LOSING HIS MARBLES  5:30 pm July 15, 2008

John McCain’s Horrific Czechoslovakia Problem

by Jim Newell

Yesterday, John McCain made a gaffe that no one cared about: he referred to the Czech Republic as “Czechoslovakia,” which is actually correct, but only if you think time froze in 1992. Does John McCain think this? Because today, for the second day in a row, he referred to that same country as “Czechoslovakia.” It turns out he has been making this same mistake regularly for most of his post-Cold War political career, but since he gives the Journalistic Reporters apple-flavored lollipops on his comfy bus every day, they choose not to write about it. The Main Stream Media’s inability to mention this exact gaffe, in fact, was something George Bush complained about during the 2000 primary season. And look how that turned out for him!

This is perhaps the most understandable thing George W. Bush ever said, but sadly he said it eight years ago:

“I don’t think there is any [media] plot; I hope there isn’t,” Bush said. “But it’s an amazing phenomenon, I’ll tell you that. It’s like the flap over the foreign-leader deal. A guy gets up and quizzes me — it’s my fault for trying to answer — but John McCain says something about the ‘ambassador to Czechoslovakia.’ Well, I know there is no Czechoslovakia (there’s a Czech Republic and a Slovakia), but yet it didn’t make the nightly national news. I’m not going to gripe about it, but the media question is starting to pop up.”

There have been at least two other times during this campaign that McCain has publicly referred to the Czech Republic by its commie slave name.

While reporters are probably too stupid to ever know the difference between the two names themselves, how would McCain possibly respond to this if a reporter — gasp! — asked him about it? We imagine the McCain campaign has spent about five minutes in its War Room coming up with a contingency response plan:

Adviser: “OK John, what will you say if they ask you about this repeated gaffe you are CONSTANTLY MAKING GODDAMNIT?”

McCain: “I was a War Prisoner when the Cold War ended, in Asia.”

Adviser: “Hmm… the reporters would probably accept that, because ‘how dare you question…’ etc. etc. But since it’s a blatant and terrible lie, maybe try again.”

McCain: “I was at Woodstock in the mud when the Cold War ended, in New York City.”

Adviser: “John — PILLS. Your afternoon pill. Take your AFTERNOON PILL DAMNIT.”

McCain: “When I eat a doughnut, I like to put it in the microwave for 8 seconds, to soften it. Not 7 seconds. Not 9 seconds. Just 8 seconds, and it tastes fancy.”

Adviser: “Well at least that’s true. Getting warmer…”

McCain: “My friends, I want to give you a friendship bracelet I just made with stones. I have an identical one which I wear at all times. So if you wear yours too, then we are always connected, in a sense. So please, take my friendship bracelet and wear it, my friends.”

Adviser: “That’s it.”

We like to imagine, is all.

McCain again cites current events in ‘Czechoslovakia’ [CNN]
McCain Keeps Mentioning Country That Hasn’t Existed Since 1992 [ABC News]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 60 comments }

ManchuCandidate July 15, 2008 at 5:35 pm

Walnu’ts mouth can’t cash Czechs his handlers can’t cover.

GIJoeIce July 15, 2008 at 5:36 pm

Guys, he meant “Chicken Souvlaki”. Russia has been against succulent boneless chicken breast grilled to perfection on a stick and served with peppers, onions, tzatziki and pita bread for years, and we need a Commander in Chief who can stand up to them.

user-of-owls July 15, 2008 at 5:38 pm

I think Barry should tell McCain he needs to go visit Czechoslovakia before he comments on it again.

SayItWithWookies July 15, 2008 at 5:39 pm

Also, Jake Tapper can’t spell Pangaea.

snig July 15, 2008 at 5:41 pm

He also routinely references the need to improve relationships with Atlantis.

JeffGoldblum July 15, 2008 at 5:41 pm

I read that Barack Obama once called Spaghetti “Pasketty.”

MCCAIN ’08 POINTCOUNTERPOINT!!!!!

weirdiowasculpture July 15, 2008 at 5:42 pm

Oh, come on, you guys. It’s right there in the middle of Europe, right between the Austro-Hungarian Empire and the Sudetenland.

