Wonkette
If you have ever woken up early, not had your average 8 cups of coffee per hour, drank six beers before 11 a.m. (plus a shot!), stood mercilessly in the summer heat of Washington D.C., gone and had several more beers, and then come home, YOU WOULD HAVE THE WORST HEADACHE IN AMERICAN HISTORY, which is what your Wonkette editor currently has after Paultardpalooza 2k8. Here’s a teaser from Wonkette operative “Melanie,” a D.C. slave intern, but not a member of the venerable “house of six interns” that DID NOT SHOW today. More photos later today, tomorrow and the next day, if this goddamn throbbing sensation in my skull ever disappears. Thanks to the 15-20 amazing humans who showed up early this morning to drink alcohol for free.
PAULTARDPALOOZA
Awww, we love you too, Jim! Thanks for the booze!
Who fucked whom? We need a scorecard.
And thank YOU Jim!
Note to other readers: The mulatto woman in traditional colonial garb to the right was the most ethnic person at Paultardpalooza, excepting a small (I think we counted two) smattering of press persons.
This photo rocks. It’s like Betsy Ross in her prom dress meets Vern Troyer as Napoleon and they go on a date to see Ponch at his new job at the “Ye Olde Renaissance Fayre.” Jeebus, isn’t this some form of child abuse?
Also, did anyone happend to get a photo of they guys in the homemade “armor” and swords. Said armor and sword made from Ron Paul lawn signs? I wish I were making this up.
Marie Antoinette has some serious buck teeth.
Another DC Lawyer (Again): God I hope so! I recall someone saying they did, but that could be wishful thinking.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: yes we have it.
The little girl in the picture looks like she wants to commit suicide. The child looks like Napoleon. Thank you Palutard Nation for producing the future issues of Wonkette and countless of truck nutz jokes.
Jim Newell: Fantastic! The Knights of Paultardia shall be known to all of Wonkette. All shall love them and despair.
Good God! Is Williamsburg creating a low-budget franchise operation?
That’s about the same level of fashion I encountered this morning at David’s Bridal.
The seated girl is praying that the tots dreamy Tommy that sits one up and to the right of her in Algebra isn’t a Wonkette frequenter.
(Tri-cornered, beribboned, felt) hats off to all those who made this possible!
Prodigalson1982: She is contemplating what would punish her parents more. Running away to work for Obama or McCain. Poor thing will probably end up fundraising for Hillary.
Who knew that eighteenth century folks had such stylin’ sunglasses?
Jim Newell: We demand pictures now.
whew, ok, I’m just waking up from Friday night. When does this thing start?
DieOnTheTurnpike: Charlie “I need a faghag for VPOTUS” Crist’s beard’s novelty company is raking it in from the ‘tards Reloveushunary zeal.
Big time.
The boy’s stance betrays that he’s imagining he’s a buccaneer about to mount his mulatto slave for some randy ass-banditry. He’s young, so I’ll cut him some slack for being in the wrong era and getting the positions reversed.
Everyone pictures himself as the captain yet most end up as the limping, haggard cabin boy.
trai_dep: limping, haggard, buggered drummer boy/powder monkey/cabin boy…
I am so glad I stayed here and drank toasts to you all and Tony too! I have really nice AC !!
Thank you all for restoring my faith in DC, and, to a lesser extent, humanity.
Is that a cellphone or digital camera that Betsy Ross is clutching?
I can’t believe I fucking missed this. However, I am about to get hammered on cisco and make a cartoon about McCain and Clingy The Religious Gun. So I’m pourin this one for my homies smokin’ blunts in the hall as well as my Homies fuckin with da Ron Paul.
Is it true Phil Gramm said we’ve become a nation of winos?
To be sure, that’s a Wastec Badr Waddle between that turkey’s legs. Garbage imported from faraway Iraq and dressed up to taste lake a seemingly useless flap of flesh dangling from that bird’s panties.
Hey! Where the heck did y’all go? I was taking pictures of Paultards one minute, and then before I knew it I was on stage singing Paul’s praises. Don’t let me drink that early again.
I think the lesson we should all take from this photo is that the Paultards are breeding. The girl may be adequately sullen for being dragged along, and it’s hard to tell if the boy is laughing or crying, but just the idea of Paultards having sex and producing offspring is unsettling enough.
