SEX AFFAIRS  2:50 pm July 23, 2008

John Edwards Denies Having Sex Or Whatever

by Jim Newell

We’re having trouble getting into this latest iteration of the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter/Love Child story, probably because, um, who gives a shit about this loser or his bastard? For what it’s worth, however, he offered a curt denial today in Houston, where he was talking to a low-income housing aid organization: “That’s tabloid trash… They’re full of lies. I’m here to talk about helping people.” Oh ho ho, so now Mr. Altruism over here thinks that helping poor people is more important than his ubiquitous boner, hmm? [Houston Press]

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RuperttheBear July 23, 2008 at 2:54 pm

Jeebs, he looks PISSED in that picture. I always knew there was a tough fucker underneath all that.

shortsshortsshorts July 23, 2008 at 2:56 pm

it makes me wonder what a john edwards love child would look like….
and again, Mojo Nixon comes to mind.

Serolf Divad July 23, 2008 at 2:58 pm

Eh… that’s sort of the classic non-denial denial. Still, the guy’s wife has cancer and he’s no longer a presidential contender. I say leave the guy alone.

mookworthjwilson July 23, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Why do we care if that guy who speaks to dead people had a lovechild?

magic titty July 23, 2008 at 3:02 pm

That picture tells me to lay off the John Edwards jokes for a while. The man has had enough. Or maybe hanging around mysterious black dudes makes you look edgy.

MathewBrooks July 23, 2008 at 3:03 pm

[re=42341]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Please not to confuse Edwards with Edward.

Wonkette: We need more salacious filth FORTHWITH!

Wagamuffin July 23, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Downside: bastard child. Upside: providing new spawn to add to the taxpayer base.

John Edwards Is A True Patriot! (TM).

Count Snarkula July 23, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Great. Now I can’t get Diana Ross’ whiney voice out of my head…”Love child, Love child, never meant to be….” Thanks Enquirer and the minds that worship you.

magic titty July 23, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Someone photoshop a doo-rag in that picture post haste.

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Hell, if I was as pretty and rich as John Edwards, I’d be hitting just about everything that moved. Of course I’d have to draw the line at crazy new age chicks, John. “No, honey, everything doesn’t happen for a reason, there are accidents, and the stars did not conspire to bring us together. Just because I put up with that bullshit to get you into bed doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to it afterwards.”

whiteasasheet July 23, 2008 at 3:11 pm

[re=42346]MathewBrooks[/re]: Yeah, how bout more on that “ubiquitous boner”?

Q2 July 23, 2008 at 3:19 pm

I havin’ trouble getting the iGiVeAfUcK area of my brain fired up for this one Wonkeys.

Servo July 23, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Thanks Wonkette for firmly planting that friggin’ song in my head. Damn you!

Delicious July 23, 2008 at 3:23 pm

John Edwards has a posse.

MoodProcessor July 23, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=42339]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I don’t blame him…there was a Lewseeanna Liplock involved.

user-of-owls July 23, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Anyone else read that headline as “John Edwards Denies Having Sex Whatsoever”?

Botswana Meat Commission FC July 23, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Once again, AngryBlakGuy is stirrin’ up trouble in that picture.

MoodProcessor July 23, 2008 at 3:26 pm

[re=42357]whiteasasheet[/re]: I believe John Edwards said the same thing.

Elitist Republican Tard July 23, 2008 at 3:30 pm

This man’s only weakness is being too passionate about fucking poor people.

itgetter July 23, 2008 at 3:42 pm

[re=42351]magic titty[/re]: Well, this is why no one should let me play with Photoshop. I’m not good enough for the Iranian government, but I’m about good enough for Fox News.

Wagamuffin July 23, 2008 at 3:44 pm

…and somewhere, Hillary laughs her ass off…

Terry July 23, 2008 at 3:44 pm

The male political mind is perplexing.

Wife has cancer? It’s party time.

Damn, guys. That’s just cold.

magic titty July 23, 2008 at 4:01 pm

[re=42391]itgetter[/re]: Love it! That would definitely fool the assbags at Fox And Friends.

“After the break…is Senator John Edwards an ‘O.G’?? Don’t touch that dial!”

RooseveltFranklin July 23, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Man, Isaac from the Love Boat has seen better days. He’s probably the one that got John into all this mess in the first place.

Mr. Herpes July 23, 2008 at 4:36 pm

Photo says it all. John-John just got his “we were framed” sympathy call from Larry Craig. Either that, or the dude on the right has just asked if Mr. Edwards has ever considered going black. After all, any dude who would step out on his Stage 4 wife, just might be itchin’ to pull the train, too. Mmmm. He used to have pretty mouth.

Big Al1317 July 23, 2008 at 5:08 pm

I did not have sex with that woman. Thank you. Signed, John Edward’s penis.

blowhard July 23, 2008 at 6:14 pm

Should Elizabeth get her powder blue dress ready for a press conference? Just askin’.

walnuts love child July 23, 2008 at 6:17 pm

He needs to find someone less hideous, like Vicki Iserman

ronaldpagan July 23, 2008 at 6:35 pm

Hey John, how about helping me conceive?

ronaldpagan July 23, 2008 at 6:54 pm

Also, bad call on John Edwards’ part. If he’d said that he was out at a hotel with her at some ungodly hour of the morning because she was, like, giving him a pedicure, I would have bought it. His face is so guileless. But this bullshit is what bullshitters say. Politicians are maybe even more full of bullshit than the National Enquirer. Tough call.

worstprezever July 23, 2008 at 7:53 pm

Story has a ring of truth to it. It deserves vetting.

walnuts love child July 23, 2008 at 8:04 pm

two amerikahs, 1 fer tha wife and 1 fer my new girl. I wish my Daddy Walnuts would deny I exist instead of makin’ me kleen tha’ toilet with my tongue…

masterdebater July 23, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Ok, I clicked on that link, and I have to say that not even Bill Clinton would hit that!. Ok, Bill Clinton, but nobody else.

Neilist July 23, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Is it just me, or do the “Before/After” pictures of Rielle Hunter confirm the whole “Beware of Coke-Skinny Blonde Chicks!: The Sex Is Great, But One Kid And They Blow Up Like A Balloon!!!” truism?

Outstando July 24, 2008 at 12:07 am

Great photo of Edwards at the instant he was told that his prison bitch is pregnant.

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