But One Kid And They Blow Up Like A Balloon!!!” truism?

  • Outstando

    Great photo of Edwards at the instant he was told that his prison bitch is pregnant.