The Paultards are onto us, the “addicts and derelicts.” We were only planning on going to the March drunk, not on drugs, although that sounds like a pretty good idea now that they’ve mentioned it. Anyway, we’ll have details for our 9 a.m. Saturday Paultardpalooza Pre-gaming by the end of the afternoon. If you’re interested in coming (most likely to a bar around Capitol Hill), please send an e-mail to tips@wonkette.com, with subject line “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS.” We just want to get a basic headcount. [Ron Paul Forums]
PAULTARDPALOOZA
July 11, 2008
Everyone’s Excited for Paultardpalooza!
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{ 79 comments }
Well, let me open my email client right now! …
They plan to be drunk and on drugs.
Now I REALLY wish I still lived in D.C., instead of Nascar-and-big hairdo-land.
Sorry. Can’t make it but I’ll hoist a 9:00AM beer in general direction not that I wouldn’t be doing that anyway.
I think they think that “Snark” is a drug reference. Maybe they’re thinkin of Smack.
But I feel good that they recognize we are all capable of doing anything.
Addicts? Listen, Paultards. If loving to mock your attention whoring is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
OMG BEST PAULTARD QUOTE EVER:
“I seriously don’t understand what drives these people. They’re pretty malicious, and they remind me of a mob of dull grade school jocks who band together and pick on the smart kid for fun. Something is clearly missing in their lives for them to spend so much time blindly lashing out at us. It makes me think of a quote from King Theoden in the Two Towers movie, ‘What can men do against such reckless hate?’”
Derelicts? Like a shipwreck.
When were the plans to get someone to do something violent formed? I guess I was too addicted to drugs and drunkenness and derelict to notice.
That’s MISTER derelict to you, sir!
[re=33919]snig[/re]: Man, I’m snarking my fucking brains out.
I still don’t have the money to go. WHY HAVE YOU NOT GIVEN ME MONEY MR. LAYNE?
[re=33921]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: But some of them advocate compassion!
Their style of snarky cynicism, while it can be amusing, is self-destructive. It slowly rots them out. They create a self-image based on the denial of value in anything but the implication they can’t escape is that they also must have no value. What remains is cold, empty and alienated. And the sight of someone who believes in something of value infuriates them because it reminds them of what they have lost.
Have compassion. There might be part of them that is looking for an excuse to join us.
They’re commenters are not nearly as funny as our commenters. The mistake snark for vile hatred, which, as far as I know, is really mostly concentrated in shortsshortsshorts while the rest of us look on like good Roman spectators to a christian martyrdom
“Apparently they’re too cowardly to make fun of Obama or McCain.”
Now I know the PTards don’t peruse Wonkette!
[re=33927]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re]: Snark snark pass dude, snark snark pass…. especially right over to me RIGHT NOW
Maybe our old multi-banned pal with avatars rhyming with “dweeb” or “myfact” is behind this.
I mean making fun of Obama or McCain is fucking Mother’s Milk to us..
that and booze and drugs…
There might be part of them that is looking for an excuse to join us.
This is the kind of thinking that got Bob Allen in so much trouble down in Florida, always looking for that “part of them” that wants to “join us.”
[re=33940]Dave J.[/re]: That whole quote just gave me an image of like, shortsshortsshorts standing on a street corner, with a sign saying “Will mock Republican gay sex scandal for food.” or something.
Quick question, will the drugs as well as the liqour be furnished by the bar or will we need to BYOD?
[re=33932]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: I have never said anything but polite things to all peoplez.
If you’re really, and I mean really, high on life, can you still attend the march? And can you bring a pet?
Aren’t Paultards supposed to be supporting our right to poison our bodies and such? Just sayin’…
[re=33945]tunamelt[/re]: I promise to do that if someone gets me to D.C. Meh. Living in a place like SF? Me thinks I’ll do it anyway.
Also, in order to pretend to be one of them before we do the “something violent” do we have to be dressed in the colonial get-up?
[re=33947]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: The caveat being that paultards are sub-human and thus not technically people?
…and seriously, what about sex? I mean, drinking and drugs are fine, but what about the sex?
They say “drunk and on drugs” as if it’s a bad thing! Has Doctor Congressman Ron Paul, Esq. abandoned his ideals of booze and coke (and glocks) for everyone? I feel betrayed. Perhaps I should vote for Cynthia McKinney instead.
road tripping to this paultardpalooza just gained a whole different meaning
[re=33959]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Which is why we should put them in Manzanar.
[re=33921]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Haha, I thought he meant “United 93″ or “World Trade Center” when he referred to the Two Towers movie. There were no kings on those planes!
