Wonkette
Air Force logs and government radar reports released under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that a massive, terrible mystery aircraft barreled through the skies of Central Texas on January 8 — and it was headed for George W. Bush’s Crawford ranch at 2,100 miles per hour!
The Mutual UFO Network just released a long investigation (PDF) of the “Stephenville Lights” incident, which briefly won the attention of our attention-challenged nation six months ago, until Americans again remembered that a black dude was running for president.
The National Weather Service and Federal Aviation Administration released radar reports from around the Waco/Dallas/Ft. Worth areas where people reported seeing a mile-wide brightly lit aircraft that could hover silently, vanish “as if someone turned off a light switch,” and zoom across the sky while jet fighters tried and failed to keep up.
Carswell Air Force Base logs were heavily redacted, MUFON reports, but showed three groups of jets from the 457th Fighter Squadron were in the air that night and that several veered off to the Stephenville area for unknown reasons. Also, an AWACS surveillance plane flew in a wide circle over the area for several hours that night, “as if it were on a search or monitoring mission.”
Radar returns show the mystery object flying as slowly as 49 mph, sitting stationary in the sky, and accelerating at up to 2,100 mph. The radar data seems to support the 17 eyewitness reports of the thing collected by the investigators.
The object was traveling to the southeast on a direct course towards the Crawford ranch, also known as President Bush’s western White House. The last time the object was seen on radar at 8 p.m., it was continuing on a direct path to the Crawford Ranch and was only 10 miles away.
During this entire episode of over an hour, there is no indication that any of the military jets reacted to this unknown aircraft, that was without a required transponder, and that was headed directly to the Western White House.
Why did the military allow the space monsters to attack George W. Bush’s stupid brush-clearing ranch?
Radar tracked unidentified craft near Crawford, group’s report says [Star-Telegram]
UFO: Radar shows large, fast, unexplained object in Texas [KBMT-12 News/AP]
EARLIER:
U.S. Military Escorting UFOs Over Texas
Why not?
1/8/08 Never Forget (that aliens are totally laughing at our Preznident and his puny “aeroplanes”)
the USAF needed proof of the necessity of the F-22.
because it was Dick Cheney. We all know vampires can fly.
Cuz that shit is funnnneeee.
They’d come back to pull the probe out of Bush’s ass, but he refused to give up its warm vibrating comfort.
Having succeeded in their dastardly experiment (or just to screw us forever), the aliens were planning to pick up their little seed of destruction. They decided to wait until November to see if he’s got one more war in him.
It was in Texas?
Clearly it’s a modified rEVOLution blimp.
Obviously, it was a weather balloon.
Maybe the Air Force was hoping for the Best Possible Outcome.
Looks Like Martin Marietta has solved those Mach 3 maneuverability issues. Or it was swamp gas
So was Bush beamed up and anally probed? How ’bout Laura? These damn stories never tell you what you really need to know.
Let’s see if your little border fence will keep out those illegal aliens, bubba.
10 bucks says he was reading “My Pet Goat” again the whole time.
Of course, none of this matters given that we’re about to elect the AntiChrist.
It was a cargo vessel from the Orion nebula, bringing a fresh shipment of intergalactic Dumbassium to replenish the administration’s supplies. Unfortunately, the terrestrial form of Dumbassium is not sufficiently concentrated for the Bush White House, thus the need to import it from distant worlds.
Because the aliens secretly fly in and plant all the brush that Bush likes to clear? It’s part of an agreement. Bush gets to clear brush, and he destroys the US infrastructure so that we can’t fight back during the coming alien invasion.
The aliens were going to destroy Crawford, but obviously were concerned about getting contaminated by the stupidity in the resulting fallout.
On the one hand, I want to welcome our new alien overlords for taking out our biggest menace, but on the other hand I want to shake my first skyward for giving us President Cheney as a result.
I knew it! He was communicating with bad aliens trying to take over this Earth (just bad aliens, I know there are good aliens out there!).
Man I only wonder what would happen if this evil-alien oriented dude’s posse continues to rule…..there is a good book I came by a while ago about this, called America 2014, a fiction picturing a totalitarian U.S. in 2014, with no end to War on Terror a 4th term President George Blush rules, with America renamed “God’s United States”; ring a bell to 1984; if interested go check it out at http://www.america2014.com
Thanks for the reflection.
B. Han
Pie plates
Refractions in the atmosphere
Dry cleaning bags filled with swamp gas
Mass insanity
Obviously, our new alien overlords were just checking to see whether there was any intelligent life on this planet. One look at Larry King and they were outta here.
>>f interested go check it out
no.
A transponder? Cylons don’t need no steenkin’ transponder!
Why would you need a transponder for a mile-wide object? I think the source of the reflection would be pretty obvious. Look out the window! That’s the Texas ANG for ya.