Ironic horrors! Ironic horrors! Of Paultards trying to demonstrate democratically when Ron Paul hates democracy!
Real dumb Paul-quotes about democracy:
“The emphasis on democracy in our modern political discourse has no historical or Constitutional basis. Yet we have become obsessed with democracy, as though any government action would be permissible if a majority of voters simply approved of it.”
“Our country is not a democracy. Our nation was founded as a Constitutionally limited republic, as any grammar school child knew just a few decades ago.”
“Our Founders instituted a republican system to protect individual rights and property rights from tyranny, regardless of whether the tyrant was a king, a monarchy, a congress, or an unelected mob.”
whenever I start drinking at 9:00, I start seeing people dressed in colonial drag too
I’m just waking up from the 10 or so beers via Wonkette. Once I figure out how to get the pictures off my phone, I’ll be sending them in.
JIM NEWELL PAID FOR THE DRINKS???? FUCK!!!!!!!1!
Prodigalson1982: “The little girl in the picture looks like she wants to commit suicide.”
When will you people stop raggin’ on Rick Santorum’s poor, defenseless daughter?!?!
I see children in that photo. Nobody told us they could procreate.
Guppy06: The Paultards are coming! The Paultards are coming!
Jim not only paid for the beers, but when I went back to the Tune Inn afterward, he had generously arranged for whores as well - three at the bar, all over 62 1/2, and drawing off the tap and their 401ks.
Message to the kids in the above picture.
Kids, If those are your parents run away and join any carnival you can find. You’ll be better off.
1ofUS: It looks like bottled hot water to me.
1ofUS: Wait…what?
American Spectator: I hope it wasn’t a union whore house. Seniority-first isn’t always the best thing.
Darehead: Yes indeedy, our government will react to this democratic action exactly as Doctor Paulnuts! advocates, i.e. by totally ignoring it.
How many Paultards showed up? Here was the prediction from one of the afflicted on the RPForums:
“I think these people are in for a bit of a shock when there are 25,000+ pro-Constitution Ron Paul supporters marching on July 12th and their little Wonktardish get-together brings in about eighteen people.”
Just shy of 25k were there?
Well, here’s what one reported after the event:
“It was great!!!! A huge turnout. Beautiful! A small city of Patriots shouting for freedom in the Capital. Some great speakers also - culminating with the Good Doctor himself.
I heard 8,000 also. That sounds about right.”
Just shy of 8k were there?
Give us the scoop on the numbers present, dammit!
BTW: another P-tard offered the following observation about us lowly Wonketteers:
“Their style of snarky cynicism, while it can be amusing, is self-destructive. It slowly rots them out. They create a self-image based on the denial of value in anything but the implication they can’t escape is that they also must have no value. What remains is cold, empty and alienated. And the sight of someone who believes in something of value infuriates them because it reminds them of what they have lost.
Have compassion. There might be part of them that is looking for an excuse to join us.”
“Cold, empty and alienated.”
Damn! That’s just about right, innit?
Canuckledragger: I love how they consider attendance a competition with Wonkette. I can’t think of anything we would march for… except if they tried to take our Truck NUTZ.
I would march for four more years.
I have to say that they ALMOST had us pegged. But they forgot “drunk”.
My family does the Renaissance Faire thing, so I can’t really point fingers.
Canuckledragger: Ha! Hardly 25K or even the anticipated Million ‘Tard march that was expected when the march idea came up last winter, eh.
CometHasTheFloor: There you are! Welcome back!! Yup indeedy, but in Paulocracy you get noticed when you can show your guns.
shortsshortsshorts: I imagine that they are merely excited that anyone pays any attention to them, because we probably give them more thought and words than… anyone else in the entire fucking world.
shortsshortsshorts: For reals. I think they figger if “we” are there, it’s as some kinda counter-demo, which only puffs up their already surreally grotesque level of self-importance.
In truth, of course, it was simply a small party of Wonkette observers gathered to laugh at a parade of head injury cases. No farm, no howl. Shit, I mean, no harm, no foul.
Fuckin’ lysdexia always starts acting up after I pop the cork of that second bottle of elitist wine. [And fuck Phil Gramm, he can't have my whine. But I'll share some with Lou Gramm if he promises to sing only Black Sheep songs, no Foreigner allowed aloud. Or something. I don't even know anymore... *hic!*]
I’m glad you returned with your spleens instead of on them!
