Wonkette
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Greetings, Wonketteers! Your Comics Curmudgeon is back at work, reading the political cartoons so you don’t have to. Except … after a grueling two weeks spent vacationing among the Foreigns, it can be hard to readjust to life in the bitter clingy land of my birth. Most doctors will tell you that making the transition back to Americanness too quickly can be bad for your health! Thus, to avoid possible brain fevers and nasty rashes, this week’s Cartoon Violence will focus on cartoons from the Foreigns, to find out what they think of our beloved presidential candidates! See our future leaders through a crazy fun-house mirror, after the jump.
Country: South Korea
Candidate Helpfully labeled Obama
Wacky Foreign take: While the easily beguiled Americans have decided that Obama is “handsome” and “charismatic,” the Koreans, with their refined standards of beauty, see him for what he truly is: an obese version of Eddie Munster. Also, being all too aware of the precarious state of the American banking system, he prefers to carry all of your campaign donations in cash, stuffed into the front of one of his finely tailored suits.
Country: Brazil
Candidate: Obama
Wacky Foreign take: Barack Obama, 2008 = Will Smith, circa Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Also, the Brazilians apparently believe that Barry is prone to sneaking up behind America and gleefully surprise-sodomizing it. Silly Foreigns! Everyone knows that’s Republican territory.
Country: South Africa
Candidates Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama’s foot
Wacky Foreign take: African-derived Obama has crushed the poor white lady with his Africa-shaped foot! It’s a well-known anthropological fact people’s feet reflect the continent from which their genes derive. In fact, that’s why Hillary was so easy for Obama to stomp on: her Europe-shaped feet made it difficult for her to stay upright, even in her most sensible shoes.
Country: United Arab Emirates
Candidates: Barack Obama and John McCain
Wacky Foreign take: Our supposedly honest and decent candidates are nothing more than a pair of sinisterly grinning thuggish boxers, raining terribly kidney punches down on poor, innocent Mexico. But watch out, fellas! Hispanic voters are coming to avenge their father, and they’re thirty feet tall and blond for some reason. They will crush you with a single swipe of their mighty sombrero!
Country: The Netherlands
Candidate: Hillary Clinton
Wacky Foreign take: The Dutch like big asses. That’s what I’m getting out of this, anyway. Enterprising pornographers should secure the hillarysbigass.nl domain post-haste!
Tune in for next week’s Cartoon Violence, in which we examine American political cartoonists’ views on foreign elections! Ha ha, just kidding, nobody here knows about any of that crap.
What is up with the Dutch? First it was cartoons of Mohammad, now a cartoon of a zaftig Hilz. How long before the PUMAs issue a fatwa?
Why are the “hispanic american voters” represented by an aging blond hippie in a teal sombrero???
Oh, and the Koreans show an incredible inability to draw anyone who isn’t Asian.
What I like is that people in other countries give a damn about whether or not Obama publicly finances or not. I mean, I don’t sit around wondering about how elections go down in other countries. That’s why my elite ass skips over every article on Zimbabwe I see.
I am totally getting OBAMA tattooed on my toes Night-of-the-Hunter-style.
ok, does the hillary in the south african cartoon have a beard??
Diadhuit: she kind of looks like Homer Simpson in drag.
Cicada: Hillarytards are OH SO BITTER now that they will probably be blowing up an embassy within the week. That and a few hostages should get their message across.
You should see what the Nagorno-Karabkh Islanders are drawing!
stolichnayaaa: What did Homer Simpson ever doh to you?
I don’t know about *.nl but hillarysbigass.com is available. GoDaddy says:
“HILLARYSBIGASS.COM is available!” Whaddaya think people? Should I go for it?
Actually I think I realize what I just said.
The Dutch just haven’t been paying attention.
It’s yellow. Yellow. Yellow pant-suits.
Diadhuit: No. She’s by herself. Ta-da-boom!
Damn Dutch, pay attention, Hillz doesn’t wear SKIRTS…it’s PANTSUITS, idiots…
Cartoon 3 would’ve been a lot funnier if the participants wore hoods like Mexican wrestlers. Well, maybe not.
Barry’s gotta get a fade for the swearing in ceremony. Fresh Prince of Hope!
Mexico also appears to be blond. As a blond honorary Mexican, let me just say that we no long care about the elecshuns. Too concerned about our precious pico de gallo supply being tainted by salmonella-y peppers, tomatoes, and cilantro. If they attack our onions, expect a revolution.
Seriously, I don’t get the Brazilian one. Barry’s gouging out Uncle Sam’s eyes? WTF?
Blond ponytail and no ’stache?
RACISTS!!!
DemmeFatale: But with a severe five o’clock shadow. Methinks they were confused and thought Don Johnson (Juanson?) is Mexican.
The foreigns are bitters. Who knew?
Well this is a story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute to elaborate
To tell you how I became the Prez of the U-ni-ted States.
Word. Welcome back, J-Fro.
So I guess nobody told the Brazilians about Alaska and Hawaii? Or are they just longing for the good old days of John McCain’s childhood, when the flag actually looked like that?
In West Phillipines I was raised
At the madrassa is where I spent most of my days
Readin’ the Koran, blowin’ up stuff
Or shootin some b-ball outside the bowling alley…
sanantonerose: Mmmmmmm … pico de gallo.
(Served by a blonde aging hippie in a teal sombrero? Not so much…)
THOZE HOLLANDERS DONT EVEN KNOW HILLERY WEARS NICE PANTSUIT - WHATT YOU CALLIN HER CHEAP SKIRT-HO? WHY YOU PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF HER CLOTHES SHE IS VERY NICE FASHION. AND SHE HAS NICEST BUTTOX SECTION OF ALL WOMIN HER AGES. HELLERY 2008 4 EVA
I was just in the Netherlands and I will say that once you get away from the strung-out druggies in Amsterdam, there are plenty of fat asses around. I guess all that cheese has to go somewhere. So perhaps the last cartoonist was just trying to make Hillary look pretty, by his standards at least.
Cicada: That was the Danes that did the Mohammed cartoons, dumbass
That hillarious derrier was pant suited for public consumption.