The Foreigns: They Can’t Draw

  cartoon violence

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Greetings, Wonketteers! Your Comics Curmudgeon is back at work, reading the political cartoons so you don’t have to. Except … after a grueling two weeks spent vacationing among the Foreigns, it can be hard to readjust to life in the bitter clingy land of my birth. Most doctors will tell you that making the transition back to Americanness too quickly can be bad for your health! Thus, to avoid possible brain fevers and nasty rashes, this week’s Cartoon Violence will focus on cartoons from the Foreigns, to find out what they think of our beloved presidential candidates! See our future leaders through a crazy fun-house mirror, after the jump.

Country: South Korea

Candidate Helpfully labeled Obama

Wacky Foreign take: While the easily beguiled Americans have decided that Obama is “handsome” and “charismatic,” the Koreans, with their refined standards of beauty, see him for what he truly is: an obese version of Eddie Munster. Also, being all too aware of the precarious state of the American banking system, he prefers to carry all of your campaign donations in cash, stuffed into the front of one of his finely tailored suits.

Country: Brazil

Candidate: Obama

Wacky Foreign take: Barack Obama, 2008 = Will Smith, circa Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Also, the Brazilians apparently believe that Barry is prone to sneaking up behind America and gleefully surprise-sodomizing it. Silly Foreigns! Everyone knows that’s Republican territory.

Country: South Africa

Candidates Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama’s foot

Wacky Foreign take: African-derived Obama has crushed the poor white lady with his Africa-shaped foot! It’s a well-known anthropological fact people’s feet reflect the continent from which their genes derive. In fact, that’s why Hillary was so easy for Obama to stomp on: her Europe-shaped feet made it difficult for her to stay upright, even in her most sensible shoes.

Country: United Arab Emirates

Candidates: Barack Obama and John McCain

Wacky Foreign take: Our supposedly honest and decent candidates are nothing more than a pair of sinisterly grinning thuggish boxers, raining terribly kidney punches down on poor, innocent Mexico. But watch out, fellas! Hispanic voters are coming to avenge their father, and they’re thirty feet tall and blond for some reason. They will crush you with a single swipe of their mighty sombrero!

Country: The Netherlands

Candidate: Hillary Clinton

Wacky Foreign take: The Dutch like big asses. That’s what I’m getting out of this, anyway. Enterprising pornographers should secure the hillarysbigass.nl domain post-haste!

Tune in for next week’s Cartoon Violence, in which we examine American political cartoonists’ views on foreign elections! Ha ha, just kidding, nobody here knows about any of that crap.

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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30 comments

  1. Cicada

    What is up with the Dutch? First it was cartoons of Mohammad, now a cartoon of a zaftig Hilz. How long before the PUMAs issue a fatwa?

  2. columnv

    Why are the “hispanic american voters” represented by an aging blond hippie in a teal sombrero???

  3. Inadequate Blackmail

    What I like is that people in other countries give a damn about whether or not Obama publicly finances or not. I mean, I don’t sit around wondering about how elections go down in other countries. That’s why my elite ass skips over every article on Zimbabwe I see.

  4. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=33916]Cicada[/re]: Hillarytards are OH SO BITTER now that they will probably be blowing up an embassy within the week. That and a few hostages should get their message across.

  5. Combover

    I don’t know about *.nl but hillarysbigass.com is available. GoDaddy says:
    “HILLARYSBIGASS.COM is available!” Whaddaya think people? Should I go for it?

  6. WhatTheHeck

    The Dutch just haven’t been paying attention.
    It’s yellow. Yellow. Yellow pant-suits.

  7. freakishlystrong

    Damn Dutch, pay attention, Hillz doesn’t wear SKIRTS…it’s PANTSUITS, idiots…

  8. V572625694

    Cartoon 3 would’ve been a lot funnier if the participants wore hoods like Mexican wrestlers. Well, maybe not.

  9. sanantonerose

    Mexico also appears to be blond. As a blond honorary Mexican, let me just say that we no long care about the elecshuns. Too concerned about our precious pico de gallo supply being tainted by salmonella-y peppers, tomatoes, and cilantro. If they attack our onions, expect a revolution.

  10. Joey Ratz

    Seriously, I don’t get the Brazilian one. Barry’s gouging out Uncle Sam’s eyes? WTF?

  11. Cicada

    [re=34013]DemmeFatale[/re]: But with a severe five o’clock shadow. Methinks they were confused and thought Don Johnson (Juanson?) is Mexican.

  12. Jewdishoowary Square

    Well this is a story all about how
    My life got flipped, turned upside down
    And I’d like to take a minute to elaborate
    To tell you how I became the Prez of the U-ni-ted States.

    Word. Welcome back, J-Fro.

  13. Midwest_Product

    So I guess nobody told the Brazilians about Alaska and Hawaii? Or are they just longing for the good old days of John McCain’s childhood, when the flag actually looked like that?

  14. LikeSweetTea_NotARedneck

    In West Phillipines I was raised
    At the madrassa is where I spent most of my days
    Readin’ the Koran, blowin’ up stuff
    Or shootin some b-ball outside the bowling alley…

  15. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=33991]sanantonerose[/re]: Mmmmmmm … pico de gallo.

    (Served by a blonde aging hippie in a teal sombrero? Not so much…)

  16. Borat

    THOZE HOLLANDERS DONT EVEN KNOW HILLERY WEARS NICE PANTSUIT – WHATT YOU CALLIN HER CHEAP SKIRT-HO? WHY YOU PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF HER CLOTHES SHE IS VERY NICE FASHION. AND SHE HAS NICEST BUTTOX SECTION OF ALL WOMIN HER AGES. HELLERY 2008 4 EVA

  17. Mahousu

    I was just in the Netherlands and I will say that once you get away from the strung-out druggies in Amsterdam, there are plenty of fat asses around. I guess all that cheese has to go somewhere. So perhaps the last cartoonist was just trying to make Hillary look pretty, by his standards at least.

Comments are closed.