SayItWithWookies July 15, 2008 at 5:44 pm

And the press takes it easy on McCrone’s geopolitically-challenged mind for a reason — they know it still depresses him when he’s reminded of the breakup of the Holy Roman Empire. So what if he can’t tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite? It’s not like these are difficult times where we need an astute and aware leader at the helm. Any old patsy whose underlings will usurp his authority is fine by us, as long as he talks about Freeeeeedom and Faaamilies.

qwerty42 July 15, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Well, it isn’t that big a deal. well, kinda like maybe in the 20′s or 30′s referring to “Austria-Hungary”. Still, you’d like the guy running for prez to use the right name (suppose he started calling the capital of China “Peiping”)

evolutionista July 15, 2008 at 5:47 pm

unfortunately, mccain’s brain became full in 1992 and refuses to accept any new information. this is why he cannot use the interwebs. poor little fella.

BreakfastBeer July 15, 2008 at 5:49 pm

[re=36801]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Quit reminding McCain of Pangaea! A) He gets homesick and B) He’ll try open another front of the GWOT, this time against the Gondwanaland Re-Unification Front.

NoWireHangers July 15, 2008 at 5:50 pm

I wonder what WALNUTS! policy is regarding trade with Abyssinia, New Granada, and the Ottoman Empire?

iwillsavethispatient July 15, 2008 at 5:51 pm

He should probably go meet the League of Nations in New Amsterdam to straighten this out, or it may affect his bid to become President of the Continental Congress.

Mahousu July 15, 2008 at 5:52 pm

[re=36801]SayItWithWookies[/re]: To be fair, I might have some trouble spelling it too, after having a few.

weirdiowasculpture July 15, 2008 at 5:53 pm

Frankly, I don’t care if McCain gets the names of countries wrong sometimes, as long as he’s not so naive as to meet unconditionally with foreign dictators we disagree with, like the Shah of Iran and Generalissimo Franco.

magic titty July 15, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Czechoslovakia….that’s two clicks left of Prussia, yes?

Just wait til he calls Zimbabwe “Rhodesia” next week – Mugabe will be all up in his shit.

2goats July 15, 2008 at 5:55 pm

You people would fail miserably as editors in main stream media, This Czechoslovakia business only goes to Walnuts main campaign theme, superior foreign policy gonads. But it has lousy graphics, requires like thinking and how many McDonald’s boycotting ‘mericans really know, much less care that they changed the silly names of those countries over there somewhere?

There are important stories to cover: the Obama Jackson cat fight (avoiding, of course, any tasteless speculation as to why Jesse might be touchy on the absent father issue) and whether the New Yorker cover this week is funny (makes good graphics, though).

Secretary of State Lieberman will worry about this stuff anyway.

Serolf Divad July 15, 2008 at 5:59 pm

Why is everyone making such a big deal out of this? Hell, Barak Obama keeps calling lettuce “arugula” pickles “gherkins” and no one seems to care. I think I sense a double standard.

SayItWithWookies July 15, 2008 at 6:00 pm

[re=36813]BreakfastBeer[/re]: Well the Gondwanese deserve it, if only for polluting the planet with those filthy marsupials.

[re=36814]NoWireHangers[/re]: He’s got a lot of tough talk for the satrapies of Asia Minor. But only time will tell if he puts his trebuchet where his mouth is.

SayItWithWookies July 15, 2008 at 6:03 pm

[re=36818]Mahousu[/re]: Something you’d have in common with the folks at Dogfish Head. Take a look at the link you gave me — the line right under “What the Heck is Pangaea?”
The ale looks damn good, though.

liquiddaddy July 15, 2008 at 6:05 pm

To JMac from bohunkland: Jak se mas, motherfucker!

Darehead July 15, 2008 at 6:07 pm

Ah, the unbearable lightness of being John McCain.

Wee Mousie July 15, 2008 at 6:10 pm

evolutionista: It is not so much that McCain’s brain is full, but rather that the short term memory has expired, and can no longer hold a charge through the duration required to be transfered into his long term memory.

By what we have been able to observe, this expiration occurred sometime before 1992.

Like Bush, he needs some Remora-like companion to function as McCain’s Brain.

gjdodger July 15, 2008 at 6:12 pm

[re=36820]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: Actually, he’s already on his way to Egypt to meet with Cleopatra. After all, he’s King of Denial; might as well hook up with the Queen. Besides, she’s even richer than Cindy.

Baconcat July 15, 2008 at 6:13 pm

John McCain’s so old he was actually kept prisoner in Siam.

