Wonkette
Comical old person John “WALNUTS!” McCain appeared on a popular late-night television show on Friday. He was so funny! His jokes are unstoppable. He pretended to fall asleep in Conan’s lap! So funny! Oh and jeez what’s in his mouth now??? Ahhhhhhggg! [Boston Globe/Top of the Ticket]
BEDTIME
John McCain Falls Asleep On Conan’s Lap
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Tagged:
- 2008 ,
- conan o'brien,
- GOP,
- john mccain,
- bedtime,
- tv,
- video,
- WALNUTS,
- youtube
Damn, I’m depressed. I like Conan.
Goddamit, I’d like McCain a lot more if he was just a hell of a lot more surly. Just all chompin on a lit cigar all the time and spouting off pithy but satisfying one liners. Oh, and he’d have an eyepatch. Kinda like Nick Fury. HEY JOHN MCCAIN — NICK FURY DOES NOT DO PHYSICAL COMEDY!! He just smokes the shit out of cigars and defeats America’s enemies w/ one eye. WHY CAN’T YOU BE LIKE NICK FURY? YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO BE LIKE NICK FURY. Have fun not being President. Jerk.
Conan also seemed strangely affected by McCain’s opiate effect. ZZZZZ
Anyone know what happens at the end of the vid? I couldn’t stay awake either.
WHERE IS HIS FLAG PIN?!
No, I don’t have a kooky uncle, you late night television cunt!
itgetter: His Panamanian flag pin?
itgetter: He has surprisingly traded his flag pin for a new appreciation of Stan Getz, which means the world will now become a beatnik sanctuary of orgies and overweight prostitutes.
shortsshortsshorts: WTF? I thought for sure Walnuts was a Starland Vocal Band, or Kenny G sorta man.
Darehead: Walnuts, in his attempt to stay hip, gave up Kenny G many moons ago. He is now back into his original oratory phase. We’re talking 2-5 thousand years old here, for Jeebus.
…and why can’t I change my comments like Editor Ken. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, kinda. Mojave Bastard.
*TOWN HALL MEETING COMPLAINT WITH LOTS OF NOISES*
shortsshortsshorts: I didn’t know Jeebus tunes were available on Muzak now.
Oh yeah, I remember our peerless editor said something about you in his Mojave article. What was that now……did you break his heart or somethin’?
True, Conan is past his bedtime. I’d actually watch the video, but, you know, mmm..can’t hit..play button..*YAWN*..
i hate it when hosts feel that they have to be respectful towards their guests. i really wish conan ripped mccain apart
benj-thewrathofgod: Kind of like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. More Triumph, less Conan, if you ask me.
shortsshortsshorts: “Original oratory”? Oh my God, a high-school speech-and-debate kid! He’s a geek! BURN HIM!!!
Anita Cocktail: Triumph vs. McCain, now I woulda stayed up for that one!
McCain asked the Pentagon if it would be possible to connect the nuclear launch controls to the clapper.
Was that John McCain or a scale model of John McCain????
He looks small enough to fit in the cab of my “G” Scale trains…
Bob Allen would have offered $20 first. Walnuts has no manners. It’s sick.
Trailing in the polls, Walnuts has to try a new tactic. Comedy.
Yeah, that’s it… comedy.
America loves comedy and… porn. Mostly porn.
Plan B.
McCain, you better start hitting the porn channels next. As a guest.
WhatTheHeck: And bring The Cindy.
Well, at least he’s come around to the importance of drilling our own oil. In other news — the Al Gore challenge: Make Me The Richest Person On Earth!
What we have, is simply the BIGGEST FINANCIAL SWINDLE OF ALL TIME: before reading the following article — check these two websites out (their own websites) to verify some information for yourself — namely: what positions do Maurice Strong and Al Gore hold?
Maurice Strong & Chicago Climate Exchange:
http://www.chicagoclimatex.com/content.jsf?id=67
Generation Investment Management LLP
http://www.generationim.com/about/team.html
Maurice Strong, Al Gore
Creators of carbon credit scheme cashing in on it
By Judi McLeod
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
There’s an elephant in global warming’s living room that few in the mainstream media want to talk about: the creators of the carbon credit scheme are the ones cashing in on it.
The two cherub like choirboys singing loudest in the Holier Than Thou Global Warming Cathedral are Maurice Strong and Al Gore.
This duo has done more than anyone else to advance the alarmism of man-made global warming.
With little media monitoring, both Strong and Gore are cashing in on the lucrative cottage industry known as man-made global warming.
Strong is on the board of directors of the Chicago Climate Exchange, Wikipedia-described as “the world’s first and North America’s only legally binding greenhouse gas emission registry reduction system for emission sources and offset projects in North America and Brazil.” — (Does that attempt by some Senators a few weeks ago to force oil companies to buy carbon credits make more sense to you now?)
Gore buys his carbon off-sets from himself–the Generation Investment Management LLP, “an independent, private, owner-managed partnership established in 2004 with offices in London and Washington, D.C.” of which he is both chairman and founding partner.
To hear the saving-the-earth singsong of this dynamic duo, even the feather light petals of cherry blossoms in Washington leave a bigger carbon footprint.
It’s a strange global warming partnership that Strong and Gore have, but it’s one that’s working.
Strong is the silent partner, a man whose name often draws a blank in the Washington cocktail circuit. Even though a former Secretary General of the 1992 United Nations Conference on Environment and Development (the much hyped Rio Earth Summit) and Under-Secretary General of the United Nations in the days of a beleaguered Kofi Annan, the Canadian born Strong is little known in the Unites States. That’s because he spends most of his time in China where he works to make the communist country the world’s next superpower. The nondescript Strong, nonetheless is big cheese in the world of climate change, and is one of the main architects of the coming-your-way-soon Kyoto Protocol.
Gore is the glitzy, media approved front man in the partnership, the flashing neon lights on the global stage warning the masses of the end of Earth, as we know it, and Hollywood’s poster boy for greening the silver screen.
The skeptics of man-made global warming believe that Gore and Strong have made climate change “the new religion”. Climate change is not the first religion both parties have tried to make stick. Along with former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev, Strong, currently president of the Earth Council, has been boasting of replacing the Ten Commandments with the Earth Charter, a golden rule guide for how the masses should treat the environment.
Gore, who has given sermons at the United Nations sponsored Cathedral of St. John the Divine Church in New York City, is a promoter of the religion known as Gaia.
The two environmental gurus also share a belief in radical Malthusian population reduction. According to them, too many people, particularly in the U.S. are polluting the planet, emitting excessive Freon through their refrigerators and jacking up the air conditioning.
But the conduct of Al Gore and Maurice Strong in the capitalist world is one for the books. It’s a side of them that may have remained unknown had it not been for the investigative talent of the Executive Intelligence Review (EIR).
The tawdry tale of the top two global warming gurus in the business world goes all the way back to Earth Day, April 17, 1995 when the future author of An Inconvenient Truth traveled to Fall River, Massachusetts, to deliver a green sermon at the headquarters of Molten Metal Technology Inc. (MMTI). MMTI was a firm that proclaimed to have invented a process for recycling metals from waste.Gore praised the Molten Metal firm as a pioneer in the kind of innovative technology that can save the environment, and make money for investors at the same time.
“Gore left a few facts out of his speech that day. First, the firm was run by Strong and a group of Gore intimates, including Peter Knight, the firm’s registered lobbyist, and Gore’s former top Senate aide,” wrote EIR.
“Second, the company had received more than $25 million in U.S. Department of energy (DOE) research and development grants, but had failed to prove that the technology worked on a commercial scale. The company would go on to receive another $8 million in federal taxpayers’ cash, at that point, its only source of revenue.
“With Al Gore’s Earth Day as a Wall Street calling card, Molten Metal’s stock value soared to $35 a share, a range it maintained through October 1996. But along the way, DOE scientists had balked at further funding. When, in March 1996, corporate officers concluded that the federal cash cow was about to run dry, they took action: Between that date and October 1996, seven corporate officers–including Maurice Strong–sold off $15.3 million in personal shares in the company, at top market value. On Oct. 20, 1996–a Sunday–the company issued a press release, announcing for the first time, that DOE funding would be vastly scaled back, and reported the bad news on a conference call with stockbrokers.
“On Monday, the stock plunged by 49%, soon landing at $5 a share.By early 1997, furious stockholders had filed a class action suit against the company and its directors. Ironically, one of the class action lawyers had tangled with Maurice Strong in another insider trading case, involving a Swiss company called AZL Resources, chaired by Strong, who was also a lead shareholder. The AZL case closely mirrored Molten Metal, and in the end, Strong and the other AZL partners agreed to pay $5 million to dodge a jury verdict, when eyewitness evidence surfaced of Strong’s role in scamming the value of the company stock up into the stratosphere, before selling it off.
In 1997, Strong went on to accept from Tongsun Park, the Korean man found guilty of illegally acting as an Iraqi agent, $1 million from Saddam Hussein, which was invested in Cordex Petroleum Inc., a company he owned with his son, Fred.
In that year, Gore, still U.S. vice president, was making news for “taking the initiative in creating the Internet.”
The leaders of the man-made global warming movement, you might say, get around.
Meanwhile Jumbo’s still in global warming’s living room, but the duo with the tiniest carbon footprints on earth continue to just tiptoe past him.
http://www.canadafreepress.com/2007/cover031307.htm
Ready for more swindling of the American Public? View:
Energy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4I_LWav7YA
Energy - Texas:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAOUw1XQDhI
And how does Mr. Gore personally conserve energy?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESxvY1tQHTo
shortsshortsshorts: McCain likes Getz? OMFG. I like Stan Getz. Does that mean that deep inside I’ve always been a Republican? Do I need a political transplant operation?
OMG it’s funny because he’s old! Remember how funny it was when the Gipper was old, and we all laughed and laughed when he made jokes about it? And then remember how funny it was when he was in the first stages of Alzheimers during his presidency? Ha-motherfucking-ha, that was some funny shit. Let’s elect another old-brain so we can experience the hilarity of another president who says “I can’t recall” and actually MEANS it.
Judging from the screen cap, it looks like McCain is indulging in the age old Republican practice of fellating the male nearest to him.
Did he offer Conan $20 before he did it?
shortsshortsshorts: Wait a minute. Now I |want| to vote for Walnuts? I don’t like this feeling. Damn you!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: They probably both dozed off and McCain accidentally began fellating him in his sleep. It happens.
http://wonkette.com/400461/republican-oral-sex-creep-will-go-to-prison-for-sucking
(If I was more technically savvy, “It happens” would have linked to that story. Alas, I rank only slightly above Walnuts with my knowledge of internet traditions.)
I love/hate Conan. I wish he’d buy a hairbrush.
He’s always got that eager little look on his face after he makes a joke. Did you see me? Did you hear my joke? That was me that made that joke! Aren’t I clever?
WonkaBee: Followed by the pained corn-toothed grimace and “heh-heh”. Awkwardness thy name is WALNUTS!
Cicada: Nail on the head; deja vu sucks. And not incidentally, the joke was rehearsed as is everything else on the late night talkies.
WonkaBee: Or did you mean Conan? He sort of does that too, but with more nipple rubbing.
Lionel Hutz Esq.:
Yah. It looks like McCain’s inner gay is trying to bust out. I suspect some pictures of McCian in drag, a la Rudy, will appearing soon. Can’t wait.
Guppy06: He keeps his Panamanian flag pin pinned to canal where the sun don’t shine.
Cicada: I meant Mr. McCain. See, what’s disturbing is that it gives me a feeling like he wants to be president because he wants the big prize. I really don’t get the sense that he’s doing this because he has any particular vision or idea of *where* he wants to go. He just wants to be the winner. Anyway, that’s a lot to read from a smile, but it’s probably reinforcing other things.
McCain offered Conan $20 before the show.
The lap fall thing? Bob Barr slipped a date rape drug into McCodger’s green room Ovaltine. Miitney only watched.
itgetter: Pinned to his swollen right nipple where Cindy left it.
S. Cullen Bonz: Kudos.
Darehead: That assumes the existence of a concluding paragraph. As it is, the open-ended nature of KL article allows the supposition of enduring man-love. I say this in a good way.
sanantonerose: Conan uses a hairbrush, or a hairbrush is used on him, which makes Conan the Bijon Frise of late night hosts.
Conan makes Letterman sound like Bertrand Russell. Then again, Leno makes Conan sound like Rene Descartes.
Aurelio: Calm down, deep breath big fella. EVERYBODY likes Stan Getz.
Everybody with ears, that is.
Aw! He’s funny. I’m mindless swing voter! Maverick’s got my vote now!
Not working. Next.
Makes me nostalgic for the good old days when both John McCain and Conan O’Brien were funny.
Someone tell McCain the Straight Talk Express’s left blinker is still on.
Well at least he’s not grandstanding in a war zone, undoubtedly feeding information about troop movements and artillery installations to the enemy by carrier pigeon every night!
Johnny Zhivago: Hey, those are Carrier Pigeons of Hope! Each with an oliver branch in its beak or is that doves? Mmmmmmmm, pigeon gumbo.
Self deprecating humor about his advancing years. That’s something new for an old republican presidential candidate. Oh wait, Reagan already did that, and did it better. Go with the cranky thing, John.
masterdebater: not to forget that old doleful fellow…what was his name?
flagold: GO TO HELL. GO DIRECTLY TO HELL.
flagold: I love you like cancer.
Lascauxcaveman: As a citizen without ears, I strongly oppose your statement. I like Getz because of his use of many drugs, which made him a maverick of some kind. Just like WALNUTS! 20 years ago, when he was 50.
“S & L S & L S & L
Fuck Martin Luther King Day!
Lobbyist buttsecks!
I love George but I hate him just as much!”
shortsshortsshorts: I love him like the funny syphilis and Bad Horse.
(Speaking of which, there are only a few hours left, if that, to watch Nathan Fillion say, “The hammer is my penis,” entirely for free.)
CometHasTheFloor: The first half was hilarious, but the second half was like giving Dougie Houser the keys to the sweatshop.
“Oh and jeez what’s in his mouth now???”
Ken, you just answered your own question, but I believe it’s spelled jizz. Or maybe Jez. In all fairness, though, it was past McCranky’s bedtime. It’s not his fault he fell asleep and his mouth landed on Conan’s obrien.
flagold: Again, what is it which you and quoting full articles from debunked writers and papers with dubious records of accuracy?
It makes you look pretty stupid.
itgetter: Sloppy, sleepy denture-free gum-job, mmmmm. VOTE MCCAIN.
flagold: Thank you for killing comedy. Every time you quote an article, a kitten dies and baby Jeebus weeps.
flagold:
Needs more cowbell!