So yeah, apparently the Hays code or whatever prevents you from saying “nuts” on the teevee unless you mean “crazy” or “consumable food items that come in shells.” So if you are Wolf Blitzer, you rattle on about the horrifying crudity of a particular phrase that Jesse Jackson uttered, and then you make all your guests kind of stumble around awkwardly about “things only a man would have,” so that Americans everywhere turn to each other and ask, “Is he talking about cum rags?” []

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Serolf Divad
  • graceless

    What is it with HRC’s supporters and their fixation with genitalia? Don’t they know they’re just reminding us of Bubba’s impeachment? Silly Bitters.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Nuts! TruckNutz! Nads! Balls!

    Come on say it! Apparently, it’s now eight words you can’t say on TV. George Carlin would have appreciated that.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Wolf will always be a company man. I swear, if CNN told him to murder a hobo, he’d be down at the railyard in five minutes.

  • Noodle Salad

    After 8 years of lapping up the Bush Administration’s shit, is it a surprise that the media doesn’t know how to talk about balls?

  • Christastic

    Can’t they just say “testicles”? It’s not as much fun to say, but it would save some hemming and hawing.

  • AzDownboy

    “things only a man would have,”

    – an unfurnished apartment?
    – 9 jerseys and no tie?

  • Doglessliberal

    George Bush can call Rove a turdblossom, and we can see it on TV, but “nuts” is offensive? Balls!

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    His boys?
    Lefty, or is it Righty?
    Tea Bags?
    Fun Sacks?
    Grocery Bags from A&P?

  • Doglessliberal

    pointless nipples?

  • Larry Fine

    [re=33767]AzDownboy[/re]: underwear thats yellow in the front and brown in the rear

  • CaptainOCD

    I realize there’s still a slight difference between a news report and a cartoon show, but South Park viewers have to call bs on this one. Over and over, we’ve heard Eric Cartman shout, “I will kick you in the nuts!” Clearly he is not referring to anything made by Planters. So you can say “nuts” on TV, it just makes it seem so much worse if you choose not to.

  • msvainfl

    Don Lemon is so scared to say this it looks like his nuts are crawling up inside him.

  • freakishlystrong

    “Bait and Tackle”?

  • Larry Fine

    [re=33776]CaptainOCD[/re]: They also had Chef singing about his “salty balls” on Southpark. That show is groundbreaking.

  • Oh my God, Shepard Smith at 40 seconds or so is the BEST. You can tell he’s totally turned on.

  • AfghanVet

    Yup. You can’t say nuts, but you can say erection during the Viagra commercial that plays five times and hour during the Reverend Jimmy Snodgrass Power Hour of Prayer show. Makes sense to me.

  • V572625694

    Maybe the difference is that Barry is black, and talking about a black man’s genitalia is just too scary or holy or awesome for all these teevee hacks to even consider.

  • RuperttheBear

    It’s a race issue. You can only have a white man threatening a black man’s nuts, never another black man.

  • bitchincamaro

    When BBC Radio reported the story, the “readers” had no trouble at all quoting JJ verbatim. Somehow “nuts” with a British accent sounds more refined. “Bollocks” on the other had might not trip off the tongue quite so effortlessly.

    Haha, I said tongue.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    Them teevee rules sure is nutty.

  • cantabrigia

    The BBC World Service (rebroadcast over here via that prim and prissy NPR) had no problem straigh-up telling the world that Jesse wants to cut Barry’s nuts off. Gotta love the Beeb. That shite’s fuckin’ brilliant.

  • WadISay

    My questions:

    1. Do we now have to use the prim asterisk, as in, “Pick me up a can of n*ts at the store, honey”?
    2. Does this displace one of the FCC’s seven words, or are there now eight?
    3. At Bastogne, should Gen. McAuliffe just have come out and said “scrotal sac”?

  • cantabrigia

    [re=33805]bitchincamaro[/re]: Stupid page didn’t refresh. Ya got me, bitchincamaro.

