• May 26, 2012

Barack Obama To Deliver Speech In Front Of Massive German Phallus

by Sara K. Smith  10:38 am July 18, 2008

Ich bin ein Donkey DongAfter veritable days of speculation about where Barack Obama would deliver an inspirational speech to the German people — the sausage barn where JFK declared he was a donut? the Reichstag? Angela Merkel’s bosom? — we finally get an answer. He will speak in front of Berlin’s “Siegessaeule,” or Victory Column! According to Politico, it is “a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century.” Barack Obama will spread his message of hope and peace from atop a giant War Dildo. [Welt Online via Politico]

{ 49 comments }

Makeithurt July 18, 2008 at 10:44 am

What an idiot. Barack Obama makes me puke.

tsunami July 18, 2008 at 10:44 am

perpetuating the stereotype.

Bandito July 18, 2008 at 10:48 am

Our war dildo is bigger than their war dildo.

loudmouthredhead July 18, 2008 at 10:48 am

Merkel was annoyed that he wanted to go to the Brandenburg Gate, so she thought this was a witty retort. Oh, that obscure German humor.

shortsshortsshorts July 18, 2008 at 10:49 am

I do hope Barry makes it to a sausage fest.

loudmouthredhead July 18, 2008 at 10:50 am

Wait, when he’s done, will a geyser erupt from the top of it, like a symbolic hope-gasm? That would remind me of that Christina “Dirrrrty” video…

NoWireHangers July 18, 2008 at 10:52 am

Next stop, the Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha, Wisconsin!

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 18, 2008 at 10:55 am

Could someone please photoshop an appropriately colored pair of truck nutz on the base of the HOPE Dong™?

masterdebater July 18, 2008 at 10:56 am

If he were a real pinko he would speak from the cell in Stammheim where Ulrike Meinhof was murdered. Fascist! You just can’t trust these American liberals.

Darehead July 18, 2008 at 10:56 am

Ich bin Ein Binladener.

(note: that is satire.)

loudmouthredhead July 18, 2008 at 10:57 am

I would pay money to see Merkel and Barry whip ‘em out and see whose is bigger.

loudmouthredhead July 18, 2008 at 10:58 am

[re=39267]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: What would you do with the “attachment” on top, though? Leave it and just label it the “German Tickler”?

shortsshortsshorts July 18, 2008 at 11:01 am

You know, the Germans made the jews wear war dildos.

V572625694 July 18, 2008 at 11:03 am

[re=39259]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Gate vs obelisk: the Freudian symbolism is pretty clear. Nicht Kleben Sie Ihre große schwarze Ding in meiner Dame Loch, schwärzlicher Amerikaner!

loudmouthredhead July 18, 2008 at 11:04 am

[re=39273]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Nono, that was the Kaiser making his soldiers wear those damn silly helmets:
http://www.diggerhistory.info/images/enemy-ww1/german-helmet.jpg

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 18, 2008 at 11:04 am

[re=39271]loudmouthredhead[/re]: replace it with a bronzed whore diamond.

MoodProcessor July 18, 2008 at 11:10 am

His Hopeyness at the Hopenis.

JeffGoldblum July 18, 2008 at 11:16 am

Forgive me if this sounds crass. But… I’m just relieved to finally have a Presidential candidate who is willing to do something about these damn Jews.

Servo July 18, 2008 at 11:16 am

[re=39273]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
Along with other types of flair.

magic titty July 18, 2008 at 11:18 am

[re=39253]Makeithurt[/re]: why so, honeysuckle? Hopey giving you the blues?

RuperttheBear July 18, 2008 at 11:19 am

From TPM:

“But the report is un-sourced. The Obama campaign is refusing to confirm it, though it isn’t denying it, either. And Berlin City Hall declined to comment to us, too.”

For the record I DON’T CARE because I’ve got to get ready for buttsecs (gas tank is empty).

TGY July 18, 2008 at 11:19 am

Sufferin’ succotash, the Siegessaeule!

loudmouthredhead July 18, 2008 at 11:21 am

[re=39291]TGY[/re]: Replace them S’s with TH’s, and you has humor

NotUrEvryDayWEzl July 18, 2008 at 11:23 am

A massive dark brownish phallus is sure to featured in one of those excellent german pr0nographies documenting his life.

loudmouthredhead July 18, 2008 at 11:27 am

[re=39290]RuperttheBear[/re]: After Larry Craig talking about gas nozzles and jerking, I don’t know what part of your last sentence is euphemism!

