Obama Has A Massive Staff, Wokka Wokka

  our nation's largest employer

'Let me give you a tour of my dome!'Barack Obama’s campaign has more employees than a small nation and a larger budget than France. If you took every Obama staffer and laid them end to end, they would wrap around the earth and blot out the sun. The Obama campaign is such a massive operation that it will take seventeen times the GNP simply to keep it afloat, and if any more people start to work for Obama in any particular state, that state will sink into the earth’s crust simply from the accumulated weight of so many workers. This is why Barack Obama has to raise $300 million post haste.

Obama’s whole “50-state strategy,” it turns out, requires humans in every state in America, and those humans have to be paid. At last count, the Obama payroll stood at 900, not including 500 part-time workers on stipends. The hope is that by setting up operations all over the place, Obama may win states that Democrats haven’t even attempted in years. This would allow him to ignore states like Florida and Ohio, which arise from the ether every four years to give the rest of America a solid fucking in the ass.

John McCain, on the other hand, is targeting swing states and spending a lot on television ads.

So where’s all of Barack Obama’s money going, besides salaries and benefits and advertising? Fish pedicures, probably.

Obama’s paid staff dwarfing McCain’s [Boston Globe]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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29 comments

  1. BobLoblawLawBlog

    “If you took every Obama staffer and laid them end to end,” I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. I can’t resist easy Dorothy Parker references.

  2. Serolf Divad

    John McCain’s got five guys sharing two rooms in a Motel 6 just outside of Bisbee. Once the campaign gets rolling they’re going to pile into a 1988 Chevy Astro Van and start making their way across the country trying to ramp up support for their candidate.

  3. Canuckledragger

    “This is why Barack Obama has to raise $300 million post haste.”

    On the last day of June alone, Barack raised $25 million. Another dozen days like that and 300 mill is a done deal. McCain’s best day has yet to top a mill.

    Typo check: It’s not “dwarfing McCain;” it’s “DwarfKing McCain.” Pay closer attention, wouldja? The McCain campaign is now indistinguishable from the Jim Rose Circus.

  4. Walter Sobchak

    I hate being from one of the ass-fucking, america-hating, country-ruining states. At least Florida won’t screw the country this time, Ohio will be responsible for the McPocalypse, again. Then, all those dumb fucks will head on down here to drive 13 miles an hour and point at palm trees in front of me. No matter how much money you spend in Ohio, you still can’t make those people any smarter. At least we have heat poisoning as an excuse down here.

  5. carerer

    Well I think that’s great that Obama’s becoming America’s largest employer. Might do good things for the economy. He should make his headquarters in Detroit.

  6. Terry

    [re=40111]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    “John McCain’s got five guys sharing two rooms in a Motel 6 just outside of Bisbee.”

    And since he’s a Republican, they are all underaged.

  7. Bypartizoa

    Once the swing states get a look at Barry’s big, throbbing staff, they’ll never go back.

  8. thefrontpage

    It’s pretty funny to see all these people working their butts off for this guy, since he’s obviously not going to be elected president!

  9. Cape Clod

    I also read that he’s got 300 people on his foriegn policy staff, all of them smart and with, like, college degrees. Wouldn’t it be nice if the State Department had people like that?

  10. masterdebater

    Jeeze! And I’m doing it for free? I feel so used! How about a couple of bucks Barry?

  11. ReelectTilden

    And to think, WALNUTS’s people are getting paid out of WALNUTS’s last payday loan from the liquor store. Money goes to money.

  12. sanantonerose

    [re=40190]Tawmn[/re]: It’s not so much thinking as it is reacting, sugarpants.

  13. loquaciousmusic

    Why do you think he has to put his BlackBerry in one of those dorky belt clips?

    It won’t fit in his pocket, duh.

  14. eyesfriedopen

    Whereas, if you laid all of McCain’s staff and supporters end to ten…. Ew. Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.

  15. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    “This would allow him to ignore states like Florida and Ohio, which arise from the ether every four years to give the rest of America a solid fucking in the ass.”

    Based on what the voter fraud officials in Florida and Ohio have done to us recently – never mind the stolen election of Sam’l Tilden in 1876 – I’d say they don’t deserve that fuck. Make ‘em wait, make ‘em beg for it.

  16. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    On August 16th, Hopey and Walnuts! will meet in a bare knuckles church match, sponsored by Rev. Rick Warren at his Saddleback Church (formerly the Brokeback Temple of God’s Holy Divining Rod), in California, of course. What if we stack all of Barry’s staff on top of McSame’s staff, just close the doors and walk away? (There’s a big screen out in the parking lot, we could watch from there. Free beer and nachos.)

  17. Joey Ratz

    [re=40111]Serolf Divad[/re]: I drove past their ‘office’ the other day. That van needs to get off the cinderblocks and get some wheels before it can drive anywhere.

  18. Stealth Liberal

    [re=40114]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Yes. That. I hate being from one of the recount counties. At least I’m from the least well-known of them!

Comments are closed.