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SCUM

Democratic Convention To Feature Millions Of Celebrities And Corporations, But No One Else

Well, we’re glad that the planners of the Democratic National Convention have so diligently put together their celebrity cameo list for Denver. They have announced that Kanye West, Wyclef Jean, and N.E.R.D. will perform music shows. Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson, Warren Beatty, Annette Bening, Forrest Whitaker, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Cheryl Hines and Edward Norton Jr. have promised to smile for the cameras. Corporate sponsors include United Airlines, Google, Coors Brewing Company, Anheuser-Busch, Xcel Energy, Motorola, Qwest, and AT&T. So many announcements, and such organization! At this rate, the DNCC might actually review media applications soon and let members of the press know whether or not they should buy expensive plane tickets. [WP/The Sleuth]


1:33 PM on Tue July 15 2008
By Jim Newell
1453 Views

  1. superfecta says at 1:35 pm, July 15th, 2008

    But Coors and A-B aren’t even Amurrican! Does this mean they can also import better musical acts?

  2. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 1:37 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Obama and Scarlett Johansson in the same room? Awkward!

  3. 4tehlulz says at 1:37 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Pssh. I’m looking forward to the RNC’s concert lineup of Foghat, Ted Nugent, and Bruce Willis.

  4. Serolf Divad says at 1:37 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Can’t they just move the Oscars up a bit and let Obama accept the nomination there?

  5. graceless says at 1:38 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Will Cindy McCain be stopping by?

  6. So, with those corporate sponsors, the delegates can fly to the meeting, drink themselves silly, started phoning and texting folks to tell them how wasted they are, and then use google to find a nearby strip club. Sounds like a classic convention to me!

  7. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:39 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Since when did Wonkette hate beer? WTF?

  8. NoWireHangers says at 1:41 pm, July 15th, 2008

    But Pete Coors is a dirty Republican. Does he have a boner for Barry?

  9. NoWireHangers says at 1:42 pm, July 15th, 2008

    4tehlulz: Don’t forget about Wilford Brimley

  10. ReelectTilden says at 1:42 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Shit, Coors sells out to Canadians and all the sudden their good liberals? I smell a Trojan horse full of frost-brewed refreshment.

  11. GlennBecksTaint says at 1:45 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Pete Coors finally came out of the closet, holding a delicious glass of Piedmont Chardonnay…

  12. DemmeFatale says at 1:46 pm, July 15th, 2008

    This logo is making me sleepy.
    Goodnight stars,
    Goodnight air…

    zzzzzzzzzzzz…

  13. They’re the ones who really matter anyway.

  14. jagorev says at 1:54 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Scarlett Johansson has dual Danish and American citizenship, so she is a traitor. When will the Democrats learn that the bitters will only support a “full-blooded American” (cf: http://jewishworldreview.com/kathleen/parker051408.php3)?

  15. qwerty42 says at 1:57 pm, July 15th, 2008

    so has Wonkette put together the crack blogging team that will be covering this?

  16. Botswana Meat Commission FC says at 2:05 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Kanye is being allowed within a mile of this thing? I love his music, but whoever’s idea this was should be booted out on his ass. The guy is a walking alienation machine. He pisses people off with regularity. WARNING WARNING DANGER WILL ROBINSON.

    Wyclef, on the other hand, should be given a speaking slot. I’m serious.

  17. S.Luggo says at 2:06 pm, July 15th, 2008

    I hope that there are clowns.

  18. SuperRounder says at 2:08 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Oh no. Please, not Kanye. He can’t keep from flipping out ON HIS BLOG. If Obama’s nomination acceptance speech runs long, Kanye is gonna go Barbara Streisand up in there.

  19. shortsshortsshorts says at 2:09 pm, July 15th, 2008

    ReelectTilden: Canadians? I thought it was the Dutch? Either way, they are terrorists.

  20. anonymousryan says at 2:11 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Botswana Meat Commission FC: Let’s just hope Barack Obama cares about black people…

  21. JeffGoldblum says at 2:12 pm, July 15th, 2008

    (Obligatory racist joke in reference to musical performances.)

    This year the RNCC will feature stoic silence, and if you speak too loudly McCain will personally beat you with a rolled up newspaper.

  22. Botswana Meat Commission FC says at 2:14 pm, July 15th, 2008

    SuperRounder:
    Kanye is going to flip out because the DNC forgot to pack his laser show on the trucks, and Kanye CAN ONLY DO THE LASERS AT NIGHT.

  23. Truculent says at 2:17 pm, July 15th, 2008

    The delegates will be in the Colorado River Room at the nearby LaQuinta Inn, doing the actual nominating. When they finish up, someone has to call Security at the convention center and they’ll pass the word to the podium. Then it’s not-fried, coloful food for everyone!

  24. RaptorAvatar says at 2:19 pm, July 15th, 2008

    I, for one, welcome our frost brewed search utility overlords.

