OUR NATION'S LARGEST EMPLOYER  9:57 am July 21, 2008

Obama Has A Massive Staff, Wokka Wokka

by Sara K. Smith

'Let me give you a tour of my dome!'Barack Obama’s campaign has more employees than a small nation and a larger budget than France. If you took every Obama staffer and laid them end to end, they would wrap around the earth and blot out the sun. The Obama campaign is such a massive operation that it will take seventeen times the GNP simply to keep it afloat, and if any more people start to work for Obama in any particular state, that state will sink into the earth’s crust simply from the accumulated weight of so many workers. This is why Barack Obama has to raise $300 million post haste.

Obama’s whole “50-state strategy,” it turns out, requires humans in every state in America, and those humans have to be paid. At last count, the Obama payroll stood at 900, not including 500 part-time workers on stipends. The hope is that by setting up operations all over the place, Obama may win states that Democrats haven’t even attempted in years. This would allow him to ignore states like Florida and Ohio, which arise from the ether every four years to give the rest of America a solid fucking in the ass.

John McCain, on the other hand, is targeting swing states and spending a lot on television ads.

So where’s all of Barack Obama’s money going, besides salaries and benefits and advertising? Fish pedicures, probably.

Obama’s paid staff dwarfing McCain’s [Boston Globe]

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BobLoblawLawBlog July 21, 2008 at 10:00 am

“If you took every Obama staffer and laid them end to end,” I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. I can’t resist easy Dorothy Parker references.

bhosp July 21, 2008 at 10:05 am

1400? Is that all it takes?

Serolf Divad July 21, 2008 at 10:06 am

John McCain’s got five guys sharing two rooms in a Motel 6 just outside of Bisbee. Once the campaign gets rolling they’re going to pile into a 1988 Chevy Astro Van and start making their way across the country trying to ramp up support for their candidate.

Canuckledragger July 21, 2008 at 10:08 am

“This is why Barack Obama has to raise $300 million post haste.”

On the last day of June alone, Barack raised $25 million. Another dozen days like that and 300 mill is a done deal. McCain’s best day has yet to top a mill.

Typo check: It’s not “dwarfing McCain;” it’s “DwarfKing McCain.” Pay closer attention, wouldja? The McCain campaign is now indistinguishable from the Jim Rose Circus.

Walter Sobchak July 21, 2008 at 10:09 am

I hate being from one of the ass-fucking, america-hating, country-ruining states. At least Florida won’t screw the country this time, Ohio will be responsible for the McPocalypse, again. Then, all those dumb fucks will head on down here to drive 13 miles an hour and point at palm trees in front of me. No matter how much money you spend in Ohio, you still can’t make those people any smarter. At least we have heat poisoning as an excuse down here.

carerer July 21, 2008 at 10:18 am

Well I think that’s great that Obama’s becoming America’s largest employer. Might do good things for the economy. He should make his headquarters in Detroit.

Terry July 21, 2008 at 10:26 am

[re=40111]Serolf Divad[/re]:

“John McCain’s got five guys sharing two rooms in a Motel 6 just outside of Bisbee.”

And since he’s a Republican, they are all underaged.

Servo July 21, 2008 at 10:40 am

Can’t find a decent job? Go to work at McHopey’s

Bypartizoa July 21, 2008 at 10:41 am

Once the swing states get a look at Barry’s big, throbbing staff, they’ll never go back.

freakishlystrong July 21, 2008 at 10:43 am

[re=40114]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Well said, my friend, well said…

TGY July 21, 2008 at 10:48 am

Hope just isn’t a thing with feathers. It takes a lot of doing.

SuperRounder July 21, 2008 at 11:04 am

[re=40125]Bypartizoa[/re]: Winner.

sanantonerose July 21, 2008 at 11:09 am

It’s not the size of the staff that matters. It’s how you use it.

Crow T. Robot July 21, 2008 at 11:15 am

I peeled off two scabs in honor of this story.

ColdCupofHope July 21, 2008 at 11:18 am

At least someone is creating jobs out there.

Tawmn July 21, 2008 at 11:55 am

[re=40150]sanantonerose[/re]: I always like the way you think.

thefrontpage July 21, 2008 at 11:57 am

It’s pretty funny to see all these people working their butts off for this guy, since he’s obviously not going to be elected president!

Cape Clod July 21, 2008 at 12:15 pm

I also read that he’s got 300 people on his foriegn policy staff, all of them smart and with, like, college degrees. Wouldn’t it be nice if the State Department had people like that?

WadISay July 21, 2008 at 12:35 pm

This has still got to be cheaper than feeding Mark Penn.

masterdebater July 21, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Jeeze! And I’m doing it for free? I feel so used! How about a couple of bucks Barry?

ReelectTilden July 21, 2008 at 1:22 pm

And to think, WALNUTS’s people are getting paid out of WALNUTS’s last payday loan from the liquor store. Money goes to money.

sanantonerose July 21, 2008 at 1:24 pm

[re=40190]Tawmn[/re]: It’s not so much thinking as it is reacting, sugarpants.

loquaciousmusic July 21, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Why do you think he has to put his BlackBerry in one of those dorky belt clips?

It won’t fit in his pocket, duh.

eyesfriedopen July 21, 2008 at 2:01 pm

Whereas, if you laid all of McCain’s staff and supporters end to ten…. Ew. Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland July 21, 2008 at 2:51 pm

“This would allow him to ignore states like Florida and Ohio, which arise from the ether every four years to give the rest of America a solid fucking in the ass.”

Based on what the voter fraud officials in Florida and Ohio have done to us recently – never mind the stolen election of Sam’l Tilden in 1876 – I’d say they don’t deserve that fuck. Make ‘em wait, make ‘em beg for it.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland July 21, 2008 at 2:52 pm

[re=40323]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Taschen ist ausschließlich verboten.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland July 21, 2008 at 2:57 pm

On August 16th, Hopey and Walnuts! will meet in a bare knuckles church match, sponsored by Rev. Rick Warren at his Saddleback Church (formerly the Brokeback Temple of God’s Holy Divining Rod), in California, of course. What if we stack all of Barry’s staff on top of McSame’s staff, just close the doors and walk away? (There’s a big screen out in the parking lot, we could watch from there. Free beer and nachos.)

Joey Ratz July 21, 2008 at 3:28 pm

[re=40111]Serolf Divad[/re]: I drove past their ‘office’ the other day. That van needs to get off the cinderblocks and get some wheels before it can drive anywhere.

Stealth Liberal July 21, 2008 at 8:33 pm

[re=40114]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Yes. That. I hate being from one of the recount counties. At least I’m from the least well-known of them!

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