MEDIA CENSORSHIP  10:11 am July 11, 2008

News Anchors Cannot Say ‘Nuts’ On Air, Hilarity Ensues

by Sara K. Smith

So yeah, apparently the Hays code or whatever prevents you from saying “nuts” on the teevee unless you mean “crazy” or “consumable food items that come in shells.” So if you are Wolf Blitzer, you rattle on about the horrifying crudity of a particular phrase that Jesse Jackson uttered, and then you make all your guests kind of stumble around awkwardly about “things only a man would have,” so that Americans everywhere turn to each other and ask, “Is he talking about cum rags?” []


Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Serolf Divad July 11, 2008 at 10:15 am

That’s so lame. When I grow up I want to work for Fox, where you can say anything on the air.

graceless July 11, 2008 at 10:16 am

What is it with HRC’s supporters and their fixation with genitalia? Don’t they know they’re just reminding us of Bubba’s impeachment? Silly Bitters.

ManchuCandidate July 11, 2008 at 10:18 am

Nuts! TruckNutz! Nads! Balls!

Come on say it! Apparently, it’s now eight words you can’t say on TV. George Carlin would have appreciated that.

Botswana Meat Commission FC July 11, 2008 at 10:18 am

Wolf will always be a company man. I swear, if CNN told him to murder a hobo, he’d be down at the railyard in five minutes.

Noodle Salad July 11, 2008 at 10:18 am

After 8 years of lapping up the Bush Administration’s shit, is it a surprise that the media doesn’t know how to talk about balls?

Christastic July 11, 2008 at 10:19 am

Can’t they just say “testicles”? It’s not as much fun to say, but it would save some hemming and hawing.

AzDownboy July 11, 2008 at 10:22 am

“things only a man would have,”

- an unfurnished apartment?
- 9 jerseys and no tie?

Doglessliberal July 11, 2008 at 10:24 am

George Bush can call Rove a turdblossom, and we can see it on TV, but “nuts” is offensive? Balls!

Monsieur Grumpe July 11, 2008 at 10:24 am

His boys?
Lefty, or is it Righty?
Tea Bags?
Fun Sacks?
Grocery Bags from A&P?

Doglessliberal July 11, 2008 at 10:25 am

pointless nipples?

Larry Fine July 11, 2008 at 10:25 am

[re=33767]AzDownboy[/re]: underwear thats yellow in the front and brown in the rear

CaptainOCD July 11, 2008 at 10:29 am

I realize there’s still a slight difference between a news report and a cartoon show, but South Park viewers have to call bs on this one. Over and over, we’ve heard Eric Cartman shout, “I will kick you in the nuts!” Clearly he is not referring to anything made by Planters. So you can say “nuts” on TV, it just makes it seem so much worse if you choose not to.

msvainfl July 11, 2008 at 10:33 am

Don Lemon is so scared to say this it looks like his nuts are crawling up inside him.

freakishlystrong July 11, 2008 at 10:36 am

“Bait and Tackle”?

Larry Fine July 11, 2008 at 10:39 am

[re=33776]CaptainOCD[/re]: They also had Chef singing about his “salty balls” on Southpark. That show is groundbreaking.

Josh Fruhlinger July 11, 2008 at 10:41 am

Oh my God, Shepard Smith at 40 seconds or so is the BEST. You can tell he’s totally turned on.

AfghanVet July 11, 2008 at 10:43 am

Yup. You can’t say nuts, but you can say erection during the Viagra commercial that plays five times and hour during the Reverend Jimmy Snodgrass Power Hour of Prayer show. Makes sense to me.

V572625694 July 11, 2008 at 10:46 am

Maybe the difference is that Barry is black, and talking about a black man’s genitalia is just too scary or holy or awesome for all these teevee hacks to even consider.

RuperttheBear July 11, 2008 at 10:49 am

It’s a race issue. You can only have a white man threatening a black man’s nuts, never another black man.

bitchincamaro July 11, 2008 at 11:06 am

When BBC Radio reported the story, the “readers” had no trouble at all quoting JJ verbatim. Somehow “nuts” with a British accent sounds more refined. “Bollocks” on the other had might not trip off the tongue quite so effortlessly.

Haha, I said tongue.

Advocatus_Diaboli July 11, 2008 at 11:11 am

Them teevee rules sure is nutty.

cantabrigia July 11, 2008 at 11:14 am

The BBC World Service (rebroadcast over here via that prim and prissy NPR) had no problem straigh-up telling the world that Jesse wants to cut Barry’s nuts off. Gotta love the Beeb. That shite’s fuckin’ brilliant.

WadISay July 11, 2008 at 11:15 am

My questions:

1. Do we now have to use the prim asterisk, as in, “Pick me up a can of n*ts at the store, honey”?
2. Does this displace one of the FCC’s seven words, or are there now eight?
3. At Bastogne, should Gen. McAuliffe just have come out and said “scrotal sac”?

cantabrigia July 11, 2008 at 11:16 am

[re=33805]bitchincamaro[/re]: Stupid page didn’t refresh. Ya got me, bitchincamaro.

