Wonkette
Hey kids saddle up, it’s time for your thrice-weekly dose of vice presidential speculation. We know that certain contenders have officially dropped out of the race for Our Nation’s Number Two: Virginia Senator Jim Webb, for example, and Jesus. But who else will not be on the ticket? Famous Democrat Hillary Clinton and slightly famous Republican Tim Pawlenty, according to “sources.”
Of course, the guy who says Hillary Clinton isn’t being considered “as far as he knows” is the professional liar and Great Purveyor of Untruth, Howard Wolfson.
And Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty says he hasn’t been asked to provide “any documents or information to the McCain campaign,” but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been asked for a urine sample! (Or plasma, for John McCain to snack on.)
There is literally nothing else to write about today except these two losers who will not be anybody’s vice president ever.
Wolfson: Clinton not being vetted ‘as far as I know’ [Politico]
Veepstakes: Pawlenty says McCain campaign is not vetting him [TwinCities.com]
“As far as you know,” Howie. Why would she tell you shit anymore? I wouldn’t.
Nothing else to write on today? Au contraire!
http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0708/Wolfson_Clinton_not_being_vetted.html
Oh. Wait. Nevermind.
I kinda wish Webb was still in the running, because then he could make all the sops to “Redneck America” (i.e. white, ignorant, religious fucktards) that Barry has been trying to make of late, which has left me queasy. If I hear him support “faith-based initiatives” with my tax dollars one more time, I’m sitting this one out.
Carly Fiorina was counted out in the NPR circle-jerk on this topic this morning. Too bad! She’s quite hate-able, and probably could have been relied upon for more high-larious gaffes between now and November.
It’s too bad that it’s necessary to explain this to her, but here’s how it works:
(1) Boomer men can’t get a hardon? Huge problem, and all of Medical Science and Big Pharma work on it until it’s solved, lickety-split. Viagra! Cialis! Probably covered by Medicaid too, if anybody’d bother to look.
(2) Women dying of breast cancer all the time? Well, the White Coats are working on that too, but in the meantime that Tamoxifen is damn profitable.
“Hasn’t been asked”? What kind of apathetic attitude is that? If you really want the position, then you mail in your documents! This is why Mexicans are stealing all of our jobs.
V572625694: Sorry about the run-on italics. Can’t pre-screen these things in the new host environment.
V572625694: I totally agree. Carly would have been my number one choice. It’s hard to find anyone these days who was paid $26 million by their employer to “just go away”.
I think that if McCain is elected, there will be a place for Carly - perhaps Secretary of the Treasury? Her experience destroying one iconic US corporation and very nearly destroying another one before being fired would certainly put her in the lead for such a post.
The tough part is that I doubt that the Treasury Department would be as generous in picking up the tab for her facelifts as HP was…
If Obama was considering Clinton as VP what kind of vetting would he still need to do? He has done opposition research on her for the last year.
Has anyone mentioned Charles Barkley as a possible McCain Veep? He’s always said he wants to get into politics and he’s a Straight Talker (TM) who could show that the Republicans don’t entirely hate negros. He also has a nasty habit of getting drunk and gambling too much, but that’s got to be a pretty tolerable sin these days compared to most Republicans.
Cape Clod:
Nope, he got all disappointed with the Repubs grand plans to kill the economy by invading Iraq and having gay hate sex that he went independent.
Even though he’s got the multiple-wife vote sewn up, I still think WALN*TS should pick Mittens. As a Bostonian who can’t get a job mowing Mitt’s lawn (damn Messicans), I miss seeing his chiseled hair and perfect chin, not to mention his 37 not-gay sons.
Advocatus_Diaboli: They’re all busy with not-gay Mike Piazza.
There damn well better be more to write about. I’ve gotta sit at this desk for another 4 hours.
Cape Clod: ManchuCandidate: I think Chuck is now a democrat, even. I heard him on the radio loving all over Barry and planning his run for gov. of Alabama. oooh. Obama/Chuckles! Hooray!
Just because he hasn’t been vetted, doesn’t mean he’s not going to be chosen. Republicans don’t vet.
Given McCain’s age, wouldn’t Alban Barclay be a better running mate than Charles Barkley?
Since economics IS a behavior science, and both Insane McCane and Carly Farina failed miserably to understand the basics, how can they possibly say that they are in touch with working Americans?
NoWireHangers: Must be nice back on the right coast.
Funny story - during a long weekend out at Charlie Crist’s beach cottage, he and I couldn’t agree who had a better chance of getting the call.
He was so sure it would be him, since he had done everything to make himself more “electable”, what with making sure everyone saw him out with that fishy. He just wouldn’t let it go.
Finally, to settle it we agreed to wrestle, best two falls out of three. Well, one thing led to another, and, suffice to say, the question remained unresolved.
The “dream ticket” for Dems would be Barry-O and John Kerry. That way, as they flip-flop back and forth, they can literally be on both positions of most issues at the same time!
-Wm Tate,
http://www.atimelikethis.us/
I thought Hillary has already been vetted? I seem to remember hearing that somewhere.
