About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • natoslug

    Just love the swishing at 21 secs when he starts talking about the foreigns jerking his nozzle.

  • shortsshortsshorts


    In previous arguments he made it was
    “Don’t let Chavez dick slap you with his gas nozzle,”
    and “America is sick of bending over for its enemies.”

    “Don’t let five Saudis fuck you in the ass while you jerk off a Jew.”

    Something like that.

  • Larry Fine

    total fag

  • Lazy Media

    Is that bit of fluff up for reelection this fall? And is she actually RUNNING?

  • ServiceJervixJuice

    That guy’s got “Super Tuber” written all over him.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Gas Hands!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    That’s going to keep me out of gas station bathrooms for a while.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    And that’s a pretty narrow stance he’s taking there.

  • Delicious

    I was jerked around by a Venezuelan last night.

  • Noodle Salad

    He’s tired of this mushroom stamp congress.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=38851]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Very good sir. +1
    I would call it the “Gas Nozzle Jerk Hula Hands”, to be more specific.

    “I’m sick of getting jerked around by the gas nozzle by Ay-rabs and I-ranians. I want to go back to getting jerked around by random business travelers in MN bathrooms! THAT’s…Am’urca.”

  • BreakfastBeer

    Someone tell Craig that he can order a “Sex sting snags World’s Greatest Dad” t-shirt from CNN.com:


    He could wear it to his next campaign rally – or at least to the MN airport while enroute to said rally.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=38861]Delicious[/re]: Did it leave you aching for more oil? Was there anyone named “Sanchez” involved?

  • Dr. Tobias Funke

    Audio from the couple whispering behind Craig:

    female: Can you believe this guy is still in Congress?

    male: Obviously he hasn’t given you a handjob. Its second to none, really. Well, maybe second to Santorum. He could get a 90 yr old vegetable off in 10 seconds flat, no lie.

  • RuperttheBear

    Venuaxualeans, Iraqnians, Nigeraiods? Seems like Larry’s got a thing for “Boys in Brown.”

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    Must have learned that lesson while campaiging with Mittens at the Kum & Go.

  • V572625694

    It’s astonishing how those who’ve had the benefit (driving big cars out to their big houses on huge lawns at the edge of the city every day) of cheap gas now think it’s a constitutional entitlement.

  • cratty

    once we all admit that we have a little sugar in our tank, the oil crisis will die down.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    “Don’t let Chavez cut off your gas nozzle.”

  • NoWireHangers

    “Let America produce oil once again! Only when we drill holes in the crevices, valleys, and buttes of this country shall our economy fill with the blood of the American spirit and spew forth gushing reserves of petroleum. America needs release! It’s been a long, hard summer, and our Hummers need to come out of the garage! We won’t let the Venezuelans dangle the gas nozzle over our gaping mouths, we won’t let the Nigerians see that we are hungry for their lubricants, we won’t let the Saudis have a hand or finger in our fuel production, and we will no longer scream for more while the Iranians pump us dry…”

  • cratty

    [re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: well said. i can’t agree more. we shall overcome.

  • anabellum

    senator walks into a gas station, asks for the key to the washroom and slips the attendant 20 bucks……the attendant says, hey whats with the 20 bucks?…the use of the washroom is free….

    senator says, well, that guy over there says if i give you 20 bucks i can yank your nozzle…

    attendant says, but if you yank my nozzle wont the gas splash everywhere?…

    senator says, not if i siphon it…..and the toilets handy if i need to spit out any overflow…

  • bitchincamaro

    Well Senator, you’ve certainly rescused your poopy pants pandering reputation from the potty with that brilliant display of verbal ass-fuckery. Gobble my hemmaroids, asswipe.

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    wait, how many Venezualas are there? i believe he meant venezuelaNs, iranIANS, etc etc

  • Kos

    Why doesn’t his eyebrows move? He looks like an evil villain.

  • Jason

    I can’t believe this guy is still in the Senate! Shouldn’t he be in jail with his jailhouse buddies?

  • magic titty

    ten minutes later his boy intern shit on his face.

    true story.

  • Destonio

    Two oil men + 8 years in the White House + compliant Congress + oil lobby = 300% price hikes and record profits.

    Any questions?

    Drilling … the only thing that’s getting drilled are the customers: right in the ass. Something Senator Cornhole ought to be fairly familiar with.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Love how, at the end, the guy behind Craig diverts his eyes
    as he thoughtfully contemplates his nozzle.

  • WadISay

    This is a guy who knows what it means to be jerked around by his gas nozzle.

  • Crow T. Robot

    [re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: I see what you did there.

  • Aurelio

    For a gay degenerate who hangs around men’s rooms, this guy has a lot of, well, balls. If I were Larry I would be too embarrassed to show my face in public–much less to make a vehement speech in Congress.

  • KevoTron

    “Why does everyone laugh whenever I mention my friend Biggus Dickus?!?”

  • Gin Bucket

    R-Idaho looks like “ride-a-ho”.

  • KevoTron

    This seems like an appropriate place for a joke I heard recently:

    Why don’t Republicans use bookmarks?

    Because they just bend the paiges over!

    Ha! Tell all your friends but be sure and give old KevoTron the credit, deal?

  • V572625694

    [re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: Nice.

  • Canuckledragger

    Jerk my nozzle all you want to, Larry; the gas comes out the other end.

    Fuckin’ Republicans are so stupid!

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: You did god’s work there. +1!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=38970]KevoTron[/re]: I will steal it, but I’m using your real name, which is of course oTro.

  • spamhead

    “Flailing hands”? Nay, sashaying….

  • masterdebater

    Yea, Larry’s out there all right. But, you have to admit one thing, it is impossible for Larry NOT to be funny. I mean if he gave one of Hitler’s speaches he would still be funny. The man just cracks me up! Oh, and yea, he’s gay.

  • gliberal

    How does this douche have the temerity to show up in public and start lecturing us on how things oughta be? He blows guys in airport men’s rooms, if I’m not mistaken. That being said, on this issue you can certainly appreciate his stance.

  • Destonio

    [re=38959]KevoTron[/re]: Thanks for the inspiration!


  • wander_lust

    He totally said “Irans”. How many of those are there again?

  • Doctor Klaproth

    [re=38851]ManchuCandidate[/re]: speaking of gas hands:

  • ReverendGreen

    the democrats suck for not making fun of this guy every day on the senate floor.

  • ReverendGreen

    like, after say 60 some-odd years of toilet sex do you know how many times he must have gotten his hands or feet wet with toilet water? gross!

  • Wagamuffin

    I understand his caucus is behind him…

  • regisgoat

    [re=38882]NoWireHangers[/re]: The RNC needs you! I swelled up with pride when I read that…
    While it’s fun to queer-bash Craig (hell, let me be among the last to do it) the essence of his oratory needs addressing, also. Bush, demonstrating his unique ability to make the irrational rational, has now got spud-state hacks like this bellowing to despoil the coastlines. Which is why a masked vigilante ought to tie him up and make hi drink a quart of Pennzoil, a la the torture scene in Three Kings.

  • Deepthroat

    what what in the butt

  • KevoTron

    [re=39105]Destonio[/re]: Nicely done.

  • natteringnaybob

    Anything with jazz hands.

  • S. Cullen Bonz

    I bet he fantasizes about Vin Diesel.

  • lina smith

    I found this site called http://URAjerk.com maybe you can use it. It seems to help get me through the issues of dealing with some of the jerks I know. At least I can vent about these jerks, plus I get a kick out of sending them some cards.