HOMOSEXUALS  4:59 pm July 17, 2008

Larry Craig Wants To Jerk Your Gas Nozzle

by Jim Newell

Here’s Idaho Senior Senator Larry Craig describing a handjob he gave Hugo Chavez gayly saying we can’t let foreign dictators “jerk us around by the gas nozzle” doing both of the things we’ve crossed out. Note the flailing hands. [TPM]

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natoslug July 17, 2008 at 5:03 pm

Just love the swishing at 21 secs when he starts talking about the foreigns jerking his nozzle.

shortsshortsshorts July 17, 2008 at 5:04 pm


In previous arguments he made it was
“Don’t let Chavez dick slap you with his gas nozzle,”
and “America is sick of bending over for its enemies.”

“Don’t let five Saudis fuck you in the ass while you jerk off a Jew.”

Something like that.

Larry Fine July 17, 2008 at 5:04 pm

total fag

Lazy Media July 17, 2008 at 5:07 pm

Is that bit of fluff up for reelection this fall? And is she actually RUNNING?

ServiceJervixJuice July 17, 2008 at 5:07 pm

That guy’s got “Super Tuber” written all over him.

ManchuCandidate July 17, 2008 at 5:09 pm

Gas Hands!

Gopherit v2.0 July 17, 2008 at 5:13 pm

That’s going to keep me out of gas station bathrooms for a while.

Gopherit v2.0 July 17, 2008 at 5:14 pm

And that’s a pretty narrow stance he’s taking there.

Delicious July 17, 2008 at 5:15 pm

I was jerked around by a Venezuelan last night.

Noodle Salad July 17, 2008 at 5:17 pm

He’s tired of this mushroom stamp congress.

loudmouthredhead July 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=38851]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Very good sir. +1
I would call it the “Gas Nozzle Jerk Hula Hands”, to be more specific.

“I’m sick of getting jerked around by the gas nozzle by Ay-rabs and I-ranians. I want to go back to getting jerked around by random business travelers in MN bathrooms! THAT’s…Am’urca.”

BreakfastBeer July 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm

Someone tell Craig that he can order a “Sex sting snags World’s Greatest Dad” t-shirt from CNN.com:


He could wear it to his next campaign rally – or at least to the MN airport while enroute to said rally.

loudmouthredhead July 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm

[re=38861]Delicious[/re]: Did it leave you aching for more oil? Was there anyone named “Sanchez” involved?

Dr. Tobias Funke July 17, 2008 at 5:25 pm

Audio from the couple whispering behind Craig:

female: Can you believe this guy is still in Congress?

male: Obviously he hasn’t given you a handjob. Its second to none, really. Well, maybe second to Santorum. He could get a 90 yr old vegetable off in 10 seconds flat, no lie.

RuperttheBear July 17, 2008 at 5:25 pm

Venuaxualeans, Iraqnians, Nigeraiods? Seems like Larry’s got a thing for “Boys in Brown.”

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 17, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Must have learned that lesson while campaiging with Mittens at the Kum & Go.

V572625694 July 17, 2008 at 5:29 pm

It’s astonishing how those who’ve had the benefit (driving big cars out to their big houses on huge lawns at the edge of the city every day) of cheap gas now think it’s a constitutional entitlement.

cratty July 17, 2008 at 5:34 pm

once we all admit that we have a little sugar in our tank, the oil crisis will die down.

shortsshortsshorts July 17, 2008 at 5:39 pm

“Don’t let Chavez cut off your gas nozzle.”

NoWireHangers July 17, 2008 at 5:43 pm

“Let America produce oil once again! Only when we drill holes in the crevices, valleys, and buttes of this country shall our economy fill with the blood of the American spirit and spew forth gushing reserves of petroleum. America needs release! It’s been a long, hard summer, and our Hummers need to come out of the garage! We won’t let the Venezuelans dangle the gas nozzle over our gaping mouths, we won’t let the Nigerians see that we are hungry for their lubricants, we won’t let the Saudis have a hand or finger in our fuel production, and we will no longer scream for more while the Iranians pump us dry…”

cratty July 17, 2008 at 5:58 pm

[re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: well said. i can’t agree more. we shall overcome.

anabellum July 17, 2008 at 6:03 pm

senator walks into a gas station, asks for the key to the washroom and slips the attendant 20 bucks……the attendant says, hey whats with the 20 bucks?…the use of the washroom is free….

senator says, well, that guy over there says if i give you 20 bucks i can yank your nozzle…

attendant says, but if you yank my nozzle wont the gas splash everywhere?…

senator says, not if i siphon it…..and the toilets handy if i need to spit out any overflow…

bitchincamaro July 17, 2008 at 6:05 pm

Well Senator, you’ve certainly rescused your poopy pants pandering reputation from the potty with that brilliant display of verbal ass-fuckery. Gobble my hemmaroids, asswipe.