  25. V572625694 says at 2:24 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Isn’t it funny how the patriotic heroic, union-busting (in the case of Coors) beer barons sell out their heritage of watery beer for a few extra bucks on the share price? Judging by his many ego-commercials, it seems pretty clear that young Coors is a closeted gay. Who else worries that much about water?

  26. pondscum says at 2:26 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Our frosted mugs runeth over. Can we get Shaggy to perform with Wyclef?

  27. Lascauxcaveman says at 2:28 pm, July 15th, 2008

    DemmeFatale: I was thinking postage stamp.

  28. Citizen Kang says at 2:29 pm, July 15th, 2008

    S.Luggo:

    There will be clowns. They were listed above; most notable among them the always unintentionally entertaining Kanye West.

  29. tunamelt says at 2:30 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Real men don’t drink Coors. They drink room temperature PBR.

  30. hazmaq says at 2:38 pm, July 15th, 2008

    How dare you! Please don’t ever link the DCCC with the DNC, AGAIN!

    That’d be like having a secret tryst with Russ Feingold, but Harold Ford Jr. jumps on at the last minute. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

  31. soymocha says at 2:46 pm, July 15th, 2008

    I know the bitters would shit themselves, but I’d love to see Chris Rock get stage time.

  32. bebopluvr says at 3:21 pm, July 15th, 2008

    I hear Dukakis is gonna ride in on a tank, kinda like one of them “revenge of the nerd” movies.

  33. Joey Ratz says at 4:33 pm, July 15th, 2008

    It is still better than the RNC convention, which will mostly feature morticians, the undead and Ben Stein.

  34. roundofapplause says at 5:05 pm, July 15th, 2008

    the DNCC left out the best part of this line up. front and center should be the words “NOT BARBARA STREISAND”

  35. sergal says at 10:14 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Hello dear ladies and gentlemen!
    I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person, who has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy), most important - CHRISTIAN young lady!
    I’ll tell you guys more, that clones (it’s not only one) made in GERMANY - world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, North Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning! Helmut Kohl clone staff 100% controlling all their clones spreading around the world, they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well. Think wise..
    Apparently those clones are very actively shown on your website. This is just a warning, because original person is not happy about those images and video, rumors and etc., in that way it would be really nice if you try slow down that ”actress” career development on your magazine, original Scarlett’s parents will really appreciated that. Please do that, do not wait until FBI agent give you a call with questions. Please remember that original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created, it all need to be return back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. If you ignore warning after this message, there can happen law suit..
    Original Scarlett is not engage!
    Her close friend Serg G.
    P.S.
    H.R. 534, the Human Cloning Prohibition Act of 2003, was introduced to the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2003. After discussion, it was passed on February 27 by a vote of 241-155. It now moves on to the Senate for consideration. This bill makes it unlawful for any person or entity to perform or participate in human cloning, or to ship or receive embryos produced by human cloning. The penalties are imprisonment of up to 10 years and fines of $1 million or more.
    These now join other nations as diverse as Norway, Australia, and Germany, which had already added cloning for any purpose to their criminal code. And in Germany where it carries a penalty of five years imprisonment they know a thing or two about unethical science.

  36. sergal says at 10:14 pm, July 15th, 2008

    Hello dear ladies and gentlemen!
    I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person, who has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy), most important - CHRISTIAN young lady!

  37. ladymacbeth says at 11:19 pm, July 15th, 2008

    ben afflick but no jenn garner?

    tabloids are right AGAIN.

  38. hardcorepops says at 12:56 am, July 16th, 2008

    Scarlett and Barack are totally fucking.

  39. thefrontpage says at 12:28 pm, July 16th, 2008

    These “conventions” are huge, stinking piles of crap.

    They are a horrible, stupid waste of time, money, energy, money, resources, money and more money.

    What a waste. Who the hell cares what some C-level Hollywood hack has to say at some dumb, waste-of-money convention? Who cares? No one cares.

    And no one cares about these conventions, generally speaking. Journalists go to party and get free food and drinks–really. Convention-attenders go to party and get free food and drink–really. Politicians go to further their careers, party, and get free food and drinks–really.

    Maybe 10 people care about actual civic duty.

    And 99 percent of the “speeches” are terrible.

    Grumpy? An over-reaction? Generalizing? Not really. It’s all true. The “conventions” outlived their purpose and usefulness about 40 years ago.

    They’re a huge, stinking waste of time and money.

  40. What? Nothin’ for the ladies? Those are very male-oriented sponsors. HOW DARE they discriminate against womyn this way. SHAME ON YOU.

    I’m worried how are we going to get the hotties to the convention? What kind of ladies promotions do they need to run? I want to meet some ladies - just nice republican girls turned on by the unattainable B’rack and looking for some arms to cry in

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