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Who Will Stop McCain’s Latest Slander?

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Thanks to loyal Wonkette operative PeteJayHawk for sending along this latest item for the Obama Web Smear Team. This evil spam message (which leads to a terrible Internet virus, so don’t look at it too closely) encourages the ugly Internet rumors that Obama is a secret “semi-aquatic mammal” with a “barrel-shaped torso, enormous mouth and teeth, hairless body, stubby legs and tremendous size.”

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    There is so much going on in that e-mail, I’m not drunk enough for this. I’m going to freak out now.

  • FreshCliches

    If that’s the criteria, Gary Busey is a Hippo.

  • FreshCliches

    Damn, I didn’t even see the good news about Boise at first glance.

  • Cicada

    Hmmm…a large animal that has to spend its time wallowing in the water because it can’t support its weight on land. Are we sure this rumor wasn’t started by Barry’s camp as a way to convince the bitterz he’s just like them?

  • cal

    “Marked as junk”? That’s racist!

  • Joey Ratz

    Yeah! Take that, Boise!

    They should have built more McDonald’s.

  • sezme

    So unfair! Really, how could walnuts truly be sure that Barry isn’t secretly one of these? He’s only being honest. He’s a straight-talker.

  • Hooray For Anything

    I think this kind of email is dangerous. While we here at Wonkette realize it’s a joke, it won’t be long before the NY Times interviews somebody in Nowheresville Ohio who says that they thought about voting for Obama but aren’t sure anymore because somebody at the general store told them that Obama was a hippopotamus.

  • Spence

    “Not gay enough”? Have you been to Boise? They’re even represented by a gay in the Senate!

  • wheelie

    [re=40852]Hooray For Anything[/re]: He’s a damn democrat hippocrit. You know he’s left America now an tryin to become president a’ germany?

  • Mahousu

    Sure, it might destroy your computer, but c’mon, your computer wasn’t that great anyway. Here’s the original message:

  • Neilist


    That was Oscar Wilde’s nickname for Alfred Lord Douglas, wasn’t it?


    When WAS the last time Senator Craig was spotted attending a performance of “The Importance of Being Ernest.”

    Or was it “The Importance of Being IN Ernest”?

    I’m confused.

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    [re=40863]Mahousu[/re]: Whoa. That’s weird (and funny, actually). I wonder who saw that and made it the headline for a spam/virus message.

    The worst part is that I actually clicked through on the link out of curiosity. The virus giveaway came when I got a popup asking to install an .EXE file that was a “video codec”.

  • Brutus Harlot

    OMFG! God is McDonald’s?!?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I’ve always suspected Obama of secretly being a hypotenuse.

    If the rumor turns out to be true, I’m still gonna vote for him. I, for one, welcome our new triangular overlords.

  • FreshCliches

    If with the literate I am
    Impelled to try an epigram
    I never seek to take the credit
    We all assume that Oscar said it

    — Dorothy Parker

  • sanantonerose

    It’s all those fucking waffles Barry consumes. They really pack a lot of calories.

  • wheelie

    [re=40868]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Good angle on this story.

  • FreshCliches

    [re=40876]wheelie[/re]: Acute reference.

  • Mahousu

    If Barry does turn out to be a hippopotamus, he could be a very powerful campaigner. Check out the pic here, and especially the followup comments:

    Now isn’t that a key political skill right there?

  • TGY

    Ahaha, obvs. a base canard, as Obama is actually a crypto-hippopotamus.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hippopotami are also the most dangerous large animal in Africa — even more than crocodiles — and especially outside the three-point line.

  • columnv

    Is that phishing, or just spam?

  • Cicada

    [re=40876]wheelie[/re]: [re=40880]FreshCliches[/re]: Are Euclidan me?

  • Jordan Zakarin

    I’m the guy from ReallySeriousNews who wrote the article. Someone made a virus out of it? Could anybody give me the info on that?

    You can reach me at

    Wowee zowee, what a strange moment. I was making fun of McCain saying he wasn’t sure if Obama was a socialist.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    the ugly Internet rumors that Obama is a secret “semi-aquatic mammal” with a “barrel-shaped torso, enormous mouth and teeth, hairless body, stubby legs and tremendous size.”

    So, the Internets are accusing Obama of being John McCain?