“Forth go the fearless Trojan Wonkettes!
Fully equipped with..Trojans, one hopes..
Yadda-yadda..
We are the chorus and we agree, we agree..”
I have one burning question: where did all you Wonk Lushes pee after all that drinking?
I suppose Ron Paul was there to give a speech? How about Bob Barr? (the little elephant)
Canuckledragger: Damn. You close it like a professional.
Truly. You make my comments feel even stupider than tehh allready r.
AnnieGetYourFun: One place lacking Paultard attendance? One might ask. And the answer of course is “job.”
bitchincamaro: It ain’t called the ‘Reflecting Pool’ for nothin’, one presumes.
Also, if Hunter S. Thompson were to wear colonial garb, he’d look like the guy in the left of the pic. Only some sort of firearm and a doobie would be in order.
bitchincamaro:
Burning and peeing should never be in the same sentence.
WonkaBee: Ron likes Pastor Chucky Baldwin, who was at the rally, preachin’ away his idears of limited constitutional gummit and unlimited churchiness. Dem 2 boyz gettin’ chummier n’ chummier all the time.
bitchincamaro: The Tune Inn has a remarkably clean bathroom given what you would expect from the rest of the decor. No joke.
Canuckledragger: Even 8,000 is a total joke. I’m guessing maybe 1,500. Maybe. Though the police did have their helicopters out, which had the unintended hysterical effect of causing the 9/11 Truthers to go into complete fits…it was awesome. I just can’t believe I forgot my tin-foil hat.
well, while we were dripping with sweat and breaking our backs moving furniture today in central VA, we were thinking of you good people, willing to face the Paultards in our stead. We sincerely wished we could have been there, and of course, once back here in NoVa, I rushed to check out the updates. Huzzah, brave Wonketteers, capable of anything, drunken and drugged, let the cry of BIG SALE ON TRUCK NUTZ echo in the ears of hapless Paultards for eternity!
And picking up the tab is incredibly nice, Layne and Newell. Wow!
Oh my goodness gracious. Please tell me this is accurate:
http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthread.php?t=146419
However, I think CFL made a mistake by allowing a few of the speakers to say some really fringe things… both in the area of 9/11 truth and Christian activism.
…
The big thing was the 9/11 truth stuff. Jack McLamb was especially nutty, and told everyone that the government had instituted a program wherein they marked your mailbox with a red, blue, or pink sticker, and when “foreign troops invade”, the stickers will tell them who to kill, who to leave alone, and who to take to the concentration camps now being built by Halliburton. He also blatantly stated that the government blew up the buildings on 9/11. He also played the Christianity card VERY hard.
I’m not trying to issue a verdict on 9/11 truth - I’ve never studied it, and I don’t discount it. But rallies like that are NOT the place for radical statements, and I am disappointed that CFL allowed some of the things to be said that they did.
Things like that allow the media, and morons like the Wonkette writers, to continue to marginalize and write off Ron Paul supporters as wackos. They’ll completely ignore the 90% that’s great and focus on the 10% that’s fringe.
Canuckledragger: This gem from the forums:
Please be wary of people who may instigate and agitate and try to get you to do something violent while pretending to be one of you. They plan to be drunk and on drugs. We always knew they were crazy but now we know they are addicts and derelicts so please be careful. … And they are capable of doing anything.
Apparently we are “those people” your mommy and daddy warned you about. I feel so badass even though I was 1000 miles away today.
Hey! ‘tards are a dime a dozen, but Wonkette is ‘looking for a few good wonks’…’the few, the loud, the totally shitfaced’
SkimLatteLiberal: Yeah, I passed by the rally en route to the Smithsonian just as McLamb was talking, and got some video - http://www.flickr.com/photos/brownpau/2661499881/
Note the volume of cheers he got as opposed to boos.
“NH4RonPaul NH4RonPaul is offline
Senior Member
It’s now well after 1 p.m. and we haven’t heard anything from editor Jim Newell, so we have to assume he’s either in jail or rigorously pursuing his vow to “fuck 50 paultards” in the woods somewhere, or maybe in the reflecting pool.
God these people are sickos.”
You sick fucks. Sex is sooo GROSS.
