Here’s Idaho Senior Senator Larry Craig describing a handjob he gave Hugo Chavez gayly saying we can’t let foreign dictators “jerk us around by the gas nozzle” doing both of the things we’ve crossed out. Note the flailing hands. [TPM]

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  1. Huh.

    In previous arguments he made it was
    “Don’t let Chavez dick slap you with his gas nozzle,”
    and “America is sick of bending over for its enemies.”

    “Don’t let five Saudis fuck you in the ass while you jerk off a Jew.”

    Something like that.

  2. [re=38851]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Very good sir. +1
    I would call it the “Gas Nozzle Jerk Hula Hands”, to be more specific.

    “I’m sick of getting jerked around by the gas nozzle by Ay-rabs and I-ranians. I want to go back to getting jerked around by random business travelers in MN bathrooms! THAT’s…Am’urca.”

  3. Someone tell Craig that he can order a “Sex sting snags World’s Greatest Dad” t-shirt from'World's%20Greatest%20Dad'&fhash=240c95d7f124de43d81a6bf40ea7fa73&date=1216257418000&hash=e4b0129e7450943e81bd43980214b6cc&return_uri=

    He could wear it to his next campaign rally – or at least to the MN airport while enroute to said rally.

  4. Audio from the couple whispering behind Craig:

    female: Can you believe this guy is still in Congress?

    male: Obviously he hasn’t given you a handjob. Its second to none, really. Well, maybe second to Santorum. He could get a 90 yr old vegetable off in 10 seconds flat, no lie.

  5. It’s astonishing how those who’ve had the benefit (driving big cars out to their big houses on huge lawns at the edge of the city every day) of cheap gas now think it’s a constitutional entitlement.

  6. “Let America produce oil once again! Only when we drill holes in the crevices, valleys, and buttes of this country shall our economy fill with the blood of the American spirit and spew forth gushing reserves of petroleum. America needs release! It’s been a long, hard summer, and our Hummers need to come out of the garage! We won’t let the Venezuelans dangle the gas nozzle over our gaping mouths, we won’t let the Nigerians see that we are hungry for their lubricants, we won’t let the Saudis have a hand or finger in our fuel production, and we will no longer scream for more while the Iranians pump us dry…”

  7. senator walks into a gas station, asks for the key to the washroom and slips the attendant 20 bucks……the attendant says, hey whats with the 20 bucks?…the use of the washroom is free….

    senator says, well, that guy over there says if i give you 20 bucks i can yank your nozzle…

    attendant says, but if you yank my nozzle wont the gas splash everywhere?…

    senator says, not if i siphon it…..and the toilets handy if i need to spit out any overflow…

  8. Well Senator, you’ve certainly rescused your poopy pants pandering reputation from the potty with that brilliant display of verbal ass-fuckery. Gobble my hemmaroids, asswipe.

  9. Two oil men + 8 years in the White House + compliant Congress + oil lobby = 300% price hikes and record profits.

    Any questions?

    Drilling … the only thing that’s getting drilled are the customers: right in the ass. Something Senator Cornhole ought to be fairly familiar with.

  10. For a gay degenerate who hangs around men’s rooms, this guy has a lot of, well, balls. If I were Larry I would be too embarrassed to show my face in public–much less to make a vehement speech in Congress.

  11. This seems like an appropriate place for a joke I heard recently:

    Why don’t Republicans use bookmarks?

    Because they just bend the paiges over!

    Ha! Tell all your friends but be sure and give old KevoTron the credit, deal?

  12. Yea, Larry’s out there all right. But, you have to admit one thing, it is impossible for Larry NOT to be funny. I mean if he gave one of Hitler’s speaches he would still be funny. The man just cracks me up! Oh, and yea, he’s gay.

  13. How does this douche have the temerity to show up in public and start lecturing us on how things oughta be? He blows guys in airport men’s rooms, if I’m not mistaken. That being said, on this issue you can certainly appreciate his stance.

  14. like, after say 60 some-odd years of toilet sex do you know how many times he must have gotten his hands or feet wet with toilet water? gross!

  15. [re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: The RNC needs you! I swelled up with pride when I read that…
    While it’s fun to queer-bash Craig (hell, let me be among the last to do it) the essence of his oratory needs addressing, also. Bush, demonstrating his unique ability to make the irrational rational, has now got spud-state hacks like this bellowing to despoil the coastlines. Which is why a masked vigilante ought to tie him up and make hi drink a quart of Pennzoil, a la the torture scene in Three Kings.

  16. I found this site called maybe you can use it. It seems to help get me through the issues of dealing with some of the jerks I know. At least I can vent about these jerks, plus I get a kick out of sending them some cards.

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