  • FunkyPalmettoBug

    [re=40864]Neilist[/re]: That would explain why Senator Craig asked for the Oscar Wilde appeal, changing a sodomy charge to “following too close behind.”

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=40897]Jordan Zakarin[/re]: Well, can you blame McCain? We all know Obama is a Commie. But who knows if he is also a Socialist?

  • graceless

    One year, for Christmas, I got four (4) Hungry Hippo games! I didn’t get anything else, but I got four (4) Hungry Hippo games.

  • columnv

    [re=40912]graceless[/re]: is that a total of 16 hippos or 20? I forget.

  • Ken Layne

    [re=40897]Jordan Zakarin[/re]: This is one of those times when the Internet folds back upon itself and KILLS US ALL. (Especially the Secret Hippos.)

  • Prodigalson1982

    Are you fucking telling me that the Flight of the Conchords Aka. Hiphopopotamus and the Rhymenocerous are nothing more then just a front for Barry “Hopey” Obama? You mean that the FOC creators of Rap in New Zealand? and the number 2 folk rap group of New Zealand are just another propaganda tool of the “one”?!

    Damn It HBO i want my god damn money back!

  • Iggy Plop

    I just got a spam with this subject line: “Cindy Mccain Talks About Her Boobs.” I wonder what she had to say.

  • Cicada

    [re=40927]Iggy Plop[/re]: “They’re real, and they’re FABULOUS.”

  • shortsshortsshorts

    This is turning out well.

  • Jordan Zakarin

    While I’ve got the dubious limelight, I suppose I might as well pump up the site a bit. check out to get even more stories you can turn into email viruses!

    Like this one:

    Cheney Changes Global Climate in Response to EPA Report:

    Maybe a nice trojan horse out of that one, me thinks.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I think this explains my itchy balls. At least I hope it does.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=40868]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Obama’s hypotenuse, naturally being longer than his two legs, has given some to speculate that he has a third leg. However, you have now given me the means by which to calculate his length, and I must say that NO ONE, especially not gay closeted republicans, i.e., republicans, can say no to him any more. Only the bitters too unattractive to ever have a Hope(TM) of hitting, or rather, getting hit by that.

  • liquiddaddy

    That’s crazy. Everybody knows hippos don’t smoke!

  • RobPetrified

    The joke here is Obamas Anti Smear Web Team.
    The latest: Obama really ISN’T a Muslim!
    Who knew?
    Now why does he hate America?
    Don’t we do enough to protect the hippos?

  • MadMangosteen

    god damn it, some small faction should be promoting the idea that Barry is both a Muslim and a Socialist, and that Mohammed wants to redistribute our wealth

    it would be a Rob ibn Hood moment this country desperately needs, but ain’t nobody with the balls to run with it, apparently.

  • PioBaroja

    Doesn’t everyone know by now that the real Hippopotamus walking among us is…Mark Penn.

  • eyesfriedopen

    Oh sure, laugh now, but after he’s elected by the opiated masses, he’ll unzip his Obama suit and become his true self. How will you feel then, staring into the beady little eyes of the bird sitting in his huge maw? We’re doomed, I tell you. Doomed!

    And Boise has been destroyed? What will become of the super tubers?

  • Anita Cocktail

    [re=40915]columnv[/re]: That would be sixteen (16).

    Besides, I want to hear more about Hopey’s “tremendous size.” Heh, heh.

  • Godless Liberal *

    I received one entitled “Nigger slang derails McCain’s campaign” that I am going to save forever.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Barry Hussein is hip-hopopotamas. His rhymes are bottomless…

  • federated

    This is actually sort of a brilliant idea…imagine less outrageous smear emails as viruses; it could actually help combat the problem. I mean, how many of those jacklegs forwarding around those emails actually know any thing about the internets? Could instill enough fear in ’em to DELETE smears. Hmm.

  • TGY

    [re=40895]Cicada[/re]: Ahahahaha, that’s *awful*, and of course I filed it for future use.

  • UnindictedCo-conspirator

    This morning I got “Horse kicks Harrison Ford in stomach” AND “Horse kicks Ralph Lauren in stomach.” What’s with the out-of-control horses, and will our next president have a plan for dealing with them?

  • Deepthroat

    did you get that thing i sent you?