Wonkette
Here’s a snippet of President Bush’s fun press conference today, which Sara aptly described as “a portrait of a man slowly losing what’s left of his mind after eight years of exhaustion and failure.”
The man was on fire this morning, with the reporters. Here he is explaining the logic behind an offshore drilling plan that won’t produce significant oil or natural gas output for 7-10 years. That’s beside the point, which is “psychology”! See here: we all get our shovels ‘n’ sitch, and we get out there in the water a-diggin’, and the rest of the world will be like, “Shit, the Americans are digging for a bucket of oil, I guess we should lower the price of gasoline by several dollars.” It’s better than a liberal “magic wand” — it’s mind-control. Big Oil has a mind and we will dig it.
Bush still doesn’t know the cost of GAS [YouTube]
Well, I guess that explains why he was a FAILURE as an “oil man” before becoming a FAILURE as President.
(Jesus Christ. Will someone PLEASE get the REAL chimp who SHOULD be running this country?)
Thank you Mr. President. I will take your nothing and go forth with nothing! We fight now, for nothing! Huzzah!
Really. The answer? What? What answer? Who? You say something? I dunno. Doesn’t sound like you do? Huh. Okay lets drill offshore now.
BUSH JR: “I readily concede it won’t produce a barrel of oil tomorrow, but it will reverse the psychology,” he said.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92550547
Ya see, our problem is, whatcha see, is, you know, we all been like lookin’ at this sh*t wrong, and now, Bush’s gon’ act, and he gon’ like, you know, reverse it!
It’s hard to imagine that with such an understanding of the market he ran two oil companies into the ground before he became president.
What we have here is… failure to COMMUUUUUUUUUUUUN-icate.
Dude, the price of a gallon of gas is reflected in the price of crude oil? Or is it that the price of crude oil is reflected in the price of a gallon of gas?
Did I dream of the butterfly, or did it dream of me dreaming of it?
SayItWithWookies: And now he’s run the entire country into the ground. A perfect trifecta, I’d say.
All that’s left is to see precisely how W. will fuck us on his way out of office.
RuperttheBear:
Go back to bed.
Bush and I smoked crack in the back of a limo, and then I gave him head.
“It took us a while to get into this problem”
Nah, it didn’t. You made one decision, told the whole world to fuck off, and screwed us all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/February_15%2C_2003_anti-war_protest
Servo: I can’t get tranny love whore Rob Fournier to leave. Hogs the covers!
EnBuenOra: This drives me nuts; this idiot talks complete nonsense for 45 minutes, and then you pick up a newspaper and it says, “the president clearly laid the blame for current economic conditions on the doorstep of the Democrats, and expressed confidence that the psychology of the market could be reversed through his policies.” At least the media could conclude their reports by saying, “men with butterfly nets pursued Mr. Bush back to his offices.”
“Heheheh. Tacos rule!”
Bush’s base is even dumber than we thought. ’cause let’s face it… this speech was given merely to help hold together that 29%. There’s no way something that stupid could have been aimed at garnering new converts to the cult of duh. Just as he insists that the economy is is in the shitter because businesses fear that some time in the future his irresponsible tax cuts might be scaled back, he now insists that merely signalling our intention to drill in ANWR and the continental shelf will send gas prices on a downward spiral to 16 cents per gallon. There is no statement so stupid that this president hasn’t made is a central tenet of one of his arguments.
The Great Stone Tongue said:
1. This is an axiom of Big Oil economy that I flunked. The cost of oil at the pumps is reflected in how much oil we have in the ground, so all your land belongs to us now, so the price of gas at the pumps can go up.
2. We have new technology that will force more dinosaurs to die, back in biblical times, and turn themselves into oil which magically leaps to the surface and fills our tanks, because they are good Christian dinosaurs.
3. I once said something about this problem in the Rose Garden, so why do you keep bringing this question up.
4. I just discovered that unlike Puff, the Magic Dragon, the power of the president is limited, so unless your SUV runs on banana oil, you better get rid of it fast.
These are four separate answers, you are free to choose the one you like. Who said the Botch Administration doesn’t support freedom?