Pretty amazing when you realize that even after Ron Paul dropped out, he consistently (as in almost every weekend) draws ten times more supporters than Walnuts can muster up on a good day. Does anyone here have knowledge of Walnuts ever drawing more than 75 people to any of his speaking events, at any time, any where? Didn’t think so.
Ridiculous. Why are they even having this rally? Our current administration is obviously doing a very good job. I wish people would just go back to watching American Idol or something.
TGY: I think that’s Wallace Shawn.
@SkimLatteLiberal - As the author of that post on RPF, note that I believe Jack McLamb to be ‘nutty’.
Regardless of what you read here, all Ron Paul supporters are not crazy. I don’t subscribe to this ridiculous idea that this is or was ever supposed to be a “Christian” nation. I’m just your average, atheistic, small business owner trying to make ends meet and supporting a candidate whose policies I feel would restore some sanity to the government.
There are some serious kooks in the movement, because they see it as a vehicle. There are also some seriously intelligent, rational people who have nothing to do with Christian activism, the 9/11 Truth Movement, or some of these other fringes (and, I would argue, these types are greater in proportion).
I think the fact that today you had a 22 year veteran of the CIA and a ground level fighter in the REAL war on terror (not this bullshit Playtime Adventure in Iraq) advocating Ron Paul’s approach to foreign policy, while simultaneously discounting Obama’s, is telling.
We won’t even get into Ron Paul’s popularity with the wackos on Wall Street.
SkimLatteLiberal: I am disappointed that CFL allowed some of the things to be said that they did.
Well, I am disappointed that the CFL ever let Doug Flutie go. They’ve never been the same since.
My freedom headache is just starting to clear up.
TheSkeptic: Hey, wanna fuck? We can split the $5 “reward.”
Oh, and are you a girl? Should’ve asked that first I guess. Although five bucks is five bucks … I guess I could channel my inner GOP congressman if you’re a dude.
@Paultardville -
I thought progressives weren’t supposed to be homophobic?
Could also be that the 911 Troofers and Bible Bangers hide their stuff cuz they know that stuff ain’t as presentable. No matter: just the NAU-phobia is plenty whacko enuf, and that gets airtime from most of ‘em.
The Iranian Revolution also started out as a broad-based anti-US imperialism movement with lots of normal people. Then the Ayotollah’s religious conservatives took over.
TheSkeptic: Wait, are you drunk or am I?
@Darehead
No worries - before long we’ll be at war with Iran and kill them all. The only cost will be the further collapse of the dollar, $10/gal gas, thousands of American lives, and an absolute shitload of debt.
Ron Paul is one of the only people working to stop it, btw. Obama has already bowed down to the neocon agenda to take over the world and fighting a phony war on terror. I’ll leave his bitching out on the FISA travesty for some other time.
@Paultardville
You are probably drunk. I would probably like to be.
SkimLatteLiberal: A spade is a spade.
shortsshortsshorts: Thats a public service. You can’t find dates on WoW.
@Darehead
Don’t mean to be all New World Orderish, but if you think that there are not very powerful parties who want to see a “unified” North America with open borders, you are a bit naive.
TheSkeptic: Wow, a real live Paultard!
To be fair, there’s a reason I quoted your post. Mostly, it surprised me that the RPF mods hadn’t nuked the post already. An objective, critical take on something Ron Paul related? I’m still surprised you weren’t a secret Wonkette operative.
I emphasize with the “fringe” group argument, but then again, if Ron Paul’s people wanted to silence the racists/xenophobes/truthers/bible-thumpers they could have. They haven’t, so you’ll keep seeing posts about them. Also we tend to think Ron Paul’s own policies are just as insane. Ain’t no choir to preach to here unfortch.
They look exactly the way I would expect.
Mahousu: The NFL will be invading and destroying our precious CFL anyway. Fucking mexicans.
“Mostly, it surprised me that the RPF mods hadn’t nuked the post already.”
I’ve never seen this moderate like this. They will remove posts that contain blatant misinformation, that’s it.
There are a lot of objective and critical Paul supporters, such as myself. I don’t even agree with Ron Paul on everything, especially his Christianity - but in comparison, McCain is a nightmare waiting to happen. Obama is a lot of hot air and vague, empty promises. Barr is a flip flopper and proved to be a petty asshole during the Clinton years. (I generally like Bill Clinton, aside from the fact that he repeatedly refused to let the CIA pull the trigger on bin Laden.)