NotMyRealName July 15, 2008 at 6:18 pm

Make him spell Czechoslovakia. About halfway through, he’ll admit it that calling it the Czech Republic makes more sense.

snig July 15, 2008 at 6:18 pm

The good news about this is that he may fuck up his Electoral College strategy, as he keeps forgetting there’s more than 13 Colonies.

ShortShadey July 15, 2008 at 6:31 pm

Obama simply can’t compete with McCain when it comes to experience and understanding of such world hotspots as Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia.

Borat July 15, 2008 at 6:35 pm

McCain is right. There is a secret Czechoslovakia that only the US government and the freemasons know about. I know. I was in Prauge and I had this really good greenish drink, maybe absenth? It’s hard to remember. All I know is I woke up with 3 guys from Spain and the truth. Basically Vaclav Havel made a deal with the Russians that he could get a 20% markup on all of Slovakia’s gas and get to choose their parlament. ITS TRUE PEOPLE AND MICKY JUST TOLD YOU!! Hillary would tell you too. HILLARY/VENTURA 08 FOR EVA

Borat July 15, 2008 at 6:36 pm

[re=36853]ShortShadey[/re]: Dear Mr. ShortShadey, I wish to inform you your account has been hacked by the Korean Hackers.

Borat July 15, 2008 at 6:38 pm

[re=36842]gjdodger[/re]: Cleopatria? you mean from Paultardipolooza? Would you do her?

Borat July 15, 2008 at 6:46 pm

[re=36821]magic titty[/re]: Actually repeatedly referring to Rhodesia would probably get under the kin of Mugabe more than sactions or anything else. Anyway, aren’t both McCrack and him like about the same age…I think one freed the other from bondage, but I forget if that was 1865 or 1975, egh, all them kind look the same anyway (politicians I mean)

wheelie July 15, 2008 at 6:48 pm

[re=36825]Serolf Divad[/re]: I hear you. Over here, we call arugula rocket. Up until 10 years ago, we called it some sort of deformed lettuce, or else a garden weed. Then TV celeb chefs like Jamie Oliver started putting it in everything and it caught on. Also, anyone who calls pickles gherkins is a watcher of upmarket cookery shows too. What word describing Barry begins with an E?

McCain watches his tapes of the news from when Reagan was president, and so he gets his geo-pol wrong. He’s a bona fide Bitter who’s not afraid to be wrong about something, in face of all the evidence. Vote McCain 00.

ColdCupofHope July 15, 2008 at 7:08 pm

[re=36803]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Brilliant!

shortsshortsshorts July 15, 2008 at 7:51 pm

And when WALNUTS travels to Eurasia, he will encounter bands of Persians who wish to destroy his Vandal culture. HE SHALL DEFEAT THEM however, because he has 4,000 years of wartime experience (from being in a jail).

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 15, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Overheard today on the Straight Talk Express:

Yes, I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 15, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Maybe we should give McCain a pass on this, or he will bore us about how he and 299 others stood up to the Persians when he was middle aged.

sezme July 15, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Don’t you see? This if foreign policy, my friends! You’re playing checkers while he’s playing chess. You’re still hung up on your velvet r3voLutions and your velvet gay divorces while John McCain is at this very minute plotting to unite the Czechs and the Slovaks into a new unprecedented form of republican government. And if that works, he’ll try it with the Palestinians and the Israelis.

Servo July 15, 2008 at 8:33 pm

I’ve been saying it for months. Mark your calenders! Massive stroke in October. He’s already losing bloodflow to the shriveled mushroom that is his brain. The skyrocketing blood pressure from the campaign stress is going to give that plug in his carotid artery one…last…shove.

AxmxZ July 15, 2008 at 8:40 pm

[re=36953]Servo[/re]: October surpise will be him falling over dead at a debate with Barry.

Barry will say something biting and catty, like he does;
Johnny’s face will go beet-red, then puce, then blue;
Barry will raise a concerned eyebrow;
Johnny will fall over ded;
The town hall will be in panic;
Barry will brush an invisible piece of lint off his impeccable suit sleeve;
Landslide for Barry and his head-exploding powerz. All hail our demonic mocha overlord!!

shortsshortsshorts July 15, 2008 at 8:42 pm

[re=36957]AxmxZ[/re]: Daytime television never felt so good.

masterdebater July 15, 2008 at 8:47 pm

Well, it’s kind of a republican thing to be geographically challenged. You know, Reagan thought Grenada was a major threat to the entire western hemisphere at one time. Of course he was losing his mind, so, you know, there’s that. Still, Mc Cranky has a point about the Soviets…Russians…whatever.