So I guess dubya won’t be retiring to Paraguay after all.
PrairiePossum: BWAH!!!
Win.
They came searching for intelligent life, took their samples solely from Texas, concluded none existed, went home.
how come these UFOs always look for intelligent life in west virginia, utah, texas and W’s house?
WAIT! Don’t open that! It’s Texas! Is there air? You don’t know!
I call bullshit.
You just know when Bush put on his ‘Mission Accomplished’ flight suit he thought of the movie Independence Day. This story is just another fantasy scene from the movie where the alien craft threaten the world-saving president. It’s Rove reach-around.
Actually, Booshee cut his finger pretty badly last time he was clearing brush….
Who knew the Parltard Blimp had a radar jamming device?
This is part of the getaway plan set up by George the Senior after the Paraguuayan Junta decided having the bush clan there was too dangerous. Now GHWB is moving the whole tribe to the planet, Youranus, because they have no extradition treat with the US or the World Court.
It was Battleship Bar on her broomstick, just dropping in for a visit.
These terrorists’ blood lust is insatiable! And now they’re after Texas, the capital of Freedom!
I want to believe.
Larry King, phone home!
O H I H O P E T H E Y T O O K H I M A W A Y
if Bush denies these reports, forced to choose between their earthly God and belief in extraterrestrial beings, the back-country yahoos who still trust him will be so torn.
Next stop…. Chicago.
I hope he got an anal probe.
Ornuk of Alpha Centauri 13 brought back exchange student G.W. Bush, who has spent the past ten years swacked on blaster fuel. He had intended to pick up his visiting podling and take him home. Before landing, information was received that young Ornoop had become involved in some Terran form of ritual demolition derby, and did not wish to return before the last inning ended. So, Ornuk of Alpha Centauri 13, turned his ship about and shaped for home.
Expect another sighting early in January.
Be ware the terrifying, chainsaw wielding, mesquite cutting sapce men
Kos: To visit with their embedded agent?
You just know those 17 eyewitnesses were all wearing no-sleeve plaid shirts, seed corn caps and drinking PBR in a can.
Obama should select Willaim Shat ner as his running mate, because Shatner has years of experience dealing with hostile space aliens.
Larry King is one of them.
Nothing to be scared of, just a scouting mission. The actual alien invasion isn’t until May or June of 2012…At least that’s what they said on the X-Files.
It’s a cookbook!
Teh Scientologists are right!!!!!1!
We is in peril and we is from place far far away where our souls originally comes from.
Actually, it was Jesus returning to earth. He was hoping Dubya had started Armageddon (as planned) so world-wide destruction could commence. Unfortunately, Dubya was just one short war away. So Jesus left in his Christ-craft, shouting “I’ll be back you morans!”
I want to believe
They caught God on radar coming to talk to Bush.
God: Dude. You’re failing the world, you need a plan.
Bush: What? Sailing the world to bomb Iran? Yes Lord!
God: Good Me, I’m making things worse…
…accelerating suddenly from 49 mph to 2,100 mph…
Somebody needs to lay off the Mexican food.
i knew it….i knew the Rovians were set to attack the Presidential Tumbleweed Palace…just goes to show, Karl will eat anything…including his own children…
Can you imagine Bush’s press conference explaining that we are under alien attack?
“Everybody dig a hole and stick your head in it”
SayItWithWookies: We are a nation addicted to Dumbassium.
I’m just sick about it but this does prove that Republican ass-drilling
will do nothing to end our dependance on the terrorist Orionians.
Of course, I do remember when we deposed the democratically elected
government of Orion to install our chosen puppet leaders. Blowback’s a bitch.
I guess we finally know Dick Cheney’s undisclosed “location.”
The aliens have come, and thanks to visiting Dumbya, have determined there’s no intelligent life on Earth.
“…accelerating at up to 2,100 mph…”
Without a sonic boom? Mmmkay.
Good thing Cheney wasn’t there at the time or he would have shot it.* That could have started an interstellar War on Terror!
==
* Well, only if it looked like a 70something lawyer.
They were coming to reclaim Laura “Crazy Eyes” as one of their own.
They just wanted to reclaim Laura “Crazy Eyes” as one of their own.
Rule of thumb: UFOs only land in places where people can’t spell UFO.
PrairiePossum: WIN
Oh boy. I wonder if that new UFO Museum has been built yet in Roswell? I want to retire and replace the librarian who works there. Those patrons are a total trip!
You mean they couldn’t beam up the retard and pack him off to Alphabeta Z-100 for a good old fashioned alien anal probing? What kind of hapless alien fuckwads were they?
Did you hear that recently the Catholic church says that it’s not a heresy to believe in aliens? I guess we know what W and the pope were talking about, last time they got together.
The brain suckers are out of luck.
I hear they are drawn to nukular places.