CARTOON VIOLENCE  1:15 pm July 11, 2008

The Foreigns: They Can’t Draw

by Josh Fruhlinger

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Greetings, Wonketteers! Your Comics Curmudgeon is back at work, reading the political cartoons so you don’t have to. Except … after a grueling two weeks spent vacationing among the Foreigns, it can be hard to readjust to life in the bitter clingy land of my birth. Most doctors will tell you that making the transition back to Americanness too quickly can be bad for your health! Thus, to avoid possible brain fevers and nasty rashes, this week’s Cartoon Violence will focus on cartoons from the Foreigns, to find out what they think of our beloved presidential candidates! See our future leaders through a crazy fun-house mirror, after the jump.

Country: South Korea

Candidate Helpfully labeled Obama

Wacky Foreign take: While the easily beguiled Americans have decided that Obama is “handsome” and “charismatic,” the Koreans, with their refined standards of beauty, see him for what he truly is: an obese version of Eddie Munster. Also, being all too aware of the precarious state of the American banking system, he prefers to carry all of your campaign donations in cash, stuffed into the front of one of his finely tailored suits.

Country: Brazil

Candidate: Obama

Wacky Foreign take: Barack Obama, 2008 = Will Smith, circa Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Also, the Brazilians apparently believe that Barry is prone to sneaking up behind America and gleefully surprise-sodomizing it. Silly Foreigns! Everyone knows that’s Republican territory.

Country: South Africa

Candidates Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama’s foot

Wacky Foreign take: African-derived Obama has crushed the poor white lady with his Africa-shaped foot! It’s a well-known anthropological fact people’s feet reflect the continent from which their genes derive. In fact, that’s why Hillary was so easy for Obama to stomp on: her Europe-shaped feet made it difficult for her to stay upright, even in her most sensible shoes.

Country: United Arab Emirates

Candidates: Barack Obama and John McCain

Wacky Foreign take: Our supposedly honest and decent candidates are nothing more than a pair of sinisterly grinning thuggish boxers, raining terribly kidney punches down on poor, innocent Mexico. But watch out, fellas! Hispanic voters are coming to avenge their father, and they’re thirty feet tall and blond for some reason. They will crush you with a single swipe of their mighty sombrero!

Country: The Netherlands

Candidate: Hillary Clinton

Wacky Foreign take: The Dutch like big asses. That’s what I’m getting out of this, anyway. Enterprising pornographers should secure the domain post-haste!

Tune in for next week’s Cartoon Violence, in which we examine American political cartoonists’ views on foreign elections! Ha ha, just kidding, nobody here knows about any of that crap.

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Cicada July 11, 2008 at 1:16 pm

What is up with the Dutch? First it was cartoons of Mohammad, now a cartoon of a zaftig Hilz. How long before the PUMAs issue a fatwa?

columnv July 11, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Why are the “hispanic american voters” represented by an aging blond hippie in a teal sombrero???

columnv July 11, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Oh, and the Koreans show an incredible inability to draw anyone who isn’t Asian.

Inadequate Blackmail July 11, 2008 at 1:22 pm

What I like is that people in other countries give a damn about whether or not Obama publicly finances or not. I mean, I don’t sit around wondering about how elections go down in other countries. That’s why my elite ass skips over every article on Zimbabwe I see.

stolichnayaaa July 11, 2008 at 1:25 pm

I am totally getting OBAMA tattooed on my toes Night-of-the-Hunter-style.

Diadhuit July 11, 2008 at 1:26 pm

ok, does the hillary in the south african cartoon have a beard??

stolichnayaaa July 11, 2008 at 1:28 pm

[re=33938]Diadhuit[/re]: she kind of looks like Homer Simpson in drag.

shortsshortsshorts July 11, 2008 at 1:30 pm

[re=33916]Cicada[/re]: Hillarytards are OH SO BITTER now that they will probably be blowing up an embassy within the week. That and a few hostages should get their message across.

Q2 July 11, 2008 at 1:31 pm

You should see what the Nagorno-Karabkh Islanders are drawing!

graceless July 11, 2008 at 1:32 pm

[re=33942]stolichnayaaa[/re]: What did Homer Simpson ever doh to you?

Combover July 11, 2008 at 1:32 pm

I don’t know about *.nl but is available. GoDaddy says:
“HILLARYSBIGASS.COM is available!” Whaddaya think people? Should I go for it?

Combover July 11, 2008 at 1:34 pm

Actually I think I realize what I just said.

WhatTheHeck July 11, 2008 at 1:34 pm

The Dutch just haven’t been paying attention.
It’s yellow. Yellow. Yellow pant-suits.

Combover July 11, 2008 at 1:35 pm

[re=33938]Diadhuit[/re]: No. She’s by herself. Ta-da-boom!

freakishlystrong July 11, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Damn Dutch, pay attention, Hillz doesn’t wear SKIRTS…it’s PANTSUITS, idiots…

V572625694 July 11, 2008 at 1:41 pm

Cartoon 3 would’ve been a lot funnier if the participants wore hoods like Mexican wrestlers. Well, maybe not.

sanantonerose July 11, 2008 at 1:51 pm

Barry’s gotta get a fade for the swearing in ceremony. Fresh Prince of Hope!

sanantonerose July 11, 2008 at 1:54 pm

Mexico also appears to be blond. As a blond honorary Mexican, let me just say that we no long care about the elecshuns. Too concerned about our precious pico de gallo supply being tainted by salmonella-y peppers, tomatoes, and cilantro. If they attack our onions, expect a revolution.

Joey Ratz July 11, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Seriously, I don’t get the Brazilian one. Barry’s gouging out Uncle Sam’s eyes? WTF?

DemmeFatale July 11, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Blond ponytail and no ‘stache?


Cicada July 11, 2008 at 2:14 pm

[re=34013]DemmeFatale[/re]: But with a severe five o’clock shadow. Methinks they were confused and thought Don Johnson (Juanson?) is Mexican.

TGY July 11, 2008 at 2:18 pm

The foreigns are bitters. Who knew?

Jewdishoowary Square July 11, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Well this is a story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute to elaborate
To tell you how I became the Prez of the U-ni-ted States.

Word. Welcome back, J-Fro.

Midwest_Product July 11, 2008 at 2:36 pm

So I guess nobody told the Brazilians about Alaska and Hawaii? Or are they just longing for the good old days of John McCain’s childhood, when the flag actually looked like that?

LikeSweetTea_NotARedneck July 11, 2008 at 3:24 pm

In West Phillipines I was raised
At the madrassa is where I spent most of my days
Readin’ the Koran, blowin’ up stuff
Or shootin some b-ball outside the bowling alley…

Lascauxcaveman July 11, 2008 at 3:35 pm

[re=33991]sanantonerose[/re]: Mmmmmmm … pico de gallo.

(Served by a blonde aging hippie in a teal sombrero? Not so much…)

Borat July 11, 2008 at 4:12 pm


Mahousu July 11, 2008 at 4:34 pm

I was just in the Netherlands and I will say that once you get away from the strung-out druggies in Amsterdam, there are plenty of fat asses around. I guess all that cheese has to go somewhere. So perhaps the last cartoonist was just trying to make Hillary look pretty, by his standards at least.

tacodaemon July 11, 2008 at 5:21 pm

[re=33916]Cicada[/re]: That was the Danes that did the Mohammed cartoons, dumbass

1ofUS July 12, 2008 at 5:49 pm

That hillarious derrier was pant suited for public consumption.

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