What?!!! We are all Paultards now?!!! Drunk and on drugs sounds like a good option.
So the Paultards are playing the victim card?
Given their political “philosophy”, I find that very amusing.
Wow. The pictures on page 3 of the thread are astoundingly funny.
Someone should dress up like a lizard at the march!
Can it really be a called a march, seeings how most Paultards are morbidly obese polydactyls who ride scooters?
[re=33970]glamourdammerung[/re]: The Victim Card is the latest in the new Magic the Gathering series, and they are going to use it for as much uhhh, “mana” as they cana.
And they are capable of doing anything.
Mostly what I’m capable of doing is making fun of goofy, confused malcontents who’ve adopted “Damn the man!” as their entire political philosophy and chosen a cranky Texas gynecologist to lead them. Of course, that’s not very hard, so maybe they’re overestimating my abilities.
[re=33921]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: HA HA HA HA HA “SMART KID” HA HA HA HA HA HA….oh, my sides hurt.
OK, so since all of you are addicts, can anybody tell me where I can score some hash?
I could really use some hash, man.
Oh, and Paultards?
Here’s the deal–you were the nerds who really liked guns & composite bows, I was the nerd who liked D&D? I am not a jock, get it? Good, fuck off.
[re=33974]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Even a Segway can be modified for the obese.
[re=33972]polar_bear[/re]: You aint kidding!-Shit, WTF am I missing?
I’m really flattered that they think we’re organized enough to do an “Animal House” style hijacking of their parade. I am capable of hate, but I really just reserve it for the leaders and koolaid drinkers of the current administration. For others, I just have affection or amusement. But I’ll gain much more respect for Dr. Paul if they employ more deft usage of Tolkien quotes. And if they bring me the character sheets from their D&D characters and show me they’ve got lots of hit points and magic items, maybe I’ll be convinced and throw in with them.
[re=33985]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: one of the wonktards that plans on marching needs to show up in blackface wearing a Stormfront t-shirt and shout racial epithets until their voice gives out. THAT i want on a postcard.
“capable of doing anything”! That sounds like a challenge to me. Katie, bar the door, here come the Wonktards!
And these people are just a treasure. Because they are who they are, you know that posting is done without a shred of tongue-in-cheek humor. I feel proud to be a derelict.
“Capable of doing anything”??
Holy shit, most of the WONKTARDS I know just can’t be bothered to do anything.
I almost took a nap because I typed the wrong username to reply here.
Additional TARDdom: I actually tried to click the “QUOTE” button in that image.
FUCKING DRUGS AND DRUNK!
[re=33984]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Yeah, I could see that. And I reallly Reeeally wouldn’t want to entice a Libertarian to violence. Republicans feel the need to pack enough firepower to take out the average burglar or maybe a small gang. Libertarians feel the need to pack enough firepower to take out UN helicopters and the Shadow Governments silent black helicopters. I really wish I was kidding about that.
Try not to look too conspicuously normal, mmmkay?
[re=33921]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Now THAT is the most prime Paultard selection in the history of Wonkette ever, Josh. Thanks for making my day! I’ll be thinking about that quote on the drive to my hometown – which just happens to be IN Paultardia, TX – later this evening. Meh. It’s my mom’s 70th birthday. I have to go.
Amazing. We should make it our first order of business to convince EVERYONE that we are “capable of doing anything.” Wonktards unite!
[re=33992]snig[/re]: C’mon, they’re all too young to remember when you needed pieces of paper and dice to play RPGs. Maybe they can send us a link to their WOW characters, or something.
i suddenly feel so cold, empty and alienated…my past life flashes before my eyes…a wasteland of booze drugs and sex…
its true, its true…im searching for redemption in this desert of snark…searching for someone just like Dr.Paul…i just never knew before…
as the great frodo once said, “dont leave me Sam”…
so, dont leave me Dr. Paul…i still have to get the ring to the mountain of doom…and then fight with golum…and then get carried away by big eagles…and then go to a wedding…and then ride in a boat with elves to god knows where…
i apologize in advance for this comment…its a very boring day at work…
[re=33931]tunamelt[/re]: Slowly rots them out? I wondered what that smell was. Thought mebbe it was just time to give myself my weekly whore’s bath a day early.
Derelict drunk in your duct taped shoes…
/Lucinda Williams
I love the comments over there. But the best one has to be the photo of Dr. Giggles holding his defibrillator paddles to the Declaration of Independence.
[re=33958]msvainfl[/re]: Yes. http://lh4.ggpht.com/_zErbZhG6NM8/Rsu7nwoxZZI/AAAAAAAAAi0/q-9t_hn2PjQ/IMG_3363.JPG
Well I am capable of doing anything… I just chose not to.
[re=33992]snig[/re]: Animal House style hijacking of their parade? Can I be the one who leads the band into a dead-end alley? Please please please? I’m qualified. I took a conducting class. I have a baton! How exciting.
Can’t do the march, sorry, but I will hoist a pint in your honor about 9:00 and then plan to pepper spray and piss myself about 11:00.
If only Wonkette could come up with catchy plan names like Operation : Cat Herder… http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthread.php?t=132910
I AM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW GUYS… WHOOOOAAAAA….
And I would totally vote for Velociraptor Ron Paul. Frighteningly more handsome than Obama! And less scales than McCain.
[re=34042]BrandonMills[/re]: Call me crazy, but when your political movement has “We don’t know who we all are” as a problem, the movement is probably falling apart lol.
[re=33992]snig[/re]: Can’t we try for the animal house thing? That would be so sweet….I call leading the marching band down the alley.
[re=34073]Another DC Lawyer (Again)[/re]: Sorry. Already called.
[re=34073]Another DC Lawyer (Again)[/re]: We can lead them down to anacostia.
This. is. fucking. great.
I’m picturing the meet up like the “rumble” in West Side Story. The Paultards and Wonktards beefing over turf. Someone brings out a knife and shit goes bananas. Through it all shortsshortsshorts falls in love with that prego Paultard from that thread sometime back.
Shorts get knifed, the Paultard sobs, and Wonktards and Paultards find a mutual understanding.
Beautiful. Shorts, if you make it to DC watch out. Rather than I knife it’s probably going to be some kind of dagger purchased at a renaissance fair.
[re=34120]KevoTron[/re]: “Your foam axes are no match for our kitchen knives!”
oh man, this is article is so rich, I have to skip all the comments (which I’ll go back and read now). I wish I wasn’t stuck like 4000 miles from DC as I’d come in a second.
These Paultards have it so right. I’ve just smoked like 10 Js and drank a bottle of really good Lebanese Chateau Musir (2000).
What I don’t get is why they are worried about people carrying knives (worn outside the clothing) and carrying pointy sticks of various varieties. WTF, Is it ok if I carry my Swiss Army Knife. I’m used to protests with AKs and I’m a pacifist (most of the time)
[re=33917]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Careful now. Obama sponsoring a NASCAR to prove he’s not too elitist…
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/tom_bowles/07/11/obama/index.html
I think Paul should run on the LP ticket with Barr. The current Vp root just doesnt even make the news. No one even knows who he is. He can go to http://www.BarrPaul08.com
Sign the petition asking the LP to put Paul on ticket. I was also wondering if anyone thinks that T. Boone Pickets Plan and energy campaign is going to have any effect on the election?? Maybe boone and Paul should team up.?? If you dont know about boones plan you can go to http://www.tboonpickens.com
[re=34120]KevoTron[/re]: Single tear. I am saddened by the fact that there is a possibility of falling in love with one of those dirty, unshaven foreign-native-American Paultards.
[re=34178]pastor mike[/re]: Barr and Paul don’t make the news.
[re=34178]pastor mike[/re]: TOTEZ. FOR REALZ! I was kinda thinking that Bob Barr should run with a gigantic penis in his hand screaming “GOLD ON THE AMERICAN RIVER.”
[re=34178]pastor mike[/re]: http://wonkette.com/?s=paultard
before things get messy….
[re=34120]KevoTron[/re]: Dude, one of Sun Tzu’s rules of war is the side that uses Broadway musicals for military analogies is not usually the one to bet on. You’re making us seem less rugged.
[re=33992]snig[/re]: organized? I was picturing this like the million man march or a bunch of italian tourists or headless chickens. we’re a bunch of lemmings dude, stoned drunk lemmings.
You are all dumb jocks, obvs. lulz.
For best results, any comment which invokes a LOTR quote should be read aloud with a sibilant “S” that simulates a retainer worn with headgear.
I’d like ten thousand marbles, please.
[re=34291]jimh[/re]: But in this thread, all the dumb jocks say that we’re nerds and weirdos:
http://wonkette.com/401045/new-reality-show-to-feature-rich-white-girls-in-dc
Why won’t anyone just accept us 3-nippled socialist faggot derelicts for who we are? I don’t want to be pigeonholed into your “categories”, man.
Marches are irrelevant. Protest is irrelevant. Paultards are irrelevant.
We are the Wonktards. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
Currently, I’m trapped in FL. I often dejectedly pine for NYC, but today I wish I still lived in Alexandria, so’s I could see a gaggle of angry Paultards being mocked and having fits.
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