I’m just waiting for “Mr. Fusion” to be invented. In the meantime, we can build huge fuckin’ container spaceships that will go to Saturn’s moon, Titan. We just suck the moon of all that methane and voila!, Ford F350 extended cab dualies for everybody!
If I have to watch this fucktard stumble through one more
lying explination, whilst speaking as though he’s talking
to grade schoolers, he has to watch me change my tampon.
TGY: I don’t know about Bush, but I’ve got it on good authority what Cheney has planned for us…
—
” Dick Cheney had an apparent addiction to the “thrill of the sport.” He appeared obsessed with playing A Most Dangerous Game as a means of traumatizing mind control victims, as well as to satisfy his own perverse sexual kinks. My introduction to the game occurred upon arrival at the hunting lodge near Greybull, Wyoming, and it physically and psychologically devastated me. I was sufficiently traumatized for Cheney’s programming, as I stood naked in his hunting lodge office after being hunted down and caught. Cheney was talking as he paced around me, “I could stuff you and mount you like a jackalope and call you a two legged dear. Or I could stuff you with this (he unzipped his pants to reveal his oversized penis) right down your throat, and then mount you. Which do you prefer?” ”
—
http://rigorousintuition.blogspot.com/2004/11/dick-cheneys-other-big-secret.html
And to think he once held hands with some Saudi.
Wee Mousie: yes but he wishes he had a MAGIC WAND! Obviously this is a correctable issue. We just need to KEEP DRILLING, so we can find the MAGIC WAND!
Serolf Divad:
Come now, there must be a statement so ill-considered and idotic that it wouldn’t become part of this administrations’ talking points.
Tee-hee-hee! I almost made it through that with a straight face!
Tom Friedman is right for once. We do not need cheaper gas. We need to use less of it so that it costs us less, but we do not need oil prices to drop, ever. The only way the market is going to create these awesome new post-oil energy techmologies is if they’re profitable in the semi-near term, and that won’t happen if oil drops below $120 a barrel.
Sorry, people stuck with gas guzzlers who have to choose between paying for your 60-mile daily commute and paying the McMansion mortgage you couldn’t really afford. You failed at math. You must be sacrificed so that we smug urbanites can glide into the Glorious Future of flying electric cars and orgasmatrons.
Serolf Divad:
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, democracy just doesn’t work.”
-Kent Brockman.
The real problem with democracy is that it relies on an educated populace, not an edumacated populace.
Fear of a Black Reagan:
Do. Not. Want.
Ok, we’re totally missing the point. What are we going to do about our Magic Wand gap?
Oh, and this speech made my brain scream.
Shouldn’t this dude be in Crawford right now? He’s the only man in Washington that spends his summer somewhere MORE hot ‘n humid. ‘Nuff said.
Keram2: The magic wand is somewhere on the outer continental shelf, two doors down from Atlantis and about 3 clicks from the easter bunny.
shortsshortsshorts: Sounds like a Dirk Pitt novel…
He’s going to “clearly communicate” to the market. Wow. Great use of his talents.
I think I need to go and clearly communicate with a fifth of bourbon. At which point I will still be smarter and more coherent than this barnyard animal. And the bourbon will definitely know who’s boss.
painful. really, really painful to watch. and you know none of the white house staffers are doing shit right now. i’d love to be a fly on the wall during their post-january 2009 job interviews:
former bush staffer: i have a variety of experience in many different fields.
potential employer: what type of experience?
former bush staffer: lots.
potential employer: i have no idea what that means.
now-anxious former bush staffer: well, i worked in the white house.
potential employer: which administration?
given-up all hope former bush staffer: bush. junior.
miffed potential employer: you do realize that’s not an asset, right?
Good lord, this man is stupid.
shortsshortsshorts:
That’s across from the Bermuda Triangle, according to Brian-Brian.
Wait, was it me or did a member of the press actually tell the President he was wrong about something? I didn’t think that was allowed.
Hooray For Anything:
He passed that baton to McInsane.
“Heh heh, well, pretty Asian lady, while I support new energy technology such as more nook-ular, I still want to free up some more land for my oil buddies befer I go…”
*Handler gives mild electric shock through tie*
“Er, I mean, to change the market psy-kolo-gee, yesee?”
Sara: SLOWLY losing his mind? Man, what are you, his secret intern lover or something?
