Wonkette
One sad Oklahoma church won’t be giving away a very special semiautomatic assault rifle to one lucky boy or girl who loves the Lord. The Windsor Hills Baptist Church is holding a youth conference next week, which will feature “21 hours of preaching and teaching.” A shootin’ contest was also on the docket until the gentleman running the sacred event had to stay home because of “bone spurs on his foot” or somesuch (that is what they say in this video, here) so now the winner won’t get an AR-15 semiautomatic assault rifle, and Jesus weeps. [KOCO Oklahoma City]
SHARPSHOOTERS FOR JESUS
No Gun Giveaway For Churchgoing Youngsters This Year
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9:37 AM
on Mon July 14 2008
By
Sara K. Smith
1065 Views
elitists
The fucking, pussy-assed, pinko gay-friendly, Quaker church down the street is actually beating an AR15 into a plow share, if you can fucking believe such a travesty of worship and insult to God’s word, plan and purpose.
Pastor emeritus Jim Vineyard? That has got to be a fake name. I suspect young boy butt sex is the real motive and bone spurs is weasel speak for I lost my Viagra.
Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword. Matthew 26:52.
Haha, but nothing about AR 15s! As a strict constructionist, God said it, I believe it, that settles it.
I know for a fact that Jesus dude dug the new Rambo movie. God told me.
WadISay:
You left out the part that goes: But he that bringeth an AR15 to a sword fight shall prevail. Peace through superior firepower.
luring people to believe in jesus with guns seems eerily appropriate
What the hell is a teen from Canada going to do with a gun? Will some of you canooks please enlighten me?
Oklahoma is the new South Carolina.
I’ll go if next year’s prize is the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl:
Sell it to some drug dealers in Toronto, eh. About 2/3s of the guns captured by TO cops from drug dealers are from les Etats Unis aka US America.
What calibre would Jesus use?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl:
Why, tie a string to it and use it as a fishing pole, of course. Didn’t you watch “Bowling for Columbine”?
“Our primary target is teens.” What. the. Fuck.
TGY:
Nothing metric like 9mm or 10mm cause that’s Satan’s calibers.
ManchuCandidate: Well, the AR-15 uses 5.56mm which is .223, but nobody calls it by that.
So, now do they beat their heads with a bible, a la Monty Python, while grabbing their crotches and reciting “This is my weapon and this is my gun, this one’s for killing, this one’s for fun.”?
So, which testament mentioned AK-47s? I always forget.
But without Gawd’s mighty boomstick, how will these good, chris-chun folk defend themselves against minori, er, dangerous criminals?
An AR-15 makes a great deer rifle, if you’re faced with a herd of 20 or so deer who have organized themselves into a guerrilla cell and are trying to flank your position so they can nip at you with their sharp little deer teeth, but for a burglar gun, hell I want a howitzer. I want to be able to hit the guy escaping with my 13″ Black and White RCA TV 11 miles away while he sits at a red light thinking he got away with it.
It says in the Good Book at if one spares the rod, one spoils the child.
Just think of all the good kids that’ll get spoiled because no Church-approved authority figger ever taught ‘em how to handle a rod!!!
How will they ever enter the Kingdom of Heaven if nobody teaches ‘em how to lock’n'load?
For woe. What is happening to the Christian Church?
The AK is in the Koran, obviously.
“Gentleman” dude my foot; he’s too entangled with worldly matters. Needs to concentrate on the next life:
“No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier”.
2 Timothy 2:4
In the meantime send all the of God’s little children to South Dakota where there is no minimum age to possess rifles and shotguns.
I’m a firearms owner and this story just creeps me out. Making someone endure 21 hours of preaching to acquire a gun, even a $1,300 one, is cruel and inhumane.
All God’s chilren’ should be shootin’ an FAL, not an AR.
Would that be a 5.56 mm lead ‘bone spurs on his foot’ from a special blessing that the event supervisor tried to give the prize AK-15 in his basement shooting range?
And if so, was the trip to the Emergency Room covered by the church as a faith-based injury, or does he have to fight for coverage with his HMO like the rest of us sinners?
No Oklahoma Full Auto Shoot for the kids this year. Boo hoo hoo.
God, guns, and Okies, oh my. Still, how dare Obama accuse people of being bitter and clinging to . . . oh, never mind.
Q2: Ain’t no right-minded redneck gonna pick anything that says “Fabrique Nationale” on it like it was made by some pussy Frenchman when they can have a Colt or a Bushmaster instead. When they re-stamp it in good ol’ fashioned American English, let me know.
Truculent: It’s the Oklahoma version of the free cruise/timeshare presentation scheme.
Let’s arm tribes of Pentacolstalists AND OK Baptists with semi-automatic rifles with extended clips.
Drop a flag in the middle, like Natalie Wood did in Rebel Without A Cause, then let the firing ensue.
Have some guy dressed as Jesus screaming via a bullhorn, “Pussies! Pussies!” for added effect.
Let’s let God really sort it all out!
bearbait: Not French, monsieur. Belgian. (Apologies to M. Poirot)
Truculent says “Not French, monsieur. Belgian. (Apologies to M. Poirot)”
Forget Poirot. Apparently, the use of little grey cells are not permitted at Windsor Hills Baptist.
For behold, he who shoot-eth through the eye of a needle with an AR,
the same shall be blessed with a banana clip that he may smite the heathen.
I missed the part in the Bible where Jesus indicated that we should gun down our enemies. I know, we papists are always twisting the meaning of His words, so I’m pretty embarrasred right now. Maybe if I move to a red state, join the Churcu of Jim Bob, buy me a gun or three, and put up one of those “Forget the dog, Beware of owner” signs, I will get to heaven. Or, you know, lose my mind. It’s worth a shot.
I don’t think you can quite look at the gun give-away as being upholding some sort of commandment in the Bible. Look at it more as the belief that if Jesus was carrying some kick-ass semiautomatic rifle, he might not have been captured by the Romans and crucified so easily. Or, he would have at least gotten the satisfaction of know that he took a whole lot of people down with him.
“…the conference isn’t all about guns, but rather about teens finding faith.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah — those kids were praying to put some unlucky bastard in the sights of that AR-15 and blast away. It gives me yet another reason to stay away from church.
bearbait: Howitzer are so illegal to own and expensive to operate. Why go through the trouble when you can legally own this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnO3LMEWZwk
You can hit a deer…or human…at over 2000m…if you can do the ballistic calculations. And, yes, you can own one.
Now, if they were giving one of THESE away I am sure the pews would be filled!
And, it’s .50CAL…THAT is God’s calibre.
AfghanVet: Yeah but at about five bucks a bullet you really can’t enjoy shooting up that old engine block while constantly worrying about how much less beer money you have. A friend who did lots of scary time in Vietnam summed it up best. we were walking down the street and he casually remarked, “There’s nothing here you can hide behind that would protect you from a .50″
this just in from the Windsor Hills baptist nutcase factory:
The giveaway is back on…..
“Although the shooting competition that was to take place during the Youth Conference had been canceled, due to false statements* made by the Oklahoma City TV Channel 5 (KOCO) and subsequently reported also by media outlets across the country, a shotgun was donated last Saturday so that the competition could go on as planned.”
http://whbcyouthconference.org/?c=events