“if Ron Paul’s people wanted to silence the racists/xenophobes/truthers/bible-thumpers they could have.”
Not true. Ron Paul (should’ve) learned his lesson with the newsletter fiasco. I’m willing to bet that McNut was given instructions on the parameters of his speech, and he apparently ignored them. Even if this was not the case - Ron Paul has categorically rejected the 9/11 truth movement on national TV… what more can you ask for?
People within any campaign or movement disagree on some issues. The diversity of support Paul has is so deep simply because everyone just wants freedom and is tired of this bullshit government. If someone thinks George Bush remotely controlled a plane and sent it into the towers, fine. Let him. If he’ll give time, money, and energy to the broader idea of getting the government the hell out of my finances and my life, I’m with him.
If you disagree with Ron Paul’s own policies, that’s another thing. Personally, I believe they’re 100% in line with what the framers intended for this country… and anyone who wants something other than what the framers did should find another country that is more similar to their own preference. Just my thoughts.
TheSkeptic: That is a very sober assessment of America’s future. But how will we stop the neo-con war on Iran? I’m thinking we Ron Paul supporters should seriously consider a suicide bombing campaign. Ya know?
To seriously the question - I don’t think it will be stopped. A President McCain would fire the first shot himself, and a President Obama wouldn’t stop it either.
Personally, I think we should just nuke the entire Middle East, including Israel, and be done with the whole mess. Then, the Zionists can start lobbying for something else, like a decent health care system.
TheSkeptic: Jeez, you take a 5-hour nap and look at all the banning that needs to take place.
TheSkeptic: There’s no group that actually has power that is advocating it. And the only powers that matter are the US govt, the Canadian govt and Mexican Govt. I’m sure there are NGOs that would like that arraignment, but its a long way from that to it being close to reality.
TheSkeptic: Anyone who claims to be representing what the framers intended isn’t. The framers set up a living breathing system that could be amended and changed. They set up legal mechanisms to change the constitution for the very reason that they foresaw that history would change circumstance.
I just don’t understand why you felt the need for an excuse for inappropriate daytime drinking. It truly boggles the mind.
To The Skeptic: I won’t disagree that Paultards are a diverse group. But so is a bag of mixed nuts. But it doesn’t make the bagger a genius. And kudos for the couple of hot girls you guys somehow dragged into the Paultard van; a very important step in the beginning of any relationship.
Another DC Lawyer (Again): Yes, but the capitol lounge’s bathroom (that is where we went after, right? I think i was brown-outing from a combo of alcohol and the heat) left much to be desired. They didn’t even have a mirror!
OH, and there were only 1,500 people there TOPS. It resembled in feeling something akin to a county fair, rather than a political rally. I mean, the DC Statehood people weren’t even there!
Jim Newell: Aww Jim. It could have been fun (for another few hours). Meanie!
TheSkeptic: Personally, I think we should just nuke the entire Middle East, including Israel, and be done with the whole mess. Then, the Zionists can start lobbying for something else, like a decent health care system.
But you’re not one of the crazy ones. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
Sweetie: Actually it sounds like the daytime drinking was not only appropriate, but very necessary.
Paultardville: Oh Lord, that’s not only fair, that’s applicable to nearly every weekend.
Paultardville: As necessary as oxygen… or as a replacement, actually, given all the hot air being wasted by Ye Olde Paultarde
Frankly, at this point, my husband and I are debating whether to boozily shoot each other with paintballs on the front lawn for every shot fired during Predator or to just give up and drink shot for shot during Intervention.
Paultardville: Amen.
Sweetie: The only reason why I haven’t started drinking yet is because of course my sober self had to tune into the past hour and a half of Intervention. I admire you and your husband’s resolve.
Oh my God. Jesse Ventura’s character just died.
“Goodbye, bro.”
SkimLatteLiberal: Given our respective fam pasts, there’s nothing to be done but laugh and booze while watching everyone else’s misfortune.
Paultardville: Can’t a guy be sarcastic? After all, that is the entire basis of this article, isn’t it?
To be honest, I think we should have never gone into the Middle East, or anywhere else we’ve ever fucked around. We don’t need to kill them, we don’t need to save them. If this country had been minding its own business for the past few decades, we wouldn’t hav