  • TGY


  • Big Al1317

    You can’t make this stuff up!!

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=33767]AzDownboy[/re]: A pantry full of food that never needs refrigeration and a fridge only filled with beer? (guilty)

    “Folks, he wanted to take Barry’s berries off the twig.”
    “Rev. Jackson wanted to, uh, take the beans away from the frank.”
    “Um…he, uh..hehe, wanted to, um….de-MAN him, ya-know-wada-mean *wink*”

    I like where the one guy points to the word “NUTS!” on a newspaper to finish his sentence.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Evidently G*d and everybody is afraid of “nuts.” I mean, TBS overdubbed Judd Nelson’s comment to Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club as “elephantitis of the BUTT” (it’s pretty tasty).

    Of course, TBS is easily explainable, since Ted Turner had his manly bits chewed off by Hanoi Jane decades ago.

  • KevoTron

    I’m having a shitty morning at work but this totally brightened my mood. I’m trying to quit smoking cold turkey today but I’m rethinking the whole thing at this point.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=33784]AfghanVet[/re]: “remember to consult your physician if you experience an erection lasting longer than 3 hours”

  • somelegalbitch

    [re=33766]Christastic[/re]: That’s exactly what I was thinking. Is the actual medical term for nuts also not allowed? Or were they just worried that the average tv viewer wouldn’t know such a big word?

  • Cord

    Maybe they should have said that Jesse Jackson wanted to cut off Obama’s “testicular fortitude” not a remotely exact translation but it works.

  • sezme

    They can cheerlead while the army bombs civilians, but they can’t figure out how to say testicles. What is wrong with these pathetic, pathetic people? I am left snarkless, desnarkulated if you will.

  • Deepthroat

    What in the name of Sir Isaac H. Newton is wrong with American media!? Can’t they even just say testicles? Granted, it does sound even more disgusting, but it’s fucking anatomy people!!! Grow some!!! I get all riled up when this puritanical mindset becomes painfully obvious.

  • graceless

    I call SEXISM! Imagine the outrage if anybody had said anything like that about HRC.

  • Deepthroat

    [re=33766]Christastic[/re]: sorry, got a ‘head’ of myself on that one

  • CaptainOCD

    At least Jesse didn’t say anything about black holes!

  • gurukalehuru

    Have they all gone testicles!?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=33862]KevoTron[/re]: Go and rent Sordid Lives. That’ll make you feel better about trying to quit smoking. That, and the fact that Delta Burke threatens to shoot off Beau Bridges’s nuts with a sawed-off shotgun. It’s DVD worth watching!

  • SkimLatteLiberal

    [re=33867]somelegalbitch[/re]: Think of the young, impressionable boys? They’re not even supposed to know they have testicles until they get married. Unless they live in a red state.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    This is much ado about nothing. You can say “nuts” on television. You just can’t say “nutz.” Way to Gangster.

  • stolichnayaaa


    A baseball card collection?
    A foot fetish?
    The right to marry a woman?

  • Indi

    [re=33885]CaptainOCD[/re]: Bwahahahah! FTW.

  • badco/LoJ

    Dashed hopes and dreams?

    Am I right, guys?

  • Cicada Carville can say “If Hillary gave Obama one of her cajones, they’d both have two.”, but Blitzer can’t say “nuts”? WTF?

  • ct03

    I thought if something was so crude you couldn’t tell viewers what was said meant you didn’t have to report it. Like when John McCain called his wife a cum-guzzling gutter slut or something.

  • Sussemilch

    [re=34021]Cicada[/re]: You have to have balls figuratively to speak about balls literally.

    Carville has balls. Blitzer has a third nipple.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=33816]cantabrigia[/re]: Yeah, sometimes Wonkette’s not exactly nutz-on.

  • Destonio
Previous article
Next articleJohn McCain, Closet Bigamist?