John McCain’s Horrific Czechoslovakia Problem

  losing his marbles

Yesterday, John McCain made a gaffe that no one cared about: he referred to the Czech Republic as “Czechoslovakia,” which is actually correct, but only if you think time froze in 1992. Does John McCain think this? Because today, for the second day in a row, he referred to that same country as “Czechoslovakia.” It turns out he has been making this same mistake regularly for most of his post-Cold War political career, but since he gives the Journalistic Reporters apple-flavored lollipops on his comfy bus every day, they choose not to write about it. The Main Stream Media’s inability to mention this exact gaffe, in fact, was something George Bush complained about during the 2000 primary season. And look how that turned out for him!

This is perhaps the most understandable thing George W. Bush ever said, but sadly he said it eight years ago:

“I don’t think there is any [media] plot; I hope there isn’t,” Bush said. “But it’s an amazing phenomenon, I’ll tell you that. It’s like the flap over the foreign-leader deal. A guy gets up and quizzes me — it’s my fault for trying to answer — but John McCain says something about the ‘ambassador to Czechoslovakia.’ Well, I know there is no Czechoslovakia (there’s a Czech Republic and a Slovakia), but yet it didn’t make the nightly national news. I’m not going to gripe about it, but the media question is starting to pop up.”

There have been at least two other times during this campaign that McCain has publicly referred to the Czech Republic by its commie slave name.

While reporters are probably too stupid to ever know the difference between the two names themselves, how would McCain possibly respond to this if a reporter — gasp! — asked him about it? We imagine the McCain campaign has spent about five minutes in its War Room coming up with a contingency response plan:

Adviser: “OK John, what will you say if they ask you about this repeated gaffe you are CONSTANTLY MAKING GODDAMNIT?”

McCain: “I was a War Prisoner when the Cold War ended, in Asia.”

Adviser: “Hmm… the reporters would probably accept that, because ‘how dare you question…’ etc. etc. But since it’s a blatant and terrible lie, maybe try again.”

McCain: “I was at Woodstock in the mud when the Cold War ended, in New York City.”

Adviser: “John — PILLS. Your afternoon pill. Take your AFTERNOON PILL DAMNIT.”

McCain: “When I eat a doughnut, I like to put it in the microwave for 8 seconds, to soften it. Not 7 seconds. Not 9 seconds. Just 8 seconds, and it tastes fancy.”

Adviser: “Well at least that’s true. Getting warmer…”

McCain: “My friends, I want to give you a friendship bracelet I just made with stones. I have an identical one which I wear at all times. So if you wear yours too, then we are always connected, in a sense. So please, take my friendship bracelet and wear it, my friends.”

Adviser: “That’s it.”

We like to imagine, is all.

McCain again cites current events in ‘Czechoslovakia’ [CNN]
McCain Keeps Mentioning Country That Hasn’t Existed Since 1992 [ABC News]

Share This
Related video

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell