Wonkette
My god, they just keep asking for more: “The Republican Party is seeking your input as we develop the policies and principles upon which we should stand for the next four years. On this website, you can share your thoughts, participate in polls, and communicate directly with the policymakers who will be shaping the party’s agenda.” As Wonkette commenters like to say, “more ass-fucking.” [Republican Platform Committee]
A better suggestion for the Reps may be “less” ass-fucking.
As long at the platform has a noose and a trap door I’m good.
Guns and Truck Nutz for all Americans! (Illegals don’t count.)
Stop the secret ass-fucking! Ass-fucking in the streets!
Oh my God, maybe John McCain really is aware of the Internet!
I’d like to initiate a thrust towards a wider stance on values issues.
develop the policies and principles upon which we should stand for the next four years
Two words: minority tactics. The smaller the minority, the better.
Dirty diarrhea diaper hats for everyone who pledges supports!
Nude pics of Troy King being ass-fucked by David Vitter’s double-headed dildo. I don’t want for much.
I demand more closeted hom0sexuals. The more closeted and more homosexual, the better!
User submitted videos and platform?
It’s like the RNC just bought ‘The Internet for Dummies’ last night and couldn’t wait to get to the office this morning to try out the bullet points from the ‘Increasing Your Traffic’ chapter.
queeraselvis v 2.0: More Diapers!
Abolish medicare and fund state sanctioned male escort services instead.
I submitted a mandatory reach around platform for Republican politicians cuz I was thinking on the butt-sex issue they’d probably just get off and then feel all creepy and guilty and just leave - and you know, there’s that mutual satisfaction thing. Important voter issue.
I like how they make it clear their principles will only last “for the next four years.” Glad to know their ideas come and go with Olympic cycles.
More shower sex and fat beards, I mean, wives!
We must not kill fetuses. We must harvest them when they reach adulthood to fight in our 100 year wars so our kids don’t have to serve.
They make this far too easy.
I really hope “cloning George W. Bush” is the big winner on that platform.
Ted Stevens will count the votes … he’s waiting at the other end of the tubes.
Use the government’s new-found surveilance powers to locate the photos of David Addington in drag. Task a sigint satellite to spy through the Bush girl’s windows and catch them in the shower.
Welcome to the most grassroots-driven platform development effort in the history of American politics!
Ha, ha — we’ve already got our platform, we’re just soliciting ideas so we can make you feel like you’ve had some input. But it is grassroots — John Warner’ll be bringing some good highland VA grass, and the closeted Republicans’ll be sticking their roots wherever they possibly can.
A pony!
And as long as your ideas reinforce our already selected agenda, we’ll use them!
“Values : Religious Liberty
(Bill - Braselton, GA) See all submissions July 11 - 3:56 PM
Present scientific facts that support creationism. ”
LOL.
Castrations!
A Deep Dicking? That’s not ADD we can believe in!
well, they couldn’t make this much easier. I thought Rush’s OPERAIONZ KAOS DA SECOND was to disrupt the dems platform meeings, afer registering, showing up in person, voicing your opinion (yawn)…now we can do it all online. That’s real progress, not necessarily change, but slow steady stay the course progress.
Oh, federally funded exorcisms! C-SPAN can cover Bobby Jindal’s wild Saturday nights!
This is where you can upload a virus that sucks all the money out of your bank account and leaves you a message, “You’re welcome for the tax cut, bitch.”
Cool, lets all log-in and vote for Universal Healthcare, a higher minimum wage, and contraception and the Theory of Evolution taught in schools.
Seriously, there’s got be some good left-wing causes that we can trick Republicans to voting for, surely?
EVEN BIGGER SALES ON TRUCKNUTZ.
KTHXBAI
Means-tested freedom! Freedom isn’t free beeehotches — from now on, the basic package (bill of rights, minus amendment 4 and some of that zany free speech bs) is $49.95. Not being a slave and women’s suffrage are add-ons.
Aw, damn, they make you use a real e-mail address. I would never have thought the Republicans would be that net savvy. Is it worth creating a dummy account for?
More guns, less butter.
Best comment yet:
Energy : Nuclear energy
(Rob - San Diego, CA) See all submissions July 11 - 3:36 PM
DRILL NOW. DRILL EVERYWHERE. NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS. TAKE IRAQ’S OIL.
Hmmm, they seem to have moderators - my trucknutz constitutional amendment does not seem to be posted…
bitchincamaro: More butter, less guns.
They must be pretty desperate if their listening to the American public.
shortsshortsshorts: DOUBLE castrations!
Keep opposing gay marriage but also keep fucking people of the same sex.
Balance the budget by 2012 by eliminating taxes and expanding the middle east wars to Iran. Create jobs by making the military the largest employer in the world.
A free American flag dyed with the blood of Iraqi orphans with the purchase of every handgun!
KevoTron: And you have now solved every world issue ever.
Economy : Tax Relief
(Mittens - Boston, MA) See all submissions July 11 - 5:06 PM
John McCain should abolish the IRS - the income tax is unconstitutional.
Bwah!
OK, which one of you jokers is posting under the name Mittens? Because they’re not removing your comments.
Free loaded guns in every church! A truck with tank full of gas that never goes to E! A crying eagle bumper sticker! Mute boys with permanently lubed orifices. A dumb wife and another 9/11 before the elections! God Bless America!
Monsieur Grumpe: You, my friend, are the next Karl Rove.
I think they should run on the platform:
“Quit whining, the world needs ditch diggers too.”
2008!
If the pictures of those three white homefries doesn’t frighten you, nothing will
Muslims fed to lions!
Compulsory gay sex in military service!
Orgies on the Senate floor! (OK, strike that last part.)
I wanna post something horribly racist and stupid, but I also want to distinguish myself from the base. DILEMMA!
Dropping the Fourth Amendment in favor of a new amendment that allows the government to spy on and torture anyone they want with two exceptions: 1) Innocent text messages from Congressmen to their interns; 2) Surveillance in public restrooms, especially of feet.
I forgot, are they keeping the plank requiring a blood sacrifice to Cheney every New Moon?
Permanently excommunicate from the GOP all Republican males who’ve ever had sex with another man.
*Presto!* No more Republican party.
Fuck, that was easy.
TGY: I dunno.
I saw that “policies and principles upon which we should stand” . . . and laughed and laughed and laughed . . . .
“Principles”?!?
The REPUBLICAN Party?
Canuckledragger: But what about Ann Coulter. Isn’t Coulter a woman, or at least a shemale of some sort?
scott_dog: Reptilian shapeshifter of some kind, most likely.
Either way, that Adam’s apple is a clue, Clouseau. Non?
shortsshortsshorts:
Well, he is missing and I’m looking for a job. How well does being Satan’s spawn pay? Benefits?
As a conservative Republican I’m anxious to use this new tool, but it never seems to send a confirming email back to me. Anyone else having this problem?
Two Neoprene Wetsuits in Every Pot!
1. Dick Nixon. You could do better?
2. Iliteracy is no crime.
3. The First Amendment? Feh. Check with the FBI.
4. Ronald Rega….Rondald Reg…. Memory is much over-valued.
5. Fly away from the dirty boulevard.
Why am I not surprised that Republican web designers use table-based layout?
Since Republican platforms from Goldwater’s time are now the current Democratic platforms, shouldn’t the Republicans be aiming for something a little more openly Stazi-esque this time around?
How long does it take before the submissions show up on that site? There are some interesting ones in the queue from what I hear.
How about:
Kill the poor. Grind into food product and feed to middle class (the new poor).
Repeat.
bitchincamaro: More buns. Less gutter.
Iraq’s been done. Afghanistan’s nearly lost. Iran’s too hot.
Only one option: in your heart of hearts, don’t you feel it’s Canada’s turn?
Is it too early to suggest they poke long sticks into the hands and feet, and wire Tony Snow’s corpse’s head and jaw, then use him as the official meat-puppet spokesman for the RNC convention? A fitting capstone to The Era of the Permanent Republican Majority!
m_supercomputer: just use mailinator.com
It’s too bad they actually moderate that page because I could have oh so much more fun if they didn’t.
The RNC needs to be more pro-life. Life sentences for Cheney/Rumsfeld/Bush/Bolton/Rove/Gonzalez/Skeletor/Zellikow/Rice/… crap, it’d take me the rest of my life just to recite the litany of criminals.
Support the sanctity of marriage by requiring Party members to marry any page, intern or aide they get caught screwing.
trai_dep: Hm. See, I’m actually OK with that. Should I join the Republican Party? Seeing as how Obama is becoming one?
Republicans: Celebrating 154 years of bigotry, misogyny, xenophobia, and batfuck crazy fat white guys!
How about some economic development by selling naming rights to public places? The Goldman-Sachs Treasury, Washington Mutual Monument, The Smith-and-Wesson Institution, The Ray-ban Ofc Bldg, The Ovaltine Office, The Nacho Supreme Court….
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Hmm. Are you submitting your remarks in the original coherent English? Maybe that’s your problem.
The trick is to misspell a bunch of shit, and mangle your clauses so badly that it actually physically pains you. And whatever you do, don’t forget the all-important frothing non sequitir about “illegals.” That’s key, absolutely essential.
I would like some more planes to knock down buildings on Republican watch again, and more wrecking of the constitution.