There is no possible snark for this, just slow burning frustration and anger. What’s scary is that McCain is exhibiting the same qualities, and no one seems to care. I grew up in Texas. I always knew they were stupid there, but I didn’t know until eight years ago they were THIS stupid. Actually, they probably aren’t….
He has a striking similarity to Bill Crosby’s description of “the gin drunk”.
Given that his “magic wand” comment was one of the stupider ones he’s made (next to “more and more of our imports are coming from overseas”), what kind of dumbshit does he have to be to then quote himself (giving himself full credit?!?), the same stupid line. The reality is, he wants to be god, but only thinks he’s accomplished kingship. Thankfully, most people are now laughing at the king’s new clothes.
He can go about his business. Move along. Seriously, move along.
lord help us
freakishlystrong: Hard to tell if Bush it from Condi or if Condi learned it from him, but they both have the intensely irritating habit of talking to the public as though it were extremely painful to have to explain this to you idiots, again, but I’m going to do it anyway because this is my job, but I don’t like it…
Barry has a magic wand.
I have to give the President credit for his “magic wand” comment, however, because it’s completely in line with his campaign promise way back in 2000 where he said he’d lower the price of oil through the “Power of Persuasion” and by being such BFF with the Saudi’s that they’d lower the prices just because they’d think the President was such a swell guy.
PS- for extra fun, read his comment in the story about how well he thinks he’d do on foreign policy.
Just think, in a 100 million years humans will be the new dinosaurs.
Miss South Carolina is pretending to be President! And she looks awful.
Inside his little substance addled pea brain, he was thinking “…now, I WISH ah had a magic wand. Know what I’d do wit’ it too…..”
Does anyone else find the faux Texan accent annoying. The man was raised for the most part in southern New England.
The Iranians, however, have a magic wand that can raise gas prices to about $15/gal.
Although the part of me that is not shivering in horror at this press conference does find it amusing, I think for the sake of our shaky withered position in the world that Bush should be disallowed from speaking on his own anymore. Short, pre-edited, pre-taped sound bytes. It is just too embarassing that this is our leader.
V572625694: And, the equally irritating, “if we say it over and over,
(and over), again, it comes true!”, very wandish….
Calling him a retard would be insulting to retards everywhere. So, out of repect for my retarded friends, you know who you are, Bush is a doo doo head.
What would it take for him to say, “Just drive slower”?
Maybe we should just grow us some more dinosaurs, kill ‘em with our guns, bury them in the dirt, and see what happens? If we want more oil, we gonnna have to grow us some, gosh darn it!
Rough translation of MonkeyBoy’s last week’s worth of jabber:
“I don’t have a magic wand, but the Democrats in Congress do. They just refuse to use it.”
Servo: Ha! My kids and I watched the “Bill Cosby, Himself” video just last week. They especially liked the Chocolate Cake For Breakfast bit, because the whole thing happened pretty much point for point at our breakfast table about a year previous.
TGY:
re: how Bush will screw us on the way out: Easy— he and Cheney are going to invade Iran and bomb Pakistan back to the middle ages. Would put hard to top for a**f***ing the country w/o door knob hitting them in their collective butts……
Words:
um, make that “would be hard put to ….. that twit’s misuse of English is contagious…
I kind of think about the love affair with oil as being analogous to whaling. Imagine if our political system were run by “dead-enders” who couldn’t imagine anything could ever really replace the economics of whaling, despite the science obviously showing we were hunting the whales to extinction. But they’d always feel it was ok to kill just one more whale, and the economy would never really be ok unless we had an active whale fleet. And the analogy falls apart as there’s more sustainability to whaling, whereas petroleum can only be “made” on a geologic timescale. This moron is trying to make sure we all go down with the ship.
On this kind of speech go back and forth on the “Complete Idiot” vs. “Greedy Scheming Bastard doing favors for Corporate Fucks who will replenish his coffers back in Texas”. I’m trending towards Scheming Bastard on this one, as I charitably don’t think anyone can be that stupid.
Fear of a Black Reagan: W.T.F!!! What is that some kind of Repubtard version of Playboy’s Letters to the Editor? Fuck, may never be able to use my eyes again after reading that shit.