Wonkette
Presidential trophy wife Cindy McCain, who already has 20 or 30 million bucks, is going to get another million — from the sale of an American corporation! Cindy’s fortune comes from her inherited beer distribution business, of which Anheuser-Busch is a major client. Now that Anheuser-Busch is being sold to hippie Belgian giant InBev NV, Cindy will most likely pull in $1 million from the buyout and be able to keep her business connection. This should fund at least 20 of her famous Pills ‘n’ Pools parties (for journalists) in Sedona. [WSJ]
FAT CATS
Trollop.
I’ll need to keep growing my own hops, since the combined entity will have such bargaining power with suppliers. Of course, that would imply they actually used hops at some point…
See, the only thing in recession is John McCain’s gumline. One Million Dollars and a coochie from which ethereal light gleams! Dayum, that’s a mighty fine woman.
McCain is in the pocket of Big Waffle
Much of the South is in deep and violent mourning today. NASCAR announced it will give up racing forever. Nobody can watch rednecks spin in circles while sucking down damn frog beer. What? France, Belgium, what’s the difference?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Millionaire beer heiress trollops are high on any guy’s list for potential second wives.
“I’ve got 3 beers, and a fist-full of downs,
and I’m gonna get ripped, so Fuck You clowns.”
superfecta: Even the microbrewers are having to cut back on hops in their beer because prices have gone up like 500% recently.
So we’re all stuck with shittier beer for the time being. On the other hand my iShares hops futures index fund is showing a heckuva return!
The million bucks is a cash payout to A-B stockholders. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the distributorship.
superfecta:
You grow your own hops? Nice. What variety?
Definitely the Politics of Hops.
Truculent:
Yeah, the horror of drinking good beer…
superfecta: At Budweiser, the flunky running the 55,000 brewing kettle concentrates on the word “hops” for two minutes during the boil. That’s as close as they ever get to the beer.
“Yet another American factory where the employees look on as the machinery is un-bolted from the floor and shipped to Belgium.”
What to we get now? Bud Lambic?
How many rednecks can pronounce Frambois, much less choke down the fruity-ness.
We’re fucked. By Europeans. Christ, I think I just broke a nail.
I wonder how Cindy felt as they celebrated the good news, raising the glass, only to see her beloved not being able to return the favor.
Belgian BUD will still be paard pis.
TGY: The Audacity of Hops.
Next they’ll be mixing Stella Artois and Bud and produce…Bella! Or Budtois or somesuch shit. At least bring back the Budweiser frogs as a comment on the new part-French owner.
Damn, I’d like a Stella at the moment.
Have I mentioned it’s Bastille Day?
MoodProcessor: Yeah, that.
jagorev: Yeah, the whole hops shortage thing sucks - at least I get to blame Bush.
Botswana Meat Commission FC : We’ve got Crystal, Cascade, Challenger, Mt. Hood and Willamette right now…the Crystal is the biggest producer so far. I was hoping for the Willamette, but maybe next year…must reconfigure recipes!
Anyone notice that commenter Right Now, in the course of calling McCain liberal, tried to accuse two-time Olympic swimmer and gold medalist Mark Spitz of involvement in a prostitution ring?
Sure, he spelled the name wrong, but it’s the thought that counts.
For the record, I’d like it noted that I offered to hit Cindy, and her ‘er hard, and make her like it, well before the recent news of her impending financial windfall.
Just so she knows my interest in her innermost femalia has nothing to do with her new-found wealth.
That’s not change we can believe in.
Canuckledragger: You can’t make a floosie on Vicodin like it. Lord knows I’ve got the cankersores to prove it.
Does this mean the Clydesdales will be replaced by Belgians? (Not horses, actual Belgians)
Oh, sorry. If I had read further…. they’re currently waffling on this aspect of the deal….
As retaliation, all beer coming in from Europe must bear a name resembling “freedom fries” or “liberty cabbage.”
shortsshortsshorts:
Budweiser - the Archduke of Beers!
Seriously, with the senility of Reagan and the loose mouth of Bush, I am beginning to think McCain is going to be unbeatable.
Liquor, a Washington State beer distributor once told me, is the only commodity mentioned in the Constitution: Amendment 18 banned it; 21 restored it. Part of the compromise in ending Prohibition was establishment of “distributors,” who were the only entity licensed to buy liquor from manufacturers and sell it retailers. Obviously, such distributorships became licenses to print money with hardly any capital investment beyond renting a warehouse, hiring a few drivers, and buying some trucks. These are the people who use all their free time and money lobbying against mail-order wine, because they won’t get a cut.
So we see the Cindy “McCain” is great patriot.
shortsshortsshorts: Patriot Piss?
Cunt.
Re-brand as Manneken Piss.
23 Skidoo: I lollered.
TGY: score!…Budtois is perfect…
I was kind of hoping that some good new elitist beers might come out this sale. I haven’t had an Anheuser Busch in many years. Awwwww fuck em. Bud lite = Brain Damage. Brew your own. All hail Jimmy Carter. The president who made making your own beer legal.
superfecta:
I got a bumper crop of Fuggles and Mount Hood this year. No Fungus!
Truculent: but Bud isn’t American, its communist Czech. I’m in such conflict right now, what’s better Commie Beer, Frog Beer or Eurobureacrat Beer? Taste be dammed
anabellum: But nothing rolls out of the tonsils like STELLLLLLLLLLAAAA! Budtoisky?
Quacker: They will never get rid of the Clydesdales. They need them to crouch over the barrels of Bud and do their magic.
Darehead: Stella of the proletariat! Redstell!
Yes, I *am* drunk. For Bastille Day, of course.
TGY: Moi aussi. I have just polished off a bottle or Bordeaux, and it’s not because I’m a lush, it’s because I love France. I love everybody, actually. Hic.
wheelie: “of” not “or”. Lush. No more internets for you tonight.
wheelie: Yes, actually, the Gray Goose flew high in the summer sky for me, also.
That Sierra Nevada stuff they’re making with New Zealand (!) hops is not at all bad. I think we should rename this proposed Europiss “Victory Beer” to go with the general 1984ness of everything–
Darehead: i am agog…agagged…something like that…
Darehead: actually it would be Stella Budalski [although i do like your version better as far as the tongue roll thingy]……
but, if you remember your “A Streetcar Named Budweiser”…then im sure youll recall that she is in fact Stella Budalski/nee Budois….
Stella Budois…
her sister being , Blanche Budois….
arent you glad we have THAT straight?…
That million should keep Cindy in pancake makeup for decades to come.
anabellum: OK, haha! Stella Budois it is! Are you listening, Cindy Trollop and InBev NV?
Assuredly, Carlos Brito (InBev’s Brazilian overlord) will help that folgado Juan McCain with acquiring some apô de fusca…
Estou fora! Beijão, Budweiser!