Wonkette
Now that Barack Obama has killed Comedy, America’s last best hope for political laffs is a McCain-Romney ticket. And it looks like Mitt Romney may oblige, given the latest development in his years-long quest to be humiliated by, with, and on behalf of John McCain. He has forgiven the $45 million in loans he made to himself so that he could eke out a few more weeks in terrible debates with the cranky old war vet during primary season! And this means he probably wants to be vice president.
Just like Hillary Clinton, another prominent Northeastern plutocrat, Mitt Romney loaned his campaign millions and millions of dollars. But unlike Hillary Clinton, he’s not trying to raise money to recoup all those dollars. Instead, he will just suck it up and consider his $45 million well spent in his quest to clinch the office that is, famously, not worth a bucket of warm piss.
With the books thus cleared, he will be free to campaign “vigorously” on behalf of John McCain, who he will strap to the roof of Air Force One on long cross-country trips.
Romney not getting his $45m back [Boston Globe]
Mitt Romney makes $45 million before he finishes breakfast every morning.
o god…please o please give us mitt. please.
btw, mitt is actually older than mccain, but he uses his money to
look like that. i know, i know…seems an odd choice, but nobody’s
perfect.
I have strapped a dog and two of my wives to the top of my car as a symbol of support for Mittens until gets the job.
Mitt’s magic underwear will put McCain over the top.
Ken Doll Mittens will make us long for the days of Dan Quayle.
Mitt? oh, he’s not black enough to get the blackman vote
Mitt: “I’m not a big-game hunter. I’ve made that very clear. I’ve always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will.”
How many of our small varmint commenters will have to go into a witness protection program? NotUrEvryDayWEzl, Gopherit, Wee Mousie….
Borat: I think he’s going for the orangeman vote. Ditch the fake tan, MITTENS!
Paultardville: I thought that was just reflection from Walnut’s hot pink face.
Wait… does he get to write off that $52,000,000.00 bad loan? ’cause I’m just so excited about my taxes going to reimburse Mitt $14,000,000.00
how many of his wives are cunts?
Well, Romney of course will bring in the Mormon, Olympics, Conservative Massachusetts and Small Varmints votes.
Being McCain’s Veep has got to be the gig of a lifetime. On January 21, 2009, you declare the senile old coot brain dead. I wouldn’t even bother to unpack my stuff at the Observatory.
WadISay: Absolutely. This job is worth a bucket of lukewarm piss at *least*.
“the office that is, famously, not worth a bucket of warm piss.”
It’s worth a hell of a lot more than that to the current inhabitant, President Cheney.
just remember, people have prayed for reagan, quayle, and bush, jr. all for some combination of mittens’ most notable traits, i.e. dumb, vapid, hollow, religious freak. they (closeted, nambla/nra republicans) love empty vessels. add to it that walnuts is twice reagan’s age and i, for one, welcome our mormon overlords.
It’s the only way to get a Morman (Morperson?) into the White House in a party run by the telebangellicals. You have to get a geezer in there and hope he kicks the bucket so your guy can assume the rest of his term. Brilliant!
Judging by his latex glove-wearing abilities we’ve seen in past Wonkette posts, he’s a shoe in. I mean, SOMEONE’s gotta examine the presidential prostate, right?
YES! I hope he brings his tablets! They are made of gold and tell people to have many wives!
Huzzah!
I am so proud to be born in the state where teh mormons were frequently beaten and killed. God Bless ‘merica.
Darehead: Good one.
Serolf Divad: With MA state income tax and in the highest federal bracket, I’d guess we taxpayers are going to shoulder about half of Mitt’s ego investment. We’re proud to serve!
masterdebater: telebangellicals. You should trademark that! Although, maybe use only 1 L?
I’d hope that the Baha Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out?” would accompany Mitt to the podium at the RNC in Minneapolis. Maybe he could pump up the crowd with the popular “raise the roof” motion.
shortsshortsshorts: If Mittens gets into a national office, I bet we’ll even see a resurgence of the top hat-making industry, just so people can re-enact the magical huffing incident that allowed Mittens’ people to read the words of their Lawd off of said tablets.
loudmouthredhead: Yea, I wasn’t sure about the spelling either, since it just sort of came to me as I was typing. Feel free to steal it and change as per consultations with english majors and such. (But, if you get money for the idea, I want half).
shortsshortsshorts:
Suggestion:
Start the founding chapter of the Lilburn Boggs Remembrance Society.
Let’s get this thing whipped up to a fever pitch!
masterdebater: *scribbling on legal documentation*
Damnit! Ok, FINE… *sigh*
Hopefully Barry will pick Lou Costello as veep, because in that pic it looks like Frankenstein and the Mummy hugging, which is actually kind of sweet. They’re going to run together! Or at least shuffle! Fire really IS bad!
schvitzatura: Thank you for that. Seriously, reading this site can be educational sometimes. It’s not all buttsecks.
Crazy god or no, doesn’t anyone else think “I am so proud to be born in the state where teh mormons were frequently beaten and killed” might be a LITTLE extreme?
Consdiering Romney came in second or third in every race he ran during the campaign, I think he’d make an excellent choice for VP.
schvitzatura: Shoot ‘em again, Missouri!
When do they start printing Golden Plates bumper stickers?
LosReves: I checked with my Mormon wife and she says no, it’s not extreme. Then again, as long as there are some decent ball gags and ropework involved, she begs for a frequent beating. The killing?- probably not so much. You might want to check with a male Mormon though — they generally don’t get so much institutionalized training to be submissives.
Just FYI, Romney was lurking around the Senate Office Buildings this morning, completely lonestar–meaning zero staff following him around, taking notes and marching orders. Seems like the behavior that surrounds super-secret veep related meetings with Jowley McJowls. He said good morning to me. I gushed.
turdsandwich: …What did you gush?
LosReves: I’d have to agree. If someone came to Wonkette and posted something like “I’m so proud to be from Wyoming where they beat and killed that gay Matt Shepard fella” I don’t think it would be funny at all. Just because their beliefs might make you laugh doesn’t mean brutality and lynchings somehow become funny.
Was that too serious? Um, bitter truck nutz?
Not sure how Mitt’s pro-Prohibition stance will help McCain.
thefrontpage: “Well, Romney of course will bring in the Mormon, Olympics, Conservative Massachusetts and Small Varmints votes…”
Yeah, but the canine vote would go south.