PoliticalGraffiti July 17, 2008 at 6:06 pm

wait, how many Venezualas are there? i believe he meant venezuelaNs, iranIANS, etc etc

Kos July 17, 2008 at 6:09 pm

Why doesn’t his eyebrows move? He looks like an evil villain.

Jason July 17, 2008 at 6:11 pm

I can’t believe this guy is still in the Senate! Shouldn’t he be in jail with his jailhouse buddies?

magic titty July 17, 2008 at 6:20 pm

ten minutes later his boy intern shit on his face.

true story.

Destonio July 17, 2008 at 6:21 pm

Two oil men + 8 years in the White House + compliant Congress + oil lobby = 300% price hikes and record profits.

Any questions?

Drilling … the only thing that’s getting drilled are the customers: right in the ass. Something Senator Cornhole ought to be fairly familiar with.

Accordion-o-rama July 17, 2008 at 6:39 pm

Love how, at the end, the guy behind Craig diverts his eyes
as he thoughtfully contemplates his nozzle.

WadISay July 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm

This is a guy who knows what it means to be jerked around by his gas nozzle.

Crow T. Robot July 17, 2008 at 6:53 pm

[re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: I see what you did there.

Aurelio July 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm

For a gay degenerate who hangs around men’s rooms, this guy has a lot of, well, balls. If I were Larry I would be too embarrassed to show my face in public–much less to make a vehement speech in Congress.

KevoTron July 17, 2008 at 7:00 pm

“Why does everyone laugh whenever I mention my friend Biggus Dickus?!?”

Gin Bucket July 17, 2008 at 7:04 pm

R-Idaho looks like “ride-a-ho”.

KevoTron July 17, 2008 at 7:05 pm

This seems like an appropriate place for a joke I heard recently:

Why don’t Republicans use bookmarks?

Because they just bend the paiges over!

Ha! Tell all your friends but be sure and give old KevoTron the credit, deal?

V572625694 July 17, 2008 at 7:09 pm

[re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: Nice.

Canuckledragger July 17, 2008 at 7:24 pm

Jerk my nozzle all you want to, Larry; the gas comes out the other end.

Fuckin’ Republicans are so stupid!

bitchincamaro July 17, 2008 at 7:57 pm

[re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: You did god’s work there. +1!

shortsshortsshorts July 17, 2008 at 8:05 pm

[re=38970]KevoTron[/re]: I will steal it, but I’m using your real name, which is of course oTro.

spamhead July 17, 2008 at 9:19 pm

“Flailing hands”? Nay, sashaying….

masterdebater July 17, 2008 at 9:57 pm

Yea, Larry’s out there all right. But, you have to admit one thing, it is impossible for Larry NOT to be funny. I mean if he gave one of Hitler’s speaches he would still be funny. The man just cracks me up! Oh, and yea, he’s gay.

gliberal July 17, 2008 at 10:12 pm

How does this douche have the temerity to show up in public and start lecturing us on how things oughta be? He blows guys in airport men’s rooms, if I’m not mistaken. That being said, on this issue you can certainly appreciate his stance.

Destonio July 17, 2008 at 10:21 pm

[re=38959]KevoTron[/re]: Thanks for the inspiration!


wander_lust July 17, 2008 at 10:41 pm

He totally said “Irans”. How many of those are there again?

Doctor Klaproth July 17, 2008 at 10:44 pm

[re=38851]ManchuCandidate[/re]: speaking of gas hands:

ReverendGreen July 17, 2008 at 10:48 pm

the democrats suck for not making fun of this guy every day on the senate floor.

ReverendGreen July 17, 2008 at 10:49 pm

like, after say 60 some-odd years of toilet sex do you know how many times he must have gotten his hands or feet wet with toilet water? gross!

Wagamuffin July 18, 2008 at 4:54 am

I understand his caucus is behind him…

regisgoat July 18, 2008 at 8:30 am

[re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: The RNC needs you! I swelled up with pride when I read that…
While it’s fun to queer-bash Craig (hell, let me be among the last to do it) the essence of his oratory needs addressing, also. Bush, demonstrating his unique ability to make the irrational rational, has now got spud-state hacks like this bellowing to despoil the coastlines. Which is why a masked vigilante ought to tie him up and make hi drink a quart of Pennzoil, a la the torture scene in Three Kings.

Deepthroat July 18, 2008 at 9:28 am

what what in the butt

KevoTron July 18, 2008 at 11:16 am

[re=39105]Destonio[/re]: Nicely done.

natteringnaybob July 18, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Anything with jazz hands.

S. Cullen Bonz July 18, 2008 at 7:13 pm

I bet he fantasizes about Vin Diesel.

lina smith July 24, 2008 at 3:27 pm

I found this site called http://URAjerk.com maybe you can use it. It seems to help get me through the issues of dealing with some of the jerks I know. At least I can vent about these jerks, plus I get a kick out of sending them some cards.

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