And if we’re throwing it open to wild speculation about Obama’s VP, then I say it’ll be David Boren.
CollegeStudent: Actually, (I shouldn’t even admit this), I’m on the Left coast and we leave early on Fridays to enjoy the California sun
Everyone knows that Obamamma is going with Billy Crystal, McCain’s going with Ted Nugent, and Nader’s teaming up with Ross Perot to steal votes from both major parties and execute a surprise win to finally become President! Immediately after Nader’s win, U.S. troops exit Iraq, the military budget is slahed in half, government is cut by 15 percent, government focuses on what it should focus on, an entire level of unneeded upper management patronage position government is eliminated, the speed limit is back at 55, the EPA and Energy Department are given new, stronger missions, more land is preserved by the Interior Department, all the crazies are fired from the Justice Department, and Commerce, Labor and Treasury actually do something to help the workforce and the economy. Hey, a guy can dream.
McCain for VEEP!!!!
Elliott Spitzer for VP. He’s no homo.
It’s “Tim” Pawlenty, right?
I agree with the earlier posters. After hearing Carly’s disastrous interview on NPR, I was praying for her nomination.
StrangelyBrown: Yeah, I think I remember hearing her vetting went something like this: “Bill’s donor list, please”, “fuck off.”
Carly on NPR:
http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=92442919&m=92442898
Toughest choice John McCain will have to make as president: “growing the economy”
Warning: no snark here.
loudmouthredhead: Re faith-based initiatives: “We need to take faith seriously not simply to block the religious right, but to engage all persons of faith in the larger project of American renewal.” - From “The Audacity of Hope”.
“And one can envision certain faith-based programs - targeting ex-offenders or substance abusers - that offer a uniquely powerful way of solving problems.” - Barack Obama, from the “Call to Renewal” address, June 2006. Full text available: http://obama.senate.gov/speech/060628-call_to_renewal/
He’s been saying this stuff for a loooong time. Expect him to be saying it in the future, too. My husband and I are both atheists, and we had to come to terms with Bear-bear’s religiousity during the primaries. Perhaps he should take on a raging atheist to balance the ticket? Too bad Dawkins isn’t a U.S. citizen.
Hillary Clinton has not been vetted and revealed to be crypto lesbian terrorist money laundering cat murdering Vince Foster threesome deadly love triangulating racist race baiter “as far I know”, said Howard Wolfson to reporters earlier today.
I think it will be Obama/Emmanuael vs. McCain/Crist. Both candidates will play God and cast their VP as Christ. See: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75163
Actually I think he’ll pick Baye. Obama Bay has a nice Carribean vacation, and by extension “Tiger Woods” feel to it.
NPR said this a.m. that Chris Dodd and Claire McCaskill were on the vetting list. I think the latter is a big mistake–no where near the experience he needs to balance the ticket. Dodd is interesting, but he might be too Northern.
All this vetting makes for lots of work for vets, urine samples and rectal thermometers and so forth, not to mention stool samples (bar, counter, saddle-seat and the rest).
Cicada: lawrenceofthedesert: Darryl Dawkins *is* a U.S. citizen, but “Chocolate Thunder” — despite his penchant for personal fouls and naming his dunks — has a lot less personality than Charles Barkley. (Various assault charges aside, of course.)
Nasara: Are you saying that Bill Richardson is in?
Doglessliberal: If you’re gonna take Dodd, you might as well take Biden. I don’t buy Pawlenty’s nonsense for a moment. They’re not vetting him because they’ve ALREADY chosen him. He’s the only one who makes any sense amongst an injun-exorcist, a polygamist who everyone despises, and teh gheyz.
El Bombastico: I don’t think Biden is clear or articulate enough. heh
It’ll be Carly. She got her BA from Stanford in Medieval History — therefore, she has all the scoop on McAncient. Probably also has the recipe for powdered unicorn horn/cucumber paste Erectile Dysfunction Potion that McAncient has been using since 1217, A.D., when he first became old.
Pawlenty has already admitted that he isn’t getting enough from the old lady (she prefers fishing). McCain needs Tim to take care of Cindy while he’s out banging lobbyists.
Problem solved for everyone!
Maybe we should just make Boone Pickens the oil man president.!!
Or Vice Pres. lol http://www.tboonepickens.com
I just seen the poll results on Veep Peek, , As far as Obama Oddly enough Veep Peek has handicapped Wes Clark still near the top of the list. I am partial to Huckabee for McCains VP though. Huckabee is at the top of the poll list.!! Yeaaa! If you want to see the Veep Poll results I will leave the link http://www.VeepPeek.com
Phonosemantic voodoo aside, I would prefer to see Sebelius be chosen.
SwanSwanH: Are you crazy? Darryl Dawkins is not a US citizen. Unless the planet Lovetron was a US protectorate at the time of his birth. Or retroactively added by statute, like for the mad Panamanian dictator who will be our next president.
El Bombastico: My bad; I forgot naturalized citizens are Constitutionally barred.