TGY July 11, 2008 at 11:29 am


Big Al1317 July 11, 2008 at 11:42 am

You can’t make this stuff up!!

loudmouthredhead July 11, 2008 at 11:53 am

[re=33767]AzDownboy[/re]: A pantry full of food that never needs refrigeration and a fridge only filled with beer? (guilty)

“Folks, he wanted to take Barry’s berries off the twig.”
“Rev. Jackson wanted to, uh, take the beans away from the frank.”
“Um…he, uh..hehe, wanted to, um….de-MAN him, ya-know-wada-mean *wink*”

I like where the one guy points to the word “NUTS!” on a newspaper to finish his sentence.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 11, 2008 at 11:59 am

Evidently G*d and everybody is afraid of “nuts.” I mean, TBS overdubbed Judd Nelson’s comment to Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club as “elephantitis of the BUTT” (it’s pretty tasty).

Of course, TBS is easily explainable, since Ted Turner had his manly bits chewed off by Hanoi Jane decades ago.

KevoTron July 11, 2008 at 12:06 pm

I’m having a shitty morning at work but this totally brightened my mood. I’m trying to quit smoking cold turkey today but I’m rethinking the whole thing at this point.

Johnny Zhivago July 11, 2008 at 12:14 pm

[re=33784]AfghanVet[/re]: “remember to consult your physician if you experience an erection lasting longer than 3 hours”

somelegalbitch July 11, 2008 at 12:15 pm

[re=33766]Christastic[/re]: That’s exactly what I was thinking. Is the actual medical term for nuts also not allowed? Or were they just worried that the average tv viewer wouldn’t know such a big word?

Cord July 11, 2008 at 12:18 pm

Maybe they should have said that Jesse Jackson wanted to cut off Obama’s “testicular fortitude” not a remotely exact translation but it works.

sezme July 11, 2008 at 12:20 pm

They can cheerlead while the army bombs civilians, but they can’t figure out how to say testicles. What is wrong with these pathetic, pathetic people? I am left snarkless, desnarkulated if you will.

Deepthroat July 11, 2008 at 12:26 pm

What in the name of Sir Isaac H. Newton is wrong with American media!? Can’t they even just say testicles? Granted, it does sound even more disgusting, but it’s fucking anatomy people!!! Grow some!!! I get all riled up when this puritanical mindset becomes painfully obvious.

graceless July 11, 2008 at 12:30 pm

I call SEXISM! Imagine the outrage if anybody had said anything like that about HRC.

Deepthroat July 11, 2008 at 12:30 pm

[re=33766]Christastic[/re]: sorry, got a ‘head’ of myself on that one

CaptainOCD July 11, 2008 at 12:35 pm

At least Jesse didn’t say anything about black holes!

gurukalehuru July 11, 2008 at 12:48 pm

Have they all gone testicles!?

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 11, 2008 at 1:00 pm

[re=33862]KevoTron[/re]: Go and rent Sordid Lives. That’ll make you feel better about trying to quit smoking. That, and the fact that Delta Burke threatens to shoot off Beau Bridges’s nuts with a sawed-off shotgun. It’s DVD worth watching!

SkimLatteLiberal July 11, 2008 at 1:01 pm

[re=33867]somelegalbitch[/re]: Think of the young, impressionable boys? They’re not even supposed to know they have testicles until they get married. Unless they live in a red state.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 11, 2008 at 1:15 pm

This is much ado about nothing. You can say “nuts” on television. You just can’t say “nutz.” Way to Gangster.

stolichnayaaa July 11, 2008 at 1:21 pm


A baseball card collection?
A foot fetish?
The right to marry a woman?

Indi July 11, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=33885]CaptainOCD[/re]: Bwahahahah! FTW.

badco/LoJ July 11, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Dashed hopes and dreams?

Am I right, guys?

Cicada July 11, 2008 at 2:10 pm Carville can say “If Hillary gave Obama one of her cajones, they’d both have two.”, but Blitzer can’t say “nuts”? WTF?

ct03 July 11, 2008 at 2:15 pm

I thought if something was so crude you couldn’t tell viewers what was said meant you didn’t have to report it. Like when John McCain called his wife a cum-guzzling gutter slut or something.

Sussemilch July 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm

[re=34021]Cicada[/re]: You have to have balls figuratively to speak about balls literally.

Carville has balls. Blitzer has a third nipple.

bitchincamaro July 11, 2008 at 4:49 pm

[re=33816]cantabrigia[/re]: Yeah, sometimes Wonkette’s not exactly nutz-on.

Destonio July 12, 2008 at 3:29 am

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: