The ancient snow troll who coined the most tired Internet phrase in the universe and who wanted to build a bazillion-dollar bridge to his Arctic Palace for Alcoholic Vietnam Vets ‘N Herring may soon leave the Senate seat he has occupied since 1812. That’s right — Ted Stevens faces some sort of opponent in his latest re-election bid. And he’s losing to this Democrat nobody!
New polls show some character named “Mark Begich,” reportedly the mayor of Anchorage, ahead by two whole points. Also, 61% of Alaskans would like to see Ted Stevens banished to a crab trap at the bottom of the Bering Strait, while only 27% would enjoy sending Begich to the watery deep.
Ted Stevens is a million years old anyhow, so it’s probably time for him to retire.
AK-Sen, AK-AL: Still looking good [Daily Kos]
{ 38 comments }
Damn it, Ted’s going down the tubes. The series of tubes, I mean
It’s time to leave Ted on an ice floe with a few bits of wood and a slab of seal blubber.
Ha! Robert Byrd will not have his Senior Cranky Senator status challenged, bitch!
What a Begich.
Mark Begich IS a big truck.
They may take Tubemeister out of the Senate, but they’ll never get the stink of Vitalis and kippered snacks out of his office. Sucks to be the next tenant.
Isn’t there a convicted felon in his family that can take his place?
I have, like most people familiar with the Internets, mocked Mr. Stevens for his series of tubes/not a big truck comments.
However, is it bad that I actually sort of understand what he was saying? In the broader context, he was talking about how bandwidth was limited to a certain time-metered flow rate, and that applications or users that take up a large amount of this flow could adversely affect a greater number of other users, so it would be ok to throttle back those particular applications. It was argument against net neutrality. If data worked more like regualer traffic, say, a big truck, it wouldn’t really matter how much of the payload of this truck was for one application or user, because the truck is gonna get where it goes whenever the hell it gets there. We have to think of the freeway, not the truck. Don’t you understand? Tubes! A series of them. Not a big truck!
OK, nevermind, he’s an idiot.
Good riddance. This man is crankier than Wilfred Brimley’s sphincter trying to unload a pound of Grape Nuts.
the internet is not like truck…NUTZ!
GOOD
Photos of FBI agents raiding your vacation home tend to damage your political viability.
I may have had very little contact with actual Alaskans, but I still don’t see them ousting Uncle Ted, least of all for a damned dirty liberal.
Ted Stevens is America’s Fidel Castro
Too bad. I was going to sell him one of our fine Minnesota bridges.
[re=39638]Elitist Republican Tard[/re]: I think people jumped on the “Series of Tubes” part of his comment because it was the funniest sounding part. But if you look at the whole comment, it’s probably the part that came closest to making sense. The tube metaphor has been around for a long time and, in a certain sense, it’s apt. But when Stevens was using it, he made it clear that he didn’t know what he was talking about anyway, what with mentioning “sending an internet” and something about his “tubes” being clogged for up to two weeks because you’re using YouTube too much or something.
In other words, make fun of Ted Stevens. Everyone is doing it. You don’t want us to think you’re not cool, do you?
He looks good in that wig. Outta wear it all the time.
[re=39668]Inadequate Blackmail[/re]: No, it sounded ignorant and uninformed, and quite alarming from the old coot whose committee oversees such things as telecommunications law.
What’s with the picture of Bea Arthur?
[re=39642]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: ding, ding, ding!!! We have a winner!
(now, if I can get that awful image out of my head….)
I see Ted is back to promoting baby harp seal jerky on K Street. BTW: does he to keep the dwarf when he goes home?
Hey you kids! Get off my glacier!
[re=39675]Truculent[/re]: Whatever you say, stranger. Ted Stevens clearly was uninformed, I’m not disputing that. I’m not defending the guy or any of his positions. I think Ted Stevens is an ignorant twatwaffle who has no business enacting any national policies in regards to the internet.
My point was that, if you accept the “series of tubes” as part of a simplistic pipe metaphor that has been used countless times to describe networking in the past, which is what he probably intended, it came closer to making sense than anything else he said in that same comment. But the comedy was obviously in the “series of tubes” line, not the rest of it, where he just meandered around and demonstrated how little he understood the internet by making very little sense at all.
Fuck the Alaskan back country. Lets git some ‘oil from this coot. KILL KILL KILL.
Article on Ted Stevens with a picture of Barbara Bush? I don’t get it.
Begich, Begich?…. looks suspiciously like some of the words my poor dyslexia afflicted brain creates…[it must fall under the I before G except after B rule]….
i think thats right…
[re=39675]Truculent & Inadequate Blackmail[/re]: Boys, boys!
One point I think we can all agree on is that Al Gore most likely invented the internets just to make Ted Steven look dumb.
(And thanks, Al!)
RE: the photo. I may be showing my age and geek cred, but he looks like Capt. Pike in the original Star Trek when Spock takes over the ship to take his crippled captain back to the Planet and gets kidnapped. Except that the burnt and crippled Capt. Pike looked better than Sen. Ted
WTF does his sign say? It looks like Gollum Bush Caddy, which makes as much sense as most things Ted says. More, really.
Tubal ligation.
He looks like Sophia Petrillo in that wig.
Stevens is one of the 9 reprehensible US Senators who voted against McCain’s anti-torture amendment to the Department Of Defense Appropriations Act, 2006, on October 5, 2005. May fortune be kind enough to me, that I can insult him in a eulogy.
Most folks Ted’s age are either dead or in a hospital somewhere . . . kept alive by a series of tubes. The tubes are often delivered by a big truck. They are often tangled. That’s about all I know on the subject.
If the internet were a big truck, Wonkette would surely be its trucknutz. It would probably make Stevens most comfortable, however, if the internet were a series of expensive bridges between tiny Alaska towns, built with corvée labor by welfare recipients.
Need some oil? Wring this Steven’s guy’s neck and the geyser will gush!
[re=39663]Guppy06[/re]: Could happen (I was an Alaskan, out on parole now). Mark’s dad was popular in the early 1970s (that is, before 99.999% of “Alaskans” moved there for oil and checks) and he’s not totally unpopular as mayor of Los Anchorage. And calling him liberal is only relative–his ardor for drilling ANWR is the same as dear ol’ Ted’s. He could pull it off (but it will probably fall off first).
Sara K. Smith,
He is wearing his wig like it is a hat. It is time for him to retire.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark
Ted Stevens’ head: drill there, drill now.
That phrase is so Alaska. I can picture Sarah Palin wearing a “drill here, drill now” t-shirt. Vividly.
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