Wonkette
July 17, 2008 — remember it, because it’s the day Barack Obama lost the second black presidency of the United States. Two breaking articles about Obama’s shamefully rigorous workout regime are getting the full Drudge treatment, and folks, this stuff is far more damaging than “Whitey” ever would have been. Here’s the skinny: yesterday, Hopey spent 188 minutes exercising, spread across three separate trips to the gym. This stands as further proof that Barack Obama is not an Average American, because the Average American weighs 750 pounds and spends 188 minutes of the day masturbating to amateur donkey porn on the Internet.
You don’t need to tell the AP how damaging this stuff is for Obama, suggests its lede: “CHICAGO (AP) - Sometimes it’s hard to tell if Barack Obama is running for president of the United States or Mr. Universe.” He’s constantly flip-flopping between the two!
See? Flip-flops:
Twice on Wednesday and again Thursday morning, Obama traveled to a lakefront apartment building near his Chicago home to work out with a friend at his gym. On Wednesday night, Obama also spent an hour at the East Bank Club, a mammoth exercise facility just north of the city’s famous business Loop where he is known to play basketball.
On the former occasions, reporters accompanying Obama saw him get in and out of an SUV wearing a baseball hat, white T-shirt and black sweat pants. On the visit to the East Bank Club, Obama was dressed casually as if going out to dinner, wearing slacks, a blue blazer and flip-flops.
If you’re stupid, you probably don’t realize that this is AP Code for something far more sinister and unprintable: Barack Obama — a known “player” of “games” — regularly ditches the press to go have sex with men and woolly mammoths at his secret other apartment by the lake. He wears a blue blazer afterwards because he thinks we’re morons who’ll never discover the truth. And the flip-flops? That’s just his way of saying “fuck you.”
Let’s imagine hypothetically that the gay undercurrent isn’t there, and that he really is exercising 18,000 times a day. If this is the case, then it’s a pretty flagrant piss on the graves of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln and other actual Americans. ABC News has more:
Senator Obama has been known for his strict work out regimen – rarely missing a day in the gym even with a busy campaign schedule. But for reporters following Senator Obama as he strolled in and out of gyms six times over the course of one day - his multiple visits raised a few eyebrows – with even a campaign aide cracking a smile as the third gym stop of the day was announced.
Six workouts a day? Jesus, if he’s so big on staying skinny, why did he ever stop doing coke?
Political Play of the Day: Obama becomes a gym rat [AP]
Obama Hits the Gym, With Multiple Repetitions [ABC News]
Last thing I want is a president who stays fit… what’s that saying again.. “Sound body insane mind?”
You know who else works out a lot (maybe)? Osama bin Laden. Just saying…
Three hours exercising? It’s still less time than it takes bush to read “My Pet Goat.
Okay, I’ll concede the donkey porn part, but don’t hate me for being skinny. I has a fast metabobolism. Also, meth.
Real Americans wash themselves with a rag on a stick, let machines breathe for them, brush their teeth with milkshakes, moisturize with bacon grease, butter their coffee, and need a prying board to leave the sofa. Obama must think he’s better than America.
I can’t wait to hear what Dr. Ada has to say about this!!
He must have a lot of… excess energy to work off, Michelle not being around a lot and all. Poor Hopey.
As a fat American, I am appalled. I can see more than ever that Obama doesn’t pass the “shares my beliefs” test, since my beliefs include a deep devotion to not moving. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m off to Burger King (not GAY LOVING McDonalds).
Hey, speak for yourself. I only masturbate to professional donkey porn, thank you very much.
His aerobic quickness and thin frame will make him doubly hard for fat bitters to assassinate.
georgia_peach: I’m sure there’s something brewing in that funt, and it ain’t no baby jesus.
>>spends 188 minutes of the day masturbating to amateur donkey porn on the Internet.
I’ve found something where I’m above average. Thank you Wonkette.
Whadda a librul pussy..everyone knows the only true, manly
form of excersise is clearing brush, on your fake ranch.
It shouldn’t be taken as an insult to all those past presidents, of course he’s more fit than all those other white boys. Blacks are just better athletes!
Wrong answer, NoWireHangers. Real Americans ain’t got time to bleed and they ain’t got time to worsh themselves neither, not even with a rag on a stick n’ such. They’re too busy maxing out their credit cards at all-you-can-scarf buffets, hating terrorists, and boycotting McDonald’s.
What? No mention of the 5 hours a day Barry spends ass-lifting on his fine, fine Iranian prayer rug? http://66.39.4.56/warrugs/1411/tn/686_8612.JPG
Serolf Divad: Last thing I want is a president who stays fit… what’s that saying again.. “Sound body insane mind?”
Perhaps the correct description of the incumbent would be: an empty mind in a sound body.
Wow, they really nailed him on this. Imagine, someone working out for 188 minutes. and in America no less. call Ripley, cuz he will never believe this.
I hear the Republicans are coming out with a video, ‘188-minute abs’ that features more than three hours of Barry bowing to Mecca.
All proceeds go to fortifying Rick Santorum’s closet.
Didn’t Jimmy the Greek address this issue sometime back?
This is Bill Clinton all over again. I don’t really care much for Obama and his policy positions, but I love how he irritates the hell out of all the right people. Seriously, if Obama gets you into a foaming ALLCAPS rage or sneering in code, you’re probably a terrible person (and a fatass).
Having worked for a newspaper, I can’t think of a better place to avoid the press than a gym…this guy is smarter than anyone is giving him credit for.
He really should bowl if he wants the HWMCWV…
He’s got to do something to get that endorphin rush now that he’s given up crack and blowjobs.
tonashideska: Although, the man does sweat more and burn through more calories than Hopey as his brain churns through the rich imagery and hidden meanings in that mighty tome.
frankly, im concerned….is Barry heading straight to the bathroom after eating?…
is that minty gum being used to cover up ‘acrid’ smelling breath?….
is he buying laxatives in bulk and hiding them in empty nicorette boxes?…
im not the only one worried…others have noticed as well…
http://meaningfuldistractions.wordpress.com/2008/06/23/tnews_new_barack_obama_wins_anorexic_european_elitist_vote_handily_32569/
The best one is that he’s going to sponsor a NASCAR team … all those Confederate tools fuming over some Nigra’s name painted all over the No. 48 Chevy … har har.
Next up: Sponsoring Toby Keith’s tour!
What kind of US American is he? The average US American exercises six times in one lifetime and that’ just usually grade school recess. He really is a Mooslim. Him and that Tony Little fellah.
i thought the doctors switched on president Bush at like 5 am for a 3 hour workout every day?
This Hopey guy is so much like me. Almost exact same age as me; his formidable, feisty, ethnic wife is exact same age as my formidable, feisty, ethnic wife; has two personable young daughters; well educated, yada yada yada.
The 188 minute daily workout? Hmm, not so much. Forty five minutes on a bicycle is about tops for me. No wonder the dude is so skinny.
Cicada: He had to give up receiving blowjobs? What the hell? Did the media make him do that?
The gay community is very body-conscious.
“…spends 188 minutes of the day masturbating to amateur donkey porn on the Internet.”
Oh, now you’re knocking my hobbies?
As someone else who SMOKES and has failed to quit, going to the gym really helps get your mind off all of the delicious nicotine you’re not allowed to have anymore.
Yeah… leave me and my donkey outta this!
Yeah, well how many minutes of the 188 does he work out at fist-pumping?
So he works out to relieve stress, rather than drinking heavily/blowing lines/taking his wife’s medication/fucking interns. He also doesn’t seem interested in spending his free time planning the descent of the U.S. into a seemingly inescapable mire of pandering to idiots and evangelicals. They’re really stretching to explain why the Bitters don’t warm to Barry, and they’re trrryyyying sooooo haaaaard not to say it’s because he’s Jewish or whatever.
The local Republicans challenged him to a game. They demanded to play shirts and skins, and Obama had to be a skin. Man to man with hand checking allowed. Strange.
How dare this Elitist workout 3 times a day? Always talking down to fat people (the majority of Americans), I just want to cut his hot pecs, biceps and quads off.. That Jack Lalane imitating MoFo!!
With all this exercising, when is Osama going to have time to visit Czechosovlakia and have talks with the Soviets?
According McInsane’s Spokeswhore, Dr. Ada Chubbs, “it is the cokes that is to blame for Osama’s (mispeak), Obama’s constant desire to look lean. It is so unAmerican and in my view, unPatriotic!!”
Whe he’s president, he can burn calories by bench-pressing Joe Lieberman.
The conservatives will attack Obama for any reason they can find.
http://abrahamlincolnblog.blogspot.com
man, america really has gone cuckoo … if Barack works out that much then YES, he IS better than the rest of America. What is wrong with making sure you’re physically fit so you can remain healthy and rule the country without having to hit the doctor’s office every week?
Besides the fact that all these out of shape people moaning that they don’t have the time to get in shape… C’MON PEOPLE.. the President of the USA finds time. If HE can find time you can too.
He obviously understands the importance of prioritizing himself.
thanks for a great debatable post!
GWNN at TruthAboutAbsTruth.com