WadISay July 18, 2008 at 11:28 am

Seems like a pretty crappy choice of a place for Hopey to give a speech, but 300 foreign policy advisors can’t be wrong.

Guppy06 July 18, 2008 at 11:30 am

[re=39258]Bandito[/re]: I dunno, it looks a bit taller than Dick Cheney to me.

Truculent July 18, 2008 at 11:33 am

Next stop — Lenin’s tomb. Followed by a speech before the statue of Lord Nelson in Trafalgar Square and an important domestic policy speech at Mao’s grave.

McCain will be at the Joplin, MO American Legion for the Friday Fish Fry and dollar beer night

tsunami July 18, 2008 at 11:34 am

“a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century.”
yeah, great. i needed to be reminded.

and an echo of german military activities in the 20th…
not to mention the genocide.

but, hey, all is forgiven…mmmm, beer.

Servo July 18, 2008 at 11:35 am

He’s massing his Army of Hope.

Guppy06 July 18, 2008 at 11:51 am

“a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century.”

So… it’s in Poland?

WhatTheHeck July 18, 2008 at 11:53 am

Oh Sara, you and your alt text. Methinks Barry has his own edifice to stand behind.

ALIVE! July 18, 2008 at 11:59 am

[re=39305]tsunami[/re]: In their defense, it is awfully good beer.

obfuscator July 18, 2008 at 12:03 pm

“When will we have a black president?”

“When a Bavarian angel dances on the heads of gigantic black penistower.”

magic titty July 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm

[re=39299]WadISay[/re]: As one of Baracks’s esteemed policy advisors, I backed this decision firmly. Especially after learning we could have the turgid sculpture to ejaculate Lowenbrau at the end of his speech.

magic titty July 18, 2008 at 12:11 pm

And he surely will be the champion of the religious right after starting with these fine words:

“At night I sit in my chamber and read the bible. Far in the distance roars the sea. Then I lie down and think for a long time about the calm and pale man from Nazareth.”

…OK, sure, it’s a quote from Goebbels, but that is sooo NOT the issue….

popsicle schitk July 18, 2008 at 12:17 pm

So Berlin’s Mayor will be right up front with a salute!

wheelie July 18, 2008 at 12:34 pm

It’s a shame all the cheap flights to Berlin seem to be sold out. It would have been fun to head over there for the day.

Canmon (the Inadequate) July 18, 2008 at 12:47 pm

It’s too bad that Leni Riefenstahl passed away because she could have documented this rally appropriately.

Hooray For Anything July 18, 2008 at 12:54 pm

since the state is “a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century” will that mean McCain will accuse Obama of appeasement?

jagorev July 18, 2008 at 1:01 pm

Ich bin nein muslimischen?

WimWenders July 18, 2008 at 1:23 pm

I think Barry is just a cineaste.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lt6o6QSQv4

Hooray For Anything July 18, 2008 at 1:57 pm

“Is it true what they say about the way you people are ‘gifted’?… Oh it’s Twue…. it’s twue…. it’s twue!”

Wee Mousie July 18, 2008 at 3:10 pm

That is the world’s first alternate energy, methane-powered dildo.

After all, the Germans, have to do something with all those wiener schnitzel, sauerkraut und Doppelbach beer farts.

nietzscheprojectile July 18, 2008 at 4:41 pm

Wir wollen unseren alten Kaiser Wilhelm wieder haben!

regisgoat July 19, 2008 at 7:38 am

[re=39406]WimWenders[/re]:
Glad you got a word in between the dick jokes. Hopey is our schwarzengel, of course he’s roosting there!

AxmxZ July 19, 2008 at 10:29 am

I still vote for the Reichstag.

What? Have you guys seen the Reichstag lately? It’s all shimmery and glassy and well-groomed, and there are hordes of students studying and playing frisbee on its front lawn. It’s surreally utopian.

schvitzatura July 20, 2008 at 3:07 pm

That’s not Dane-Austro-Franco transcendence!:

The Victory Column…designed by Heinrich Strack after 1864 to commemorate the Prussian victory in the Danish-Prussian war, by the time it was inaugurated on 2 September 1873 Prussia had also defeated Austria in the Austro-Prussian War (1866) and France in the Franco-Prussian War (1870/1871).

Mr-Clark July 21, 2008 at 12:42 am

Sara K. Smith,

Larry Sinclair says that Sen. Obama can take the whole column. He supposedly has no gag reflex at all.

Sincerely and respectfully,

Mr-Clark

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