WadISay July 15, 2008 at 9:00 pm

Weapons of mass destruction: the dreadful trebuchet, with flaming oil filled swine bladders.

Dreadful Gate July 15, 2008 at 10:22 pm

Actually, McInsane is a good C-in-C for the Afghan war, ‘cus nothing has changed there in a thousand years….the west is still losing.

SwanSwanH July 15, 2008 at 10:35 pm

File under “McCain caught reminiscing about the days before there was a Martin Luther King holiday.”

Josh Fruhlinger July 15, 2008 at 11:39 pm

I refuse to believe that’s an actual G.W. Bush quote, since it implies that he knows how to operate parentheses.

OhFuckThis July 16, 2008 at 3:27 am

I don’t know about you guys, but i am voting for the old dude.
He will probably die in office.
Which will be really cool, cuz we haven’t seen a real President die since Zachary Taylor.

lumpenprole July 16, 2008 at 3:28 am

The only good reason most people have for knowing that Slovakia left is that they’re into euro-pron.

gurukalehuru July 16, 2008 at 5:01 am

Both the Czech Republic and Slovakia have great beer, beautiful women, and world-class Hockey players. Since Slovakia demanded independence in 1993 and the Czechs said “eh, whatever,” they have enjoyed friendly relations. Prague is filled with Slovaks who come for the jobs, Czechs love to go to Slovakia on vacation.
As an American living in Prague, I am somewhat offended by John McCain’s ignorance. Most Czech people, however, are like “eh, whatever. He’s old.” Seriously, this is the most politically apathetic country in the world. As long as people can get a reasonably priced cold beer at 10 in the morning (and they can), they could give a rat’s ass who runs the world.

BobLoblawLawBlog July 16, 2008 at 8:36 am

WALNUTS! will not rest until he vanquishes his Moorish opponent with his superior knowledge of yon world at hand. Huzzah! Once in office, he will celebrate by feasting on mutton and the blood of the Visigoths.

Carrie_Okie July 16, 2008 at 8:38 am

Obviously “Czechoslovakia” is going to be President Walnut’s, “Nukular.”

confusionanddelay< July 16, 2008 at 9:02 am

ARE YOU QUESTIONING JOHN MCCAIN’S INTEGRITY?!

guerilla-nation July 16, 2008 at 10:23 am

at least he didn’t call it austro-hungary. or carpathian ruthenia.

roonyjwelch July 16, 2008 at 11:03 am

“Commie slave name” is funny — I laughed out loud — but inaccurate (inaccurate about an inaccuracy) — the name dates from the breakup of the Austro-Hungarian Empire after WWI, and was the name of an independent free nation until 1939 (Nazis then COmmies) headed for some years by Tomas Masaryk, one of the greaterst of all European leaders of those years, one of the very few not an anti-Semite, rabid nationalist, or totalitarian. It was also the name of the free independent nation after the Commies are tossed out, and only changes after SLovakia secedes.

qwerty42 July 16, 2008 at 11:23 am

[re=37166]guerilla-nation[/re]: well, Ruthenia was part of Czechoslovakia until Barry went to Munich and gave it to Stalin. No, wait, he personally gave it to Hitler who gave it to Stalin. Or maybe he went to Munich and gave it to the Iranians, but he didn’t realize it because they said they were “Persians”. Hell, maybe he gave it to McCain who gave it to … well, something like that anyway. I think Ruthenia is hiding out in the Ukraine these days just to avoid this happening again.

randomsausage July 16, 2008 at 12:02 pm

Czech-tard

Terry July 16, 2008 at 12:41 pm

Once he learns that Czechoslovakia is now the Czech Republic and Slovakia, ask him about the difference between Slovakia and Slovenia.

qwerty42 July 16, 2008 at 12:59 pm

[re=37308]Terry[/re]: that is so cruel.

qwerty42 July 16, 2008 at 1:03 pm

[re=37308]Terry[/re]: maybe ask about the Sanjak of Novibazar. That will surely bring up the Sublime Porte.

bebopluvr July 16, 2008 at 5:30 pm

I swear I heard McCain give a speech about the defenestration of Prague.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: