Orrin Hatch's Awesomely Morbid/Gay Ballad To Ted Kennedy

Senator Orrin Hatch is an old conservative Republican from Utah, the most conservative Republican state in the country: so it's no surprise that in a moment of weakness the balladeer of the Senate would pen a sweet, romantic ode to one of his male colleagues. Apparently he is great pals with Ted Kennedy, whose battle with brain cancer compelled Hatch to write a ballad called "Headed Home." But it is not about heads.

Here is a sample of the beautiful lyrics:

Sailing home, sailing home. America, America, we're headed home at last

Just honor him, honor him, and every fear will be a thing of the past ...

Through the darkness, we can find a pathway, that will take us halfway to the stars

Shoo the shadows and doubts away, and touch the legacy that is ours, yours and mine.

Amazingly, all the "sailing home ... at last" business is not about returning to the arms of Jesus or whatever. It's about heading home to the Senate, which is like Heaven in the sense that it's full of half-naked cherubs. Except in DC they are called "interns."

Senator Hatch's love ode to Senator Kennedy will be played at the Democratic National Convention. Then John Ashcroft will come out and perform "Let the Eagle Soar," in drag, with Rudy Giuliani.

 Across the aisle, a ballad to Kennedy [Boston Globe]