Wonkette
- OHHHH WALNUTS!: Foreign Policy expert John McCain told reporters at a press avail today that he was concerned about “a couple of steps that the Russian government took in the last several days,” including “reducing the energy supplies to Czechoslovakia.” And this is why we must bomb Persia and its shifty-eyed Sultan. [Think Progress]
ONCE A COUNTRY ALWAYS A COUNTRY
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3:27 PM
on Mon July 14 2008
By
Jim Newell
988 Views
That’s not how the Russian General Secretary rolls.
To be fair, Czechoslovakia has hinted at a reunion tour for a few years now.
WALNUTS also released a statement warning of the increased nuclear threat from Pangea.
Haha, Russia doesn’t actually have a ‘government’. More like an ‘autocratic mafia’ or kleptocracy. They don’t wage war, but instead engage in international muggings. I weep very, very small tears for the Tsar of All the Putins.
In re: Czechoslovakia. We’re lucky he didn’t refer to them as the ‘Austro-Hungarian Empire’. Czech, please!
I think we should give him a break. The campaign trail has been taking its toll, and he’s been mostly focusing his energies on the Ottoman Empire, not the Russian Empire. Picky liberals.
Torpedo Atlantis! Torpedo! Torpedo! Torpedo!
I’m surprised that they didn’t call Czech/Slovakia a province of Germany.
Considering how reassuring WALNUTS! is when talking about his field of so-called expertise, he’ll be a hoot once someone makes him speak on things like economics, health, crime or social issues. Stay tuned…
Look out Siam, you’re next!
Preety soon he’ll want to take out Czechoslovakia to get that original Pilsner beer recipe that Budweiser has consitently fucked up since time immemorial. God that shit’s nasty.
Oh yeah, and so are Wally’s teeth.
Our South African allies will stand with us, but let’s hope East Germany doesn’t put up a fuss.
next up, his announced trips to Rhodesia and Formosa.
And to be further fair, no one can pronounce Medvedev anyway, and his wife is a painted harlot. You kids get off Walnutz lawn!
“We must support the Prague Spring against Soviet interference.”
2goats: AND he hasn’t been able to order CHEAP CIAL$S yet because he is not on the intertubes by himself. So he is cranky.
But what about the situation in Prussia? The nation demands action!
“Psst, Joe. It’s the Shia in Czech and Sunni in Slovakia, right?”
You just know the debates are gonna be comedy gold.
superfecta: that naive Obama would sit down with Bismark without preconditions.
2goats: win!
Don’t ever play the drinking game Viking with McCain … he will think you’re actual Nords pillaging Iberia.
McCain then went to the post office to send a letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Unfortunately he was too late for the 4:30 autogyro.
When is the media going to call out Obama for his flip-flopping on what to do about the growing British influence in the Oregon Territory? McCain has been clear: 54-40 or Fight!
He and Cindy often spend summers in the Crimea.
Sean O: I’m sure we’ll see Chinese democracy before Czechoslovakia reunites.
SocialList: I am secretly looking forward to the debates for their laff value.
DirkLeisure: why does Obama hate Manifest Destiny?
Word is, Rhodesia has a lot of nice land to settle.
RuperttheBear: Wait, that one’s actually OK.
RuperttheBear: Believe it or not, Crimea is still Crimea. And it’s a fabulous vacation spot.
Yeah, but it sounds like it shouldn’t exist anymore.
Like Montenegro.
And I’m kind of douchey today.
jagorev: Axl’s VaporAlbum or actual chinese democracy? or both?
RuperttheBear: Montenegro? THAT’S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE!!
What about Bohemia. This is so unfair….
RuperttheBear: Montenegro? Is that Obama’s cousin from Let’s Make a Deal?
This will all get cleared up when McCain gets himself on the internet.
I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he shows up for his audience with the pope in Constantinople. Fucking Walnuts! Hahahahahaha.
WadISay: If he can’t figure out the google, there is apparently a search engine tailored for the elderly. It is called (I shit you not) http://www.cranky.com
If you’ll notice, the top searches of the day Jane Seymour, sex, and (inexplicably) Thanksgiving recipes.
itgetter: those searches sound like a set up for a really bad dirty joke or truly foul (fowl) porno.
Let’s be fair, here. Czechoslovakia split in 1993- John McCain was like 58 years old in 1993. He was probably going senile.
jagorev: Are you referring to the long-rumoured Guns & Roses album, or the real thing? In either case, we’ll be drawing Social Security before it happens.
And will someone PUH-LEEZ duct-tape Walnut’s mouth shut?
Doglessliberal: Sounds intriguing. It might rank slightly above midget porn.
I also originally misread the day’s #10 search as “retirement massages.”
In other Walnuts disasterous news, Walnuts did not vote against peace talks with President Mugabe of Rhodesia!!
Take your pick:
McCain added “Let no one believe that the United States will not stand with its friends in the Holy Roman Empire against the Mongol Horde.”
or
“We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.”
Sean O: I have money on the over, actual Chinese democracy before Axl’s Chinese Democracy.